We’re all a little insecure sometimes. It’s not just you. While some of us may have different insecurities than others and some may hide it better than others, it’s there. Thinking you’re the only one in the world that feels insecure sometimes is just another manifestation of your own insecurity. By being honest about your own insecurities and empathetic to others, you can build your own self esteem and stop brooding about what ails you.

1. Be empathetic

We’re all a little insecure sometimes–and we’re all insecure about different things. What’s more, some of us are better able to let go of our hang-ups than others. It’s all about being empathetic to those around us and understanding that insecurities, even if they’re completely inaccurate, hurt us. Be understanding of other people’s struggles.

2. Notice manifestations

An important step in dealing with your own insecurities is noticing when they come up. Insecurities can come up in so many different ways. I have a friend that thinks she didn’t go to a good enough college, so she’s silent around those she deems too intellectual. In my own case, since elementary school, I’ve always been concerned with popularity. And even today, I’m embarrassed to admit, my heart hurts when I feel I’ve been left out of a social activity.

3. Feel the weight of it

When we feel the discomfort of insecurity, we tend to react to it, rather than actually dealing with it. For example, I have a friend that reacts to her insecurity by gossiping about others and another friend that buys items she doesn’t need when she feels bad about herself. In my case, I brood in my mind about the same issues over and over again and have trouble letting go. The best way to deal with your insecurities is to feel the weight of them. Feel how they make your heart hurt when they arise and look deeply at the pain. It won’t go away unless you look at its root, where it came from, and why it still bothers you today. I can’t say that I’ve move passed my insecurities, but I know when they arise and I can be honest about them.

4. Notice the negative self talk

Insecurities come with negative self talk. It’s when we start treating ourselves worse than we would our worst enemy that we’re really in trouble. Notice your insecurities without beating yourself up for having them. And take a rational look at what you think they say about you. Be honest about the implications of saying you’re stupid, fat, or ugly. Not only are these statements inaccurate, they’re damaging. Words have weight even if they’re never said aloud.

5. Give yourself the advice you would give others

What would you tell a friend if they came to you with the same insecurities? You would probably be more skeptical about their accuracy. Think about the advice you would give your best friend.

6. Take a compliment

Instead of saying “thank you” when we get a compliment, women tend to shrug it off or disagree. If someone says “how did you get that flat stomach?” we’re more likely to respond with “it’s not flat, I have a jelly roll,” rather than saying thank you and moving on. It’s like we’re embarrassed. The next time someone pays you a compliment, say thank you and leave it at that. No follow up statements.

7. Let it go

It’s easier said than done, but at some point you have to let things go. Don’t be defined by who you were in the past or about events that led you to the insecurity you feel today. That’s the beauty in being honest about your insecurities, they allow you to let them go faster. Sitting in meditation when insecurities arise is a great way to learn to let go as well. Watch what comes up during meditation and keep breathing through it.

8. Meet your goals

People that meet goals (small or large) or much more likely to feel secure with themselves than those who do not. Start by setting small goals for things that you want to change in your life and chip away at them one day at a time. Once you meet your goals, set new goals and keep going. On the other hand, if you set grand, unreachable goals without any steps in between, you’re much less likely to meet your goals, leaving you feeling disappointed in yourself when you fall short. Be realistic and strategic in your goal setting.

9. Look your best

While it may seem cliche, looking good makes you feel good. Grooming yourself makes you feel better, leaving you with fewer low confidence days. Of course, it doesn’t mean becoming obsessed with appearance, but a shower, blow-dry, and your favorite pair of jeans goes a long way.

What are you insecure about? Does it manifest often? Do you notice when the negative self talk rolls in? We want to hear about it! Drop us a line via Twitter @EcoSalon.

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Finding your own success is undoubtedly a learning experience, and being able to take an aerial view of your life to see what works and what doesn’t is key. Happy and successful people actually have a lot more in common than you might think, and their most defining feature isn’t just good luck. Learning what they do is important but even more helpful is understanding what they DON’T do.

1. Rely on willpower.

Willpower is a finite resource and eventually it wears out. In order to change habits in your life you need to change your daily rituals. If you can’t drink moderately, don’t go out to bars. If you eat too much when you’re making dinner at home, have meals prepared beforehand so you don’t dig in when you’re famished. If you consistently blow off your morning workout, enlist a friend to hold you accountable. But don’t just depend on your willpower to guide you because it won’t.

2. Make drastic changes.

All of the successful changes I’ve made in my life are the result of gradual change. From giving up meat, to going organic, to losing weight, and adding in daily yoga, all the changes I’ve successfully accomplished have come over years of slight transition. Real change cannot come over night.

3. Refuse to look within.

Self examination is one of the key tenets to being a successful person. Learn what you’re doing that works and what doesn’t work. Whether it be meditation, counseling, or seeking out a life coach, find a means of taking a closer look within and understanding what makes you tick.

4. Act stubborn.

Refusing to acknowledge your flaws or when you’re wrong isn’t getting you anywhere. It comes back to learning to look within even when you don’t like what you see.

5. Feel sorry for themselves.

Feeling sorry for yourself isn’t an option in the realm of happy and successful people. It’s a paralyzing waste of time. The world doesn’t owe you a thing. If there’s something that you want in this life, then you have to set your sights and work hard to get it. Feeling sorry for yourself also causes you to dwell in the past instead of focusing in on the present moment. The present moment is the only thing that you can actually impact and happy and successful people don’t ever waste energy on things they can’t control.

Related on EcoSalon:
7 Reasons Why Women Lack Confidence and What To Do About It
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5 Successful Women with Undeniable Leadership Skills

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There are many reasons to stay in your comfort zone and avoid risks – but it’ll cost you.

I wish I’d taken Polaroids of people’s faces when I told them I was quitting my job to become a writer: “What was I thinking leaving a steady paycheck behind?” they seemed to ask. “How would I ever make enough money?” Oddly enough, the uncertainty was what I was looking forward to most.

Yes, fear was part of the equation, but not in the usual way. I didn’t fear becoming a writer – I feared staying in my comfort zone and not becoming one. Even if I ended up living in my mom’s walk-in closet, at least I was going after my dream.

That’s the thing about risks: they’re all around us, whether we choose to engage them or not. What many of us forget is that not taking risks is also a risk – maybe the biggest risk of all. When you spend too much time bubble-wrapped in your comfort zone, you’re doing your mind and body more of an injustice than that time you ate an entire carton of ice cream in one sitting (oh wait, that was me).

Your comfort zone should be a place to rest when your life is giving you a beating, but for many of us it’s our status quo. “I believe that in childhood, for the most part, we’re taught not to take risks, which leads to all kinds of limiting beliefs as adults that we have to overcome,” says life coach Kristi Blicharski. “Taking a risk is empowering, whether it works out or not, because taking action is one of the key elements of creating a full life.”

According to a new study by researchers at the Yale School of Medicine, our ability to take risks decreases as we age. So if you’re constantly anxious and worried about risk, your comfort zone will get smaller by the day. Here’s what else that cushy comfort zone is costing you:

1. The lifestyle you really want.
I know what you’re going to say: “Job this, husband that, kids this, friends that, money, money, money!” Blah. What good are you to anyone if you’re always settling for less (or worse, for what other people want for you)?

2. A healthy brain.
“If we only stay within our routine, we aren’t giving the brain the exercise it needs to stay flexible,” says Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., author of Freeing Yourself from Anxiety. “Change makes life more interesting and stimulating, but it also translates to changes in our wiring we can’t see.”

3. A boosted immune system.
According to a study published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, researchers found that there’s a strong connection between living your life with a sense of purpose and a healthy immune system, and that shallower forms of happiness (i.e. buying all that “stuff”) actually weaken your physical defenses.

4. Confidence.
Taking risks is exhilarating – in fact, it’s borderline addictive. Risks don’t have to be huge, they just need to offer some form of personal growth. This will boost your confidence in a big way, and soon, you’ll seek out new ways to challenge yourself. (Don’t you want to know you can handle anything?)

5. Self-trust.
Here’s the biggest thing I’ve learned since becoming a freelancer: people suck at trusting themselves. We’re given this amazing set of survival instincts, and then we do everything we can to avoid using them by staying well-within the comfort zone! Meanwhile, our anxiety would actually decrease if we took them for a spin more often, boosting our resiliency and diminishing self-doubt.

6. Actual comfort.
“When we engage in activities that are moderately difficult, our sense of joy and accomplishment increases,” says Elizabeth Lombardo, Ph.D., author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness. When you hang out in your comfort zone for the right reasons (you know, instead of letting fear call the shots), it becomes that much more… well, comfortable.

Don’t fear taking risks – fear not taking them. When was the last time you ditched your comfort zone and took a risk?

Related on EcoSalon:

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Image: Alyssa L. Miller

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Do you have trouble going after what you want? Have you been offered a big opportunity but don’t know if you have the confidence to make it happen? Learn seven of the most common reasons that women lack confidence, and how to bust through each one.

Far fewer women than men are entrepreneurs because women are generally more afraid of failure than men, according to the Global Entrepreneurship Monitor 2012 Women’s Report [PDF]. In the battle of the sexes, women fall short in terms of confidence, which is unfortunate because self confidence plays an important part in both personal and professional success.

So why are women more likely to lack confidence than men? And more importantly, what can women do to break the cycle?

1. The world around you.

Confidence is your inner perception of your own ability to fulfill a particular job or role in society and it’s influenced by the world around you. This includes crazy families, downer friends, non-supportive partners, and negative employers.

What to do:

Surround yourself with support. Pick a spouse who believes in you, a boss that sees your success, and supportive friends to push you in the right direction when you need it the most.

2. Not living up to goals.

When a goal is accomplished it inspires confidence, but in the same regard, when a goal isn’t accomplished it leads us to question ourselves further.

What to do:

Create a list of well thought out values that you want to achieve in your life. And over time set achievable goals over fixed periods of time. Being a goal oriented individual will do a lot to help you achieve success and even more importantly, build confidence through that success.

3. Faking it until you make it.

Everyone says that you should fake it until you make it, but the fact of the matter is false confidence is no better than lacking confidence.

What to Do:

Take steps to build real confidence. Don’t duck at meetings, speak up. Don’t wait to be chosen. Admit what you don’t know but emphasize the strengths that demonstrate your potential for success.

4. Women assume others are smarter than them.

Women often think that they’re surrounded by people that are smarter than them. There’s a fear of their employer “finding out” that they’re not deserving of their position. Men are less likely to waste time on this sort of thinking.

What to do:

Realize when negative self talk takes over. You’re just as deserving of your position as the dude to your right so stop wasting time on repetitive negative thinking.

5. General pessimism.

Those that lack confidence also tend to think negatively. Just like you think that everyone else is smarter than you, you also think that everyone is prettier, kinder, and has their sh*t together.

What to do:

The power of positive thinking is real. Take a bad situation and try and imagine the positive outcomes that could come from it. Step by step, have faith in either a higher power or yourself (or both). You’ll be shocked at how much more positive the outcome can be. And don’t settle for negative people, they just bring you down.

6. Hormonal surges.

Unfortunate but true. Women have hormonal surges that men don’t have to deal with because of the flow  of estrogen and progesterone in the brain. Sometimes the way we interpret feedback has to do with where we are in our cycle. In fact, 90 percent of women experience some form of low self-esteem two to four days before they start their period.

What to do:

This is a hard one but there are some steps that you can take. Cut back on sugar, alcohol, and caffeine, which all impact mood. Get enough sleep and realize that your moods aren’t you they’re just a part of you. It’s easy to believe the bad when you’re in a bad place.

7. Half genes and half surroundings.

Our personalities are half our genes and half our surroundings. If your parents lacked onfidence than you’re more likely to struggle with it. Additionally, if your parents didn’t demonstrate a belief or interest in your abilities than you won’t either.

What to do:

You can’t help your genes but you can completely help your surroundings. It’s for this reason that number 1 is so darn important.

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Image: Victor1558

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Megan, of the movie Bridesmaids, remembers the joy of just being yourself.

If you work from home, you often make interesting style choices. One choice could be a negligee tucked into yoga pants capped off by a plaid wool shawl purchased in 1991 Edinburgh (where it was terribly stylish at the time). Another choice could be an upturned ponytail, fresh from the shower, paired with frayed jeans and the “Save the Earth” t-shirt they were handing out free at yoga.

But when you leave the house? Suddenly, you’re Alexa Chung, matching your washed-out grey denim with a nude, textured clutch. You feel great and look amazing. But still, you might long for the comfortable moments swathed in your plaid wool shawl and frayed pony tail.

Or you could just be Melissa McCarthy in the 2011 blockbuster, “Bridesmaids,” and just express yourself, no matter what.

McCarthy’s Megan is the New Woman of Hollywood, the first widely-popular character in recent memory who is completely motivated by inner confidence. With her slacks, wrist guard, and spastic pony tail, Megan is a heroine of self-expression. Because sometimes, one just wants to shout out to the world, “See me, I think my hair is falling out!” Or maybe, “And I have a weird wart on my elbow that flakes!”

And if everyone acted like Megan, think of the consequences. Marilyn Monroe’s breathy sensuality could be replaced by the practical common sense of Megan. Angelina Jolie’s angles would have nothing on Megan’s curves. The world would realize in one giant, crystallized moment of Zen: no one will care if your hair is standing on end, or your teeth are filled with spinach, or your lazy eye is lazy. Because you don’t. More important things matter, like communing with an undersea dolphin or embracing the charms of a tall, middle-aged men.

Oh, what a wonderful world of Megan it would be.

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