If the whole “66 days” rule to break bad habits is starting to feel daunting, here are some tips to keep you on track.

Confession: I’ve been trying to break the same bad habits for over two years now. While we all work hard to make our healthy habits stick, there are always a few straggling bad habits that become our… kryptonite. Sure, I could feel totally pathetic about my epic failure in this department, or I could feel proud about the fact that I’m still sticking it out after all this time – so natch, I’m choosing the latter. And you should too.

Here are 4 tricks to hide up your sleeve the next time your bad habits are about to break you instead:

1. Shrink it

If your goal isn’t being met in its current form, then make it smaller. Let’s say your caffeine habit is getting out of hand, and your current goal is to cut your intake in half… but you ultimately end up caving in the end to meet your work deadlines. Make your goal smaller, such as cutting back by one cup. Once your body’s adjusted, remove another cup, and another until you’re back to enjoying coffee because it’s awesome, not because you “need” it.

2. Bait and switch

Anytime you feel the urge to follow through with your bad habits – for example, if you suddenly feel compelled to bite your nails – choose a habit you’re going to replace it with to throw yourself a bone. More than that, make it a habit that turns you off your current one. For example, put on lip gloss (the goopier the better!). I mean, who wants lip gloss all over their hands, amiright?

The one habit I have managed to break is my sugar addiction – junk food and I go way back. Now, every time I have a craving that’s about to send me to the corner store, I brush my teeth. Since everything tastes disgusting after you’ve brushed your teeth, by the time the minty taste wears off, so has my craving. Bonus: My teeth are so clean they practically glow in the dark.

3. Build on your good habits

Can the bad habits you want to break be “linked” to healthy habits you’ve already established? Your established healthy habit will then become a trigger to remind you of the next healthy habit you want to put in place. Let’s say you cheat in the flossing department: Use brushing your teeth before bed, an established healthy habit, as your trigger to floss.

4. Visualize, don’t fantasize

When you visualize your goal, you picture the steps involved in accomplishing it. For example, if you want to learn how to play the guitar, you’d visualize learning notes with a teacher or following along to a DVD (wait, do they still make those?). When you fantasize, you skip thinking about the pesky learning process and head straight to picturing yourself nailing the “Crazy On You” solo. While fantasizing is fun, it can also be counterproductive, making you easily frustrated during the learning curve. Visualizing, on the other hand, keeps you aware of the hard work involved, and also decreases your anxiety about it. (Cha-ching!)

What process do you go through to break bad habits?

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You love him, you really do – just not the bad habits that go with him.

Okay, so everyone has their quirks: But add bad habits up over time and watch your head pop off like a cork. “If we’ve already asked them to stop, continuing these behaviors can indicate a lack of respect or care about the relationship as a whole,” says Kimberly Moffit, psychotherapist and relationship expert. “If it goes on long enough, we have a responsibility to indicate (in a serious environment) what the problem is and how it makes us feel.” If you just address it in the moment and they keep doing it, you then come off like a nag. (Fantastic.)

The other thing we have to keep in mind is this: Bad habits are hard to break, and we have to remind ourselves it’s a process. Here are 8 bad habits of his and how you can handle them better:

1. He never cleans.
We have an automatic inclination to maintain our lives and keep them organized – so when a guy comes into the picture, we pick up the slack because we don’t want to lose our personal standard of living. This comes back to bite us though, since he won’t think to do it if we’re always doing it for him. Either be straight up about divvying chores, or… stop doing them! Even if you can’t stand the mess, keep in mind that eventually neither will he.

2. He’s a smartphone junkie.
We’re all glued to our phones these days, and they’ve become known as the mistress in many relationships. This is one of those bad habits you can work on together: Create “no phone zones” so you can stay in the moment with each other and avoid feeling disconnected (which will eventually lead to actual disconnect).

3. He’s always late.
“Unfortunately, keeping people waiting on a chronic basis is either a conscious power play intended to let you know your place in the pecking order, or it’s a sign of narcissism,” says relationship expert April Masini. It gives off the impression your time isn’t as important as his. If this is a “quirk” he’s willing to work on, or if you simply tell him an earlier time so he shows up when he’s supposed to, then great – otherwise, find someone who respects your time as much as his own.

4. He’s cheap.
There’s a difference between being frugal and stingy – nobody’s a fan of bankruptcy. But if he’s cheap at the restaurant or on holidays, he’s probably stingy in other areas of the relationship too. “If you’re looking for marriage and a union that’s going to go the distance, living with someone who isn’t generous is going to tax your spirit, and your wallet,” says Masini.

5. He puts no effort into your time together.
This is an easy and understandable funk to get into, especially when you’ve been together a long time. Things like dates tend to get swept under the rug because you already know each other really well. Initiate by e-mailing him ideas about concerts and events you’d like to go to, or fun things you could try at home – but let him take the reigns and do the planning. He can’t plan what he doesn’t know you want.

6. He… well, anything to do with the toilet.
The bathroom is one of those areas where men and women tend to be polar opposites. Find compromises where possible: Agree to fully close the toilet seat between uses as your “neutral” position, give him his own set of towels and shelves that he’s responsible for, etc. Let him know what bothers you, but offer clear solutions and let him choose what he thinks will work for him too.

7. He thinks sex is the answer to everything.
Or at least, that’s what it feels like. His sex drive seems especially amplified when you’ve had a crap day, feel more disgusting than you did working at that fast food joint in college, and it’s laundry night, so there’s the whole granny panty factor. It’s best to be straight with him and just say: “When I’m in X mood, it’s just not going to happen.” At least then he’ll know, because the whole orphan face when he’s rejected is the worst.

8. He lies by omission.
Nothing is more frustrating than a lie by omission – those uber-infuriating half-truths that end up making you feel worse than an outright lie. What’s ironic is he told you a half-truth so you wouldn’t overreact or get super upset, meanwhile… ??!?!!?!?! This puts you in the lose/lose situation of a) going batshit crazy just like he didn’t want you to or b) proving him wrong by staying calm – and, you know, getting walked on.

Lies by omission need to be handled on a case-by-case basis, but if he’s constantly twisting the truth so he comes off like an innocent victim who doesn’t have a mind of his own (“I asked my stoner friend for advice and he told me to announce it on Facebook instead of tell you directly.”), then run away. Like, now.

“He is oblivious to what is going on with you,” says Elizabeth Lombardo, psychologist and bestselling author of “A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness.” “Despite what you might expect, he cannot read your mind. Be assertive if you want to talk about something.”

How do you handle your beau’s bad habits?

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Resource: http://www.kmatherapy.com

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It’s that time of year again–when we resolve to make drastic and mostly superficial changes in our lives. But it doesn’t have to be that way. The New Year can be a time when we set smart goals towards meaningful changes in our lives that we actually keep.

This 5 Step Guide of smart goals forces you to look a little deeper at why you makes the life decisions that you do especially when they don’t serve you.

5 Smart Goals for Making Meaningful Changes in 2014

1. Change only one thing at a time.

Pick one area of your life in which to focus. If you try and change too much at one time you’ll end up frustrated and exhausted. In my own life, gradual changes have really been the only ones that actually stick. Whether it be vegetarianism, eating organic, yoga, or meditation–all of the lasting changes in my life have been gradual.

2. Identify why you want to change.

Superficial changes are much less likely to stick. Why do you really want to change? Why is a particular behavior not working? What aspects of drinking too much are bothersome? Why does eating too many sweets hurt you in the end? Take a closer look at why you would like to give a behavior up.

3. How does a current behavior help you?

Just because you find a certain seemingly negative behavior helpful doesn’t mean that it’s good for you. But even still, there’s a reason why you’re doing it. What benefit does your current behavior serve in your life? This way you can find a substitute for the feeling this behavior provides.

4. Don’t run away from discomfort.

Now that you’ve identified both the good and the bad reasons why you do something, be mindful when you get the urge to submit to a bad habit. Can you sit with the discomfort that giving up a habit brings you? Maybe you overeat when you’re stressed or have a glass of wine. Instead, can you just sit with the feeling of anxiety or stress?

5. Avoid the naysayers.

If you’re trying to make meaningful changes in your life, stay away from the naysayers–those who prefer that things stay at homeostasis. Certain people around you may benefit from the way things are even if your bad habit is a part of it.

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