“When you watch the commercials you can tell they’re made of cheap stuff,” says my astute oldest daughter about the fleece blanket sensation known as the Snuggieâ„¢. “The people wearing them are just so cheesy, like the man in the leopard one who says he’s so glad he found a fun designer print that suits his personality.”

Snuggie consumers proudly wear the Made-in-China label on their sleeves, not considering the synthetic polyester fabric they’re breathing in all the while they’re adjusting their thermostats in the thin, robe-like throws. I find they leave me as cold as those stinky, plastic sealed airline blankets gifted to us on flights.

I’m not the only one with a chilly view of the blankets. There’s the YouTube ad that parodies by Snuggieâ„¢ haters, such as one done in the mockumentary format of The Office in which an employer forces her people to wear the wraps at work, despite their protests. A piece in Time shares one young man’s review: “It’s a bathrobe. That is really long. That you wear backwards.”

So far, five million and counting have bought into the ads depicting gray-haired ladies knitting on the sofa, moms reading on the sofa, great aunts chatting away on the phone on the sofa. One thing is clear: Folks just don’t get off that sofa when they’re folded into a Snuggie. Call it a straight jacket for polluted planet!

Allstar Products Group, Inc., the maker of the blanket, set up a Facebook Fan page and attracted 5,000 users in addition to an official online fan club site. That’s a lot of fleece.

Among the enthusiastic takers is my 10-year-old daughter, who went behind her green-leaning parents to ask a relative to buy her one for her birthday in the original royal blue.

She’s a big infomercial hound, my youngest, often repeating lines from the ads when we are out buying necessities for the house. “Mom, you should get the Ped Egg because it’s like having a professional spa treatment right in your own home,” she advises.

She had a fever over the weekend and taking away that Snuggie was harder than wrestling a cheese stick away from my pug. Pugs have little teeth, but they’ll take you down over cheese, and so will Lauren over a cheesy blanket.

“My friend Simon had one and I thought it would be warm for camp because I sleep right near the window,” says my daughter. “I also like it when I’m sick cause it makes me feel all snuggie.”

We don’t buy polyester bedding and we don’t want our kid dragging around a toxic security blanket. Yet burning it could create a micro Valdez. Which begs the question, how do you safely dispose of Mr. Snuggieâ„¢?

Because of the questionable chemicals in the fiber, I find it ironic how American Allstar Group’s publicity machine has tied in “the country’s favorite blanket with sleeves” with one of the country’s most pernicious diseases – breast cancer.

In May, they introduced the limited edition pink blanket for breast cancer. The company says it will donate $50,000 to the Breast Cancer Research Foundation on behalf of the product.

I suppose the irony is that many of the questions posed to researchers at Cancer.Org relate to the link between toxins in textiles and breast cancer. One reader was wondering about her mother who had he worked at a chain of stores in which she cut cloth materials containing the kind of junk that is used to produce my daughter’s favorite throw.

If the Snuggie is such a mega hit and has made tons of dough for Allstar, why hasn’t an organic textile company made their own version of a healthy fleece blanket with sleeves?

“The Snuggie is a safe product, as it is approved and certified by all relevant industry standards,” I’m told by Anne Flynn, Director of Marketing at Allstar. “Snuggie is currently in the process of evaluating other materials, including natural, eco-friendly options, to meet consumer needs.”

Until we meet the eco Snuggie, the only newly unveiled additions introduced for the coming winter are styles for kids, dogs, a more plush version of the current design, and black and purple tie-dye fashions for the holidays.

I did find a few greener options, such as a Bear Adventure Warm Me Up made of recycled synthetics from Blankets and More (being introduced November 1st), and a cozy kimono for the preemie baby. There’s also the 85% recycled materials Peekaru, shown above (top left), for mom and baby.

Otherwise, the market is wide open for a healthier blanket with sleeves. My friends at Chia better get right on it!

This is the latest installment in Luanne’s column, Life in the Green Lane.

Images: Bread and Sham, All Left Turns, SFGate, MomLogic, Snuggieâ„¢ Fan Club

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This is the third in Luanne’s new lifestyle column, Life in the Green Lane. Read the inaugural column, “The Pros & Cons of Being Married to an Eco Man” and the follow-up, “Why Is it So Hard to Get My Mom to Go Green?”.

My dog has fleece. And that’s not all. There are dozens of reasons why this impossibly adorable pug is leaving behind a puny carbon paw print.

If you consider dogs part of the family then it’s important they’re pulling their weight in the eco department along with the rest of us.

My little Smokey may not be as earthy as those drooling, stick- fetching, shaggy water dogs you see at Ocean Beach. But he plunges into nature pretty darn well for a pampered, toy breed favored by Tibetan monks, Chinese emperors and 16th century European royalty.

Plus, he’s a champion chick  magnet. I can’t take him anywhere without hormonal, puppy-loving teenage girls gushing over what looks to them to be a huge stuffed pet. Their devoted boyfriends stand by while they give up some love to my guy. “Ohhh, is that your pug? Can I pet him? What’s his name? OMG, he’s sooooo cute!”

Okay, so being a magnet doesn’t earn you an LEED certification, but these other things count – things you won’t learn at obedience school.

Here’s why my dog is cuter..I mean greener…than lots of other dogs.

1. Carpools on Playdates

Smokey gets picked up for his group, The Littles, a couple of days a week, and this has helped him become the socialized, refined gentleman neighbors invite over for biscuits and tea. Also, his owner (me) is saving fuel by not driving him myself.

2. Named for the Bear

Every time we call out his name, “Smokey, stop eating those Bounce sheets,” people are reminded of that famous ranger bear Smokey who first appeared in 1952 to get clueless cigarette smokers and weekend campers on a campaign to prevent wildfires. My mother argues he should be named Oliver or Churchill or something that goes with brandy and a cigar. But Smokey was already named when our babysitter gave him to us ’cause she was moving and couldn’t keep him.

2. Reuses Everyday Household Objects

A savvy consumer not taken in by the notion that new is best, Smokey forgoes the fancy, synthetic dog bed for a cozy laundry bag or basket filled with warm sheets and socks. Good boy! That’s my good green dog! However, his favorite mount is our laps and that costs nothing at all and we like it because he is so lovable and sweet.

3.  Maintains a Strict  Organic Diet

We feed him Newman’s Own organic pet food, as well as organic kibble and free range chicken broth in a reusable stainless steel dog dish. Occasionally, we let him have a treat, such as organic string cheese, which was a great training aid for prompting him to sit, lie down and stop eating Bounce Free sheets.

4.  Walks the Walk

Smokey is an avid walker who adores cruising to a nearby playground or hiking at Fort Funston. Walking keeps him fit (pugs have a tendency to pack on the pounds) and also calms him down. Walking is great for me, too, and for pet owners like you! Besides, Smokey gets rather nervous riding in cars. He insists on having the windows rolled all the way down and whimpers uncontrollably until we arrive at our destination. My husband is the same way.

5.  Wears Made-in-the-USA

Whether starring in a 4th of July parade in Sonoma or escorting his sisters on Halloween, Smokey wears locally-made garb, from patriotic bandanas to harnesses and muscle shirts. He feels we import too many toxic toys and products from China, and although he springs from the Asian culture and resembles the Foo Dog in looks and stature, it all stops there.

6. Creates a Warm Fur-ness

If you can sleep through the intense snoring (being hit over the head with a large mallet can help) then you don’t need to turn up the heat on a cold night in San Francisco. When Smokey stomps on your ribs and flops down on you or near you, it’s like a natural furnace that keeps you toasty all night. Just ask old Audrey. She likes to hang with Mr. Smokes for sunny afternoon cat naps. Audrey showed him who is boss from the very start, but now she needs him. Oh, yes she does, girl.

8. Prefers Biodegradable Pooper Scooper Bags

He won’t tolerate any other sort of bag for scooping up his shit. Funny, that’s one of the reasons I love him so. I once tried to pick up a poop using a plastic grocery bag and boy did he yelp. He likes that Bio Bags are made with planet friendly corn that breaks down. We use bio bags for composting, too.

9. Is Never, Ever Wasteful

Kids might kvetch, “there’s nothing to eat,” but Smokey never takes that stance because he will eat just about anything that resembles food. While I’m preparing his meal, he cries and dances manically in a circle, a tribal dance reminiscent of Native American rituals praising the buffalo. If a scrap falls on the floor, he laps it up. If he feels the compost we set aside could be more useful as a snack, then he asserts himself like a good steward of the planet should. And if Audrey won’t finish her own breakfast, Smokey recycles that into his dessert.

10. Conserves Energy

Like the best hybrid, Smokey is efficient at conserving fuel. Here he is after completing a five mile course along the Great Highway bike path. He parked his tired pug ass on the sofa for a snooze before dinner.  After dinner, he usually rests until his late night walk with dad. Then he parks it until breakfast.

OMG! My pug is sooooo cute!

Images: Luanne Bradley

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