When it comes time to give break up advice to your BFF, avoid saying these 12 things.
Your BFF’s sig-o has cheated on her, and it’s now up to you to help her piece her dignity back together. After she pours her heart out, it’s your turn to offer the ultimate in break up advice – only, your mind goes blank. I mean really, what can you possibly say that’s going to help her feel better?
As tempting as it is to put on your “Super BFF” cape and fix her life for her, it’s important to set your own feelings aside, be there as her sounding board… and you know, not say anything that’s going to make her feel worse. Like these terrible pieces of break up advice, for example:
1. “It happens to all of us.”
Your intentions are good: You’re trying to make her feel less alone, and it works… you know, until you both remember that you’ve personally never been cheated on before. Awkwarrrd.
2. “Men are such assholes.”
What you’re really saying is her beau is an asshole with no redeeming qualities – and if she decides to get back together with him, she’ll be ashamed to look at you after the fact.
3. “You’re too good for him.”
Of course she is, but she didn’t know that at the time. Mind you, at the time he wasn’t doing an entire cheerleading squad. This is the point of the conversation where she begins to wonder if she’s also too good for you.
4. “I’ve always had a bad feeling about him.”
Sure, this might be true, but what exactly is confessing this to her now going to accomplish? Either you’re going to make her feel stupid for not knowing, or you’re going to make her feel stupid for not acting on the fact that she too had the same gut instinct all along.
5. “It could be worse. He could’ve…”
I understand the whole “it could be worse” schtick is to help an upset someone put what they’re going through into perspective, but this has got to be my least favorite expression in the English language. One, it trivializes how your friend is feeling and makes it seem like she has no right to be upset, and two, it could always be worse! Even if your BFF was homeless and missing an arm, there’d still be someone to say, “It could be worse, you could be missing a leg.” Breaking News: She’s now missing her mind.
6. “Once a cheater, always a cheater.”
Basically, you’re telling her there’s no way she’ll be able to trust him again and squashing any hope she might have to reconcile. Worse, making her feel like an ass hat for even considering it. She’ll now spend the rest of your convo stewing in confusion and angst.
7. “Dump his ass.”
This seems like the obvious course of action to you, whose guts haven’t been ripped out, but your friend is lost and just starting to make sense of the whole thing. Don’t push her into a hasty course of action – ride the emotional roller coaster with her and be there for her while she figures out what works best for her.
8. “Everything happens for a reason.”
Of course it does, because we make up the reason later.
9. “Sounds like someone needs a drink.”
I’ve never understood why this is the go-to solution to being cheated on. Sure, a drink or two might calm her nerves, but come drink five she’ll be sobbing into her martini about the fact that she was cheated on – and it won’t be long before you’re holding her hair back.
10. “Let’s look her up on Facebook.”
There’s no way Facebook stalking will end well. If the other woman is hot, she’ll feel ugly. If the other woman is ugly, she’ll feel ugly. On the outside, you’ll be bonding as if part of a celebrity roast, but on the inside, she’ll be secretly roasting herself.
11. “But was it like, cheating cheating?”
12. “You’ll meet someone better.”
Your BFF is still drowning in the fact that she was cheated on in her last relationship (which technically isn’t even over yet) – let her feel her way through the maze of emotion before dropping the dating bomb on her fragile psyche.
What are your tips for giving break up advice?
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Image: Katie Tegtmeyer