The relationship advice you never knew you needed.

Being married is like having somebody permanently in your corner. It feels limitless, not limited. -Gloria Steinem

To know when to go away and when to come closer is the key to any lasting relationship. -Doménico Cieri Estrada

What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other? -George Eliot

Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that many people enter into a relationship in order to get something: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take. -Anthony Robbins

The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once. -E. Joseph Cossman

Marriage is three parts love and seven parts forgiveness of sins. -Lao Tzu

Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike. -J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. -Leo Buscaglia

It’s no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn’t even speak to each other if they met at a party. -Nick Hornby

The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands. -Alexandra Penney

The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness. -Neale Donald Walsch

Trouble is part of your life, and if you don’t share it, you don’t give the person who loves you enough chance to love you enough. -Dinah Shore

Relationships, marriages are ruined where one person continues to learn, develop and grow and the other person stands still. -Catherine Pulsifer

Ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation. -Oscar Wilde

A woman laughing is a woman conquered. -Napoleon Bonaparte

The extent to which two people in a relationship can bring up and resolve issues is a critical marker of the soundness of a relationship. -Henry Cloud

Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved. -Barbara Johnson

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. -Carl Jung

If we are incapable of finding peace in ourselves, it is pointless to search elsewhere. -Francois de la Rochefoucauld

Real giving is when we give to our spouses what’s important to them, whether we understand it, like it, agree with it, or not. -Michele Weiner-Davis

Love is no assignment for cowards. -Ovid

Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand. -Emily Kimbrough

It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages. -Friedrich Nietzsche

Assumptions are the termites of relationships. -Henry Winkler

A man who marries a woman to educate her falls victim to the same fallacy as the woman who marries a man to reform him. -Elbert Hubbard

You can measure the happiness of a marriage by the number of scars that each partner carries on their tongues, earned from years of biting back angry words. -Elizabeth Gilbert

When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are. -Donald Miller

When you struggle with your partner, you are struggling with yourself. Every fault you see in them touches a denied weakness in yourself. -Deepak Chopra

An intimate relationship does not banish loneliness. Only when we are comfortable with who we are can we truly function independently in a healthy way, can we truly function within a relationship. Two halves do not make a whole when it comes to a healthy relationship: it takes two wholes. -Patricia Fry

ALSO CHECK OUT:

50 Best Quotes About Love

30 Best Quotes About Sex

40 Quotes About Feminism

Classic Quotes from Hollywood’s Original Leading Ladies

Want to see more quotes? Go here.

Images: Helga Weber, Bui Linh Ngan, Liz Poage

The post 30 Quotes on Building Healthy Relationships appeared first on EcoSalon.

Getting down sans silly tips from a certain dull glossy.

We may only be at the beginning, but that’s the point. Here’s the part of the article where I inform you that you are absolutely going to make more time in your life for sex. I will accept no arguments except, possibly, “He won’t wax his back.” Now that we have that out of the way, we can completely bypass all your non-sex-having excuses (tired, bills, kids, rinse, repeat) because sex? It’s a wonderful thing.

What’s not wonderful is the usual glib listicle. It’s not sexy to force sex, yet it seems like that’s always the advice we hear. “Schedule it in,” as if it were something to avoid, like your drill-happy dentist. “Do it even if you don’t feel like it.” Great, right next to flossing on the to-do list.

The real key to wanting to do it is feeling sexy, which is not a state that can be bought, drugged (yet!) or conjured up magically. Sexiness come from feeling relaxed, receptive and focused on our partner. Most of all, it comes from setting the mood long before you’re in the mood. Here’s how to get there, so you can get down. Tonight. (Or earlier…).

Setting the mood for sex is about everything but the act of fornication, which is just its inevitable and enjoyable conclusion. It starts early in the day – or preferably, is part of the ongoing banter/communication between you and your lover. During the time you and your partner are apart, use technology to your advantage.

Send:

– Playful texts (remember 9^th grade flirting? Playful doesn’t have to mean dirty, if that’s not your thing)

– Semi-erotic photos (could be of you, could be of a mutually admired Hollywood hottie)

– Sexy articles (ahem!) peppered with your own thoughts

– Crude and/or sexy jokes

– Fantasy scenarios and stories

The key here is no faking it! If you love dirty jokes and pictures (and they do too), go with it. If erotic literature is how you steam it up, share it. If you are both visually stimulated, keep your eyes peeled – the bonus here is that you will get turned on, too.

But that’s just one sense – the visual. Remember when you were a young pup and you heard that something like 90% of massages end in sex? Well, obviously that statistic isn’t true (otherwise massage therapists would be in another line of work), but there is something both thrilling and soothing about being touched in a loving way by the person you care about – whether it leads to sex in that particular instance or not.

After all, not every act to “set the mood” has to end in sex. The relaxation and sensuousness of touching and relaxing might not reap benefits until the next morning or two evenings hence. But they will come.

Here are a few more delicious tips for an eco-minded girl to get her groove on:

Simple, fresh food that encourages the two of you to really savor whatever you’re eating and will get you keyed into your senses. Just sharing a meal that’s made from local, organic ingredients in a no-distractions environment will allow you to connect. This meal shouldn’t be something that requires hours by one of you slaving over stove, and should be something that’s not too filling and hits all the major flavor faves of you and your love. If it’s summer, think of a salad packed with farm-fresh ingredients, including local cheeses, beans and a variety of vegetables. In winter, a warm one-pot stew will fill you up without weighing you down.

Make your bedroom into a clean and dreamy lair for sex, sleep and relaxation. It’s almost impossible to do any of the above (or the below) while things are beeping, distracting and otherwise demanding your attention (this includes children). So, keep the kids out and turn the machines off. Every couple deserves to have a place that’s just for them, and frankly, you’ll be more likely to tune into each other if there isn’t much else going on. Reading is allowed, especially if erotic prose turns you on, but shouldn’t be used as a distraction. Invest in natural, organic, supersoft textures and linens to cozy up in.

Making out is totally underrated. Unlike teenage suck-face sessions, everyone now knows how to kiss. Enjoy your lover’s lips, the way their hands feel on your body and vice versa, the warmth or cool of their skin compared to yours. Noticing these smaller stimulations releases endorphins (and will most likely turn you on). Let it lead to something more. Or not. Sometimes a good make-out session can be incredibly satisfying in and of itself. It’s okay to leave yourself wanting more, but not indulging. That’s fine.

No pressure is the last rule. Anticipation of sex is hot. Expectation is not. Thinking that you failed just because you didn’t have simultaneous mind-blowing orgasms is disappointing. Which means that you’ll be less likely to get caught in the flow the next time around (tomorrow, potentially!). Enjoy yourself, your beloved, and whatever your kink or vanilla may be. The best part about having a partner is that you get to do it again in an hour, in the middle of the night, or tomorrow morning before work. Besides, it’s always fun to be surprised when those head-exploding climaxes happen upon your sex life.

Image: brina_head

The post The Un-Cosmo Guide to Setting the Mood appeared first on EcoSalon.

ColumnIt turns out that chick flicks are not always woman-friendly.

My husband and I were sitting in a dark theater watching a movie I had chosen, which meant it was a pretty standard indie flick, a wordy, self-conscious exploration of feelings, relationships, and female empowerment, played out at a glacial pace by anemic-looking actors from a former Soviet Republic. About an hour into it, my husband, Bob, leaned over and whispered, “When does the car chase start?”

In our daily lives, Bob and I try to break down stereotypes and model gender-neutral behavior for our offspring, but when it comes to our taste in movies, we have always been the poster children for the most simplistic of boy/girl generalizations.

During our courtship, when we tried to impress each other by denying our truest and most basic selves, we each attempted to fake an appreciation for the others choice of films. For me, this meant pretending to understand the steely-eyed appeal of Clint Eastwood, as well as an endless parade of late 20th century Star Wars movies. My husband, for his part, insists he spent most of the 80’s sitting through a steady stream of films that showed precocious young French girls embracing womanhood in quirky Parisian apartments.

But with marriage came an end to the charade, and cinematic battle lines were quickly drawn – there were “his” movies and “my” movies and after only a few seconds of a coming attraction we could tell which was which. The presence of an armored vehicle, a hired assassin or a flame thrower put the film squarely on my husband’s list; my movies were instantly recognizable by the the appearance of Dame Judi Densch, a Bronte sister, or the Pacific Northwest. (Chick flicks often take place in Seattle, maybe due to the abundance of coffee shops.) It should be noted that my movie picks are often even more unbearable for my husband because they have subtitles. As he says, “I barely want to see this movie – I certainly don’t feel like reading it.”

The choice of films is not the only movie-related thing we disagree on – it turns out we also have very different opinions on the extent to which we need to drench our popcorn in butter-flavored petrochemicals. We also disagree on how early we need to arrive (I like to get there half an hour early to secure a mid-theater aisle seat, while my husband prefers to arrive fashionably late, insuring that we will stumble over other people’s knees as the credits are playing). But it’s the films themselves that cause the most disagreement, and choosing what to see frequently comes down to a Celebrity Death Match in which Helen Mirren is pitted against Bruce Willis. We compromise by taking turns selecting films, and as time goes on this has become less problematic – at this point in our lives we can both fall asleep pretty much at will, thereby turning even the most horrible movie into a fairly enjoyable nap.

But lately I’ve noticed that I’m losing my taste for the movies being marketed to women. The turning point I think, was a recent crop of insultingly exploitative “women’s movies,” films that were shamelessly marketed as destination flicks in the hope they’d inspire a cinematic Girls’ Night Out. The most obvious example of this genre was last summer’s Sex and the City 2, a horribly bad film about four late-life sex kittens high-fiving their way around the Middle East, on the hunt for shoes, anonymous desert intercourse, and Hollywood’s dumb-downed version of sisterhood.

But as bad as SATC2 was, at least it didn’t pretend to be anything other than a mass market, girl-power romp. Even more offensive are  some of the movies that are supposedly meant for thinking women, films that purport to make serious points about relationships and gender politics. There was one in particular that I dragged my husband to, a highly touted release that clumsily combined whimsy and self-empowerment to create a painfully wrong-headed mess that appeared to be about feminism, assertiveness, and the redemptive powers of pie. The ham-fisted message of this movie was that women are good and men are bad. When the heroine commits adultery it is presented as a fearless quest for freedom and truth, but when the male character commits adultery it’s because he’s an immature, rudderless horn dog looking to score. The simplistic stereotypes were insulting and false, but even worse, they made for an unforgivably tedious viewing experience. It was about an hour into this movie, numb from all the pointless chit-chat, that I found myself wishing we had gone next door to see the The Bourne Supremacy. I leaned in towards my husband and whispered, “Do you think they’ll blow up a bridge any time soon?”

Image: Royalty Free image Collection

The post The Goldberg Variations: Gender Profiling at the Multiplex appeared first on EcoSalon.

The holidays are upon us, and for many this means one thing – mashed potatoes passed at the dinner table via seething issues and untapped rage. A friend who considers Pinot Grigio a hard drug recently informed me of her Thanksgiving Day drinking habit, which starts around noon and ends with frantic nibbling of stuffing and cranberry sauce at midnight in order to stave off the crushing Black Friday hangover. Healthy? No. But does she avoid fighting with her family? Yes.

According to Captain Obvious, most people hate to fight. This includes me and possibly every family member that’s been tramping around this continent since Episcopalians decided to check out the New World. I mean, who enjoys conflict? Fighting means all the icky, bad feelings you have are now screaming around the surface for everyone to see.

But emotions are not meant to be kept private until they explode in a sea of resentment and family issues. Who already knew this? Apparently, many experts. Because according to Yahoo Health, fighting is healthy! As Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, told Yahoo Health, “Arguing can be a sign that your relationship is strong and passionate, and that you’re comfortable enough to express negative feelings without fear of losing each other in the process.”

But it is all in how you choose to battle. Sure, a person might not leave you, but that doesn’t mean post-fight resentment isn’t going to grow like a mushroom in humidity. In fact, studies show that resentment issues are actually all about our “negativity bias.” This is a function in the brain that nurtures our ability to stay out of danger. In other words, we focus on bad things in order to protect ourselves. Of course, this evolved to keep us out of dark caves filled with lurking tigers. It doesn’t do much in helping us deal with people who comment about our weight loss or gain over stuffing, pumpkin pie, and 15 years of backlogged arguments.

Of course, fighting isn’t always healthy. Case in point, North Korea and South Korea firing missiles at each other. Or in the case of an abusive relationship, verbal or physical. But in terms of our own domestic conflicts, it seems that the most successful friendships or partnerships always involve people who are willing to hear each other’s complaints, despite our evolutionary negativity bias.

So how can you fight in a positive manner? Don’t fixate on who is right or wrong in a conflict. Instead, try to find a middle ground where a compromise can be reached. And most importantly, don’t hit below the belt. If you are trying to get your point across, railing against someone in a way that’s designed to hurt is going to hinder your case. Plus, it’s mean. And no one like to make up with a mean man/woman/dog/wasp. Or a defensive diva – if you don’t take responsibility for your wrongs, you’re not going to go far in resolving any conflict.

Words to live by this holiday season? Keep an open mind – and your cool. If you end up arguing over the menorah candles or the lighting of the Christmas tree, it’s not the worst thing that can happen.

Image courtesy of AMC

The post Why Fighting Is Healthy appeared first on EcoSalon.

In light of the recent survey finding many of us secure a better night’s sleep in separate cocoons, it might pay to return to the days of twins. You know, lie back and watch a show, roll over for fun, head home to your crib for a snooze so you can get up for work. Just like dating!

Think of the fun of sneaking into the resting chamber of your better half for a “hello stranger” kinda session, while saving all kinds of bucks on the bedding ’cause twin sets are so much cheaper than kings.

Many hotels in Europe feature twins with headboards pushed together to form one chic unit, dressing them in matching finery. I’ve slept best in a twin since summer camp and think in some ways, we were meant to have a compact cot with a narrow margin to feel safe and secure as we garner our much needed zzz’s.

So what are the most stylish ways to produce twins in your own home? Probably the best source for a cool pair is vintage. If you’re more contemporary, you can always customize upholstered headboards or beds with eco fabrics. But that’s another story!

Subtle Vintage Pairings

ebay is undoubtedly the wealthiest source for matching twins, such as these woven Scandinavian beauties from Antique Bedrooms with tapered, capped legs. $1500.

I’m a total sucker for caned furniture, and in fact picked up a set of beds for my daughters at auction when they were small. These precious French guys were harvested by French Finds.

Man, you could have fun with these circa 1970s rattan vintage twin headboards with a decorative diamond insert. Order good green mattresses on frames sans the chemicals and geometric organic bedding. From Objects in the Loft at 1st Dibs.

Pair of curvaceous, French Oak Louis twins, $990 at Abba Antiques.

Main Image: Posh Living

Image one: Rhymehatcher

Image Two: Coco+Kelley

The post Grown Up Twin Beds for the Love ‘Em and Leave ‘Em Set appeared first on EcoSalon.