17 Funny Quotes About Dysfunctional Families (That are So True)

the simpsons

If your family’s been driving you… well, nuts, here are funny quotes about dysfunctional families to make you feel better. (Don’t mention it.)

  1. All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women. -W.C. Fields
  2. Families are like fudge – mostly sweet with a few nuts. -Unknown
  3. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. -George Burns
  4. Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops. -Cary Grant
  5. For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life’s list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors. -Jeff Foxworthy
  6. I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it. -Mary Karr
  7. I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance – waiting for the bathroom. -Bob Hope
  8. Bleeding ulcers run in my family: We give them to each other. -Lois McMaster Bujold
  9. The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. -George Carlin
  10. When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them. -Emo Phillips
  11. Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry. -Jerry Seinfeld
  12. Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family. -Chelsea Handler
  13. Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It’s either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it’s Colin. -Tim Vine
  14. Few mistakes can be made by a mother-in-law who is willing to baby-sit. -Anonymous
  15. To encourage my little kid to eat something, I’d sometimes say: “Just pretend it’s sand.” -Anonymous
  16. Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children. -Sam Levenson
  17. Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern… like bad wallpaper. -Friedrich Nietzsche

Are there funny quotes that best describe your dysfunctional family?

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Image: J Aaron Farr

Krissy Brady

Krissy Brady is a women’s health + lifestyle writer who’s so out of shape, it’s like she has the innards of an 80-year-old. Instead of learning how to crochet, she decided to turn her emotional baggage into a writing career (genius, no?). You can follow her shenanigans on Twitter (you know, if you want).