Take it from someone who’s been there: Being the other woman is the shits.

Bitch. Homewrecker. Slut. These are just some of the labels that come with being the other woman. After all, the other woman doesn’t have feelings—she’s nothing more than a scheming tramp who only cares about herself. Sigh. If only that were true.

As someone who’s been on both sides of the coin, I’ve learned that being the other woman is a life choice we idealize in our minds—but until the choice is (literally) standing in front of us, we have no business assuming our morals will stay in tact. They’re called hormones, people.

I’m no relationship expert, but I’d like to think I’ve gotten past my self-destructive dude experiences and am now a (much) wiser woman. So if you’re thinking about venturing into the scandalous world of being the other woman, here’s why you might want to reconsider:

1. It’s not about him—it’s about you

Usually, being the other woman is less to do with having legit feelings for a dude that’s off the market, and more to do with something that’s lacking in your life. There’s a massive void, and you think being with him is going to fill it. It’s not. If anything, over time it’s going to turn that void into a black hole that can never be filled.

2. Eventually, being the other woman won’t be enough

You’ll always have to communicate in secret, which basically means lying to everyone you know. You’ll never be able to go out in public together, and when you do bump into each other you’ll have to act as if you’re strangers. Plus, if you’re (un)lucky enough to have mutual friends, you’ll probably have to sit through outings that involve his sig-o and not throw up.

3. You’ll never be more lonely in your life

The whole secret relationship thing is hot at first, but it gets really old, really fast. You’ll eventually feel like nothing more than a disposable rag. If you can’t look at the guy you’re seeing as a potential emergency contact, then he’s not worth your time.

4. You won’t be as commitment-free as you think

Being that he’s already taken, every secret rendezvous has to meet his schedule and expectations. Once the honeymoon phase is over, your “relationship” will start to feel like a sex-filled, emotion-starved prison—one where you secretly pine after him and spend every waking moment waiting for his next call or text.

5. You’ll become a Stepford mistress

You’ll find yourself sweeping the shitty things he does under the rug—things you’d never forgive others for—due to the fact that you technically don’t have any claim on him. Over time, your dignity will erode to the point where you won’t trust your own judgement anymore. (Self-esteem? Heard of it.)

6. It will never be a relationship you can be proud of

Say you go from being the other woman to the only woman and decide to build a future together. Now, picture telling your future kids the truth about how you first met: “Oh, it was the most romantic thing! We fell in love fucking in the coatroom 10 minutes before your dad’s first wedding.” You get my drift.

7. The twinges of guilt will never leave you

Even after you own up to your mistakes and vow that you’re done with being the other woman, you’ll find that twinges of guilt will bubble to the surface when you least expect them. One minute, you’ll be on the top the world, and the next, something will remind you of your poor choices and you’ll want to punch yourself in the face. No, but seriously. Save yourself the black eye and don’t become the other woman in the first place.

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Love triangle image via Shutterstock

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