Sex by Numbers: To Love My Friend

ColumnSometimes female friends are more than enough to stir your heart and juice-up your mojo.

Like gravitates toward like, and in the realm of female friends, this means that my fairer-sex companions are exclusively women who inspire and encourage me to be a better version of me. I gravitate toward people who are culture makers and world changers, because they lift me up: I would much prefer to be a small fish in a big pond, because it’s only if I surround myself with greatness that I myself can grow. It’s the difference between being the best friend of the popular girl in high school and one of many maidens of some milky princess with crown jewels on her head.

The camaraderie between special girlfriends can be as thrilling as the first flush of new love and as stabilizing as a long lived romance. Especially because women, with our unique and sometimes sensitive natures, operate on a different neurochemical level with one another. Whereas men sometimes fail you in ways big and small, women can offer one another the constancy and caring that the big, gentle giants we call our boyfriends cannot.

It’s a recurring theme among my girlfriends: “If only you had a penis, you would be perfect.” Their not so veiled request to be gay with me, and the sentiment, however facetious, is mutual. This week’s Sex by Numbers is an ode to the ways in which having a platonic, all consuming girlfriend can sometimes be superior to taking a man.

She’s a Good Flirt: Pretty is as pretty does, which is to say that looks are trifling and more so a reflection of a woman’s interior state than her genetic endowment. If you dress the part, you find that you inhabit the part, and I’m speaking proverbially here. That fact of the matter is that if you foster assuredness in your own splendor and cultivate your own gifts, then you radiate that confidence and grace. The sentiment is trite, but it’s always simpler said than done.

And here is where lady friends come into play – we belong to one another only insofar as we embolden one another. A petty, insecure, bickering woman? A pal she is not. Girls gain the world when we reveal to one another our very best parts. It is a many-splendored thing to open your email inbox in the morning to find a pump-you-up word of good cheer – You’re effing hot, my darling – or to receive a mid-day text message – I love you. Women love to flirt and, in some ways, it’s just as much fun to share this with one another, because the sentiment doesn’t get bogged down in heaviness or tangled emotions. 

She’s Dreamy: Do you ever fall asleep in the arms of a man, only to drift off thinking instead about your favorite girl? I do.

She Civilizes You: Girls don’t shy away from tending to the proper, civilizing motions that make the world go round. Boys, perhaps because of embarrassment or some ridiculous notion of eschewing ‘feminizing’ activity, aren’t always game for sitting down to a traditional tea party. Call it a vestige of dressing up and playing with dolls, but the engaging in cultivated, sober conversation over a dainty spread of brie, crackers, dark chocolate and strong-steeped Earl Gray is a crowning height of civilization. And it only becomes more so when you spike your china cup with a bit of bourbon. It’s the little things that, in the end, make all the difference.

She Lavishes You: On my birthday, she surprised me with an afternoon call at my apartment, bearing a delicate, tangy strawberry tart. Before my recent trip to Paris, she again surprised me by showing up at my house, lugging with her a heaving tote bag teeming with striped silk shirts, delicate scarves, and skinny jeans—so that I could properly dress the part. For no reason at all, she dropped by my place with a little jewelry box, inside of which was a darling gold chain groaning under the weight of a cluster of pearls—so that we could both have ‘signature’ necklaces. For my big cocktail party last week, she showed up at my doorstep with a gorgeous spray of sweet-smelling, multi-hued flowers with which to decorate my dinner table. I could go on, but these examples are only a few that demonstrate the power of love and the cumulative effect of small gifts that buoy a woman with a sense of belonging and being. Dudes, take note.

She Adores You: My maxim is to never fall for a man until you’re 100-percent certain that he adores you. This commandment is a sure fire way to proactively stamp out romantic white noise and emotional complication. It’s an antidote for sanity and centeredness. It’s a safeguard against developing reckless attachment and projecting a narrative onto a waffling nave. It’s a clear-cut means to separate the wheat from the chaff. I hate bullshit, and the reason I love a solid coven of dames is that they proffer a mutual and thoroughgoing adoration and loyalty. For us ladies, the love of a woman is enduring and forever.

Sex By Numbers is an ongoing look into the emotional and sexual lives of the modern day woman. Follow Abigail Wick weekly here for insight and inspiration as she explores the “sex” of women and the terrain they must travel.

Image: Cia de Foto