Female anatomy nicknames that sound worse than their actual names.

Don’t get me wrong, female anatomy nicknames have their place: when you’re around little kids, insulting someone, telling a funny story or calling your grandma. But to use euphemisms because you’re uncomfortable saying vagina, breasts or period? Sigh.

For me, the conundrum lies not so much in being uncomfortable using the actual terms, but in not knowing what someone’s reaction might be to me saying them. I don’t want to offend anyone or trivialize how they feel about the subject—after all, it’s their right to feel how they feel—but I don’t want to be censored either. It’s a viscous cycle.

I have no idea why we use smoke and mirrors to talk about female anatomy. We’re better than that. We should be able to say “vagina” without blushing or mumbling or changing the subject at lightning speed. We spend so much time thinking of “user friendly” names in conversation it’s exhausting—meanwhile, most of the nicknames sound more offensive than the actual names, amiright?

I’m not saying shout about your period from the rooftops or anything, but let’s ditch that ginormous cloud of discomfort looming over our heads. We have vaginas. We have breasts (or in my case, try to look like we do). We get our periods. So when any of these topics come up, talk about them just like you would anything else (you know, without getting all creepy sex-ed teacher about it).

Here, 59 nicknames for vagina, breasts and period we should consider putting out to pasture:

Vagina

1. Vag
2. Vajayjay
3. Honey pot
4. Pink taco
5. Lady bits
6. Kitty
7. Muff
8. Pussy
9. Axe wound
10. Snatch
11. Meat curtains
12. Bush
13. Hoo-ha
14. Coochie
15. Beaver
16. Fine china
17. Penis snuggie
18. Lady flower
19. Baby maker
20. Twat
21. Poon tang
22. Coin purse
23. Box
24. Cooter

Breasts

25. Airbags
26. Dairy pillows
27. Hooters
28. Knockers
29. Boobies
30. Tits
31. Sweater stretchers
32. Cupcakes
33. Bust
34. Cantaloupes
35. Melons
36. Jugs
37. Fun bags
38. The golden girls
39. Chesticles
40. The twins
41. Headlights
42. The girls

Period

43. The curse
44. Aunt Flo
45. Aunt Rose
46. On the rag
47. The dot
48. The friend
49. Leak week
50. Shark week
51. Monthly
52. Red river
53. The shining
54. Riding the cotton pony
55. The crimson wave
56. Opening the floodgates
57. Code red
58. Girl flu
59. Rusty pipes

Which female anatomy nicknames grind your gears the most?

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Image: Shy woman photo via Shutterstock

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