ColumnGreen marketers want us to believe in their products while hiding their dirty laundry.

To listen to the marketers, it’s a brave new green world of products out there. But greenwash is greenwash and Burmese teak is bad news no matter how you slice it. A gas hog SUV is still a planetary parasite even with a hybrid emblem. And some of the so-called sustainable successes are merely bad ideas passed off as alternative chic.

We pulled a handful of products for you to take a closer look at.

Curtain Call

Many are pondering the utility of the Energy Curtain,the solar-powered alternative to the window blind. It is designed to store energy all day to switch off lights at night. But since it has to be drawn all day to charge up, you have to turn on lights inside to get the electric glow when it goes dark. Maybe it’s best to use natural light during the day, and as little power as possible at night.

Less Packaging, Higher Price

Touted for 24% less packaging and more concentrated powder for smaller scoops, the new Ultra Tide simply doesn’t do the trick, according to users who say it’s the same chemically enhanced powder as the old one except they shrunk the box and raised the price. Boxes that are bite-sized are great, but it’s still the same harsh formula for fighting stains. In other words, it gets under your skin in a bad way.

Green Thumbs Down

For those desperately in need of seeing green in their cubicle, the USB powered Mini Greenhouse from DreamCheeky has arrived, letting you grow your own marigolds with the artificial soil and seeds provided. Fresh, faux or freaky? As Mainstreet points out, the so-called good green system calls for a PC with Intel Pentium 4 operating at 2.4 gigahertz or faster, at least 128 megabytes of RAM, a Windows compatible soundcard, a CD-ROM drive, plus a specific type of display adapter capable of Microsoft Windows XP. Yes, installed on your Windows PC, you can monitor nature at work (sans the sunlight). Really?

It’s A Wash

The Swiffer Vac mopping system may appeal to us slobs who are looking for a quick clean-up in our dirty nests, but the non biodegradable, plastic cleaning mop isn’t actually greener than the old tools, despite claims of saving gallons of hot water. Instead of the precious water, this nifty gadget uses single-use chemically-soaked cleaning wipes destined for the landfill heap. We love all the green (color) branding that tries to distract you into thinking Swiffer is really eco-friendly.

Teaked Off

You hear the floor or trays are teak and you are certain that means eco-friendly – from certified plantations, right? But when it comes to Burmese teak, logs yielding as much as $25,000 are stolen from ravaged forests and shipped to Japan, the U.S and Europe and turned into nice patio furniture. Over 24.7 million cubic feet of teak is taken from the Myanmar’s forests by Thai companies helping to finance the Burmese military government’s long border war against ethnic insurgents. While many floor companies are shunning the teak, you can still harvest it online through many sources.

Images: Torely; Cushnie et Ochs‘; DreamCheeky; Procter &  Gamble; Chevrolet; Procter & Gamble; Perpetual Kid; Teakworks4U, redwood1

Editor’s note: The Beige Report is an open EcoSalon team column showcasing the most ridiculous in green design and marketing greenwash. Buyer beware.

The post The Beige Report: Greenwashing Makes Us Feel Dirty appeared first on EcoSalon.

We’ve been waxing on women’s issues more frequently lately, so you’d be forgiven the impression that team ES is sitting around a conference table cooking up angry gal content. The truth is that we are working from all over the world, leading varied lifestyles, individually coming to our own conclusions about troubling things that are absolutely not sustainable for women – or for anyone. And that’s the scary thing. A conference table and some headline goosing would be nice for a change.

Why the abundance of news material to work with? Perhaps women have grown lax, accepting too much from our male counterparts (and possibly alpha women) as just joking, just teasing and just, you know, being anything but serious – so that we’ve forgotten to ask point blank questions like, “Excuse me. Why is this okay?”

Case in point: I track trend sites daily and one of my kitschy favorites, Trendhunter, is adding fuel to an already blazing feminist fire roaring out of kitchens and minivans worldwide. Based on their “trends” from correspondents that send in their finds, apparently, we women (including children) are spreading our legs for every Jim, Jack and Johnnie – that is, when we’re not busy plowing through the vodka and Valium.

Kindergarten Couture? Give me a break.

Trendhunter says of former French Vogue editor, Carine Roitfeld: “Carine Roitfeld has been known for being an editor to run controversial material during her time at French Vogue. Her final stint at the magazine was her last chance to go out in style, and she made sure that happened.”

That means gathering a group of 6-year-olds and smothering them in tons of toxic makeup and sky high stilettos.

Even Gawker’s Maureen O’ Connor calls it “prima facie disgusting.” Carine certainly knows how to go out with a bang.

French Vogue, Cadeaux

Trendhunter thinks that in addition to involving sexy grade schoolers posing with exotic animal pelts, deranged housewives precariously lighting butts by stove top is a trend we should be watching. Really? Is Trendhunter really saying this is something we will see more of? (I’m pulling my fork out of the toaster.)

We all understand – and most of us adore – the fantasy of fashion, but some fantasies are best left in the box.

You’ll notice the little girl in the corner is walking in on Mother having her domestic breakdown.

Vogue Italia, ‘Home Works’ by Miles Aldridge

Cue the Talking Heads Song, “How did I get here?”

The “Boozer Babe Spreads” are a hot trend I can see really blossoming into future editorials including, “Addicted to heroin and all my veins have collapsed” spreads, “I lost all my children because I’m a full-force alcoholic” spread and let’s not forget, “Hey, where’s the cartilage in my nose, I snorted too much coke” spread.

Simon Powell photographs

If fashion magazines are a barometer for what’s stylishly happening to women, I’d like to scrub them all out with a good bar of organic vegetable soap. Taste, class, consciousness: that’s an ecology that sustains (and is sexy). Booze, babes and cigarette butts? Hardly. But of course, I should probably just lighten up.

From bad green design to ridiculous marketing campaigns, find out what peeves the writers and editors of EcoSalon in our team column, The Beige Report.

The post The Beige Report: Lifestyles of the Fried and Fabulous appeared first on EcoSalon.

There’s a lot of gorgeous fashion out there that’s eco-friendly these days. All you have to do is take a quick scroll of our fashion section to learn about dozens upon dozens of designers pushing sustainability up onto the catwalk and out into the stores. But occasionally, the green goes beige and things take a turn for crunchy town. Granolaville. The ’70s.

Introducing The Beige Report, where we cover the well-meaning, but unfortunate attempts of eco brands with the best of intentions and the not-so-best of products. First honors: organic period panties.

You know, I remember when I first got my period. It actually happened twice.

The first time was a ploy to convince my faster-developing friends that I had in fact become a woman. I did this by carrying around paper thin panti-liners in a Ziploc bag in my Bermuda Bag and telling them I’d be right back because, like, “I have to change my pad!”

The second time it was real and Mom, a properly embarrassed Catholic, gave me a jumbo plastic sack of the biggest maxi-pads ever created. You know the kind, ladies: you became uni-butt and boys looked at you funny because they couldn’t quite understand what was wrong with your derriere.

Now, you can reclaim your overly padded youth organically with Organic Period Panties by Lunapads!

If only I’d had these pads back in the day. I could’ve chosen from bikini, thong, hipsters or briefs and when the pad was, um, full, I would’ve pulled it out of my matching organic panties, stored it in yet another Ziploc bag until I got home, then washed them by hand!

Oh Lunapads, I don’t know what I think of you except that you remind me no matter what I do come period time it’s eco-unfriendly. I still have to consider menstruating on a monthly basis and that it causes a big footprint, but is this my only choice? This and a Diva Cup?

Maybe we should start taking into consideration Native American culture, where women retreated to a menstrual hut once a month and shot the breeze with other women on their cycle. Hornets in a jar!

From bad green design to ridiculous marketing campaigns, find out what peeves the writers and editors of EcoSalon in our team column, The Beige Report.

The post The Beige Report: Organic Period Panties? appeared first on EcoSalon.

Do you hear that piercing shriek? It’s us, cringing at a useless gadget proclaiming itself as the solution to the boiled water crisis. We may have been raised to think there’s nothing easier than boiling water, but evidently that isn’t the case.

Enter the Eco Kettle. Vanessa happened upon the teapot and at first, we were interested – we all want to live greener, right? Who knew that having a cup of tea is bad for the planet?

Long-time eco-chicks may be familiar with the crisis that the Eco Kettle purports to resolve: people boil water (true). More than they use (also true). Heating that excess water wastes a lot of energy (a problem). Eco Kettle hopes to provide a (their) solution to those aspiring to a greener cup of tea: a kettle that fills up with water but only boils as much as you select. With an Energy Savings Trust recommendation!

But wait…should this be considered an advance of the species? As with shopping, have we simply forgotten how to measure? Rather than source, manufacture, transport, sell and use yet another brand new uni-function plastic product from China, aren’t we capable of, well…boiling water?

Vanessa: With operating instructions that run 633 words, some of which warn of possible “boiling water ejection” in case of overfill, I think I’ll skip buying that first aid kit and stick with my old-school kettle. I gotta hand it to this company. It takes real marketing mettle to convince consumers that a plastic jug with multiple buttons and numerous features that may malfunction is greener than boiling water in a pot on the stove. Planned obsolescence, anyone?

Kim: Remember the “super duper special slicer” you could buy for $19.99 that would dice and chop and grate and practically cook all your veggies for you? An amazing contraption that you just could not live without. And they’d throw in a free Veggie Cook Book for FREE if you called the 800# on your screen right now? Or the smoothie maker that supposedly does something special other than just smash up fruit and yogurt – just like the blender you already own.

Vanessa: I’m confused: read the ECO kettle’s instructions discuss dealing with your “excess water”. Isn’t that being taken care of by using the product? But this direction tips the pot: “To ensure the water in your ECO Kettle does not get stale, start each day by discarding any remaining water and refilling with fresh.”

Kim: This kettle reminds me of what happens when kids open presents on Christmas day. They scream with excitement as they tear off the paper to reveal the latest toy they saw advertised on TV, examine it and play with it for about 3 seconds before the next box entices them away. All that’s left in the end is a mile-high pile of toys, waiting alone in the corner – and where are the kids? They’re outside playing hide and seek or ball or they’re riding their bikes. Simplicity is always greener.

Vanessa: Sometimes the greenest gadget is your brain.

The verdict: If your current electric kettle is broken and you need another, you might consider the Eco Kettle. But if you aren’t in need of a kettle, don’t splurge on yet another green gadget, no matter how good at math it is. The Eco Kettle: the latest in greenwashing – but only the amount that you want!

From bad green design to ridiculous marketing campaigns, find out what peeves the writers and editors of EcoSalon in our team column, The Beige Report.

Image: stacey.d

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