ColumnLong the subject of breathless Cosmo articles, the G-spot continues to fascinate and confound men, women, and scientists everywhere. But is it real? And more importantly – why should you care?
If you’ve wondered, and perhaps tried to locate your g-spot successfully (or to no avail), it’s time to stop worrying about it and put a few of its many myths to rest. Your body is made for pleasure: you must release any performative anxieties in order to fully enjoy it. Even if you can’t find your G-spot, you’re not dysfunctional, and there are endless ways for you have a fabulous sex life.
First speculated about by a Dutch doctor studying female ejaculation in the 17th century and later edified by German gynecologist Ernst Grafenberg in the 1940s, the G-spot entered the pop-sci and cultural consciousness in the early 80s, when the Sexual Revolution had just about peaked. The G-Spot and Other Recent Discoveries About Human Sexuality by Alice Kahn Ladas and Beverly Whipple made it into a meme, but it was widely criticized by doctors from the start.
There’s been study upon study upon study, and scientists aren’t much closer to knowing whether the G-spot actually exists. The latest scientific discoveries, in 2012, directly contradict each other. In January of last year, apparently, the G-spot was a myth that had been busted. But then in April, it was once again in play.
Here’s the thing: researchers have been confounded by the female body for centuries, often because of patriarchal myths that suggested we existed for baby-making — not for pleasure. Even Freud, a psychoanalyst, screwed up generations of women by suggesting that something was wrong with them if they didn’t orgasm from penetrative sex. Well, Dr. Freud – you were as wrong about that one as you were about penis envy. Whether science proves the existence of the G-spot by studying cadavers or giving women orgasms in MRI machines isn’t what’s important — your intimate relationship with your own body is what matters most.
Vaginal versus Clitoral Orgasms
Most women have clitoral orgasms – the hood of the clitoris is accessible, and responds to friction – so fingers, mouths, and toys do it justice. If this is how you have your best orgasms – good for you. Don’t worry for a moment that there’s something amiss if you’ve gone for the G-spot and couldn’t find it. There’s nothing wrong with you.
The G-spot, if it indeed exists, is thought to be on the anterior wall of the vagina, close to the front. You can determine whether this area is sensitive for you by asking your partner to insert a finger and make the “come here” motion. There are also toys that stimulate the same area. But note that every woman’s anatomy is different – some of us will have nerve endings here, and some of us will be better suited to clitoral (hood) stimulation. (Not to confuse you more, but some researchers believe that the G-spot is actually an extension of the clitoris.) Others believe the G-spot is the equivalent of mens’ prostate gland; they say this is why women “squirt” or ejaculate from stimulation to this part of the vagina.
One of the reasons that G-spot orgasms are so sought after is that they’re considered more intense, deeper, and more pleasurable than clitoral orgasms — but that’s again debatable, and varies from woman to woman. Some women can, in fact, have extremely powerful clitoral orgasms. Some report that they have both clitoral and vaginal orgasms, and that the vaginal ones are better for them. Some have “blended” orgasms — where they feel like the orgasm is simultaneously experienced from within the vagina and from the clitoris.
If you ejaculate when you orgasm, it’s likely you’re having the iconic, much-written about G-spot (or vaginal) orgasm. But if you don’t — you’re just built differently. Hell, some women can orgasm from nipple stimulation alone, and others can think their way to orgasm.
The good news for all women everywhere is this — whether you can find your G-spot or not, you can definitely have fun looking for it — with a partner or on your own. Looking for yours shouldn’t feel like the space race. Your sex life shouldn’t be about attaining goals — it should be about enjoying the ride. Every sexual experience, solo or partnered, is an opportunity to know your body better, and to remember that no matter how it’s shaped, no matter what brings you pleasure — it’s absolutely perfect.