Column Facts are facts.

It’s Groundhog Day, which, if nothing else, means you have a legitimate excuse to watch what is inarguably the last great film Harold Ramis ever directed. It also provides a thin and tired narrative frame for us to hang an assortment of sex facts from, and for that, we can all be grateful. Congratulations! It’s almost spring. (Oh god, spring is still so far away. There are at least five more weeks of nothing but apple pyramids and Brussels sprouts at the farmers’ markets.)

20%: increase in vitamin D and fertility-related hormones for women after prolonged exposure to sunlight

States that recognize same-sex marriage as of February 2nd: 7 (welcome to the party, Washington!)

35: median male age at first marriage in Sweden, the world’s oldest

$140: amount the average Swede spends in a given year in the pursuit of romance

$94: amount spent by the average Dutch citizen, the lowest rate in Europe

$815: going rate among the Irish

1924: Year the term “sexpert” was coined (yet another thing to blame the Jazz Age for. Thanks a lot, Fitzgerald).

Number of days Phil Connors spent trapped inside of the Groundhog Day loop, according to best estimates: 12,403

2 to 4: Factor by which most men over-report their number of lifetime sexual partners

Image: qmnonic

Column Facts are facts.

It’s almost the end of January, which means that for at least the last 3 weeks your life has been a gray, dull, hopeless blur of days in which you’ve almost certainly been forced to listen to your co-worker’s latest cleanse. Nobody’s drinking, nobody’s going out, and it’s probably raining. Wouldn’t it make you feel better to read a string of sex-related facts?

Number of years since the last time Tim Gunn had sex: 29

$1.30: the price of a gallon of gas in the last year that Tim Gunn had sex

Number of unique combinations of sex acts the average sexually active adult has recently performed, as reported by a recent American study: 40

3 years: Length of time a male lobster’s sperm can survive inside of a female

What happens to the genitals of male honeybees after having sex: they explode

What happens to the genitals of banana slugs after having sex: they are chewed off and eaten

10%: Percentage of office workers who claim to have slept with a co-worker in their building

14: Factor by which having an abortion is safer than giving birth

Reported increase in sexual dysfunction, as related to the use of intravenous drugs: 800%

Don’t stay for the wrong reasons.

Sometimes, relationships are like ugly old sweaters: they’re not flattering, they don’t make you feel good, and they’re actually kind of scratchy, now that you think about it. But they’re so familiar, you just can’t bear to get rid of them. Consider giving yourself room for something better – or just have fun being single for a while. Here are signs it may be time to part with the familiar.

You barely spend any time together.

It’s no surprise that, with both partners often working full-time jobs, modern couples may spend less time together than ever. Some couples juggle a lot of responsibilities and strain to see each other on a regular basis – that’s fairly normal. However, a big red flag should pop up when you find that you just aren’t mustering the effort to make it work. If you’d rather stay home and watch movies alone than go out on a romantic date or even just a casual get-together with your boyfriend or girlfriend, something is not right.

Your partner makes you feel bad about yourself.

You should never find yourself believing that you’re not good enough due to your partner’s words or actions. Even if it’s said in a joking way, a jibe about your looks, your job, your intelligence or any matter that relates to self-esteem can really hurt. Don’t just sit back and take it when the “jokes” keep adding up, or your partner doesn’t even bother to cloak his or her constant criticism. There’s a difference between constructive feedback or advice and comments that are meant to tear you down.

You can’t stop fighting.

He doesn’t help out around the house. You nitpick the way he drives. He ate the last cookie that your mom made for you. You made a funny face that could be interpreted as eye rolling. The sky is blue. If you find yourself getting into arguments over nothing and everything, there’s trouble brewing. Constant fighting is a sign of high tension, and while stress can certainly be a big factor in this, there are often underlying relationship issues causing your conflicts. When you can’t work them out – or simply don’t care to – say goodbye.

Your goals in life don’t mesh.

You’re on a quest for self-improvement, or at least a better life, and he’s content to sit in that armchair playing the latest XBox game until the end of his days. You’re growing as a human being, thinking about getting a better job or moving to a new place or having children, and she’s thinking about doing the same old thing she has done virtually every day for the past five years. Don’t sit around waiting for your partner to change. Unless you settle for less than what you truly want in your life, or your partner has some kind of epiphany, things aren’t looking good.

You try to justify repeated wrongs.

Making excuses for your partner’s ill deeds is not doing anyone any favors, least of all yourself. You tell yourself that he’s cold because of his relationship with his mother, that she doesn’t comfort you in your time of need because she’s distracted, that he cheated those three times because he was drunk and you were working late. If even after discussing these issues, they continue to recur, don’t keep justifying them; it just gives your partner permission to continue hurting you indefinitely.

You daydream about leaving.

You used to get lost in visions of cozy domestic life with your love, and now you’re longing to pack your bags and live like a bohemian artist in Paris. Everyone thinks about these things every now and then, but the danger comes when such thoughts become almost like an obsession. When you’re soothing yourself to bed at night with fantasies about starting fresh, you’re looking for a way out.

You’re staying out of self-sacrifice.

When it comes down to it, you realize that you’re no longer in love, but how can you leave? He just wouldn’t be able to get by without you. Maybe you’ve got children, and you worry about how the dissolution of your relationship will affect them. That’s totally understandable, but you’ve got to give yourself more value. Are you really helping your partner by staying with him or her at this point? Is your unhappiness affecting your kids anyway? Don’t waste what little time you have. Give yourself a chance at something real.

You keep secrets.

Once, there was nothing you kept from each other. You confessed all of your deepest secrets and told each other about virtually every aspect of your day, from the antics of an annoying co-worker to worries about your health. But now, things have changed. You conveniently forgot to mention that you’re back in touch with your college sweetheart, or that you’ve been putting money into a secret savings account that’s just for you. Being in a healthy relationship doesn’t have to mean giving over every little detail of yourself, but there definitely shouldn’t be any deception involved.

You’re not having sex.

Libidos change, and sometimes medical issues can cause serious shifts in sexual desire. If your sex life has gone off a cliff, eliminate any physical causes first. Then examine the state of your relationship. If either you or your partner just aren’t interested anymore, it may be a sign that your relationship changed from romantic to platonic when you weren’t looking. It’s not the end-all be-all issue for every relationship, but for most of us, sex is an integral part of a healthy union. When the spark fizzles out despite all efforts to revive it, you may be better off as friends.

The thrill is gone.

A big part of graduating to the real world of adult relationships is realizing that the early butterflies-in-your-stomach phase is supposed to blossom into something more stable and, perhaps, less exciting. Chances are, even if you’re with your “soul mate,” you don’t feel quite the same way about him as you did when you first met. But what if seeing your partner after an extended absence stirs no strong emotions whatsoever? Stop accepting mediocrity and meting it out in return. It’s time to move on.

ALSO CHECK OUT:

10 Signs It’s Time To Leave Your Town

10 Signs It’s Time To Leave Your Friends

10 Signs It’s Time To Leave Your Job

Photo: illusive photography

 Seize the day.

Wear your white shirts.
Get them pressed.
Use your good dishes – everyday.

Shave on weekends.
Do not wait for special occasions.
Do not tuck your best away in the drawers, in the back of the closet, in your heart.
Don’t wait for holidays or invitations.

Declare that your today is the special occasion.

Call instead of emailing. (it feels so good to connect.)
Go for coffee.

Quit.
Take care of it.

Renounce your glory days. You’ve told all of those stories more than twice.
Focus forward.

Wear perfume for yourself. Toss your only-wear-around-the-house clothes and let your good clothes graduate to around-the-house status.
Intend to feel good all of the time.

Write your book.

Launch.

Make ecstatic sex a priority. (This deliberateness will make you more creative, productive and generally gracious. on your death bed, you will think about all the amazing sex you had this lifetime.)

Burn your to-do list.

Write poetry. One a day.

Make a point to be as encouraging as possible, as much as possible, to everyone possible.

Don’t look back.

If you feel like you’re always failing, consider that this is part of being an artist. Let it be a divine inclination. Keep going.

Enter.

Leave.

Eat real food.

Often refuse to be in the presence of people who make you feel repressed, anxious, or pull your frequency down.

Do not entertain haters.

Send light to the haters.

Give it away. You probably don’t need it and someone else does.

Turn off the TV.

Let it be easy.

Burn candles. During the day.

Fall in love. With yourself. With the person you’re with. With the persons in your orbit.
Because no one is perfect, but you can let the love be perfect for the both of you.
Because everyone – everyone – is a doorway to something bigger. Because you can get there from here.

Because life is short.

Editor’s Note: Danielle LaPorte is the creator of WhiteHotTruth.com, which has been called “the best place on-line for kick-ass spirituality.” She is the author of The Fire Starter Sessions: A Digital Experience for Entrepreneurs, an inspirational speaker, former think tank exec, and news show commentator. You can read all of Danielle’s EcoSalon guest articles here, and find her on Twitter @daniellelaporte.

Image: hang_in_there

ColumnWhat defines the new chic? Grit and glimmer in conscious measure.

Over dinner recently, a colleague and I abandoned a hot and heavy discussion about the political zeitgeist for something decidedly more dessert-appropriate: women. The End of Men, the death of the the Death of Marriage myth, Lady Gaga, gay marriage, the endless debates about women getting funded in Silicon Valley – XX as cultural object is too hot to handle right now, but it’s less What Women Want and more What Women Are (and fools who confuse the two shall soon be parted from their money). If Superwoman is mercifully out, so is Single Girl. Women no longer fit into neat boxes, if they ever did: Wife. Mother. Career Woman. Bohemian. Twentysomething. Fortysomething. Old. Nope. Not your .xls, not your funnel, not your category. An extremely palpable swirl of chutzpah and quirk, charm and cojones, rock solid and rock star? Yep. And just in time. “It’s like there’s a new chic going on,” started my creme brulee compadre.

“She’s cool like confident.”

“She’s not afraid to say she wants a relationship.”

“But only if she wants one. Which she might not.” This, with a wink.

“She thinks ‘feminist’ is a pretty word.”

“Aw. Because it is.”

How to spot The New Chic? It’s motorcycle boots in your minivan. It’s courage, it’s eschewing Christmas if you feel like it, it’s not being afraid to be less liked and more respected, it’s borrowing the best traits from the boys and making us all more human in the process.

The New Chic means dropping the fear of fat. Bring on the butter. It’s good for your brain.

The New Chic likes girls, or boys, or both, and sometimes out of order, and don’t worry so much about it.

It’s breaking rules in accordance with her limits, which she knows intimately.

It’s leading the conversation in mixed company; something that can still stun a man. Try it, it’s fun!

Also? The New Chic doesn’t consider singledom a thorny brambles of broken GPS on the proper path to the soul’s completion, formerly known as a wedding day.

“This could go on all night!”

The New Chic often does.

The New Chic doesn’t go gaga over babies by default; in fact, she may not even notice them.

Did you hear? She brags and delivers.

She tells The Nagging Voice to fuck off so fast it scurries.

You’ll never catch her judging another woman with her eyes in group company.

She hasn’t done it all. She hasn’t seen it all. She isn’t everything and everyone.

She might have a hot pink stripe in her hair. Over 40? She still wears it long.

The New Chic is a forever fan of chivalry and that means: she extends it to others including and especially men.

Fact: a good thick moisturizer beats caking on the foundation any day.

The New Chic means walking out the door looking good; not made up, good.

She wouldn’t be caught dead in fast fashion.

She can drive a stick shift but prefers to bike in her heels instead. Because she wears heels. Sneakers. Are. For. Running.

She doesn’t prefer to text with the men she sees.

She is scrupulously honest because it just feels wonderful.

She is on time, every time.

She blurs the lines and doesn’t look back because she has nothing to hide on Facebook.

Two words: black coffee.

The New Chic does not drink Diet Coke. Does not diet (exception: the three hours before a date).

You can spot her because she stands up straight, sucks in her tummy tight, squares her shoulders and doesn’t pad the living daylights out of her nipples.

To err is human, to never brush your teeth in front of him, divine.

The New Chic is loving what you own to the greatest degree but letting it all go just as readily. Think of it as If the Buddha Consumed (and hey, he did). Example: A friend’s grandmother, who is something like a bonus grandma to me, has built a vast fortune in her life, and she has the personal drapery of diamonds to prove it. I’m talking the kind so big, they slide to the sides of her fingers whether she wants them to or not. Not bad for a girl from Oklahoma whose first crib was a drawer. “We never have insured these old things,” she drawled to me over brunch one cold Dallas day. “If a piece gets lost or stolen: eh, so what? I’ve enjoyed it.”

On that note: celebrates old people.

It’s being inspired by men rather than finding them merely useful. (We are all going to be better off for that one.)

It’s having the courage to build towards the best.

The New Chic has better things to do and hires people to help.

The most timely thing about The New Chic, though, is the sheer fun of it.

Your turn.

This is the latest installment in your editor’s column, The Insider’s Guide to Life.

Image: Whatshername?

ColumnAn American ex-pat on dating in Europe.

It’s the gulf between the man who says “Mon chéri” and he who says “Hey, baby.” It’s the difference between the guy who orders a Jack Daniels with Coca-Cola and he who instead prefers a nice Bordeaux. It’s the net effect of a man in pants that fit versus he who still wears the same baggy-cut jeans that he did when a student in high school.

Sure, the aforementioned examples might be riffing on all the hyper-reductive stereotypes about the American versus European man, but between the lines – the subtext, if you will – there are certain truths well worth mining if you’re an American looking to meet a European. As a woman who bleeds red, white, and blue but who’s living abroad across the pond, this year has been something of a crash course. In this week’s Sex by Numbers, Old World collides with New. Here are six signposts for snagging that beautiful boy with the accent.

Your Americanness is an asset. You are a product of your culture’s grooming, and nothing can shake that. There’s nothing sillier than regarding your stars-and-stripes badge as a dating game stopgap. It’s an irreducible asset that you can harness and highlight to your advantage. Playing up the fact that you were a bonafide Texas cheerleader in high school carries with it a mystique that favorably positions you ahead of the cigarette-sucking angst of your European-born female counterparts. Yes, we’re speaking in generalities here, but the point is not to try to hide who you are.

They expect you to be ignorant. Many Europeans harbor all manner of anti-American prejudices, but perhaps the most cloying is the belief by some that Stateside girls are ignorant of the cultural and historical influences that shape the world. (The U.S. is, after all, nothing but one fat, happy Walmartized Disneyland – right?) Recent case in point: “So, I just got back from the Gustav Klimt retrospective – oh, wait – do you know who he is? He’s an artist.” In Europe, my intelligence is second-guessed on a near-daily basis. The fun is in upending these expectations. (Personally, I prefer Klimt’s “Golden Phase.”) It’s your defiance of small-minded stereotypes that sharpens your edge.

They assume you’re a fake. You’ll hear it in some form countless times: “Americans are too friendly, they’re too nice, they’re phonies, they’re false, they love useless small talk but don’t really mean it, they’re as superficial as they come.” First, accept the other’s perception with a grain of salt and without taking it personally. Remember that for all of the superficial, saccharine, smiling Americans there are rude, smug, arrogant Europeans in equal measure, who are itching to make themselves and their opinions heard. C’est la vie! In your own way, know that intolerance is but a manifestation of fear of the unknown and keep in mind that their version of the world is just as – but no more – valid than your own.

Yes, Americans are inclined to bend over backwards and sometimes are too eager to please, but it’s not your job to apologize for it. Instead, it’s your prerogative to exploit your friendly nature as a device to charm – it works. A smart woman goes only where she is appreciated, not merely tolerated.

Dress the part. I can’t help but shudder at the Stateside girls on holiday in Europe who know no better than to hit the sidewalks looking like they stepped straight out of a strip mall (horrors). Men here possess a birth-right appreciation for a woman with a sense of true style.

Strive for a look that is simple (I can’t stress this enough), classy (this has nothing to do with money), and understated (as in steer clear of pop culture). Clasping a strand of pearls around your neck doesn’t equate with being a member of the Republican party; pearls are for the everyday. Remember the rule of halves: If you opt for a body-hugging blouse, pair it with loose trousers or if you slip into stockings and a miniskirt, couple it with a tasteful top. Use a blow dryer and wear your hair soft and long. Keep your makeup minimal with a focus on the lips and eyes, while following this suggestion: Look at old photographs taken when you were a little girl. What was your natural coloration? This is the cosmetic pallet to which you should adhere as an adult. Au natural, darlings. In short, think Carla Bruni, not Katy Perry. 

Sex is sex. Europeans embrace nudity as an integrated aspect of everyday life – they bare their bodies without a second thought at the beach, in the co-ed saunas, and certainly in the bedroom. It might sound unkind, but the general impression of American men – one I’ve only come to understand after moving abroad this year – is that they’re largely terrified of showing off their bodies but trigger-happy to share their genitals. Conversely (and, yes, I realize I’m painting broad-brushed strokes here), European dudes like to preen, strut, and physically demonstrate that they are men. These guys are proud of their physiques and strength and, at first blush, might even seem vain. But it’s actually a deep-rooted, thoroughgoing commitment to remaining connected to their physical selves - trés sexy. 

It’s important to keep in mind that this is an “affair culture.” Sure, the men here love having girlfriends and wives, but they’re equally comfortable taking lovers. It’s true the world over, but maybe more so in Europe than America: Sometimes, a kiss is just a kiss; sex is just sex; and savoir faire is a modus operandi.

Sex By Numbers is an ongoing look into the emotional and sexual lives of the modern day woman. Follow Abigail Wick weekly here for insight and inspiration as she explores the “sex” of women and the terrain they must travel.

Image: kikaso

Barbara Stanwyck instructs us on how to properly court a man.

For two solid decades I dated. Sometimes I had a boyfriend for a few years, other times, I just saw someone for a couple months. This version of boyfriend once meant a peeing-off-my balcony-drunk man because he thought it was hilarious and cool. (Despite a fully-functioning bathroom as far away from you to this screen.) The moral of the story is that sometimes, I didn’t make the best choices in men. Also, it’s possible I’m not young.

Sometimes, I did meet a great and worthy man. Then, I would mask my keen feelings of attraction with modern courtship rules, which meant that I would really, really, really like him without ever letting him know how much. To me, telling a man that I was enamored was equivalent to walking through Hollywood wearing nothing more than pasties and a thong. It would mean I would be exposed, naked, and most of all, exposed and naked for possible rejection.

So if I could do it all over again, I would immediately revise all of my dating exploits in the following manner.

In the 1941 comedy Ball of Fire, Sugarpuss O’Shea (Barbara Stanwyck) shows us how to properly court a man. Here, Stanwyck plays a gangster moll on the run who takes refuge with scholarly Professor Bertram Potts (Gary Cooper). Ball of Fire, partially penned by Billy Wilder, is loosely adapted from Snow White. This makes Stanwyck our enchanted princess while Cooper stands in for one of the dwarves.

But Stanwyck is no Disney lily of the field. She reminds us of the importance of sass and truth when dating afield. Of the proper way to lay out our feelings on the table. We all can be Sugarpuss O’Sheas when it comes to wooing our preferred sex. We just have to hide the pasties and learn from poor choices in toilet-challenged boyfriends.

ColumnSkip the weight loss centers and the elliptical machines, there are other fun ways to drop unwanted pounds.

Last spring, I set sail from the States to Europe, where I’m now a legal resident. In the intervening months since my arrival, I’ve shed a handy ten pounds – without even realizing it was happening. In fact, it didn’t occur to me that I was slowly slimming down; I only noticed that my energy levels were wicked high, that I loved shopping for new clothes because I liked how I looked in the dressing room mirrors, and that I felt infinitely sexier than before I came to Berlin. What happened?

I definitely don’t hail from one of America’s Fat Capitals; my former home of San Francisco is one of the healthiest, most physically fit populations in all of the U.S., and my long-preferred, mostly active lifestyle seemed to have all the right cards in place for an optimal waistline: I’ve always walked and biked everywhere (I don’t even have a driver’s license), and as a yoga teacher and (mostly) vegan, it seemed I could do no wrong. And yet, some key ingredient kept me hovering at a Marilyn Monroe body type. These days, I’m certainly no buff beauty queen, but I have definitely stopped thinking and caring about my weight. Who needs to worry when you can just have fun?

This week’s Sex by Numbers provides a little toolbox of four incredibly accessible, easily applicable tips for whittling down your frame – European style – with nary a lick of dreadful dieting or fretting about what the scale reads.

Walk It & Work It

Maintaining fitness isn’t some codified, separate activity from the rest of your daily activities, but rather an integrated aspect of life. In the morning, I walk to the market for breakfast ingredients and mosey on over to the office. On my lunch break, I stroll along the canal that cuts through the city or explore nearby graveyards and parks – it refreshes me and keeps me from going mad from sitting at a desk and in front of a computer all day. In the evening, I use my own two legs to get to yoga class and back home again, and instead of taking the subway to meet up with friends later at night, I walk to whatever bar, club, or restaurant where we’ll be hanging out. By incorporating regular bipedal motion into my everyday life, I get to enjoy the city sights, bump into friends on the sidewalk, window shop, and generally approach each day with appreciation and ease. Sure, it might require more time than driving a car, but it endows routine experiences with increased richness and joy. Plus, there’s no better time for strapping on my headphones and listening to music.

DIY Dinner

Nothing is sexier than knowing how to hold your own in the kitchen, and a woman who can whip-up a mean meal at a moment’s notice is a hot commodity in the dating market. (Because, let’s face it, relationships are a cultural and social marketplace.) I’m a proponent of intuitive eating and cooking in conjunction with seasonal, regional foods. As such, I advocate stocking up monthly on staples like legumes, lentils, and nut butters, while making frequent trips to the market several times a week for fresh vegetables, fruits, fresh-baked breads, and ethically-produced dairy products. Culinary art is one of life’s most sensual pleasures and is not only an opportunity to nourish your body but delight in a full-fledged orgy of lush colors, scents, tactile exploration, and even the roundly satisfying thwack of a butcher knife against the chopping block. When you enshrine a daily habit of cooking into your routine, you deepen an appreciation for food and can savor it more richly. And there’s the added benefit of the pounds simply melting away.

Have Sex

You can even have lots of it, if you want. It’s an obviously inventive, expressive workout that provides an endorphine rush in equal measure to running a marathon or getting a promotion, except rather than being an exceptional affair, it’s a sustainable activity in which to engage on a daily basis. Further, a healthy sex life results in a healthier physique. We all want to feel completely free of body-consciousness when we’re with our lovers; it allows us to more deeply engage in intimacy and focus purely on the pleasures of sharing ourselves with another person. Having regular sex is rad, and provides constant incentive to keep your body feeling beautiful and strong to share your best self with a lover (or several).

Balance, not Boundaries

Wine with dinner, nice cocktails as nightcaps, a croissant for breakfast, convivial meals and drinks with friends that span for hours and hours – I could go on. Beauty, at its core, is about savoir faire. It’s vital to celebrate life with other people by coming around the table and enjoying its bounty – and this isn’t just about Thanksgiving and Christmas. Here in Europe, every meal is occasion for festivity and joy, and people are willing to unplug from their laptops and iPhones to come together on a quotidian basis. Indulgence – in sweets, spirits, and fine company – is perhaps the single most important component of creating balance and joy.

Image: Jamie Neely

New Age in the new age.

Event: Liveblogging Maidon’s first sexual encounter. October 22nd, 9:30 EST.

Your response: Maybe attending.

Hi everyone! Just wanted to send out a quick reminder to all of you “maybes” out there that this weekend is the big day and how much it would mean to Maidon if you could share in this family moment with us. I know how busy all of you are! However, those of you who were lucky enough to co-experience Maidon’s natural home birth with us certainly won’t want to miss out on her entrance into reproductive maturity. Circle of life!

A lot of people have been asking us why we chose to live blog and simulcast (via Skype for all you international attendees! I’m looking at you, Aunt Denise!) Maidon’s first intimate encounter rather than just releasing the traditional Twitter announcement or flock of white doves. Well, on one of the most recent Monday night drum circles, Ken challenged everyone in the family to pioneer ways to improve our SEO practices and drive traffic in the coming year. Someone certainly earned the Medicine Wheel of Facilitated Expression that week!

Those of you who attended Parrish’s first birthday party/anti-circumcision demonstration a few years ago will remember how precious these live-streamed shared experiences can be (not to mention the keepsake crocheted foreskin cozies). Who could forget last year’s ultra-marathon to beat menopause we launched on Kickstarter? Or Ken’s vasectomy gluten-free bake sale? These are treasured moments in our family history that are all the richer for being available online in incredible detail for anyone to see, whether friend, relative, neighbor, colleague or spambot. That’s why we add the name of every unique visitor to our blog on the Bailey family quilt. We couldn’t do this without you, MarinDad47.

Afterwards there will be a small ceremony as we share the remaining freeze-dried strips of placenta jerky that Migda, our family doula, prepared after Maidon expressed her autonomy in transitioning “out” of my uterus. Please feel free to stay as we compost the remnants of Maidon’s hymen and use it to sustain the seedlings in her Garden of Self-Nourishing Womanhood, formerly Ken’s heritage chard plot. Commemorative photos and homemade quince jelly will be available for those of you with placental allergies.

Blessings to you all, and don’t forget to tweet, retweet, stumble, digg, star, review on Yelp, like, tumble, post, repost, check in, share, upmod and upvote!

Image: webtreats

ColumnWe all enjoy getting what we want, and certain methods are considerably more effective than others.

The ineluctable power of flirtation is one of the most invaluable tools in your social arsenal. I am incredibly effective at it, and apply my methods to all manner of human discourse – from girls with whom I have lifelong friendships to my insatiably sunny sister, from my myriad colleagues to my lovers (prospective and otherwise). Flirting, however, has a bad rap, and that’s unfortunate. The term typically connotes insincerity and a lack of humility. It is more often regarded as a deceitful device for extracting what you want from another person than a gift, and to label somebody as such – a flirt – is a dismissive epithet rather than a compliment. I am here to reclaim the fine art of flirting as a practice based as much on mutuality and trust as it is cunning and craft. This week’s Sex by Numbers is an examination of five tools for making the magic happen.

Bring It & Mean It

People are so often lost in negative internal monologues by which they compare themselves to others, engage in self-defeating self-reflection, and feel as if nobody really gives a damn. It’s your job – and perhaps even obligation – to burst their bedraggled bubble and remind them that they matter. We are all small, scared animals with the tragic-comic weight of the world on our shoulders. Flirting, when approached humanely and with compassion, serves as a useful reminder to another person: I see you, I like what I see, you bring something to the world that that is singularly unique, I thank you for it.

Highlight the Hot Shit

See something that you adore and admire in another person? Make sure that in no uncertain terms that they are aware of it. Based on your accumulated knowledge of somebody else, take a moment to reveal to them themselves - in their very best light. Consider, for instance, a co-worker who you almost can’t stand. Step back a minute. What aspect, however small, of their character turns you on? Maybe all you can spot is their ability to brew a good pot of coffee when they arrive at the office every morning. Tell them, by god, that they make a mean cup of joe. The compliment can endow a morning ritual that they might consider tedious or overlooked into an aspect of their day that is suddenly rich with meaning and allows them to experience a heightened sense of connection with their peers. A kind word can affect a world of good.

Be a Peacemaker and Bridge Builder

Nobody likes complainers or trouble-makers. They instead prefer people who can elevate the level of good cheer and positive energy in the room. Make yourself a valued member of the group by facilitating an abiding sense of solidarity and ease among others. Help people foster friendships with others, set an example for how people should treat one another, and generally be a guiding light in all of your affairs to cultivate intimacy and togetherness among a gathered crowd of acquaintances. Your enthusiasm, intellectual energy, and emotional stability can establish a tone that acknowledges how important everybody’s contributions are to the overall sense of joy and belonging that permeates a social space. It has the added advantage of making you invaluable.

Eye Contact and Body Talk

People need to see and be seen. It’s why we gather in bars after work and dance clubs on the weekends. It’s why we compulsively update our Facebook statuses and tag friends in pictures. It’s why we don’t avert our gaze from that tall, mustachioed man on the other side of the room. It reminds us that we exist and reinforces our participation in a milieu much greater than ourselves. And, since this is what people need, give it to them. In short, treat people how they would like to be treated. Like the looks of the guy walking toward you along the sidewalk? Good. Register your attraction by making eye contact and even offering a smile. Notice somebody noticing you while you’re checking out the art at a gallery exhibition opening party? Perfect. Approach him and ask what he thinks about how the curators hung the paintings – really, any pretext will do. And since you’re not being shy about looking him in the eye, further your impact by briefly allowing your eyes rove across his chest and arms. Why not? If you appreciate something, be bold. The worst that can happen is that nothing becomes of your overtures, and even with that you’ve lost nothing at all.

Killer Confidence

The advice is trite but true:  Confidence is crucial for getting what you want, both professionally and personally. Confidence isn’t an affectation, but rather a manifestation of love for oneself and others. It’s empowering and emboldening to make others feel good about themselves, and flirting – as described here – might very well be the key to forging some confidence of your own. We all get caught up in cycles of behavior that shape what we think of ourselves and determine who we will become. Perhaps flirting (conscientiously and mindfully) might be the panacea for us all. Go on and give it a go.

Sex By Numbers is an ongoing look into the emotional and sexual lives of the modern day woman. Follow Abigail Wick weekly here for insight and inspiration as she explores the “sex” of women and the terrain they must travel.

Article Images: Cia de Foto, Author Image: Alina Rudya