Mallory Ortberg

Mallory resides in San Francisco, California. You can catch her weekly Sex By Numbers column.

Articles by Mallory Ortberg:

Sex by Numbers: Pop Culture

A weekly look at sex and culture, by the numbers.

246-168: House vote on the Prenatal Nondiscrimination Act (PRENDA), which would have banned sex-selective abortions in the U.S.

40: Minutes of footage for a porn shoot filmed on the field of the famed USC Coliseum in 2001

0: Number of federal judges who upheld the constitutionality of the Defense Of Marriage Act in a recent appeals ruling

6%: Alcohol content in a new wine label developed by sex therapist Dr. Ruth in the interest of promoting relaxed, not drunken intimacy between couples

$8-10: …

Sex by Numbers: Animal Attraction

A weekly look at sex and culture, by the numbers.

40%: Decrease in fertility rates from mice kept on a normal sleep/wake schedule and those whose sleep patterns were disrupted in a recent Northwestern study

4700: Age of a Chalcolithic man found buried in the dress and manner of a woman in a Bronze Age settlement near Prague

90: Minutes a night the average penis becomes erect during sleep

13: Anniversary of “Courage,” a Catholic sports camp for celibate gay men in Philadelphia

15 years: Maximum sentence faced by a 43-year-old New York …

Sex by Numbers: Big Legal Troubles

A weekly look at sex and culture, by the numbers.

1 in 10: number of American inmates who claim to have experienced sexual assault from guards or other inmates while incarcerated

50%: Female farmworkers who reported sexual harassment and assault in a recent Human Rights Watch report

12: new age of admission to the Ottawa Science and Technology Museum’s Sex: A Tell-All Exhibition after numerous complaints, up from 6

3: number of weeks before her marriage a Florida teacher at a Christian elementary school conceived. She is currently suing …

Sex by Numbers: Happy and Gay Edition

A weekly look at sex and culture, by the numbers.

Number of sitting American presidents who currently support same-sex marriage: 1

250,000: Number of federal government employees who have completed an official survey that includes, for the first time, questions about sexual orientation and gender identity

Sex by Numbers: Bring on the Sexbots

A weekly look at sex and culture, by the numbers.

It’s nice to know that in a rapidly-evolving world, people are always happy to write predictions about the future market for sex robots. Some things do not change, and never should.

61 to 39: Margin by which the decision not to change the United Methodist Church oppositional stance toward gays, lesbians and the transgendered passed at last week’s Tampa convention

What to Expect When You’re (Legally Considered to be) Expecting

Tips on making the most out of your pre-pre-natal status.

You already knew that your most recent menstrual cycle is considered a pre-assembled bundle of joy under the recent Arizona law, which recognizes fetal personhood two weeks before conception. This is because Governor Jan Brewer has developed a unique form of time travel that is both retroactive and womb-specific (and they say America doesn’t invest in science anymore).

Sex by Numbers: A Last Hurrah

A weekly look at sex and culture, by the numbers.

It’s a great week for attractive opportunists looking to make a little money off the internet. Whether you’re looking to become a globetrotting escort or just sexually harass Tim Tebow. Just make sure you give Egypt a miss on your world tour for now (it’ll make sense below, we promise).

5: U.S. Embassy employees currently facing a lawsuit for allegedly running over a Brazilian sex worker after a financial dispute

Sex by Numbers: Legal Troubles

A weekly look at sex and culture, by the numbers.

Maybe it’s been a rough week for you. Maybe your dating spreadsheet wound up on the Internet and you had to give up your profile. Maybe you were discriminated against by the casting director for The Bachelor. Well, cheer up, because it’s time for Sex by Numbers to remind you that it can always get worse.