Here’s how to decide if getting back together is the right thing to do… or you know, not.
Forgiving your guy for doing something stupid (or ahem, someone) is a tricky beast. If you do forgive him, you feel like a Stepford wife. If you don’t forgive him, you feel like a “Kill Bill” installment. You have to make a choice between what feels like a worse decision, and an even worse decision.
How do you know whether to forgive him or forget him? Here are 6 factors to consider as you make your decision:
1. He fessed up
If you didn’t hear about his mistakes from someone else, this is a very good sign. Guys almost always attempt to keep things like this a secret, so if he’s upset enough to spill, it shows he respects your feelings and values your relationship enough to set the record straight.
2. Your relationship
Look at your relationship as a whole: Are you happy more than you’re unhappy? Are his screw-ups few and far between? Is he genuinely sorry, or just trying to alleviate his own guilt? (You’ll be able to tell the difference, trust.) If you’ve answered yes across the board, then the option of getting back together may be a serious contender.
3. Why it happened
The context of why the faux pas happened is just as important as the happening thing. How was your relationship at the time? What were you two going through? Even though your bond hitting a rough patch is no excuse for him hurting you, most of us do stupid things when we’re feeling low. Re-establishing your expectations of each other can go a long way in clarifying things between the two of you—even if you decide getting back together isn’t on tap.
4. The aftermath
Your forgiveness and trust is a luxury he has to earn. Pay close attention to how he behaves after his screw-up. If he’s putting in extra effort to prove your importance to him, then it shows he’s genuinely sorry (especially since guys tend to suck with the whole words thing).
5. The shoe on the other foot
At some point down the road, you’re going to mess up too. (It’s hard to believe, I know.) Put yourself in his position: If you acted how he did, would you expect him to work things out? If your answer is yes, then there’s a good chance there’s something left worth salvaging.
6. Your future
Forgiveness doesn’t make you weak, and getting back together doesn’t make you a doormat. That being said, there’s a big difference between saying you forgive someone and actually doing it. If you can honestly let go (or at least accept) what he’s done and not judge future him on past him, then a second chance may be in the cards. If you’re on the fence, don’t even think about getting back together until you decide which side you fall on.
What are your ultimate dealbreakers for getting back together?
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