If you’re looking to make some deeper friendships, these steps can help.

We’re in a time when we’re more connected than ever before via social media, but at the same time, true connection is hard to find. Many of us move away from our childhood friends and don’t have time in our busy schedules to re-establish lasting friendships. And while it may sometimes seem trying when you’re super tired to make the effort, in the end, it’s these nurtured relationships that contribute to our happiness. Here’s how to make them last.

1. Spend one-on-one time together.

The best way to establish a friendship with deeper meaning is to spend some one-on-one time together. While spending time in a group is great, to really get to know someone you have to be able to interact alone. Additionally, some people act very differently in group settings than they do alone. Try and set up non-group activities that aren’t organized in which you can have a good conversation. This way your comfort level with your new friend increases, and as it does, you’ll want to spend more and more time together.

2. Reach out randomly.

Calling, texting, or emailing your new friend between outings is also a great way to connect. Casual friends tend to connect only when they’re planning to see each other while closer friends talk the whole week long. While initially, it might not seem like it’s worth the extra effort, once you get past the beginning hurdles, you’ll be thankful. Ask simple questions via text or call them if you have some extra time in commute. It doesn’t matter what you do, it just matters that you find the time.

3. Be a good friend.

This shouldn’t even need to be said. But if you want to be trusted, you have to be trustworthy. Do all the things that make you a good friend, including not gossiping about him or her to others, being dependable, going out of your way, and keeping your mouth shut if you’re told something in confidence. Additionally, if you gossip to your new friend about someone else, they’re likely to fear you’d do the same thing to them. Be a generally good person and you’ll get the same in return in most cases.

4. Open up.

No one likes a friend that seems too perfect because it seems they’re unwilling to open up. You don’t have to spill everything about yourself the first time you meet someone, but at the same time, don’t be such a closed door that it’s difficult to relax. The entire point of friends is to hold you up when you’re feeling down and be a shoulder to cry on in those times of need. Be yourself. It makes people feel at ease.

5. Be positive.

As I mentioned above, it’s important to be honest about who you are and what you’re going through at any point, but at the same time, don’t be a downer. Be a positive, inspiring force. It makes people want to be around you. Do your best not to establish friendships that are based on complaining because friendships based in negativity don’t end up being any fun at all.

6. Get out of your normal routine.

Sometimes it can be helpful to really get to know someone when you’re not in your normal routine. For example, room together at a yoga retreat or take a road trip together somewhere a few hours away from home. Both of these activities show you a person out of their normal element, not dealing with his or her normal responsibilities. Additionally, activities like riding in a car together provide lots of opportunities for good conversation.

7. Sometimes it takes time.

Sometimes you can tell immediately that you’re going to be best friends with someone and other times it takes a while for that relationship to blossom. Whether it’s because you don’t initially see what you have in common or because someone isn’t as quick to open up. In fact, more than a few times in my life I’ve hit it off with someone at lightning speed but ended up being better friends with the quieter friend in the group. Don’t discount the introverts, they too can have a lot to offer.

8. Be honest about your friendships.

Take an honest look at your friendships and decide whether they’re true friendships or just superficial. And from there, decide with which friends you really want to deepen your relationship. Which friendships really have room to grow and which don’t? Here’s the deal: Just because you have a superficial relationship doesn’t mean you don’t enjoy a friend’s company, but it does mean you’re unlikely to go much deeper.  For whatever reason, it’s two dimensional. Nurture the relationships that have potential and don’t waste too much energy on those that don’t.

9. Be there in times of need.

True friends show up when it’s hard. If you want to fall into that category you have to do the work. Friends who are there during divorces, sickness, depression, etc. are the ones you’ll always remember for their contributions. Relationships are about giving and taking and if you want someone to truly care and love you, it’s important to take the time to do the same for them. Be there when it’s difficult, awkward, and sometimes unpleasant. It’s the mark of a good friend and a generally good person.

10. Listen.

There’s nothing worse than someone who doesn’t know how to listen. Whether they’re constantly talking over you or planning what they’re going to say next while you’re talking, you have to learn both how to talk AND how to listen. Listening can almost be like a meditative activity if you’re really engaged. Think about not just what a person is saying but what they mean. Hear them out before you respond.

Why do you love your best friends? What do you have in common? We want to know. Drop us a line via Twitter @EcoSalon.

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When I think about my best friends, I get a little misty (okay, a lot misty). They complete me. My best friends not only accept me for exactly who I am (which is a full-time job), they also rock at everything I suck at. If you were to mix us in a blender and pour, we’d be a superhero.

No matter how busy life gets, here are nine types of BFF’s you should always have in your corner:

1. The Health Nut
If it weren’t for her, you would’ve forgotten to exercise during the last decade. Whether it’s with a new recipe so you can finally use your pots and pans for cooking instead of roof leaks, or a jogging route with plenty of places to sit if you need to, she constantly motivates you to do better and feel better.

2. The Listener
There are days when you’re not looking for advice or a silver lining: You just have this urge to bitch your tuchus off. This friend will not only prevent your head from exploding, she’ll offer you safe passage through your emotional tornado.

3. The Flowy Friend
This is the friend I’m forever jealous of: The one who, no matter what’s going on in her life or what’s being thrown at her, she keeps her cool. She stays centered and grounded (while I’m flailing away as if twirling down the drain). Long story short: I’ll have everything she’s having.

4. The Romantic
You know the one: The friend who looks at the world like it’s a big box of puppies, and never allows conflict or cynicism to deter her from building strong, meaningful relationships. She’s the perfect friend to go to when you’re thinking about heading up a nunnery.

5. The Fashionista
She keeps track of all the latest trends so you don’t have to. Plus, when it’s time to paint the town red, she’ll always make sure you look as hot as humanly possible. From a budget standpoint, it’s like having two closets for the price of one!

6. The Mom
She’s totally lovable and always has your back. When you’re sick, she makes the best soup ever. She knows exactly why your cat keeps waking you up at 6am, and she’s always there (with tea!) when you’re stressed with a capital S.

7. The Blunt Betty
Sometimes, all we really need is a good swift kick. When you’re doing something stupid that you know is stupid (especially in the guy department) and lecturing yourself in the mirror isn’t cutting it, this is the friend you turn to. She’ll snap you out of it (and leave a mark).

8. The Yoda
When you’re in a jam and have no idea what to do or where to start, this friend always knows exactly what to say. She also grounds you and prevents you from panicking – kind of like having a little Buddha on your shoulder.

9. The Vault
We all need this friend: The one you turn to when you need to unload a deep, dark secret in a forgive-me-Father sort of way, while knowing she won’t look at you any differently (or write a press release afterward).

Of course, you don’t need nine separate women to cover these roles (holy estrogen, Batman!). If you’ve got best friends who pull double or triple duty, you might want to start sewing those superhero costumes.

What makes your best friends so fabulous?

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Image: Gwen

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