We’re all a little insecure sometimes. It’s not just you. While some of us may have different insecurities than others and some may hide it better than others, it’s there. Thinking you’re the only one in the world that feels insecure sometimes is just another manifestation of your own insecurity. By being honest about your own insecurities and empathetic to others, you can build your own self esteem and stop brooding about what ails you.
1. Be empathetic
We’re all a little insecure sometimes–and we’re all insecure about different things. What’s more, some of us are better able to let go of our hang-ups than others. It’s all about being empathetic to those around us and understanding that insecurities, even if they’re completely inaccurate, hurt us. Be understanding of other people’s struggles.
2. Notice manifestations
An important step in dealing with your own insecurities is noticing when they come up. Insecurities can come up in so many different ways. I have a friend that thinks she didn’t go to a good enough college, so she’s silent around those she deems too intellectual. In my own case, since elementary school, I’ve always been concerned with popularity. And even today, I’m embarrassed to admit, my heart hurts when I feel I’ve been left out of a social activity.
3. Feel the weight of it
When we feel the discomfort of insecurity, we tend to react to it, rather than actually dealing with it. For example, I have a friend that reacts to her insecurity by gossiping about others and another friend that buys items she doesn’t need when she feels bad about herself. In my case, I brood in my mind about the same issues over and over again and have trouble letting go. The best way to deal with your insecurities is to feel the weight of them. Feel how they make your heart hurt when they arise and look deeply at the pain. It won’t go away unless you look at its root, where it came from, and why it still bothers you today. I can’t say that I’ve move passed my insecurities, but I know when they arise and I can be honest about them.
4. Notice the negative self talk
Insecurities come with negative self talk. It’s when we start treating ourselves worse than we would our worst enemy that we’re really in trouble. Notice your insecurities without beating yourself up for having them. And take a rational look at what you think they say about you. Be honest about the implications of saying you’re stupid, fat, or ugly. Not only are these statements inaccurate, they’re damaging. Words have weight even if they’re never said aloud.
5. Give yourself the advice you would give others
What would you tell a friend if they came to you with the same insecurities? You would probably be more skeptical about their accuracy. Think about the advice you would give your best friend.
6. Take a compliment
Instead of saying “thank you” when we get a compliment, women tend to shrug it off or disagree. If someone says “how did you get that flat stomach?” we’re more likely to respond with “it’s not flat, I have a jelly roll,” rather than saying thank you and moving on. It’s like we’re embarrassed. The next time someone pays you a compliment, say thank you and leave it at that. No follow up statements.
7. Let it go
It’s easier said than done, but at some point you have to let things go. Don’t be defined by who you were in the past or about events that led you to the insecurity you feel today. That’s the beauty in being honest about your insecurities, they allow you to let them go faster. Sitting in meditation when insecurities arise is a great way to learn to let go as well. Watch what comes up during meditation and keep breathing through it.
8. Meet your goals
People that meet goals (small or large) or much more likely to feel secure with themselves than those who do not. Start by setting small goals for things that you want to change in your life and chip away at them one day at a time. Once you meet your goals, set new goals and keep going. On the other hand, if you set grand, unreachable goals without any steps in between, you’re much less likely to meet your goals, leaving you feeling disappointed in yourself when you fall short. Be realistic and strategic in your goal setting.
9. Look your best
While it may seem cliche, looking good makes you feel good. Grooming yourself makes you feel better, leaving you with fewer low confidence days. Of course, it doesn’t mean becoming obsessed with appearance, but a shower, blow-dry, and your favorite pair of jeans goes a long way.
What are you insecure about? Does it manifest often? Do you notice when the negative self talk rolls in? We want to hear about it! Drop us a line via Twitter @EcoSalon.