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Tantra 101: Sacred Sex for the Rest of Us: Sexual Healing

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ColumnTantra views life as an ongoing process of creation: an ongoing marriage of consciousness and energy at every level of existence.

 — Barbara Carrellas, author of “Ecstasy is Necessary” and “Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the 21st Century”

If you asked a practitioner about Tantra back in the day, say 5,000 years ago somewhere in India, he might have responded thusly: “The first rule of Tantra is you do not talk about Tantra.” The complex mix of spiritual scholarship, worship, mantras, mudras, technique, ritual and study of divine energy that is Tantra was once steeped in secrecy. Becoming an initiate was not an easy task; think Frodo searching for and finding the ring, THEN joining Fight Club.

In the 20th century, some Westerners got wind of the concept, turning Tantra into a cheesy mélange of Yanni CDs and creepy men desperate to worship your “yoni” at a retreat in a depressing Marriott ballroom. The worst accouterments of the New Age mixed with people trying to take advantage of you financially and otherwise: time to run for the hills.

Thankfully, that super tacky scenario is not at all what it Tantra is, according to my friend and teacher Barbara Carrellas. She’s made it her duty to make Tantra not just into a coherent concept, but into something we can incorporate into our daily lives, like yoga. It’s practical, it’s good for you, and it’s fun. As Barbara’s new book title, “Ecstasy Is Necessary” intimates, scientific research is beginning to show us how deeply our physiology responds to pleasure and orgasm: it’s not just nice, it’s necessary. That fundamental approach to feeling good with intention and without shame: definitely one I can get behind.

First, let’s dispense with some myths. Here are some false notions that popular culture has propagated about Tantra, culled from “Urban Tantra.”

If none of those things are true, what IS Tantra? The word itself means “loom” or “weaving” in Sanskrit. Tantra is not always about sex; it’s more generally about energy and consciousness. However, any Tantra practiced in the West is a form of neo-Tantra, and has often been associated with sexual practices. That’s why we think of sex when we think of Tantra, even though our 5,000 year-old friend in India from earlier in the column might have disagreed.

There is no single way to practice Tantra – there are no rules. Barbara says: “The art of living Tantrically is living authentically, consciously, and sensuously.” Tantra helps us expand our consciousness and experience ecstatic states of bliss; it’s a series of tools, methods and practices that enhance self-acceptance, self-love, and create focused awareness. It’s learning how to touch and be touched with alive, electric, conscious energy. It’s about taking the sexual experience far beyond what you’ve ever felt; dropping truly down into the body, being present.

“Breath is our single greatest source of energy and aliveness,” says Barbara, and I wholeheartedly agree. That’s why I think simple breath work is a great place to start if you want to begin checking out all that is Tantra.

If you practice yoga, you already know the power of breath. There are simple, non-erotic exercises in “Urban Tantra” for those who haven’t been initiated into the ways of ujjayi breathing, but we’re going to skip ahead to the juicy stuff here. Bottom line: the more you breathe consciously, the better and more intense your orgasms will be. Try this exercise from “Urban Tantra” when alone and then try it again the next time you get busy:

Heart Breath

Step 1: Yawn widely, opening the back of the throat – let your whole mouth and face stretch out – feel that and stay with it. That’s the feeling you want to have when you’re doing Heart Breath.

Step 2: Let your mouth fall open slightly with a relaxed jaw and face, and the back of your throat open. Breathe in through your mouth gently.

Step 3: Exhale without pushing out the breath – let it out with a sigh: you can say “ahh”.

Step 4: Keep taking in as much air as you can this way, make it effortless, and exhale.

Step 5: Keep Breathing.

A workshop with Barbara is a chill, down-to-earth event with someone that knows what she’s talking about and gives it to you straight. (It only makes it cooler and more comfortable that she’s hilarious and has streaks of hot pink running through her blond hair.) I’ve had lots of teachers – from yoga to writing to painting – and I can say that Barbara is a truly gifted one; she’s generous and present and endlessly knowledgeable.

Got a question for Stefanie? Email  stefanie at ecosalon dot com and she’ll answer it in the next Sexual Healing column.

Keep in touch with Stefanie on Twitter: @ecosexuality

Related on EcoSalon:

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The Art of Receiving: Do You Deserve Sexual Pleasure? Sexual Healing

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Image: aussiegall