The Problematic Obsession with Virgins (Who Aren’t ‘Virgins’)

Having sex shouldn't be important to society... Just to you.
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Many countries, communities, people have a strange obsession with sex.

Humans always seem to want to know who is having sex, how often they are “doing it,” how people are having sex, and who someone is having sex with.

And while people also have always been obsessed with famous virgins—think Britney Spears in the ‘90s—folks now seem to be obsessed with “born again” virgins. Yes, you read that right.

Virgins who aren’t virgins

In early February, celebrity gossip sites became equally confused and fascinated that Miranda Kerr, model and mom, had yet to have sex with Evan Spiegel, Kerr’s fiancé and Snapchat founder.

Now, we all can agree that this couple’s decision may seem a bit… dated… but it’s news outlets focus on “why isn’t she having sex with him because she’s obviously not a virgin!” And, “if he’s traditional, does that mean he’s a virgin?” that irks us.

Because if we’re being honest, virginity status doesn’t matter… AT ALL.

The virgin problem

For millennia, a virgin has been described as someone who hasn’t had hetero penis-in-vagina sex. One’s virgin status—particularly a woman’s status—was used in purity tests and in determining if one is clean and, ahem, unused.

These arcane distinctions are not only harmful and ridiculous, but they also just don’t matter.

Modern society has proven, thankfully, that people are capable of having all kinds if sex with people of varying gender.

But, alas, one’s virginity status still seems to matter… At least to some people.

Although it’s fine for people to “reclaim their virginity,” similar to how Ciara and Russell Wilson did in 2015 when they announced to their church’s congregation they were” born again virgins,” abstaining from sex until marriage, we don’t know why anyone’s sexual activity is public news.

Who cares

It’s general society’s obsession with sex that potentially makes the topic taboo. No one wants their child to have sex with someone who doesn’t care about him. But if a parent doesn’t teach their child about sex because they’re frightened “the talk” will cause their kid to have sex, that parent could be causing more harm than good.

It’s this sex panic that’s led to the concept of virginity, and has fueled society’s obsession with sex.

In reality, we all should stick to paying attention to our own sex lives and nurture those relationships. Because as long as you’re having consensual, healthy, and happy sex, who cares how often you’re having it, if you’re having it, or whoever is involved?

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Abbie Stutzer

Writer, editor, and owner of Ginchy! Adores smart sex ed, sustainable ag, spooky history, women's health, feminism, horror, wine, and sci-fi.