ColumnMen tired of looking for relationships at bars should consider a yoga class for a more healthy approach.
Most of my columns are directed at the ladies, but I know plenty of men seek out Sex by Numbers to shore up on skills by which to shack up with the fairer sex, and this article is penned especially for them.
So, we all know the drill: Guy goes to bar with pocketbook in tow. Girl goes to bar with skirt slit up to there. Guy approaches girl with this offer: Let me buy you a drink. The two of them swallow down cocktails to the tune of a pretty penny and move slosh-faced from said bar to a nearby bedroom.
Or, as is more often the case, aforementioned guy and girl go their respective ways and wake up the next morning feeling a bit woozy, more than a tad guilty about the previous evening’s drunken foray, and resolve to a) never drink again, b) find a finer specimen than just somebody who is beer-glasses attractive, and c) get their ass into yoga class as partial penance, partial recovery, and partial maybe-there’s-something-more-to-life-than-getting-wasted-in-search-of-a-woman.
Yoga: It’s the panacea for everything from flabby abs and lonely lives to emotional healing and the development of those fine pectoral muscles for which women have such a penchant.
It’s my business to promote the salutary effects of the practice – apart from my career as a freelance writer and sex columnist, I moonlight as a yoga instructor and have spent the better part of the past five years trotting the globe in search of it – from San Francisco to Southeast Asia, from Guadalajara to Germany. There is no discipline by which I swear more by than yoga and my experiences have led me to this conclusion: Classes are female-dominant and men, for purposes of both sexual and spiritual enlightenment, should consider yoga studios in an open-hearted search for a woman who is worth their time.
Here are five reasons to check out yoga:
1. According to a recent study conducted by Yoga Journal, roughly 16-million people practice yoga in the U.S. Of these, 72.2-percent are women and 27.8-percent are men. These figures are powerful, especially since yoga has historically been male-dominant domain. Western women are flocking to gurus and ashrams like never before, seeking communion with others and tapping into something greater than themselves. It’s a healthy antidote to counter-balance our society’s hyper-individualistic culture.
2. I’ve heard many a man protest that he wouldn’t be caught anywhere near a yoga class for fear of ridicule: I’m not flexible enough — I can’t even touch my toes! Yes, one aspect of the practice is cultivating a bendable body that can collapse on itself like a folding lawn chair. But there is far more to the discipline than this; stop looking for convenient, ill-informed excuses. The physical practice of yoga includes both lengthening of muscle tissue as well as strengthening — men, you already excel in this department, and won’t you look fly holding a Standing Warrior pose without so much as breaking a sweat. She’ll notice and, I promise you, she’ll like what she sees.
3. Guys often express simple nervousness about not being physically fit enough to perform and are intimidated by the thought of being so exposed. The great thing about yoga is a guiding ethos of accepting people as they are — both the rock stars and the reed-thin dorks have a place in the studio. Think about it: After a night of whiskey sours and spending three times as much money on drinks as you would paying for a yoga class, you wake up the next morning feeling like Golam. Conversely, after a session of deep-tissue muscle, good-for-you-all-over yoga, you come out fresh as the morning dew. Good girls like fresh-faced men, plain and simple.
4. The suit makes the man. You sport your business get up before an important meeting with your boss, because an outfit can help you connote a sense of command and purpose when it counts. Similarly, donning fitted, yoga appropriate attire sends a signal that what you’re doing — hitting your mat to connect with yourself and others — matters.
5. Finally, and this is imperative, do not become a creepy cruiser. Do not linger and stare at girls emerging from the dressing room. Do not hover by the purified, triple-reverse-osmosis, room temperature, lemon cucumber water cooler waiting for your shot. Do not ever, ever ogle a girl while class is in session. She is there seeking her bliss and peace, and your ocular advances will render you her object of scorn. That said, do put on a friendly face and let the post class endorphins pump you up enough to approach a girl. Tell her how much you admire Shiva or Ganesha or something. Tell her how much you admire her practice. Ask her out for organic, fair-trade Oolong at the fancy, kitschy tea-house up the block. And, most of all, just be the warm, sincere, and simply-transformed being that is the new yoga you.
Sex By Numbers is an ongoing look into the emotional and sexual lives of the modern day woman. Follow Abigail Wick weekly here for insight and inspiration as she explores the “sex” of women and the terrain they must travel.
Images: adria.richards, lululemon athletica