Column Facts are facts.

It’s Groundhog Day, which, if nothing else, means you have a legitimate excuse to watch what is inarguably the last great film Harold Ramis ever directed. It also provides a thin and tired narrative frame for us to hang an assortment of sex facts from, and for that, we can all be grateful. Congratulations! It’s almost spring. (Oh god, spring is still so far away. There are at least five more weeks of nothing but apple pyramids and Brussels sprouts at the farmers’ markets.)

20%: increase in vitamin D and fertility-related hormones for women after prolonged exposure to sunlight

States that recognize same-sex marriage as of February 2nd: 7 (welcome to the party, Washington!)

35: median male age at first marriage in Sweden, the world’s oldest

$140: amount the average Swede spends in a given year in the pursuit of romance

$94: amount spent by the average Dutch citizen, the lowest rate in Europe

$815: going rate among the Irish

1924: Year the term “sexpert” was coined (yet another thing to blame the Jazz Age for. Thanks a lot, Fitzgerald).

Number of days Phil Connors spent trapped inside of the Groundhog Day loop, according to best estimates: 12,403

2 to 4: Factor by which most men over-report their number of lifetime sexual partners

Image: qmnonic

Column Facts are facts.

It’s almost the end of January, which means that for at least the last 3 weeks your life has been a gray, dull, hopeless blur of days in which you’ve almost certainly been forced to listen to your co-worker’s latest cleanse. Nobody’s drinking, nobody’s going out, and it’s probably raining. Wouldn’t it make you feel better to read a string of sex-related facts?

Number of years since the last time Tim Gunn had sex: 29

$1.30: the price of a gallon of gas in the last year that Tim Gunn had sex

Number of unique combinations of sex acts the average sexually active adult has recently performed, as reported by a recent American study: 40

3 years: Length of time a male lobster’s sperm can survive inside of a female

What happens to the genitals of male honeybees after having sex: they explode

What happens to the genitals of banana slugs after having sex: they are chewed off and eaten

10%: Percentage of office workers who claim to have slept with a co-worker in their building

14: Factor by which having an abortion is safer than giving birth

Reported increase in sexual dysfunction, as related to the use of intravenous drugs: 800%

ColumnInternet dating for the food loving crowd.

It was the usual, Friday afternoon internet surf: half an hour spent scouring blogs, trying to track down some new recipes. As I scrolled down the Eater page a banner ad on the right side caught my attention – impressive, given my usual blindness to anything that looks like advertising – “Eater Dating.”

A site completely devoted to online dating for foodies?

Yes.

I cringe and marvel at the idea all at once. As it turns out, Eater Dating is the brainchild of bar and restaurant site Eater and the online dating site How About We. The difference from regular online matchmaking services? How About We is all based on suggesting an intriguing first date, which fits well if you’re trying to find someone that’s just as food obsessed as you are. Imagine the possibilities:

“How about we try the new food cart?”

“How about we drink bourbon out of mason jars?”

“How about we get wheatgrass smoothies and then hit up the tempeh reuben joint?”

“How about we buy some fennel and make our own sea salt shortbread?”

“How about we cure our own pork in our kitchen pantry and live happily ever after?”

I’ll stop there, since “Pick up Lines for Foodies” is a whole other column waiting to happen.

The crossover between food and love isn’t new. Jamie Oliver has his own dating site, in collaboration with Match.com. Even OkCupid has a foodie test, because god forbid you put “foodie” on your online profile and don’t actually fit the correct description. (The fact that you actually have never purchased artisan cheese at the market would be so disappointing to your future beau.)

A good friend of mine immediately insisted that I join Eater Dating, just so that I could report from the trenches; turn Foodie Underground into Foodie Love Underground. No, thank you. Online dating mixed with self-professed food snobs? That sounds almost worse than cupcakes.

Ultimately, food can be sexy, but dating the foodie crowd? You can only take so many discussions about the merits of sparkling water and urban wineries. As Felicity Cloake of The Guardian put it, “does a foodie really need another foodie to be happy?”

I am not so sure.

George Bernard Shaw once said, “There is no love sincerer than the love of food.” If there are two of you with a love for food, there may not be so much room for the actual love part. And by that same token, if you’re in the business of dating, and you’re schmoozing foodies, you better know what you’re getting yourself into.

There is also the Swedish site Restdejting, which launched last year, that not only aims to find people true love, but ensure that food doesn’t go to waste. An initiative of farmers’ cooperative Lantmännen, it brings together eco-conscious singles who want to share their leftovers, or whatever ingredients they just can’t seem to put in their dish of the night. You enter what five ingredients you have laying around, and with the help of social media, hope some other food lover in the near vicinity is in the mood for the same thing.

Genius, considering the fact that anyone who has pickled herring, lingonberry jam, and an extra bundle of dill and hardtack on hand and ready to offer up is probably soulmate material. Scandinavian food is in, after all. Plus, if you’re breaking it down to simple ingredients, there’s not really any room for food pretentiousness; you just want to make sure that cute guy down the street doesn’t have to eat a fillet of wild-caught salmon alone.

The results speak for themselves:

“I never thought I would find love in the refrigerator. But there it was, hidden all the way in the back behind an egg carton…”

Maybe love is as easy as your favorite ingredient. If it doesn’t lead to love, at least you have delicious food to show for it.

After all, isn’t it better to eat good food alone than bad food together? That may depend on who you’re talking to, but much like Harriet Van Horne wrote in an issue of Vogue in 1956, “cooking is like love, it should be entered into with abandon or not at all.”

Which means no matter where your love life is at, the least you can do is commit to making excellent food.

Maybe then you can at least avoid internet.

Editor’s note: This is the latest installment of Anna Brones’s weekly column at EcoSalon, Foodie Underground, discovering what’s new and different in the underground food movement, from supper clubs to mini markets to the culinary avant garde.

Image: decafeined, Alexis Soon

ColumnA Vaclav Havel memorial in Prague, photographed hours after the announcement of his death Sunday.

Vaclav Havel, the prolific and politically-incendiary Czech writer and intellectual cum 1989 Velvet Revolution leader, died last Sunday at the age of 75; a decades-long devotee of tobacco, he passed due to respiratory complications in the privacy of his country home in Bohemia. Havel’s works – including 22 plays, nine non-fiction books, and the Charter 77 human rights manifesto – galvanized not only the disfavor of the Communist government, who imprisoned him on multiple occasions because of his texts, but conversely the esteem of his countrymen, who elected him as the first democratic ruler of then Czechoslovakia.

Havel’s creative output spans the gamut from absurdism to children’s stories, and he leaves behind an impressive oeuvre of books and letters rich with imminently quotable passages. Over the intervening days since his departure, I’ve been rolling around certain Havelian turns-of-phrase – cold, dark marbles on my tongue.

With quiet but ruthless exactitude, Havel called out of hiding small, hard secrets about the human condition. He of course exposed and documented systematic abuse and civil rights violations in former Communist Czechoslovakia, but also delivered a fair share of reckoning with our species’ systemic frailties and follies.

He wrote that people “are compelled to live within a lie, but they can be compelled to do so only because they are in fact capable of living in this way. Therefore not only does the system alienate humanity, but at the same time alienated humanity supports this system as its own involuntary master plan, as a degenerate image of its own degeneration, as a record of people’s own failure as individuals.”

To form a bridge between his quote and this weekly column’s core theme – love and intimacy – doesn’t require elaborate architecture. While Havel is talking here about the nation-state and body politic, the principle of self-propagating defeatism also holds fast in romantic pairings. He implicates not only the government, but also the governed; in doing so, he examines macro structures and also micro figures within a system – both of which inform, and feed, the other. The whole is a reflection of its sum parts. The major movements and themes of a piano concerto sound not without the harmonization of individual ivory keys pounding the chords.

Relationships – whether you’re like me exploring the sublime nuances and also sour notes of being a single woman after a lifetime spent otherwise or, like my little sister in the United States, married to the very boy you met and fell for in junior high school – are an inalienable, inexorable feature of our existence. Pair bonding’s resultant transcendence is illusory, albeit recurring, giving way at times to tedium, pointlessness and a rot of existential rubbish.

Havel wrote his own way out of it: “Isn’t it the moment of most profound doubt that gives birth to new certainties? Perhaps hopelessness is the very soil that nourishes human hope; perhaps one could never find sense in life without first experiencing its absurdity.”

Berlin-based Abigail Wick is a contributor to The New York Times and National Public Radio. ‘From an Ex-Pat…with Love’ is her weekly EcoSalon column about cultural dislocation, romantic relationships and lifestyle choices – filtered through the lens of an American woman living and working abroad in Europe.

Author Image: Alina Rudya; Article Image: Megan Ouellette

ColumnAn American ex-pat on dating in Europe.

It’s the gulf between the man who says “Mon chéri” and he who says “Hey, baby.” It’s the difference between the guy who orders a Jack Daniels with Coca-Cola and he who instead prefers a nice Bordeaux. It’s the net effect of a man in pants that fit versus he who still wears the same baggy-cut jeans that he did when a student in high school.

Sure, the aforementioned examples might be riffing on all the hyper-reductive stereotypes about the American versus European man, but between the lines – the subtext, if you will – there are certain truths well worth mining if you’re an American looking to meet a European. As a woman who bleeds red, white, and blue but who’s living abroad across the pond, this year has been something of a crash course. In this week’s Sex by Numbers, Old World collides with New. Here are six signposts for snagging that beautiful boy with the accent.

Your Americanness is an asset. You are a product of your culture’s grooming, and nothing can shake that. There’s nothing sillier than regarding your stars-and-stripes badge as a dating game stopgap. It’s an irreducible asset that you can harness and highlight to your advantage. Playing up the fact that you were a bonafide Texas cheerleader in high school carries with it a mystique that favorably positions you ahead of the cigarette-sucking angst of your European-born female counterparts. Yes, we’re speaking in generalities here, but the point is not to try to hide who you are.

They expect you to be ignorant. Many Europeans harbor all manner of anti-American prejudices, but perhaps the most cloying is the belief by some that Stateside girls are ignorant of the cultural and historical influences that shape the world. (The U.S. is, after all, nothing but one fat, happy Walmartized Disneyland – right?) Recent case in point: “So, I just got back from the Gustav Klimt retrospective – oh, wait – do you know who he is? He’s an artist.” In Europe, my intelligence is second-guessed on a near-daily basis. The fun is in upending these expectations. (Personally, I prefer Klimt’s “Golden Phase.”) It’s your defiance of small-minded stereotypes that sharpens your edge.

They assume you’re a fake. You’ll hear it in some form countless times: “Americans are too friendly, they’re too nice, they’re phonies, they’re false, they love useless small talk but don’t really mean it, they’re as superficial as they come.” First, accept the other’s perception with a grain of salt and without taking it personally. Remember that for all of the superficial, saccharine, smiling Americans there are rude, smug, arrogant Europeans in equal measure, who are itching to make themselves and their opinions heard. C’est la vie! In your own way, know that intolerance is but a manifestation of fear of the unknown and keep in mind that their version of the world is just as – but no more – valid than your own.

Yes, Americans are inclined to bend over backwards and sometimes are too eager to please, but it’s not your job to apologize for it. Instead, it’s your prerogative to exploit your friendly nature as a device to charm – it works. A smart woman goes only where she is appreciated, not merely tolerated.

Dress the part. I can’t help but shudder at the Stateside girls on holiday in Europe who know no better than to hit the sidewalks looking like they stepped straight out of a strip mall (horrors). Men here possess a birth-right appreciation for a woman with a sense of true style.

Strive for a look that is simple (I can’t stress this enough), classy (this has nothing to do with money), and understated (as in steer clear of pop culture). Clasping a strand of pearls around your neck doesn’t equate with being a member of the Republican party; pearls are for the everyday. Remember the rule of halves: If you opt for a body-hugging blouse, pair it with loose trousers or if you slip into stockings and a miniskirt, couple it with a tasteful top. Use a blow dryer and wear your hair soft and long. Keep your makeup minimal with a focus on the lips and eyes, while following this suggestion: Look at old photographs taken when you were a little girl. What was your natural coloration? This is the cosmetic pallet to which you should adhere as an adult. Au natural, darlings. In short, think Carla Bruni, not Katy Perry. 

Sex is sex. Europeans embrace nudity as an integrated aspect of everyday life – they bare their bodies without a second thought at the beach, in the co-ed saunas, and certainly in the bedroom. It might sound unkind, but the general impression of American men – one I’ve only come to understand after moving abroad this year – is that they’re largely terrified of showing off their bodies but trigger-happy to share their genitals. Conversely (and, yes, I realize I’m painting broad-brushed strokes here), European dudes like to preen, strut, and physically demonstrate that they are men. These guys are proud of their physiques and strength and, at first blush, might even seem vain. But it’s actually a deep-rooted, thoroughgoing commitment to remaining connected to their physical selves - trés sexy. 

It’s important to keep in mind that this is an “affair culture.” Sure, the men here love having girlfriends and wives, but they’re equally comfortable taking lovers. It’s true the world over, but maybe more so in Europe than America: Sometimes, a kiss is just a kiss; sex is just sex; and savoir faire is a modus operandi.

Sex By Numbers is an ongoing look into the emotional and sexual lives of the modern day woman. Follow Abigail Wick weekly here for insight and inspiration as she explores the “sex” of women and the terrain they must travel.

Image: kikaso

Barbara Stanwyck instructs us on how to properly court a man.

For two solid decades I dated. Sometimes I had a boyfriend for a few years, other times, I just saw someone for a couple months. This version of boyfriend once meant a peeing-off-my balcony-drunk man because he thought it was hilarious and cool. (Despite a fully-functioning bathroom as far away from you to this screen.) The moral of the story is that sometimes, I didn’t make the best choices in men. Also, it’s possible I’m not young.

Sometimes, I did meet a great and worthy man. Then, I would mask my keen feelings of attraction with modern courtship rules, which meant that I would really, really, really like him without ever letting him know how much. To me, telling a man that I was enamored was equivalent to walking through Hollywood wearing nothing more than pasties and a thong. It would mean I would be exposed, naked, and most of all, exposed and naked for possible rejection.

So if I could do it all over again, I would immediately revise all of my dating exploits in the following manner.

In the 1941 comedy Ball of Fire, Sugarpuss O’Shea (Barbara Stanwyck) shows us how to properly court a man. Here, Stanwyck plays a gangster moll on the run who takes refuge with scholarly Professor Bertram Potts (Gary Cooper). Ball of Fire, partially penned by Billy Wilder, is loosely adapted from Snow White. This makes Stanwyck our enchanted princess while Cooper stands in for one of the dwarves.

But Stanwyck is no Disney lily of the field. She reminds us of the importance of sass and truth when dating afield. Of the proper way to lay out our feelings on the table. We all can be Sugarpuss O’Sheas when it comes to wooing our preferred sex. We just have to hide the pasties and learn from poor choices in toilet-challenged boyfriends.

This week’s top reads from our friends at Elephant Journal. 

Elephant Journal loves serving up green with a side of sass as much as we do. To make sure you get a taste of all the good things they’ve got going on over there, every week we bring you a round-up of the best picks. Brew a cup of coffee and enjoy!

5 Steps to Dating Like a Superwoman – Jackie Summers

You’re intelligent. You’re ambitious.

You combine charisma and character, and command respect, all in your four inch stilettos. You can deflect bullshit off your magic bracelets, leap tall douche-bags in a single bound, and never lose your femininity. You’re a SuperWoman, you’re spectacular, and you’re single.

Sex, Lies and Journalism- Anna Baldwin

Modern journalism, as a rule, should be just the same as it was during the time of Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein – not influenced by any outside issues or people, as well as truthful and deeply needed just as it always had been.

Of course, news writing is absolutely just as needed to keep citizens informed in order for them to make educated decisions and to help advance democracy. Journalism is also still important to be watchdogs of the government and corporations.

To Be Forgiven: A Meditation on New Karma – Laura Marjorie Miller

Forgiveness is a two-way street, and if you are the one who needs to be forgiven, you are definitely not in the place of the hero. It’s embarrassing and difficult, grotty and unglamorous, harrowing and uncomfortable, to be the one who would plead forgiveness from another person.

But to be able to practice forgiveness presumes that there is someone else who needs forgiveness. How seldom do we ever want to acknowledge that person is our own self.

Image: JD Hancock

He texts but never calls, has a close girl “friend” and still loves mommy more than anyone. Run for the hills, honey.

Dating dealbreakers are a touchy subject. It’s common knowledge that sticking to lists of musts and rules is no way to find a man (or woman). But while we may need to learn to give a little when it comes to our list of dating expectations – no really, he doesn’t have to be tall, dark and handsome…or rich – we resolutely abide by the following list of dealbreakers and dating red flags. As with wardrobes, careers and fights with your mother, it’s much easier to make a list of what you don’t want, and when it comes to men, doing so will certainly help you steer clear of of some serious relationship problems.

1. Is always late. Not 10 minutes it’s hard to get a cab tonight late, but late

Fully unacceptable unless his Prius exploded…the first time. You are a busy woman and you have things to do, and if the man can’t get it together to meet up with you on time, it’s a question of respect. Move on.

2. Has a tramp stamp

Lower back tattoos are bad enough on women, but on a man? If you’re on a first date and he bends over to pick something up and his shirt pulls up just high enough to flash a Chinese character or some other cheesy remnant of his early 20s, run while you still can.

3. Has cut off all communication to family

We are perfectly understanding of strained familial relationships. It is a fact of human existence that all parents are flawed and we are all pissed off about it. No one’s perfect, and sometimes a break with those who are closest is what we need. That’s different from complete and utter disconnect. Zero communication with family members is an indicator of larger issues at hand – the kind of larger issues that you don’t need to be dealing with.

4. Buys you pets without asking you first

Puppies and kittens are cute, but if you come home to one wrapped in a bow you may need to do some reflecting. Owning a pet is a commitment, and if he buys you one to take care of without asking you first, you can expect serious control issues. Don’t let him put a bird on it.

5. Has previously had a sugar mama

Financial support is good while it lasts, and it’s fun to joke about marrying up, but if you’re dating a man whose last girl fully supported him in everything he did without his having to work for it, you’ve got serious trouble on your hands. Treat yourself and your best friend to dinner instead.

6. Smokes cigarettes

It doesn’t matter if he comes with an attractive French accent or a New York City address; cigarettes are just disgusting any way you look at it. Plus, do you want to be stuck caring for someone with lung cancer at the ripe age of 55?

7. Two words: dental hygiene

Brush twice a day, floss at least three times a week, and see the dentist now and then. That’s all we ask.

8. Liberally uses the word “douchebag” and its variants, e.g. douchey, douche

A good tip that a man will spend more time reminiscing about his fraternity glory days and/or expressing only thinly-veiled latent “jokes” (read: desires, see shrink)  for his bro pack than asking you how your day was.

9. Doesn’t read or seem to own actual books

If you can’t have a conversation about what you’re reading – or at the very least the latest New York Times article he recently read online – just think about all the other things you’re not going to be able to talk about. Sure, this might sound pretentious, but you’re a smart, intellectual woman and you need to fuel your brain as much as your lust.

10. Hasn’t broken up with Mommy yet (and probably never will)

Next please. Are we really still stuck on the mommy issue thing? Apparently so, because we keep hearing stories of perfectly nice gentlemen that just can’t seem to break loose and expect a girlfriend to fill the role. Nobody wants a mother-in-law from hell, but even worse is the full-time job you didn’t ask for: mothering your boyfriend. If he wants you to call him on his shit instead of bothering to notice the wafting of said shit himself, move on.

11. Thinks therapy is for losers

Let’s be honest: we could all use some professional help in one way or another. If he can’t see that, it means he’s hiding more emotional baggage than he wants to admit.

12. Inappropriate use of flip flops

Rugged, informed, creative, outdoorsy men who have a love for the good life? Drool. But there’s a time and place for everything. At the beach or brunch in the backyard? Wear those flip flops with pride! But all flip flops all the time, even business meetings and dinners? Put on some damn shoes already.

13. “Forgets” the condoms

Conveniently forgetting condoms is classless and disrespectful and shows that a man isn’t ready to honor your integrity. Plus, an adult man knows better no matter his age, and “forgetting” is just as bad as “but I hate condoms.” Newsflash: who doesn’t hate condoms? That doesn’t mean you don’t get to use them.

14. Suggests you split the tab…when he asked you out.

The right way: “This is my treat, if that’s all right?” Being generous, acknowledging potential it’s-not-all-right leanings. The wrong way: “Let’s split it.” That’s just forcing the answer in his favor. Manipulative and cheap.

15. Doesn’t understand your issue with his having a “best gal pal”

It isn’t your fear that he wants to sleep with her, but the fact that he is emotionally available to her and not you, which is why his repeated rantings about not wanting to sleep with her are so exasperating. Sleeping with you, confiding in her means he is incapable of sexual and emotional intimacy with the same woman and will eventually cheat on whomever he marries.

16. Postures himself wherever he goes

Is your new flame constantly posing for Facebook headshots as he’s having dinner with you and friends, trying to look dashing and throwing out quotes like a famous writer when you just want to hike, standing in the shower doorway naked with a “I-want-to-be-sexy-but-am-uncomfortable” grin? These are all signs that he is so self-absorbed and that you will never get him to be present. Posture at him with the middle finger as you walk away.

17. Uses “via” or “literally” in the same sentence more than once

Men who like to attempt to sound smarter by throwing in these little bon mots are just trying to cover up how clueless they really are. We mean to say they might actually be robots.

18. Burps or farts to just “break the ice”

Men can do whatever they want in the company of other men, but when they’re around you, expect that they at least act as if they graduated from high school. A pretty walk in the fall with steaming hot mugs of cider, a lively debate on the value of human communication followed by a loud rip? Hardly the scene you want to be part of. Dump the cider, hold your nose and run for your life.

19. Doesn’t understand the term “A little goes a long way” in terms of hair product

Just because the rest of the country is obsessed with the cast of Jersey Shore, does not give your man the right to channel Pauly D. Have you thought about how you’re going to run your fingers through his waxy, stiff hair and have you even considered what he might look like without all the hair taming?

20. Freaks out playing video games. No, the fact that he plays video games

It’s the third date and all is going well. He sweetly invites you back to his place. “Sure,” you think to yourself, “this has been going great, why not?” And then you see it. A living room centered around a big screen TV, with not one, but three different video game contraptions and a variety of games strewn about the floor. And just as quickly as you wanted to start talking about his feelings on the recent uprising in the Middle East or what his favorite place to travel is or whether he prefers organic or local, you realize he’s nesting into his favorite chair and let’s just say he’s pushing the wrong button.

21. Patting of any kind

Whether it’s on the forehead, knee or anywhere else, patting is a nice little indicator of someone thinking you’re “cute and adorable,” and not in the good way. Stay away from the insecure men who have an obsession with undercutting you.

22. Being weird about you making more money than him

It’s 2011. Enough said.

23. Has a filthy vehicle

You haven’t even been to his apartment yet but from the state of his car floor covered in candy wrappers, Coke bottles, chip bags and ATM receipts, you know for sure that not only is he disorganized, he’s a total pig who couldn’t even nice up for your date.

24. He calls you his “old lady”

Nope, never allowed. You’ll never be an equal. Other terms that will follow (if you’re a sucker and stay) will be “ball and chain,”  followed by “The Wife.”

25. He still sports a soul patch…

It’s 2011. Enough said.

Image: JonoMueller

ColumnOur love and relationships columnist weighs in on winter, women, and welcoming the come-what-may.

In my late teens, I stumbled (clumsily, with the fevered passion of a young person just learning to sniff out the pheromones of the opposite sex) into a relationship with a dark-eyed boy who had the fullest lips and strongest biceps of anybody I’d ever seen. We empowered one another in our young, exploratory passions, and he left my body crawling with unabated animal urgency.

A few years down the road, came another man whose muscled legs and vast mental catalog of the world’s literary masters mesmerized me. There was overlap, the shameful but giddy awkwardness of an affair, and the new guy and I ran away with one another from Austin, Texas to San Francisco. A few more years down the road, came another one with a globe-trotting music career and emotional intelligence on par with some wizened, bearded ascetic. I was hooked and promptly moved into his apartment.

At some point, however, this lifetime of love was too much for me. I’d been lucky to have taken up with adoring and kind men. But a cloying sense of – I don’t know what – took root in me. After parting on compassionate, amicable terms with my latest long-time boyfriend, I packed a week’s worth of clothing in a small suitcase and bought a one-way ticket to Berlin.

Ten years after all this sometimes selfish, always delirious shacking up, I now come home at the end of the day to a child-sized single bed in a completely empty room occupied with nothing else but the contents of the aforementioned luggage. My habitat is quiet, my heart is crystalline in its clarity, and my mind is no longer buzzing with white noise. It’s just me, my professional ambitions, my new friends, and an abiding sense of silence.

In the past, I felt sorry for people who were single. They must be so lonely, I thought. I was, of course, wrong. What I have lately lost in constant companionship, I have gained in self-examination and access to something much bigger than my previous shelter of endless dyadic reflection. It took me months to start dating again, and I’m glad for the time I allowed myself to simply be. It’s astonishing to understand just how little I knew about men and women, love and dating.

Six months ago, when EcoSalon’s editor Sara Ost invited me to launch this weekly column, I had no idea what was in store for me as a woman, as a writer, and as a contributor to a cultural conversation about modern love. This gig was a serendipitous fluke, and in the intervening period in Europe I have found myself occupying what is, at least for me and in my own small way, a brave new world–next month, I have my final visa appointment to become a long-term resident of the E.U.

It’s something to grow up, have boys hurt your heart, and to wake up one morning with the discovery you’re really you. For the first time in my life, I’m just me, with no other identity markers than those of my own self-reliance and a completely new community of my own making. I’m grateful for my friends. I’m buoyed by my family. What’s more, I’m floored by all of you who have been generous enough to encourage – and challenge – me along the way.

Thank you for sending me letters, friending me on Facebook and, most importantly, opening up and sharing your experiences with me. The more people make contact with one another, the fewer strangers there are in the world. We can all be anchors for one another, and it’s a supreme honor and gift to share the love.

It’s nightfall here in Berlin, and already the weather is cold – with the beastly, Northernly winter already beginning to slink through the streets here. The forthcoming season will be endlessly dark, uniformly gray, and chill me in a way I’ve never known. I welcome it.

Sex By Numbers is an ongoing look into the emotional and sexual lives of the modern day woman. Follow Abigail Wick weekly here for insight and inspiration as she explores the “sex” of women and the terrain they must travel.

Image: le xav

ColumnWhy buy the bull when you can just have it for sport?

Sex by Numbers debuted only a few short months ago, and with it has come a veritable firestorm of fierce women flooding my inbox with stories and queries. Needless to say, you people are an impressive (and sometimes scandalizing) bunch. In recent weeks, a trend emerged among this column’s readers: namely, one-night stands. Whether you’re actively relishing in its minimal-strings-attached pleasures or simply curious about how to play the field, it seems ladies are of the consensus that life might be sweeter if you adhere to this adage: Why buy the bull when you can just have it for sport?

Be it an email from a small town American housewife-cum-recent-divorcée or a globe-trotting French businesswoman, it seems casual coitus is at the forefront of everybody’s mind; and, if it’s not for you, then maybe it should be. This week’s column is a compilation of timely stats from researchers’ investigations into the world of singles and their close encounters. Without further ado, EcoSalon presents its weekly Sex by Numbers:

Maximum Pleasure, Minimum Effort

25 percent of women cite that the single most important reason for having noncommittal sex is, quite simply, that it feels good. 18 percent claim it’s their lust for adventure and the unknown. A smaller subsection, ninepercent, report that it adds a little oomph to their ego and just-needed pep in their step. Sex is a swell panacea for stress, eight percent of women report; and, all in all, having an uncomplicated squeeze for the evening just does the body good.

Making Friends Is Easy

Nearly 50 percent of women report that they meet their non-monogamous mates through friends of friends. (In other words, that tall, mustachioed man in attendance at this Friday night’s dinner party just might be the person to sidle up alongside.) Just shy of 20 percent of women say they select their short-term sweethearts at night clubs, dance halls, pubs, and bars. Online dating hookups, however, account for only one percent of surveyed populations.

The Time Is Nigh

During the bitter, below-freezing winter months, shacking up with a companion and staying indoors and under the covers makes complete sense. However, Father Christmas isn’t due for an appearance anytime soon, and nothing says Summer more than sex. 59 percent of women say their hankering for it is heightened during the warm months, and a randy 63 percent report that lovemaking is better when on vacation.

Blame It on Bad DNA

Bad as in naughty, rather than wrong – apparently, there’s more to (in)fidelity than meets the eye, and it’s encoded in your very DNA. People with a DRD4 gene variant are twice as likely to indulge in promiscuity, because thrill-seeking and dopamine-rushes go hand-in-hand.

Handsome Mug

Biologically, men might have it easier than women. Let’s say nature doesn’t endow a dude with a high aesthetic quotient – no worries, guys, because women ultimately fall in love with a man’s character, and once you win her over a handsome mug becomes less and less relevant. Not so, however, at the beginning of a relationship, especially a disposable one. Ladies are looking for the hot shit, and for every one woman wooed into a one-night stand by a man’s words, another ten report that their primary motivating factor for going home with him is his attractiveness.

You Know You’ve Done It

Nearly 75 percent of women say they’ve had sex for fun and nothing more. Remember the adage: Why buy the bull when you can just have it for sport?

Easier Said than Done

That said, women like pair bonding. A lot. Only 25 percent of women say that they are able to engage in one night stands without becoming attached just a little bit.

Sating His-&-Her Needs

Sometimes, staking out new ground for casual sex can be exhausting. When people want to maintain their singledom and at the same time take it easy, a powerful solution emerges: Friends with Benefits. This special someone doesn’t clutter your emotional life and regularly provides you with good times. An ideal arrangement with an ideal man whose presence in your life can be kept at a mostly effortless minimum – the stuff from which dreams are made.

Untied

The benefit descriptor doesn’t imply bonding. ‘Tie-signs’ include holding hands, enjoying post-coital conversation, and kissing. This distance helps minimize psychological confusion.

Fun for Everyone

About 50 percent of women say that uncommitted assignations are freeing and more exciting than having sex with a long term partner. What’s more, people often exhibit some of their kinkier predilections when spending the night with a relative stranger. Why? It’s a chance to explore your sexuality without the fun being bogged down with heavy meaning.

Sex By Numbers is an ongoing look into the emotional and sexual lives of the modern day woman. Follow Abigail Wick weekly here for insight and inspiration as she explores the “sex” of women and the terrain they must travel.

Image: Cia de Foto