Watching “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” really is the most conscious thing we can do all week.
The other night, my husband and I performed a newly-established ritual in our marriage. “I’m going to watch the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills now,” I defiantly told my significant other, who glanced up long enough from grading papers to roll his eyes and turn up NPR. “You know, Michelle Obama watches. Her husband, the President, admitted it,” I added. I know this hard fact because I also following each viewing by a bracing read of gossip columns about the Housewives.
But back to my staged rebellion against everything.
“And your professor friend watches the Housewives. With her PhD. She told me,” I shrilled like Justin Beiber before marching into the living room. Once there, I set myself in front of the television, stabbing the remote rebelliously at the TV. I wasn’t fabricating defensive drama at all. I was being real. Housewife real.
Sure, the Beverly Hills Housewives might come off as shallow, anti-intellectual wannabes obsessed with money and eternal youth supplied by a plastic surgeon’s needle. But the rest of us know that the women from the RHOBH are really just socially-conscious wunderkinder inspiring us all to make the world a better place. There has to be redemption in watching this series. My sheer force of furious typing says so. Consequently, I present the three lessons of conscious living. It’s all about the journey, people.
First, they teach us to appreciate our faces. If you were to rewind time-lapse photography on most of the Housewives upper bodies, you would either discover a decomposing rabbit or find that they were once extremely lovely sans Botox and fillers. As someone who is of Housewife-friendly age, I can assert that sometimes our bodies just want to get on with it. Eventually, we all start to treat our skin and digestive tracks with more attention than we ever thought possible. But when we know it can swiftly be erased with the mere swipe of a cosmetic procedure, we learn to appreciate our flaws more.
Bullying awareness from the Housewives
Second, the Housewives provide useful public service announcements about bullying. A recent episode involved the Housewives transported via time machine back to 7th grade. It went something like this: a Housewife hosts a party. Two Housewives decide they don’t like the New Girl. When the New Girl fights back, all hell breaks loose. Dialogue includes things like “Bring it, bitch,” “She’s mean. I don’t like it. Make it stop,” and don’t forget, “Yes, I am a slut.” Really, we’ve all just received an important Schoolhouse Rock about the dangers of middle-aged bullying.
Finally, they promote animal-friendly living. Housewife Lisa VanderPump famously waggles her Pomeranian Giggy all over the west side of Los Angeles. Giggy dines at the finest restaurants. Giggy drinks out of expensive water glasses. Giggy has 37,235 followers on Twitter. Dame VanderPump has raised the bar on animal acceptance. Now it’s just up to us to train our flopping Labradors and unappreciative Persians to appreciate the finer things in life.
Really, it’s like the RHOBV (or Really Hoping Michelle Obama Believes in Vices) are the Mother Theresa’s of the West Coast. You can join the First Lady and me to watch these selfless ladies on Monday nights on Bravo at 10pm.