ColumnA behind-the-screen look at the consistently ridiculous inbox of a writer.
At EcoSalon, we receive our fair share of email pitches, and we’ve decided to give you a weekly peek at this valuable information inside our inboxes. These products, people, and services are 100 percent real, although we’re not always sure that they should be.
One very smug Andy Masters has written the definitive book on romance, I mean dating, I mean sales.
His new book, Kiss Your Customer: 77 Reasons Why Sales & Service Are Just Like Dating & Relationships, takes a “creative look at the eerie similarities between business success and relationship success.” What we can learn from business that we can apply to relationships? That it’s good to get a sale? That it’s going, going, gone unless you buy now?
“It’s about the process: Find ‘em, and then keep ‘em happy!” Masters says. “There is a great irony between the sales process and romantic courtship. There is also a great irony between keeping your customer happy, and keeping your significant other happy.”
Nothing says romance like relentlessly convincing your customer/wife that she needs you.
Says our pitching publicist: “There probably isn’t a groom on the planet who hasn’t felt completely overwhelmed by all of the major decisions (and costs) associated with his wedding day. While most brides revel in the planning process, most men want to run and hide until they find out how much they’re paying. It’s not just the bride’s special day, but the groom’s too, so why not get involved?”
Looks like 1960 just called! Along with every gender stereotype out there! And why are you marrying the jerk who wants to run and hide from his own wedding, anyway?
Be the Man: The Man Registry® Guide for Grooms is supposed to be a humorous guide to navigating “the wedding minefield” giving grooms a “play-by-play of the wedding planning months, answer lingering questions and debunk age-old myths.”
Except all the myths it perpetuates.
Thanks to Napoleon Fireplaces and Grills from Crittenden, Kentucky for sending an over 85%-women-read conscious publication a pitch about how dumb we are at grilling meat.
According to the Bluegrass State based BBQ shop, “males continue to reign in the fiery realm of the grill.”
In fact, according to a 2011 consumer research study, put together for the international Hearth, Patio and Barbecue Association, the male head of the household “is more often the one who makes the decision to use a grill, prepares the food and actually does the work on the grill.”
“Grilling has traditionally been a guy thing, and this research confirms the anecdotal evidence many of us have seen in our own homes for years,” said David Coulson, national advertising manager for Barrie, Ont.-based Napoleon Fireplaces and Grills.
Among the details provided by survey respondents, researchers found such valuable insights as:
– Males handle the majority of the grilling duty.
– The male head of the household cooks about 73% of the meals on gas grills, 72% on charcoal grills and 66% on electric grills.
– Men prepare the food 58% of the time for gas grilling, 55% for charcoal grills and 50% for electric grills.
– Those stats compare to women who handle food prep 39% of the time for gas grilling, 40% for charcoal grills and 49% for meals made on electric grills.
– Men generally make the final call when it comes to whether or not to grill a meal. The survey indicates men typically make the decision 60% of the time for gas grilling, 63% of the time for charcoal grilling and 56% of the time for electric grills.
– Women make the call 36% of the time for gas grilling, 33% of the time for charcoal grilling and 43% of the time for electric grilling.
Where’s the fire?
No matter who actually exercises their grill skills to cook the meal, the job of firing up the equipment usually falls to the man of the house, the survey found.
“It’s extremely important for us to know how people typically use their grills and barbecues so we can tailor our products and services to our customers habits,” Coulson said. “At Napoleon, we have a full line of gourmet gas and charcoal grills to suit any household, no matter who’s at the helm.”
Thanks, David. The next thing we want to know is, if a tree falls in the woods does it make a sound? How much sound? What percentage of deer hear it? Does? Rabbits?