Women with big boobs enjoy a lot of benefits, but there are myths to be set straight, too.

I feel a Dr. Seuss story coming on: Left Boob, Right Boob. Big Boobs! Little Boobs! Boobs, Boobs, Boobs!

How many different myths about women with big boobs are there to be perpetually and consistently misinformed about? Even in 2014 we still don’t understand female anatomy as well as we should, and no woman feels that more than a woman with big boobs.

Here are some of the biggest myths about big boobs. We’re setting the record straight.

1. They’re not real: The most obvious myth is that big boobs are usually unnatural. Guess again. The solid, jiggle-less gigantic boobs are the unnatural ones, but most of the big boobs out there are real.

2. Big boobs must mean we always want sex, right? Wrong. A woman’s sexuality is a result of many things, least of all her cup size.

3. We want our boobs to be the focus of sex: They’re fun and all, but they’re not a vagina annex.

4. We’re sluts: Blame bad porn for this one, but a woman in a fitted outfit doesn’t make her a slut who wants you to rip off her dress. That’s just her body shape.

5. We’re fat: The other outfit choice, instead of looking “slutty” is wearing baggy clothing to try and hide our big boobs. Guess what happens then? Clothes hang off of our breasts like a tent and we look overweight.

6. Big boobs are better for breastfeeding: Breast size has nothing to do with a woman’s ability to produce breast milk.

7. You can’t be smart and super curvy: Like, OMG, totally, what were you saying? I can’t remember or pay attention because my big giant boobs like suck all my brain cells or something. As if.

8. We knock ourselves in the face jogging: In theory, I suppose it could happen, but aside from the intro to “Baywatch” when do you actually even see big-breasted women jogging? We tend not to do it because it’s uncomfortable without wearing at least two sports bras.

9. We love bras: We NEED bras, we don’t necessarily love or want to wear them, but the alternative option is sweaty underboob, not to mention the awkwardness errant nipples elicit.

10. We want to talk about our boobs! Snarky articles aside, we tend to not love answering questions about (A) our bra size (B) if they’re real (C) if they’re painful (D) if we wish they were smaller.

Find Jill on Twitter @jillettinger

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Big breasts equal bigger results for women in the bedroom, according to a new study from Brazil.

Brazilian researchers have found that much like their breasts, a woman’s sex life is given a substantial lift after getting big breasts via implant surgery. The study is based on a whopping – get this – 45 women who underwent the surgery (not exactly a representative sample) It gets worse: their sex lives improved only if they didn’t end up with stretch marks after the surgery.

Researcher Dr. Paulo Guimaraes and his colleagues had the women fill out a questionnaire pre-surgery, and then again two, four and 18 months post-op to gauge their sexual desire, arousal and satisfaction. The ladies (sans stretch marks) reported they were, in fact, more satisfied with their sex lives after getting the big breasts.

I’m not ridiculing any woman who has gotten or plans on getting breast implants – it’s your right, it’s your body, and I fully support any decision that makes a woman feel empowered. But let’s be serious – who’s sex life are big breasts really improving? Especially if you’re a woman who ends up with side effects from the surgery, such as nipple numbness or shooting pains – sure, your big breasts look great, but will you even know what’s going on down there?

According to Dr. David Reath, who’s on the public education committee of the American Society of Plastic Surgeons (ASPS):

When I see patients and follow up, a lot of them will say, ‘My husband and I or my boyfriend and I are having a lot of fun.’

Um, yeah, because their husband/boyfriend has new toys to play with! I can seriously picture his inner 5-year-old screeching, “Boobies!” and then honking them Fisher Price-style.

While I’m sure big breasts deliver a boost of confidence that may rev up your inner sex kitten, I can’t help but feel bad for the nine poor women from the study who ended up with stretch marks: Are they back to doing it with the lights out – partially to hide the new thing they’re self-conscious about and to save on electricity since their investment has racked up their credit cards?

These “findings” about big breasts are being presented at the ASPS’ annual meeting. Oh, but don’t worry, the findings are only “preliminary” until they’re published in a peer-reviewed journal. I’ll bet my entire life savings – three dollars and 17 cents, plus the change in my couch – that this big breasts study was really put together by the laboratory equivalent of Al Bundy.

So there you have it: I thought the most ridiculous thing I’d learn about this week was Vanilla Ice going Amish, but that theory’s been blown right out of the silicone.

Sources:
Do Breast Implants Boost Women’s Sex Lives?
Breast implants may improve women’s sex lives, study suggests

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