There are a lot of people my age who yammer on endlessly about the demise of snail mail. These people love to wax nostalgic about the superiority of old-timey letters written on paper –  as if the simple act of using a Bic ballpoint automatically imbues writers with the eloquence of Charlotte Bronte. I could not disagree more, but I happen to love email – it’s fast and practical and also paper-free, which is good news for the rain forests.

And email is better than ever now, thanks to a new program that lets you know if your email message is projecting a negative tone. This program will alert users if their emails sound angry, insulting or unfriendly. There are those who will object to this software, and rail against it as censorship or corporate control, or some such nonsense. But I think it’s a great idea. Writing is hard and people need all the help they can get – if using this software means you’ll antagonize fewer friends and colleagues, then what’s the harm?  Similar software has been developed to detect sarcasm in outgoing emails; again, this is terrific, but why stop there? I think technology should help us all it can – the following are other ways computers should be rigged to save us from ourselves:

• If you are over the age of twelve and you attempt to make a smiley-face emoticon out of punctuation marks, your computer should seize up and turn itself off in protest. The same holds true if you try to forward a video of cats playing the piano.
• If you are bragging endlessly about your kids, your job, or your beachfront property, a scolding message should appear on the screen, warning you that no one wants to hear it.
• If you are breaking up with someone via email, your computer should sadly inform you that you are simply not fit to live.
• When you’ve wasted an entire day playing Solitaire or Googling people from high school, a pop-up image should appear on your screen, sternly advising you to get a life.
• Computers should come equipped with some sort of virtual sodium pentothal that prevents people from blatantly misrepresenting themselves on eharmony, Match.com and other dating websites.
• If you are married and you try to contact an old boyfriend on Facebook, an ominous stick-figure of someone playing with fire should appear and warn you that you’re about to ruin your life.
• If you attempt to forward an email chain letter, a hand should reach out from your keyboard and bitch-slap you till you come to your senses. If the letter warns that breaking the chain will result in bad luck, illness or monetary loss, the computer should deliver a quick but intensely painful electric shock.
• On the other hand, I think all email providers should embed in every single email message this video by comedian Merril Markoe. It is a two minute clip (which is entirely in French for no good reason) and shows Markoe faking a heart attack while her dogs look on, sweetly and stupidly oblivious, happily depositing chew toys on her limp and lifeless body. The video is goofy and subversively warmhearted, and if everyone watched it several times every day, the world would be a happier place. Now that computers rule the world, they should be obligated to spread cheer wherever they can. Really, it’s the least they can do.

Editor’s Note: Susan Goldberg is a slightly lapsed treehugger. Although known to overuse paper products, she has the best of intentions – and a really small SUV. Catch her column, The Goldberg Variations, each week here at EcoSalon.

Image: Ed Yourdon

Finland’s new mail program hopes to cut costs and decrease pollution.

According to the Telegraph, a new system launched in Finland may have snail mail sliding even further from our fingertips. On April 12, Itella, which runs the country’s postal system, will begin a pilot program in which mail is scanned, digitized, and then emailed to recipients. Once in action, it is anticipated that this plan will reduce carbon emissions, paper waste and cut costs by limiting the number of mail carriers on the road.

So far, 126 households and 20 businesses have volunteered to take part in the project. Once mail is scanned, participants receive a text message or email that their mail is ready to view. Some skeptics are worried about privacy issues and have likened this new mail system to tactics used by the KGB. But advocates of the program insist that mail is not read nor is it kept once it has been copied. When it comes to security, Itella’s director, Tommy Tikka, compares the approach not to e-mail but to web banking, insisting the program is safe and secure.

But what about things that can’t be scanned? Replacement credit cards, the feel of embossed fonts, the smell of perfume-scented love letters? For this trial, hard copies of scanned mail (including any additional non-scannable pieces) will still be delivered twice weekly to homes and offices. It’s unclear as to whether this will continue on a regular basis after the trial period has concluded. The trial will run through the end of the year, and if the feedback is positive, the result will be a more widespread program.

With America appearing to move towards cutting Saturday mail deliveries, will this new mail system be next for us, too? Here’s hoping!

But, in the meantime, if you want to eliminate your junk mail right now, check out Tonic’s own Precycle!

Editor’s note: Article by Sophie Rosenblum. Originally published by our friends at Tonic.com. Tonic is a digital media company and news source dedicated to promoting the good that happens each day around the world. Tonic tells the stories of people and organizations who are working to make a difference, by inspiring good in themselves and others. Be sure to visit them and say hi, and follow Tonic on Twitter, too!

Image: uzvards

I like life’s special little surprises: a dozen roses mysteriously appearing at the doorstep, some birds nesting right outside the living room window or a phone call from an old friend I’ve been thinking about all week.

But there’s one thing I don’t like to be surprised by: my period. This is something I want to have planned out with the right, comfortable clothes and all my supplies at hand in the secret pocket of my purse. A camping trip, the third date, that beach vacation – not exactly welcome times for that time.

Thanks to My Monthly Cycles, I’ve been keeping track using an online calendar that averages out the lengths of my previous cycles and gives me approximate dates for both my next period and my next ovulation.

And best of all for busy gals like us, you can adjust your account settings to send you email alerts a few days before your next period or ovulation is about to start. It’s like the Google Alert of periods! Now if they just had an iPhone app…

Image: ePublicist