Oh, he’s just so smug.
And no, I’m not jealous of his abs, or the fact that Old Spice’s the Man Your Man Could Smell Like (née Isaiah Mustafa) has led something of a charmed life: The Tennessee Titans signed him to their practice squad, then sent him to play football in Barcelona; he owned a restaurant on Melrose; and he accidentally won $47,000 on The Weakest Link from a question where he mixed up Dr. Viktor Frankenstein and the comic book character Dr. Doom to fortuitous results. Then he got the Old Spice gig. And now he’s popping up everywhere, extolling his plants-only diet.
Mustafa is a vegan, you see, which means I feel even worse about myself. A few days ago, he appeared on the Tonight Show and shared his special diet with Jay Leno (which meant that I was annoyed by both the guest and the host for a change, rather than irritated solely by “Big Jaw”).
“I’m lucky to workout with Tony Horton of P90x fame,” said Mustafa. “He’s got me on this diet right now that’s absolutely ridiculous. There are five things you can’t do.” (Insert eye roll.) “There’s no alcohol; no caffeine; no processed sugars; nothing with a face – no animals or animal byproducts.” Life is so hard.
Oh yes, he goes on.
“But here’s the tough one: no gluten.”
The tough one? Who are you trying to impress, Isaiah? I know gluten’s hard to avoid and all, but to dismiss booze, coffee and meat like they’re tertiary characters in a daily diet is pretentious beyond belief. Also, every vegan I’ve ever met looks like the Crypt Keeper; so how does this fella pull off the beefcake bit without consuming, well, beef and cake?
Bring back Bruce Campbell’s avant-garde Old Spice spots. Now that’s a guy we can look up to.
In other news, Zooey Deschanel’s no longer a vegan, citing food allergies. I’ll take her word before Mustafa’s:
“Sometimes you just need a little something, a little meat.”