The holidays are upon us, and for many this means one thing – mashed potatoes passed at the dinner table via seething issues and untapped rage. A friend who considers Pinot Grigio a hard drug recently informed me of her Thanksgiving Day drinking habit, which starts around noon and ends with frantic nibbling of stuffing and cranberry sauce at midnight in order to stave off the crushing Black Friday hangover. Healthy? No. But does she avoid fighting with her family? Yes.

According to Captain Obvious, most people hate to fight. This includes me and possibly every family member that’s been tramping around this continent since Episcopalians decided to check out the New World. I mean, who enjoys conflict? Fighting means all the icky, bad feelings you have are now screaming around the surface for everyone to see.

But emotions are not meant to be kept private until they explode in a sea of resentment and family issues. Who already knew this? Apparently, many experts. Because according to Yahoo Health, fighting is healthy! As Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, told Yahoo Health, “Arguing can be a sign that your relationship is strong and passionate, and that you’re comfortable enough to express negative feelings without fear of losing each other in the process.”

But it is all in how you choose to battle. Sure, a person might not leave you, but that doesn’t mean post-fight resentment isn’t going to grow like a mushroom in humidity. In fact, studies show that resentment issues are actually all about our “negativity bias.” This is a function in the brain that nurtures our ability to stay out of danger. In other words, we focus on bad things in order to protect ourselves. Of course, this evolved to keep us out of dark caves filled with lurking tigers. It doesn’t do much in helping us deal with people who comment about our weight loss or gain over stuffing, pumpkin pie, and 15 years of backlogged arguments.

Of course, fighting isn’t always healthy. Case in point, North Korea and South Korea firing missiles at each other. Or in the case of an abusive relationship, verbal or physical. But in terms of our own domestic conflicts, it seems that the most successful friendships or partnerships always involve people who are willing to hear each other’s complaints, despite our evolutionary negativity bias.

So how can you fight in a positive manner? Don’t fixate on who is right or wrong in a conflict. Instead, try to find a middle ground where a compromise can be reached. And most importantly, don’t hit below the belt. If you are trying to get your point across, railing against someone in a way that’s designed to hurt is going to hinder your case. Plus, it’s mean. And no one like to make up with a mean man/woman/dog/wasp. Or a defensive diva – if you don’t take responsibility for your wrongs, you’re not going to go far in resolving any conflict.

Words to live by this holiday season? Keep an open mind – and your cool. If you end up arguing over the menorah candles or the lighting of the Christmas tree, it’s not the worst thing that can happen.

Image courtesy of AMC

The post Why Fighting Is Healthy appeared first on EcoSalon.

A decade ago, I spent a year living in Sweden. Despite what mass media might have you believe, the country is in fact more than just bombshell blonds and smorgasbords. While there, I befriended several Iranians, their families having fled during the reign of the Shah and taken refuge in Scandinavia. I was quickly taken in as an extra daughter by these hospitable and warm families, the mothers ready to please and ensure that I was taken care of. I grew to love Persian rice pilaf and the masses of yogurt and dill ever present at meals.

This was several years before words like “axis of evil” and “uranium” became associated with the country, so for me, when someone mentions Iran I immediately envision large family parties with rhythmic Persian dance music, tables overflowing with delicious food, and older Iranian women explaining to me just who had made what and which family recipe was used. To me, Iran means warmth, generosity and, above all, a culinary tradition that deserves respect; a good reminder that food really can bridge cultural gaps.

In the foodie world we’ve seen this happen with places like Thailand and India, countries known for their culinary traditions that have become almost as deeply ingrained in American food culture as hamburgers and hot dogs. Although I don’t have any hard statistics on the link between enjoying food from a certain country and our relations toward it, it’s logical to assume the more we love the food from a certain place, the more we’re inclined to learn about it and discover the country’s culture – and we all know that cultural understanding is a key component in promoting a more peaceful world.

There are some new tastes on the block trying to do just that, and they’re from places you might only have seen referenced in news headlines. Conflict Kitchen, based in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, is making a name for itself by serving up takeout food only from countries that the United States is in conflict with. North Korea, Iran, Afghanistan; these might be household names when it comes to the nightly news, but with a focus on their culinary prowess, more emphasis is being put on the cultural forces of the country and less on their current standing in global affairs.

The food served at Conflict Kitchen will rotate every four months to feature another country. The takeout storefront is currently decked out in a colorful Iranian exterior and serves up the country’s traditional kubideh in freshly baked barbari bread with onion, mint, and basil. Beyond providing delicious and unique food, the ultimate goal is to encourage discussion. According to the website, “Each Conflict Kitchen iteration will be augmented by events, performances, and discussion about the the culture, politics, and issues at stake with each county we focus on.”

How the food is served is also a key component in educating the general public on cultural issues. “Developed in collaboration with members of the Pittsburgh Iranian community, the sandwich is packaged in a custom-designed wrapper that includes interviews with Iranians both in Pittsburgh and Iran on subjects ranging from Iranian food and poetry to the current political turmoil.”

Recently, the grant-funded Conflict Kitchen held a simultaneously meal between Pittsburgh and Teheran, where dinners in both cities were joined together by Skype. Free and open to the public, this is an excellent example of how food can bring people, who normally are worlds apart, together and inspire long lasting conversations that tackle difficult questions like tradition and culture and in turn change our perceptions.

You can keep up with the Conflict Kitchen and what food they’ll be featuring next on their website.

Editor’s note: This is the latest installment of Anna Brones’s column at EcoSalon, Foodie Underground. Each week, Anna will be taking a look at something new and different that’s taking place in the underground food movement, from supper clubs to mini markets to culinary avant garde.

Images: Conflict Kitchen

The post Foodie Underground: Conflicted Cuisine appeared first on EcoSalon.