There are countless articles telling women how to turn up the heat in the bedroom, but rarely will you find a resource that gives men the same helpful advice. Sure, men are manly and should know how to make their studly way around the bedroom, but believe it or not, there are some who lack this valuable knowledge. Don’t believe me? Here are five mistakes men make in the bedroom.
1. Coming to Bed Smelling Like Ass
Or sweat, or feet, or anything else that no one wants to smell. Of all the mistakes men make, this may be the most offensive to the senses. In fact, feel free to take a shower before jumping in between the sheets. We won’t mind. We’ll wait. And, even if sex doesn’t happen, you’ll be able to experience the awesomeness of being all clean and pretty while you sleep. We work, go to the gym, and we hustle just the same as you, but we aren’t trying to transfer all of the residue of the day onto you when we go to bed. Unless you want us to. Maybe.
2. Wearing “Period” Underwear
Some mistakes men make can be chalked up to ignorance. And then there’s just willful ignorance. Although most men don’t menstruate, many of you do keep the ratty SpongeBob boxers and briefs your now post-college body wore in college. Women call those period panties and we don’t wear them unless we are on our periods. We also don’t dare wear them when we go out on dates if we are expecting anything to happen. We know, beat down underclothes aren’t sexy. This goes for the high water Grinch pajama pants you’ve been wearing for 15 years as well.
3. Jumping on Us Like A Hyena
Foreplay goes a long way. Unless there’s some kind of legitimate reason you have to jump on us and pin yourselves to our chests like a Purple Heart, this is not the way to broach the subject of sex. We know it’s late and we’re probably tired too. But just as you wouldn’t appreciate us yelling, “can you hurry up – I want to watch Breaking Bad” we don’t want to feel like a pit stop on the way to sleepy time.
4. Acting Butt-Hurt When We Make a Request
While men love to throw out sexual requests and appreciate women who are open to them, they react a bit differently when we make our own requests. If you can’t handle constructive criticism in the bedroom, then by all means, feel free to keep your own ideas (and hands) to yourself. And then we can both live boringly ever after because no one is comfortable saying anything.
5. Not Noticing the Fancy $200 Bra
Hey, we took your advice, okay? We wore the fancy bra to bed. What is the point though, if you don’t notice the difference between this one and the nursing bras we’ve been wearing the whole week? We noticed you took a shower and put on clean underwear – the least you could do is acknowledge that we have indeed, been reading those How to Keep Your Man Happy articles and take them seriously.
There you go…please feel free to add these helpful tips about mistakes men make to the pile of articles on the four billion mistakes women make in the bedroom, how to keep your sex life alive, and how to make your man happy. And, by all means – share with the man you love. Because it’s all about balance, you know.
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Image: Mr. Thomas