Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right? So that means beauty treatments are also in the eyes of the participant. But sometimes, these eyes are smeared with snail ooze. Or maybe they’re splashed by a ramen noodle spa or slithered across by snakes during a massage. Some beauty treatments around the world seem the stuff of Willy Wonka’s factory, without the ensuing sugar coma.
But hey, we don’t judge. After all, we live in a world where people make a practice of injecting botulism into their foreheads and silicone into their lips. If someone wants to put bull semen in our hair, we say “how much?” and “just keep it away from my ears”. And while we figure out a way to comfortably staple our ears closed, check out some of the stranger beauty treatments making their way around the planet.
1. Snail Ooze Facial
Would you ever consider smearing your face with snail ooze? If so, pick up De Tuinen Snail Gel, sourced from the snails of Chile. (And sold in Holland, nice carbon footprint!) The secret is in the snail’s secretion, which is used to smooth the snail’s shell. It is supposed to support the skin’s elasticity and more.
2. Snake Massage
Some people think that letting snakes slither across their bodies would be the stuff of nightmares. Not so, for the patrons of Ada Barak’s spa in Israel. The $80 treatment gets you several non-venomous snakes slithering around your body, apparently producing a therapeutic kneading sensation. Barak’s clients claim the treatments ease migraines and soothe sore muscles.
3. Ramen Noodle Spa Bath
Hakone Kowakien Yunessun of Japan offers up a treatment suitable for both lunch and spa. Sitting in a tub shaped like a ramen noodle bowl, the water contains pepper-flavored water colored a light, milky brown. Just what does the Ramen noodle spa bath do for you? The water contains collagen and garlic extracts, and officials claim it can help produce beautiful skin and aid moisture retention. And it probably makes you feel like a giant’s lunch in some fairy tale.
4. Bull Semen Hair Treatment
Think that organic chamomile conditioner you just shelled out 40 clams for is great? Consider lathering up with bull semen instead. Hari’s, a salon in London, uses the semen of Aberdeen Angus bulls to treat their customers’ locks. As the salon’s owner Hari Salem told reporters, “The semen is refrigerated before use and doesn’t smell. It leaves your hair looking wonderfully soft and thick.” We’ll take your word for it, Hari!
5. Fish Pedicure
You know what is my worst nightmare? Hands down scariest thing I can imagine is falling into a tank of dead fish. (And here’s to exposing our darkest fears on the internet!) Ask my young nieces, they can vouch that I’ve run screaming from the room at the sight of a possible floater in their little fish bowls. I can’t tell you why. I just skeeve dead fish.
So this latest spa treatment to sweep the world is not for me. But for the braver (read: less neurotic) sorts, you can dip your toots into a fish bowl filled with tiny carp that will nibble away your dead skin. And sure, these fish are alive. But can we really take that chance? Can we?
6. Sheep Embryo Injections
Want to look young forever? Who knew that all it took were sheep sacrifices! But before we all reach for our sacrificial robes (made of organic cottons, of course) keep in mind that you can merely inject sheep embryos into your face. Rocker Debbie Harry did 30 years ago and credits her youthful appearance to the procedures. As the musician told reporters in 2008, “I had these cells injected into me in my early 30s and it turned out that I was the youngest person to have the treatment. They would take (cells) from the liver, glands, bone and whatever. Whether that treatment lasted this long, I don’t know, but I feel great.”
7. 24 Carat Gold Face Mask
The secret to glowing skin? According to the good people at UMO, its slathering gold all over your pores. Using an “ultrasonic nano mist,” gold penetrates your skin to lift, firm, and reduce the signs of aging. No word on whether King Midas had anything to do with the development of this treatment.