Big breasts equal bigger results for women in the bedroom, according to a new study from Brazil.

Brazilian researchers have found that much like their breasts, a woman’s sex life is given a substantial lift after getting big breasts via implant surgery. The study is based on a whopping – get this – 45 women who underwent the surgery (not exactly a representative sample) It gets worse: their sex lives improved only if they didn’t end up with stretch marks after the surgery.

Researcher Dr. Paulo Guimaraes and his colleagues had the women fill out a questionnaire pre-surgery, and then again two, four and 18 months post-op to gauge their sexual desire, arousal and satisfaction. The ladies (sans stretch marks) reported they were, in fact, more satisfied with their sex lives after getting the big breasts.

I’m not ridiculing any woman who has gotten or plans on getting breast implants – it’s your right, it’s your body, and I fully support any decision that makes a woman feel empowered. But let’s be serious – who’s sex life are big breasts really improving? Especially if you’re a woman who ends up with side effects from the surgery, such as nipple numbness or shooting pains – sure, your big breasts look great, but will you even know what’s going on down there?

According to Dr. David Reath, who’s on the public education committee of the American Society of Plastic Surgeons (ASPS):

When I see patients and follow up, a lot of them will say, ‘My husband and I or my boyfriend and I are having a lot of fun.’

Um, yeah, because their husband/boyfriend has new toys to play with! I can seriously picture his inner 5-year-old screeching, “Boobies!” and then honking them Fisher Price-style.

While I’m sure big breasts deliver a boost of confidence that may rev up your inner sex kitten, I can’t help but feel bad for the nine poor women from the study who ended up with stretch marks: Are they back to doing it with the lights out – partially to hide the new thing they’re self-conscious about and to save on electricity since their investment has racked up their credit cards?

These “findings” about big breasts are being presented at the ASPS’ annual meeting. Oh, but don’t worry, the findings are only “preliminary” until they’re published in a peer-reviewed journal. I’ll bet my entire life savings – three dollars and 17 cents, plus the change in my couch – that this big breasts study was really put together by the laboratory equivalent of Al Bundy.

So there you have it: I thought the most ridiculous thing I’d learn about this week was Vanilla Ice going Amish, but that theory’s been blown right out of the silicone.

Sources:
Do Breast Implants Boost Women’s Sex Lives?
Breast implants may improve women’s sex lives, study suggests

Related on EcoSalon:

The Breasts Are All Right

The Flaw of the Bra: Health Hazards of Bouncing Breasts

Yep, It’s Really All About the Breasts

Image: Jeremiah Wong

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