Women have not always felt free to date whomever they’ve wanted. Society, personal obligation, fear…You name the reason and a woman somewhere at some time probably felt like she had to choose a certain partner because of one outside or internal reason or another.

Society and older women

As a society, we’ve villanized older women who like younger men, more so than their male counterparts, says Laura Bilotta, a dating coach and matchmaker in Toronto.

“Women shouldn’t have to feel a stigma when it comes to dating younger men. As long as everyone is a consenting adult and they aren’t abusing their power, there is nothing wrong with a May/December romance.”

Thankfully, though, many of these “walls” are coming down, and women, in general, fell freer to date whoever they want.

The polls

A 2017 poll from Seeking Arrangement found that 42 percent of women date younger men because of their increased energy; 23 percent date younger men because women think their male mates look up to them; 18 percent of women date younger men because they are in shape; 12 percent date younger men because these men are not intimidated by the older woman’s success; and 5 percent of older women say they date younger men because the women are looking for carefree fun.

Although this poll doesn’t come from an incredibly reputable source, and the poll only had 6,237 respondents, its findings were not surprising to interviewees.

The reasons behind the numbers

Generally, older women who date younger men have already been married, says Bilotta.

“[They] were unsatisfied in their previous relationship [and] want someone young and exciting in their life,” adds Bilotta. “I hear from women on their second time around that older men stop taking care of themselves and don’t have the energy to keep up with them.”

Bilotta also says that women who’ve gone through a divorce want a certain level of control over their lives and relationships. “Being older in the relationship means they have the experience and therefore the upper hand.”

David Ezell, CEO of Darien Wellness, says society is coming to terms with the idea of intergenerational relationships, too. “Our culture is much more comfortable with older men and younger women,” adds Ezell. “If you have any doubts, look at the hundreds of movies where that is the case. In most cases, either party is looking for someone outside of their age group who can bring a level of experience and maturity (for the men) and energy, excitability and optimism (for the women).”

Ezell also says he thinks the above information applies to younger women and older men, as well as same-sex couples.

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Looking for date night ideas that are fun and eco-friendly? We’ve got several must-try recommendations that will get you out of the house and out of a rut.

With busy lives and demanding schedules, we could all use a little more bonding time. Whether you’re looking for date ideas for a special occasion, or suggestions “just because,” we’ve rounded up some recommendations that combine fun with eco-friendly — and you don’t have to be an environmentalist to enjoy them.

The focus is on local activities that support small businesses, reduce carbon footprints, and take advantage of native agriculture. Keeping those three pointers in mind when planning future outings could potentially inspire a long list of spin-offs that will have you trying out a different date every weekend!

1. Go Produce Picking

Most states have some kind of you-pick program that allows locals to capitalize on produce that’s native to the region. Grab your sweetie and some baskets, and head over to the nearest fruit or veggie farm. Options include blueberries, apples, strawberries, peas, broccoli, leeks, and more. Check out this regional harvest calendar and find your state. Oh, and while you’re at it, teach yourselves how to can, preserve, dry, and freeze your harvest at home.

2. Plant-Based Dining

The livestock farming industry is undoubtedly a contributor to global warming and environmental crises all over the nation. And since even the staunchest meat eater can afford to go full-on herbivore every now and then, we suggest eating a plant-based meal on your next date. Most big cities these days have at least one resident vegan or vegetarian restaurant. From raw gourmet cuisine, to comfort-style food that’s full of spices and yummy flavors, there’s bound to be an option to please your taste buds.

3. Volunteer Together

It’s always a good idea to get involved in your community. Volunteering is a great way to meet other like-minded people and work toward a similar goal. As far as date ideas go, register to clean up trash around your town. If you live near the coast, there are often beach-oriented opportunities, and if you live in an urban area, there are often city-wide cleanups that take place. It may not be the most romantic option on this list, but it’s certainly rewarding.

4. Hunt For Treasure

There’s nothing quite like finding a cute little secondhand piece to add to your collection, or stumbling onto an old trunk that would make the perfect coffee table. And when your views align with your significant other, then it’s like all is right and good in the world. That’s why we are encouraging your next date to include hitting up some garage sales, thrift stores, or vintage shops. Make it interesting by having a list of “treasures” that you’re obligated to find along the way. They can be quirky or serious, and making a purchase is completely optional.

5. Get Romantic Outside

There’s nothing quite like fresh air and a natural atmosphere to bring two people together. If it’s snowing in your neck of the woods, then have a snowman (or snowwoman) building contest. Make a game out of it by seeing who can build the best snowman depicting the other person’s likeness. Grab all of the necessary accessories (rocks, props, buttons, twigs, scarves, wigs, etc.) you need to pull it off — and don’t forget the all important photo opp! If it’s warm and sunny where you live (think Florida), then head over the beach with your favorite bottle of organic vino, and watch the sunset together after you each write a surprise heartfelt message in the sand.

6. Visit A Vineyard

If you don’t already, then it’s time to add “frequent a local vineyard” to your list of date ideas. Choosing regional wine helps out local businesses, offers environmental perks, and gives you and your significant other something to do on the weekends. Most places offer tours and wine tastings, while others have regular live entertainment and dining options. Make the most of your visit by staying at a nearby bed and breakfast for two.

We hope you’ve enjoyed our take on fun, eco-friendly date ideas that everyone can enjoy. Get out of the house (and out of that rut), and try something new this weekend! Share your thoughts with us on the EcoSalon Facebook page!

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Whether you plan on celebrating Valentine’s Day with your sweetheart, or just want keep the romance alive, we have some cheap date ideas to help you frugal couples out there.

Some folks think having a good time means spending bucketloads of money; other folks are less convinced. We know that it’s possible to have a romantic evening without breaking open your piggy bank. Whether you have only been dating for 3 months or have been shacked up for 3 years, we have got some cheap date ideas for those already frugal couples and those couples looking to bring a little more frugality into their lives.

Outside the Box Cheap Date Ideas

1. Restaurant School Dinner – If you are lucky enough to live near a University with a restaurant management program, or even a culinary school, look into whether they offer public dining facilities or not. Many do, as it’s often a critical component in their programs. You might be surprised at the quality of experience many of these programs can offer.
2. Back to Nature – The dinner and a movie date concept is dead. Or at least it should be. Getting out into nature is the perfect way to spend time with your significant other. Whether you prefer a leisurely stroll along the water’s edge or a high-intensity hike, communing with nature is a great way to commune with each other. It’s also a mainstay among cheap date ideas.
3. BYOB Venues – Depending on the liquor laws where you live, it may be possible (or necessary) for you to bring your own bottle of wine to dinner. This is a great way to save money on a nice meal. It’s not uncommon for the markup on a glass of wine to be 70 to 80 percent.
4. Make a Meal Together – There’s nothing sexier than cooking together in the kitchen. Cooking at home is way cheaper than eating out, and the hands-on nature of cooking just might lead to some hands-on action in the kitchen.
5. Enrich Together – Taking an art class, joining a book group, learning a language, taking up an instrument, or visiting a museum might all seem like solitary pursuits, but think again. There’s nothing sexier than someone who is smart, are we right? So, get smart and accomplished together!
6. Volunteer Together – Dating doesn’t just have to be all about you as a couple. Couples who give back together might just be happier together. Studies show that volunteering increases happiness and can decrease depression. So, pick a cause like volunteering at the local animal shelter, nature preserve, or for Habitat for Humanity and make the most of your quality time together.

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The post 6 Sexy Yet Cheap Date Ideas for Frugal Couples appeared first on EcoSalon.

So, you want to move in together. You’re head over heels and feel as if your innards transformed into warm, sugary rainbow goo. Cut to six months later… It’s not like you’re unhappy that you moved in with the love of your life… it’s just that you’d rather them not do the dishes, laundry, etc., the way they do…

Avoid all those annoying, mind-numbing, stupid (because they are stupid) fights about dishes, quirks, and more, by addressing your daily routines with your love before you move in together.

1. Talk about your stuff

If you decide to move in with your partner, you’re going to have to live with his stuff, too. Yes, all those old posters, chipped glassware, and cat-scratched chairs are now yours! And don’t forget about your crap: He’s going to have to embrace your LPs, lava lamps, and beauty crap, too. Living with someone means embracing their style. You don’t have to love it, and you certainly don’t have to display the stuff each of you hate in the main rooms, but you do have to embrace it.

2. Talk about your daily routines

If you’ve been dating for a while, you probably already know your partner’s little quirks. Maybe she sleeps at an angle, or perhaps she has to spend 30 minutes in silence every morning while she connects to her soul. You probably don’t get any of it, but you best realize that those routines are here to stay. If you have any issues with her daily routines, talk to her about them. A compromise can often be struck.

In addition to addressing your partner’s routines, you two should probably make a few new routines. Make a cleaning and cooking schedule so no one feels like they’re doing all the housework.

3. Talk about your quirks

So, you say you’re normal… I don’t buy it. I’ve never, ever lived with a person who doesn’t have some weird quirk that doesn’t get on my nerves. Recognize that if your partner does this “little thing” that drives you up the wall (like obsessively cleaning, checking the locks, forgetting to turn the light off in the bathroom…) they are probably going to keep doing those things once you live together.

If your love has a quirk that drives you a bit nutty, talk about it in a compassionate way. While he still may indulge this quirk on occasion, he’ll at least know that his actions may be frustrating to you, and he can curb what’s he’s doing. Sometimes the smallest amount of acknowledgment and change can make formerly annoying quirks endearing… eventually.

And last, but not least:

4. Money

If you and your partner don’t talk about bills, payment schedules, and debt before you move in, you are going to run into problems… big problems. Couples who don’t address money issues head-on inevitably fight. Clear up who is paying for what before you sign the lease.

Do you have any suggestions about how to live with your partner with ease? When did you move in with your partner? Was it difficult?

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Hey, successful women. Did you know that it’s the age of the trophy husband? For real. I don’t know if I should celebrate, or cry about this news…

OK, OK. Let me back up. In theory, this finding isn’t depressing.

Helen Fisher recently conducted a study for Match.com that mined the brains of single people. One of the findings the survey discovered was that men are totally cool with dating successful women. Also: More men — 87 percent — are cool with dating a woman who is “more intellectual, and is better educated than they are.” A recent Atlantic article reported on the findings.

Fisher jokingly calls this the “Clooney Effect.” She coined the phrase after George Clooney got married to Amal Alamuddin, a successful human-rights lawyer.

This study has quite a few holes, though. The Atlantic lists just a few issues with the “Clooney Effect:”

Any psychologist will state that appearance is still the number one factor in bringing two people together, and that it takes more than a singular trait (in this case, intelligence) to create a strong, long-lasting bond. And it’s important to note that these statistics are heteronormative, applying purely to straight couples and not addressing gays and lesbians at all.

Now, none of this (except for the massive study holes) is terrible news. So, why am I so grumpy? Because it is considered news. I know that this topic, and topics like this, have been in the spotlight throughout the past year, but I can’t believe this is something that still has to be reported. Maybe it’s because I’m a feminist killjoy, or maybe it’s because the majority of men I have dated were totally cool with the fact that I have a graduate degree and they do not.

But I do realize that for years (and still currently), many women do run into the “powerful woman” issue when dating. I guess just can’t wait for the day when it’s totally old-hat for blue-collar male workers to marry female CEOs.

What do you think about these findings? Do you know a lot of successful women who have married “down?” Do you hate the term “Trophy Husbands” as much as I do?

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I’m a never, non-married lady, so I’ve been on quite a few dates. From time to time, I like to peruse dating advice articles and blogs. It’s not like I glean a ton of information from these pieces, but it’s still fun – educational? – to read about dating trends. Recently, I read some of the worst dating advice ever, though.

The advice? “Don’t share too much on the first date.” What in the ever-loving heck. Isn’t the whole point of dating to get to, you know, know someone?

In my opinion, you can’t share too much on a first date. When I go on a date, I’m pretty open. I’d rather a guy “get” who I am early on than be totally creeped out down the line.

Why am I so open? Well, in all honesty, I’m a pretty complicated lady. I have a lot of opinions, I’m a die-hard feminist annnnnnd I’ve got some interesting quirks. So, if a fella doesn’t think he can handle my wonderful personality traits, that’s cool. Break free, dude! I don’t want to waste my time with you, either.

Now, I haven’t always had this opinion. When I was younger, I was more insecure than I am now. Dating was hard. I barely talked and worried what the guy would think about my nervous quirks. My dart-y eyes, my shaky hands – it all embarrassed me. Now, however, I like to let all my freak flags (because I totally have more than one) fly. While my “willingness” to showcase my quirks has gotten better over the years because, I’ve also learned that expressing myself helps me find really great guys. The more open I am, the quicker I find out if the fella is a match.

So, what’s some of the worst dating advice you’ve ever received? And do you share on your first dates? Let us know in the comment section.

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Dudes – the friendzone isn’t a real place. And women aren’t putting you in this abstract friendzone to hurt or deceive you.

Friendzoning is the wonderfully catchy term disgruntled fellas have coined that describes when a woman they are hanging out with only sees them as a friend — not a romantic partner. So, what should guys really call this? Perhaps what it is: The girl a guy likes who she doesn’t want to date — she just wants to be friends.

While the term friendzone isn’t all that terrible, it’s the way it’s used by men — and men’s magazines — that gets a little, uh, weird.

Recently, Jezebel reported on the strange use of the term (and the equally odd advice on how to get out of the “zone”) from Esquire.

Esquire published a piece called “The Do’s and Don’ts of Dressing to Get Out of the Friend Zone,” that told men if they dressed a certain way (aka “women are just interested in how you look, doofus!”) they will free themselves from the dreaded world of being “just friends.”

I’m sorry, but that’s an absolute load of hooey. If a woman decides she just wants to be friends with you, there’s really nothing you can do to change her mind. All you can do is:

1. Express your feelings to your friend.

2. Ask her if she wants to give dating a shot.

3. If she declines then say, “cool.” If you don’t want to just be friends that’s fine. Move on and find someone new.

Now, here’s what you don’t do:

1. Change your appearance.

2. Try to convince a girl you’re dating material.

3. Convince yourself that a woman is a total bitch if she “friendzoned” you, bro.

Pretty simple, really.

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Do you sleep with your crush on the third date? After a month? After you both get your test results back? Deciding when it’s right to sleep with someone is something you should think about, but when it feels right (even if it’s on the first date), go for it.

Dating sites and various women’s magazines are filled with advice about when you should knock boots with a mate. I’ve been dating “the fellas” (my generic term for single dudes) for quite a few years and I’ve received all sorts of advice from friends, family, and screens. Everything from, “you should really wait until you’re married,” to “wait until he’s about to go crazy with frustration!” And then there are the advice columns that scream that no dude will ever call you back if you have sex with him on the first date… as if. I’ve ignored all of the pseudo-advice. There’s not magic waiting period when it comes to deciding if you’re ready to sleep with someone.

The hard and fast (no pun intended, but still… pretty funny) mantra I repeat in my head before I decide if I’m going to do the deed with a guy is: Do I want to, and am I comfortable?

For me to want to sleep with someone and be comfortable enough to engage in physical contact I typically have to get the following information:

1. Is he pressuring me to sleep with him? If the answer is yes, I won’t engage in any physical activity. I won’t even kiss the dude. I’m a big supporter of relaxed seduction. I want a partner who doesn’t try to speed along the process. If we’re going to get naked on the first date, it’s because we both want to and it just happens. No pressure should be involved.

2. Have we discussed STD and STI testing? I am always up to date with my tests, and feel like I need to share this information with any and every potential sexual partner. I expect the person I’m going to have sex with to do the same. If we can both talk about safer sex with enthusiasm and confidence, then I’m more comfortable becoming intimate with an individual.

3. Are we both enthusiastic about it? I am the queen of enthusiastic consent. If we aren’t both excited to get down to it, and aren’t verbally able to say, “hell yeah, let’s do this,” then I want to wait until we both are. Because really, what’s hotter than a resounding, “yes, please – I want to take off your pants”?

Now, everybody’s criteria is different when deciding to sleep with someone. What’s important is that you decide the information you need to get from a person before you feel comfortable getting naked. Just adhere to your personal checklist whenever you’re on a date… even if it’s the first date.

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The post Sleep With Someone on the First Date? It’s Totally Fine, if it Feels Totally Right appeared first on EcoSalon.

There’s Valentine’s Day advice for singles and couples, but what about commitment-phobes?

I’m a commitment-phobe of the worst kind and it spills into every aspect of my life: I can barely get through lunch with a guy without attempting to escape through the bathroom window. The baby aisle of the grocery store causes me to hyperventilate. Appointments give me a rash. I’m allergic to concrete plans of any kind.

So when Valentine’s Day rolls around, whether I’m dating someone or not, I have to bust out the Benadryl. If I’m in a relationship, I end up all verklempt because Valentine’s Day normally translates to “let’s express where we are in the relationship.” If I’m single, I end up all verklempt on behalf of my panic-stricken friends… and secretly feel guilty that I’m relieved I’m not them.

Truthfully though, I love Valentine’s Day. I enjoy watching everyone put their best foot forward, set their emotional baggage aside, and focus on what’s really important. Until I’ve dealt with my own baggage and can enjoy Valentine’s Day without getting hives, I’ve compiled a round-up of things commitment-phobes like myself can look forward to:

1. Pink + Red Drinks
It’s the one day each year you can order girly drinks because they’re festive without accusations of being a lightweight.

2. Couple Specials at Restaurants
It’s the best time to stock up on your fave takeout. One order will last you two dinners and a lunch!

3. Baking
What better time to make your favorite desserts and spend the day stuffing your face? Valentine’s Day is the one day this is expected.

4. Heart-Shaped EVERYTHING
It’s like being 12 again (without all of the awkward, adolescent crap you’re still trying to get over).

5. Chocolate
CHOCOLATE.

6. Chick Flicks
From the beginning of February leading right up to Valentine’s Day, there’s always a smorgasbord of rom-coms and gushy movies on TV.

7. Boy Bands
I feel weird being 30 and listening to boy bands: It’s like I’m the college guy at the high school party. That being said, I found my New Kids on the Block cassette tape and you can bet your ass I’m going to listen to it on Valentine’s Day. It’s just allowed.

8. Flowers
You can order flowers for yourself and make the card out from anyone you want!

9. Online Shopping
Valentine’s Day equals tons of specials, especially for bras, underwear and beauty supplies. Whether in a relationship or not, it’s the perfect time to stock up on essentials.

10. Valentine’s Day Cards
Not just any cards, but those adorable cardboard ones we used to hand out in school. They’re so fun, and would mean a lot to those panic-stricken friends of yours.

11. Spending the Day in Bed
If you can swing it, this is the biggest cha-ching of all no matter your relationship status.

12. Nicholas Sparks Everything
His movies make me sob like an infant in the best way possible. Why not have the girls over for a communal nervous breakdown?

13. February 15th
Chocolate at CLEARANCE prices. Need I say more?

What are your favorite things about Valentine’s Day?

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The post Enjoying Valentine’s Day: The Commitment-Phobe’s Guide (Includes Chocolate) appeared first on EcoSalon.

ColumnHating on Valentine’s Day is nothing new. In fact, you’re in a very small minority if you earnestly adore putting on your little red dress, going out to dinner, and getting (cheesy) jewelry from your significant other (or fantasizing about any of the above).

SNL’s recent spoof on last-minute gifts kind of says it all. But if you’re one of the millions who despise, lament and regret having to participate in V-day, I actually believe you can hack it, transforming it into an authentically awesome holiday.

Screw conventional chocolate hearts, pesticide-laden flowers, Chinese factory-made teddy bears, slave-mined gold, blood diamonds and corporate chain store cards. Continue to boycott all that BS, because you’re eco-aware and besides, this Valentine’s Day hack requires just one ingredient: you.

Whatever your relationship status, you likely spend more time thinking about what’s wrong than what’s right. We humans tend to do that: rather than living in the moment and enjoying it, we fret about when the moment will end. Whether you’re happily single, casually sleeping with someone, bitterly single, newly dating, in a long-term relationship or just sexting, V-day tends to remind you of what you lack.

Are you not having sex with your partner anymore, even though you feel like he/she is your best friend? Have you just broken up with someone (for good reasons) and yet you’re still feeling unready to even flirt? Are you a newlywed just realizing that marriage isn’t all it’s cracked up to be? Even if you just met someone and you’re bubbling over with passion, oxytocin and high-expectations, you know it won’t always be as perfectly perfect as it seems to be right now. Because your life is not a rom-com, and that’s a good thing.

Most of us play the dating game with a toxic false premise – that love is bestowed upon us from some outside force. That’s why Valentine’s Day can be such a miserable, mocking, malicious experience for so many. Our outsized, manufactured romantic expectations – the ones the culture force-feeds us 365 days a year – are transformed into a monstrous mélange of cookie-cutter Hallmark cards and impossible reservations on February 14th. Let’s flip the script, shall we? It’s time to stop looking for love, and to simply BE love.

Any relationship, even the most egalitarian ones, even the ones in which sexual attraction seems to never cease, even the ones that seem like they’ve been spun from an irony-deprived screenwriter’s fever dream – yes, even those relationships suffer from the same false premise. If you arrive at the doorstep of your next relationship feeling needy and unlovable, the lover you choose cannot fix that. Not that you have to come to new partnerships without battle scars – god knows we all have those. But you have to come, at least, with a willingness to be vulnerable. The healthiest relationships are those in which both partners aren’t afraid to ask for what they need, and that requires bravery. I also believe that we have to trash the patriarchal concept of “forever after,” but that’s just me.

More important, whether you just met, you just broke up, or you’re twenty years in, you have to remember that you’re already whole. He can’t fix you. She can’t heal you. All you can do is support each other for as long as it lasts. All you can do is know that you’re enough, all day, every day, and on Valentine’s Day.

And that, my friends, is how you can hack Valentine’s Day. Or forget all of this heavy stuff and eat a boatload of ice cream, get drunk and have sex with a stranger, masturbate, get drunk and have sex with your lover, go out with your besties and dance all night, or all of the above (in any order that makes sense). Bonus: V-Day coincides with a Full Moon this year, and it falls on a Friday, so you have a lovely excuse to stay up all night to get lucky.

Join me on Thursday evening for a Live (Eco) Sex Chat on Facebook. I’ll be answering your burning questions about sustainable condoms, organic lube, sexual fetishes and/or positions, sex toys, orgasm, Orgasmic Meditation, and whatever else you want to know about. I’ll also be giving away three signed copies of my book “Eco-Sex: Go Green Between the Sheets and Make Your Love Life Sustainable”(Crown Publishing/2010) and samples of my favorite lube!

Got a question for Stefanie? Email  stefanie at ecosalon dot com and she’ll answer it in the next Sexual Healing column.

Keep in touch with Stefanie on Twitter: @ecosexuality

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