Being an interracial family will always present difficulties, but ignoring what the heart wants is even more tragic. This is just a snippet of what mixed race families and relationships might look like today.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, a man and a woman got married, had 2.5 kids, and lived happily ever after in their house with the white picket fence. Now, click your heels together three times and let reality set in. Modern life is messy, blended, childless, nontraditional, urban, homosexual, interracial, and everything in between. Today, there are no rules for what the perfect family should look like, but that doesn’t mean our choices aren’t without prejudice.

Much like my little family, we’re a less conventional bunch. My significant other and I are in a committed relationship, unmarried, and we have a one-year-old daughter. Oh, and he’s half Chinese. Being in an interracial relationship is not new to me, but having a biracial daughter is. And no matter how many times I hear an ignorant comment, not only is it shocking, but with a mixed race daughter, it’s that much more upsetting.

This year marks the 50th anniversary of the 1967 U.S. Supreme Court decision Loving v. Virginia where it was unanimously decided that states could “not outlaw marriages between whites and nonwhites.” You’d think that after five decades of “acceptance” that there would be more…um, what’s the word? Acceptance.

A 2015 Pew Research Center article released data that revealed about 12 percent of new marriages in the U.S. were between spouses of different races. The information was collected from a 2013 analysis of American Community Survey data and goes on to say, “the share of adults marrying outside of their own group has risen steadily in recent decades, and this trend in turn has helped fuel the growth in the nation’s multiracial population.”

The piece also points out that “the vast majority of single-race whites and blacks who are married or living with someone report that their spouse or partner shares their single-race background.” A closer look at the numbers show that among adults who are white only, 92 percent have a spouse or a partner who is white-only. Single-race Asians are more likely than single-race whites or blacks to marry outside of their racial group (with 64 percent saying their spouse or partner is Asian only and 31 percent having a white spouse or partner). And among multiracial Hispanics living with a spouse or partner, 48 percent identify their spouse as being single-race white. Hispanic-only partners is 19 percent, black-only partners is 13, and Hispanics with multiracial spouses or partners is ten percent.

While the commonness of interracial relationships has increased (in 1970, the stats were less than one percent), we’re still nowhere near where things need to be when measuring emotional intelligence about it.

I wondered whether I had a place to write this article. After all, I am a white woman. But with the racist connotations from the recent election, and hateful vitriol on social media outlets being spread around long after, I was beginning to take it personally, even though I was technically exempt from the ammunition. I unfriended hateful “friends,” and had long discussions with my boyfriend about race, how it impacted him, his family, and ultimately what that meant for our daughter’s future–an aspect of her life I would always long to understand from a first-hand perspective, but will never be able to fully internalize and feel on her level.

Based on the data from the Pew Research Study, that eight percent of single-race white adults who are in mixed race marriages and partnerships is such a small margin that it does begin to put targets on them, as well. While white-only partners will never be multiracial, or face the same struggles, it is possible that they will share some of the brunt of the racism still prevalent today. Just being partnered with someone of another race could mean alienation from friends and family, undue hardship on the family as a whole, and issues for their mixed race children.

The three of us recently ventured out to a new play place exclusively for kids six and under on my daughter’s birthday weekend. It started out great. She wandered around the child-proofed venue, put lots of toys in her mouth (all of which were swiftly dumped at the designated sanitation stations), sized up the bigger kids, got poked in the face by an exploratory hand, and had an all-around good time. I was enjoying her joy and had already begun imagining a future birthday party taking place there. That is, until what happened next.

My daughter plucked a small frying pan from the pint-size kitchenette and teetered towards the business’s owner, who had introduced herself to us upon arrival, and another mother. The mother was holding a toy cat, offered it to my daughter and joked, “Are you going to fry the kitty?”  To which the owner said and chuckled, “maybe if you’re making Chinese food,” right in front of my kid. Fortunately, they could have said anything in that moment and she wouldn’t have understood, but I was honestly so shocked that all I could do was collect my daughter and head to the other side of the building. We ended up leaving a few minutes later and aren’t likely to go back.

Maybe I’m a “snowflake”–that person who’s easily offended or feels wronged by someone’s words. But like a knife, a bullet, or a fist, what we say can be weapons, too. This isn’t the first comment I’ve heard, and it certainly won’t be the last, but it does, unfortunately, mark the beginning of my daughter’s exposure to a lifelong battle with racism and stereotypes.

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So, this may not be your typical tiny house, but it’s awesome all the same. Check out the treehouse that was designed to house families.

This treehouse isn’t from your dreams — it’s a reality. The Nest is a treehouse that’s been made especially for family living. The space is beautiful and full of plenty of places for people to hide away and relax. Watch the video tour of the treehouse below.

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The post You’d be Crazy Not to Want to Live in This Treehouse [Video] appeared first on EcoSalon.

ColumnChildfree by choice: Society still doesn’t accept that some women don’t want to be moms.

On the heels of an August cover story in Time called “The Childfree Life,” this week, HuffPo Women brought us, 23 Things You Should Never Say To A Childfree Woman. Despite the fact that, as Time reports, today, 1 in 5 American women don’t give birth to children, compared with 1 in 10 in the ’70s, apparently there’s still a need for articles like the HuffPo piece for how to talk to emotionally frigid mutants like us.

As far as I know, I am technically able to get pregnant. To be fair, I am 36 and haven’t checked so, the “welcomeness of the womb,” as they say, is unknown. My husband and I made the choice years ago not to have children. As we’ve gotten older, we’ve checked in to make sure we’re on the same page, and I feel lucky that we have been.

As a childfree woman by choice, I have my own list of things I never want to hear. And, as a quick aside, if I’m annoyed by all of the know-it-all assumptions about childless women, I can only imagine how people who actually want kids but haven’t yet, or can’t, have them must feel when they have to endure these comments. I applaud those of you in that camp for not kicking people in the face on a regular basis.

1. You must hate kids.
I don’t hate children. I do believe that as little humans, kids don’t get an automatic pass to be assholes. Crying on planes: I get ya kid; I do it too, sometimes. A bad day and a random tantrum? Sure. I feel worse for the parents in those situations. But, kids who act like snotty, entitled brats and think the word should revolve around them? No thanks.

For proof that I do like kids, see the above photo of me with my fake nephew, Zach. We are reading about planes and discussing whether an apple-coptor would really work. He said “apple” when I pointed at the drawing, so I am fairly sure that he is super smart (definitely smarter than most kids his age) and knows that one cannot fly in produce.

2. You must be selfish.
Some people assume that those of us uninterested in parenting are selfish. My assumption, as long as we’re making them, is that those people are jealous that I have time to read a book with words. That I can say “fuck” whenever I want to, and that I don’t have to save money for someone’s college tuition. My other assumption is that they feel sorry for me because I “don’t get it.” Bringing me to…

3. You just don’t get it.
“It” being: I’m missing out on a depth of love I will never understand. In some ways, I agree that I might be. But I have thought a lot about this, and I’m okay with trading the life I don’t get for the life I have and love. Also, I will make your children love me. Watch out for aunt Libby! I will tell your children embarrassing stories about you and buy them expensive crap that you can’t afford because you have to buy them boring things like food.  

4. Who will take care of you when you’re old?
Your kids will! Ha ha. Kidding (mostly, see previous comment re: me buying your kids’ love). This is a big issue so, I will start with the assumption built into the question: That kids will care for parents as they age. Fact: Some kids can’t or won’t take care of their parents. How I will navigate old age is something I think about a lot. This has led to a two-part plan relying on smarts and karma.

First, build a life filled with friends of all ages (at the moment, the youngest person I would call to grab dinner is in her late 20s and the oldest is in her mid-60s). Fake-aunt the shit out of the kids I like. Help older friends navigate their DVRs or whatever new technology is baffling them. This helps you cover your karmic bases and keeps you connected with people who are older and wiser, and with people who know who those girls on the cover of US Weekly are.

Second, save money and get okay with the idea of assisted living (AKA: The Old People Dorm Plan) once you are too old for the—highly preferable for obvious reasons—Golden Girls Plan. To remain independent as long as possible, take care of yourself. I’m not looking forward to dealing with my care during my own demise, but I am pretty confident that my plan will work just as well as having kids.

5. You’ll change your mind.
No, I won’t change my mind, and if you wish that on me, we are no longer friends. I’m hardly an old hag, but we all know that as women age it’s not quite as easy to get pregnant. Telling a 36-year-old woman that she will change her mind is not only not your place, it’s not nice. I have seen numerous friends struggle to get pregnant. It’s not as easy for everyone as they tell you it is in sex ed, so bite your tongue.

6. You owe your totally amazing parents a grandchild.
The fact that my parents would be the best grandparents on the planet (and they would) doesn’t mean I should have a baby. This gem from the HuffPo, “Your mom had you!” seems to get at the idea that it’s my turn to reciprocate.

Well, why yes, my mom did have me. And for that I am grateful. I am even more grateful that she had me because she wanted to, and that she and my dad made a conscious decision to add on to their family. I would also like to applaud my parents for never pressuring me to have a baby. To reward them, I turn the other way when they give my dog people food.

7. Don’t you want a family?
Yes, I want a family—in fact, I have one. My husband and dog, my parents, his parents, some siblings, some stepparents, some grandparents, friends I have known for 33 years, friends I have known for what feels like 33 years, fake aunts, fake uncles, cousins, blood nieces and nephews, fake nieces and nephews, a work husband. All of these people are my family.

8. Do you think I’m lame for having kids?
No, that’s just dumb. I think it’s great that you want to have kids. I respect my friends for being honest about how hard it is to be a parent, for talking openly about what they have given up in addition to celebrating the joy they have gained—and for respecting my choice to be a kick-ass aunt and a supportive friend rather than a mom myself. I genuinely like seeing their kids’ pictures on Facebook.

In the constant conversations about how women create balance, where are the partners? The language used in articles about family and decision-making mirror how our society views children—as a woman’s decision (unless we’re talking about abortion, of course). For a single person (male or female, gay or straight), yes, deciding to have a baby might be a choice made alone. For a woman or a man with a partner, ideally this is a team decision. If it’s not, you may want to rethink your team.

Most conversations about childfree women seek to divide us in yet one more way. As women, rather than undermine each other for our personal choices with back-handed compliments and outright insults, we need to agree that all reproductive choices should be personal and applaud each other for whatever path we choose.

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The post Childfree By Choice: That Happened appeared first on EcoSalon.

Column Facts are facts.

This week, we’re taking a look at the business end of the sex-by-numbers game. It’s all babies, all the time – eat your heart out, Blue Ivy.

Number of births in the United States, 2007: 4.3 million

Number of births in the United States, 2010: 4 million

Average cost of raising a child born in 2007 to age 18, as estimated by the USDA: $269,040

Average cost of raising a child born in 2010 to age 18, as estimated by the USDA: $286,860

13 million to one: odds of giving birth to identical quadruplets without IVF

1 in 53: American twin birth rate in 1980

1 in 30: American twin birth rate in 2009, an increase of over 75%

43: Percentage of women in a recent poll who said they would put off starting a family until after the recession

30: Percentage of American workers who have less than $1000 in savings

4000: Dollars a day to stay in Mt. Sinai’s Central-Park-adjacent luxury maternity suite

Number of incarcerated women in the U.S. who were pregnant or had given birth in the year of their arrest: 1 in 4

Number of royal births in 2011: 4

Image: rkramer62

The post Sex by Numbers: She’s Having My Baby appeared first on EcoSalon.

Researchers at U.C. Davis are trying to connect the dots leading to 10 autism clusters in California. One theory is that those parents are using certain hazardous household products, exposing their kids to dangers linked to the neuro-developmental disorder that usually surfaces by the time a child turns three.

According to the Contra Costa Times and other news sources reporting the findings, the study authors don’t attribute the cases to a toxic waste plant or other widespread polluter, but rather to household items like cleaners or landscaping products.

The report released by the University this week says the clusters show autism rates nearly twice the amount of ones in surrounding areas, including three in the Bay Area: Parts of Redwood City, San Carlos and Belmong; Parts of Santa Clara and Sunnyvale; Western San Francisco. No clusters were found in the East Bay.

Other clusters are in Southern California and the Central Valley. And one San Diego cluster was found to have rates of 61.2 per 10,000 births, compared with 27.1 per 10,000 births in the surrounding region. The researchers said the study is the first one looking at the geography of autism births in the state to learn of local sections of elevated environmental risk.

In producing the study, which was published online in the journal Autism Research, the scientists looked at nearly all of the 2.5 million births recorded in California from 1996 to 2000. The report says some 10,000 children born during that period were later diagnosed with autism.

The scientists who conducted the study are now conducting two additional studies examining the environmental causes of autism, and plan to collect dust samples from the homes of 1,300 families to see if common chemicals are the culprits.

Main Image: Mercury News

The post Autism Clusters in California May Have Environmental Link appeared first on EcoSalon.

It may have been published a couple of years ago, but Americans are now catching up to the message of Steve and Annette Economides and are eagerly plunking down their pennies for the hot home economics crash course.

The authors of America’s Cheapest Family have done remarkably well feeding their family of seven on just $350 per month, paying off their first house in nine years and purchasing a second, larger home, buying cars with cash, taking nice vacations, and yes, even socking away money in savings.

They’ve done so well, they are hitting the television news circuit including Inside Edition and receiving praised on numerous green websites to teach a fairly clueless nation the ABC’s of creating a comfortable, debt-free life. Forget the Joneses! It’s time to keep up with the Economides.

The couple, who live in Scottsdale, Arizona (a money-driven, rapidly built-up, energy-sucking environ), launched their popular bimonthly newsletter, The Home Economiser, in 2003 and have appeared in Good Housekeeping as well as on National Public Radio and Good Morning America.

Perhaps their message has been somewhat lost until the proverbial s–t hit the fan, sending many of us seeking advice from the successfully frugal among us, the ones who arrogantly yet wisely uttered I told you so as we maxed out our credit cards.

According to publishers marketing this new debtors’ bible:

“You don’t need to be a CPA or a math wizard to learn their revolutionary system, which will teach you:

– hundreds of ways to save money on everyday household expenses, including groceries, clothing, and health care
– how to save in advance for major purchases such as homes, cars, and vacations
– how to stop living paycheck to paycheck
– how to eliminate debt . . . forever!”

Oooh, that sounds good, real good to the masses choosing between lesser evils of selling their homes, getting night jobs that will take them away from their kids, and selling what they can from cars to gold and furniture – anything to stay afloat.

While the Economides’ disciplined road to penny pinching offers a way to avoid those evils, Nature Moms points out some of the methods may not sit well with the green among us, namely buying processed foods in bulk while forgoing more costly fresh fruits and veggies for the last two weeks of the month.

” I think families that eat lots of fresh, raw, whole foods would have a lot of adapting to do but the basic plan is a good one,” says the author of the site. “I would probably feel more comfortable doing bi-monthly shopping expeditions with weekly trips to farmers’ markets for fruits and veggies.”

One of the best chapters deals with clothes shopping and how buying stylish second-hand finds can help you stay within your budget and then some. And in terms of housing costs, they advise paying off your mortgage in less than 10 years.

For some of us the lessons have come a bit late, but not too late to try a new tack.

Images: Pink Sherbet, Amazon, Inside Edition

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