It was Ram Dass who said "If you think you're enlightened, try spending a week with your family." Well, it only takes a few minutes with my mom for me to become judgmental, angry and frustrated. In other words, very unenlightened. As the closest person in my life, she has the ability to push my deepest buttons and make my usually cheerful nature turn sour in an instant. But from this kind of emotional dynamic often comes the greatest lesson.

It’s hard, believe me it is. Especially when the issues coming up are the stale topics of yesteryear – or even yesterdecade! Will this stuff ever be resolved? What’s truly amazing is that I’ve changed so much over the years, and I’m sure she has too, but when we get together it’s like we’re trapped in a crystallized deadlock – unable to see beyond our tiny perceptions of each other and relate as mature adults. If we set out on missions to change each other, we’re only going to get frustrated and angry.

So what do I do when I feel those uncomfortable emotions boiling upwards? I breathe. That sounds unbelievably simple, I know, but it’s the only thing I know that works. I observe my breath moving in and out of my nostrils. If a thought or emotion pops up, I bring my attention back to my breath.

I did this just the other day when I was feeling a deep sadness and insecurity, brought about by something she’d just said (and a button just pushed), but I caught myself in time and paid attention to my breath. In and out. Observe the emotion – feel it, don’t push it away. Whew! In a minute I was feeling all right again! Now I admit, it’s not like I became a shining fountain of unconditional love, but I was able to maintain some degree of composure and carry on a drama-free conversation. And that, in itself, was a miracle.

Thanks for the lesson, Mom. I love you too.

Image: H Shap