ColumnA behind-the-screen look at the consistently ridiculous inbox of a writer.
At EcoSalon, we receive our fair share of email pitches, and we’ve decided to give you a weekly peek at this valuable information inside our inboxes. These products, people, and services are 100 percent real, although we’re not always sure that they should be.
Vajazzle Your Vajayjay!
When you get an email titled “The lowdown on your lady flower,” you have a few options:
1. Hope it’s from a horticulturalist talking about the status of your most recent garden center purchase.
2. Pretend your vagina was not just called a lady flower, as though you were a toddler just learning about body parts.
3. Ask yourself if the PR firm did any research about your publication that would indicate said publication’s readers need to know about lady flowers. Generally.
“From Kegels to cunnilingus, vajazzling to vibrators, and self-exams to semen allergies, V Is for Vagina stands way above the vajayjay books of yesteryear (Ed.: there were books of yesteryear?). Out next month, this candid, easy-to-read – and easy-to-understand – guide that delivers the most up-to-date comprehensive health information for women 18 to 81!”
I can vajazzle my vajayjay out of semen allergies: What a fun read? I think? Send me a copy?
“This go-to guide for all things vagina is filled with activities, quizzes, and FAQs that give you all the information you need when something doesn’t feel quite normal.”
Normal? What is a normal vagina?
Little Men Now Have Clothes!
“Can I put you in touch with the Au’s for a possible short man’s fashion interview?” EcoSalon has been asked. Oh, the synergy.
Super Moms Get Toxic!
The toxic avenger mothers are portrayed in a retro-style vibe that offers “both live-action and animated ‘superhero’ storylines, with the moms bouncing between their real identities and their animated alter egos. It’s a throwback to classic superhero characters and cartoons and is an excellent metaphor for the “super” in all moms we know!”
Because moms who use Clorox are super! You are super! Dr. Deconstructo is not super!
The trailer is now live on the SuperMoms‘ Facebook page. Other television and reality TV favorites starring in the series include Tabitha Morella, Tim Rock, K Callan, Hank Baskett, Jacob Hopkins, Caitlin Carmichael, Jake Borelli, Patrick Fabian and Larry Poindexter, none of whom we have ever heard of.
Image: Andy Armstrong