John Waters is hosting an adult summer camp.
Yes. The John Waters. The king of sleaze, sultan of fun—we could go on… And we have to admit: We’re all a little bummed we can’t go. Although the opportunity to attend Waters’ adult summer camp is out of most of our reach, we’ve dreamt up three other fantasy summer camps to keep our minds off the fun and debauchery we’re missing.
1. Beyoncé’s Baby+Mom Glamp Adult Summer Camp
Beyoncé is having twins. Soon. Once she has her highly anticipated kids, she’s going to need a lot of rest and relaxation. However, Beyoncé is the type of woman who knows that everyone—especially working moms of color—could use some rest and relaxation, too.
So, just think if Beyoncé held a summer camp and invited hundreds of women who have babies and young kids to come and rest, relax, and mother together. In addition to baby bonding classes and healthy meals, the camp would have state-of-the-art childcare so moms could take some very much needed downtime (and dance lessons, please?). Throw in some seminars about finding great jobs and negotiating higher wages, and this Glamp Camp would be a hit.
2. Samantha Bee’s Journo 101 Adult Summer Camp
Samantha Bee has said a lot and done even more this past year for the progressive feminist agenda. Bee also celebrates journalists who report real news. So, it makes sense that Bee would host a summer camp filled with goodies—snacks, beer, box wine, and antacids—that journalists thrive on. While catching a bite, aspiring writers and editors could also speak to the best journalists in the business. Each camper would leave camp well armed and ready to stop the spread of real fake news. Plus, Bee is Canadian. She sure knows a thing or two about the wilderness.
3. Bernie Sanders Revolution Adult Summer Camp
Bernie Sanders is the man who can rally progressives. And old and young progressive people must organize by 2018. Camp Bernie would rally campers and register them to vote. Camp Bernie’s organizers also would match campers to the causes they care most about.
This camp would also host politicians and political representatives from every American state. This way, campers could learn about the issues affecting their district. These local politicians also could help campers learn how to run for a county seat. And you know that Vermonter has a few s’mores tricks up his sleeve as well. Bring on the fire, Bernie.