Drunk sex: The good, the bad, and the really, really drunk.
Ah, drunk sex. For the awkward girls in the crowd, it’s sometimes the one thing that makes you feel a little less like Steve Urkel and a little more like Stefan Urquelle – until the next morning, of course (I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!). And this phenomenon occurs no matter your relationship status: The stumbling, the nausea, the losing your spot, the forgetting his name (of course, that last one could just be me).
Drunk sex can only go one of two ways: Really good or really bad, but in the moment you totally don’t notice the difference (thank gawd). Here are 19 insanely embarrassing (yet totally normal) things that happen during drunk sex:
- The face plant on the way to the bedroom. (If there’s only one thing on the floor to trip over, your feet will gravitate in that direction.)
- You go into the bathroom to freshen up beforehand and momentarily forget there’s a guy waiting for you, so you start getting ready for bed.
- He touches your ass and you start laughing, a la the Ross and Rachel incident.
- He launches an ungodly beer burp in your direction. You promise yourself you’ll get back at him for it later.
- As he goes to grab a condom, your vibrator rolls out from the back of your nightstand drawer and you can tell he’s comparing himself to it.
- He can’t find your g-spot… because he can’t find your vagina.
- That thing where everything feels like it’s happening in slow motion.
- When he tries to talk dirty he sounds like Boomhauer.
- You scream out the wrong name and he totally doesn’t care.
- The chafing. Oh looord, the chafing.
- You’re both so loud you can hear your roommate giggling in the other room.
- Fantasy: You’re sexing like Beyonce. Reality: You’re sexing like McLovin.
- Motion sickness.
- When rendezvousing at his place, you notice a picture of him and his girlfriend on his nightstand and think it’s really great he’s so close to his sister.
- At one point you wonder who’s going to start crying first.
- Oh em gee is this ever going to be over?!
- He passes out on top of you and you almost suffocate.
- Queefing. That is all.
- You wake up the next morning to discover you’ve slept with a guy sporting a soul patch that moves in the breeze as he snores.
What’s the funniest thing that’s happened to you during drunk sex?
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