Column“Obvious Child” is the best abortion rom-com since… Uh, hey, it’s an abortion rom-com! PS: This column is chock-full of spoilers.

Calendar item: “Wednesday 7:30 – Abortion movie with Emily.” As you can see, I have been eagerly anticipating going to see “Obvious Child” since I first heard rumblings about the existence of a movie featuring an abortion that didn’t come with a side of payback in the form of shame, death, regret or some other life-ruining consequence for the woman.

In brief, here’s the plot: 27-year-old Donna (Jenny Slate) gets cheated on, dumped, drunk and has a really fun looking sex-capade/dance party/bongo drum playing session that results in an unwanted pregnancy.

The problem with knowing you’re going to see an abortion movie is that you spend the whole time waiting for the abortion—kind of like when “127 Hours” came out and we all waited for that one scene.

It was an odd distraction to be eagerly awaiting the abortion moments: When will she find out? What will happen when she goes to Planned Parenthood? When will she tell people? Will she tell the guy? When will she go in for the abortion?

Waiting for those pivotal moments, it would have been easy to miss all that happened in between, and that would have been a shame because “Obvious Child” is much more than a movie about abortion. It is a movie about friendship and storytelling.

One of my favorite moments is when Donna’s best friend, Nellie (played by Gabby Hoffman), arrives at her apartment to find her a wasted crying mess and Donna makes a lesbian birthright joke and then tells her she doesn’t have to sleep in the room because she’s about to fart it up. These are your real friends, people.

Donna’s role as a stand-up comic is central to the plot and to understanding her as a character. Drawing her material from real life and holding nothing back (from what underpants really look like at the end of a long day to countless fart jokes), she leaves nothing on the table. This approach brings up a question I am constantly fascinated by: What stories are ours to tell? As a writer, I say all of them. Everything is material. As a comic, Donna feels the same way. But, this approach has its consequences.

Early in the movie, her boyfriend complains about her talking about their relationship on stage—before dumping her in the bathroom while checking his phone in one of the most honest 20-something breakup scenes ever. Honest because he leads into the conversation totally dishonestly, blaming her stand-up for the breakup when really it’s that he’s sleeping with a friend of hers, news he reveals after making her feel like it’s her fault.

What’s great about this scene, and Donna in particular, is that she says what we all want to say in the moment, not when she thinks of the perfect reply five minutes or five days later. We know that in some ways this is because she is in a movie, but we believe that the character is that quick and smart—and the kind of exhibitionist who will say anything about herself and anyone else to get a laugh. But that tendency to just put thing out there and say what most people won’t is also how she processes her world.

Her real friends understand that and like her for it, and we do too. Throughout the movie, we’re unsure about where the new guy, Max, will fall on the spectrum. He seems to appreciate her brand of wacky, but when we’re introduced to him, he comes off as a bit of a square.

When she finally tells him about the pregnancy and her appointment for the abortion (from the stage in a bar before he’s even taken his hat off and gotten comfortable), he has a fairly understandable reaction given that he has just received intensely personal news in a public setting. He leaves. But, unlike the shitty ex, he realizes that her stand-up is how she is processing what is happening. He’s on the team and good things happen next.

What “Obvious Child” also accomplishes is a commentary on how we think other people think about abortion if “we” are liberal, privileged urbanites. Donna isn’t sure how to talk to the woman at the clinic and then realizes it’s best to just say what you want.

She worries what her highly-accomplished mom will think. Mostly because when you tell your mom something, it becomes real in a different way. That conversation turns out to be a good way for the filmmaker Gillian Robespierre to remind us what happens when abortion is illegal without hitting us over the head. (We were promised a rom-com, not a documentary, after all!)

There’s also the moment when Donna asks Max if he is okay with her having an abortion—but not in a way that implies his opinion will change her mind—it’s more of a get-to-know-ya conversation a bit late in the game.

In some ways, for the pro-choice set, “Obvious Child” is like “The West Wing” for liberal politicos. It’s a reflection of the way we wish it was for everyone. If we don’t place too much pressure on “Obvious Child” to be more than one woman’s story about her abortion, we can appreciate that when women have access and support, abortion is part of life.

We’re left with an ideal rom-com ending. It’s sweet, it’s open-ended and it’s full of possibility.

That Happened is Libby Lowe’s weekly column for EcoSalon analyzing media, news and pop culture through a feminist lens. Keep in touch with Libby @LibbyLowe.

Images: Obvious Child

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31 of the best inspirational quotes for romantics to lift the spirits.

1. Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. -Marcel Proust

2. Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction. –Antoine de Saint-Exupery

3. We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures. -Thornton Wilder

4. Anyone who falls in love is searching for the missing pieces of themselves. So anyone who’s in love gets sad when they think of their lover. It’s like stepping back inside a room you have fond memories of, one you haven’t seen in a long time. -Haruki Murakami

5. So, I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you. -Paulo Coelho

6. With my last breath, I’ll exhale my love for you. I hope it’s a cold day, so you can see what you meant to me. –Jarod Kintz

7. Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind,

And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind. -William Shakespeare

8. We looked into each other’s eyes. I saw myself, she saw herself. -Stanislaw J. Lee

9. Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. -Louis de Bernieres

10. Each time you happen to me all over again. -Edith Wharton

11. I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only love. -Mother Teresa

12. In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, for in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed. -Kahlil Gibran

13. Anyone can be passionate, it takes real lovers to be silly. –Rose Franken

14. Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition. -Alexander Smith

15. And in her smile I see something more beautiful than the stars. -Beth Revis

16. The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along. -Rumi

17. He’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. -Emily Brontë

18. Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it…It really is worth fighting for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk everything, you risk even more. -Erica Jong

19. Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same. -Flavia Weedn

20. Life is a flower of which love is the honey. -Victor Hugo

21. Only from the heart can you touch the sky. -Rumi

22. Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile. -Franklin P. Jones

23. I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity, and her flaming self respect. And it’s these things I’d believe in, even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn’t all she should be. I love her and it is the beginning of everything. -F. Scott Fitzgerald

24. Give me my Romeo; and, when he shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars, and he will make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will be in love with night. -William Shakespeare

25. When you are gone all the colors fade. -Amos Lee

26. At the first kiss I felt something melt inside me that hurt in an exquisite way. All my longings, all my dreams and sweet anguish, All the secrets that slept deep within me came awake, Everything was transformed and enchanted, everything made sense. -Hermann Hesse

27. If I had the stars from the darkest night

And the diamonds from the deepest ocean,

I’d forsake them all for your sweet kiss,

For that’s all I’m wishin’ to be ownin’. -Bob Dylan

28. You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear. -Oscar Wilde

29. If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than because he was he, and I was I.  -Michael D. Montaigne

30. Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts. -Charles Dickens

31. To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides. -David Viscott

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image: Pink Sherbet Photography

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I dare you to watch this heartwarming video and not cry. Sarah and Paige are both missing parts of their arms, and their moms brought them together via the International Child Amputee Network (just thinking that such an organization even exists breaks my heart). Over the last 8 years, the two girls have formed an intense bond, using Internet video chat service Skype (full disclosure: the video is actually an ad for Skype). Though separated by many miles (hometowns are in New Zealand and Indiana in the US), they are clearly best friends. Watch to see the terrific surprise and enjoy the beauty of friendship!  

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The post Get Your Tissues Ready: Amputee Teenage Best Friends Are Pure Joy (Video) appeared first on EcoSalon.

There are much more colorful reasons to hang out and talk.

Ever since Girls aired on HBO, female friendship has been the catchphrase du jour. That’s not surprising news to most of us, who would be lost without a close circle of girls with whom to commiserate and celebrate. But without structured activities, making time to see friends can take a backseat to work and family commitments. A book club might seem edifying and fun…at first. But we can’t think of anything more awkward than sitting in a living room, nibbling crudités while trying not to compare protagonists to each other’s exes for an hour. Thankfully, there are dozens of alternatives. We’ve listed just a few of them here.

1. Play kickball.

Girl’s nights out are stereotypically sedentary activities — drinking wine, or going to the spa. That’s fine for some, but what if you and your friends are a little more active? When the weather’s nice, meet up in the park after work with a cooler and a few camp chairs. The more friends you bring, the easier it will be to kick the seventh-graders off the baseball diamond.

2. Brew beer.

Homebrewing is an arduous process. Like other labor-intensive pursuits, it’s easy to put off shopping, boiling and bottling until your carboy is coated with an inch-thick layer of dust. Take turns meeting at each other’s houses and choosing recipes. A little extra help and company goes a long way. As an added bonus, you can throw a party every few months with the finished product!

3. Take a trip.

Granted, there aren’t too many examples of the female buddy road trip that don’t mention the names “Thelma” or “Louise.” But even a journey as small as to a local campground with burgers and marshmallows will give you and your best female girlfriends an experience to share. And stepping out of your comfort zone together is a great way to come up with new things to reminisce about.

4. Host a clothing swap.

Going shopping is the ultimate girls’ day out activity. But our feelings on fast fashion and conspicuous consumption are well-known. Luckily, there’s no reason to buy new clothes when your friends probably have unworn dresses and shrunken sweaters that they’d be happy to pass on — and so do you. Don’t forget to wear a clean pair of undies.

5. Start a knitting circle.

You don’t have to meet at each other’s homes either — or quote Little House on the Prairie. Enliven your weekly knitting circle by meeting up at a bar to knit over a pint or two. If you’re a little inexperienced, or have a low alcohol tolerance, make sure that you use washable yarn.

6. Make a zine.

For an example of what friends can create together when they have a little spare time and a common fascination, check out Girl Crush Zine, an ode to Nora Ephron, Charlotte Gainsbourg and all the random women who inspire us. If a few of your friends have a way with words or a pen — or even if they don’t — brainstorming ideas is a great way to spur conversations and inspirations.

7. Sing karaoke.

There is no better bonding experience than complete and repeated public humiliation — just ask any drill sergeant. If the idea of standing in front of strangers at a local bar sounds more terrifying than fun, there are karaoke bars that rent out private rooms.

8. Learn a new skill.

All of us have relatively simple tasks that we need to outsource. Some of us can’t change a car’s oil or hem a pair of jeans. Harness the power of the collective and find out if one of your friends has some skills that she could pass on to you in a Sunday afternoon lesson. If you can’t find a single person who knows how to repair a fence, send out for a pizza and put all your wits and hands to the task.

9. Rock some bar games.

Women have an undeserved reputation for being catty and competitive. This myth is, in fact, almost the exact opposite of reality — most women are conditioned to be nurturers, to be empathetic and to downplay their successes. A little healthy competition between you and your friends will help all of you learn how to encourage each other. Try to rack up the highest points at skee ball or make teams for shuffleboard.

10. Watch Sex and the City.

Okay. So perhaps watching this supposedly iconic television show wouldn’t be our preferred activity to bond with any of our friends (at least, if the stated intention is to make those bonds stronger, instead of weaker). Maybe instead, we could all dial a few numbers and spend some time on the phone, hearing real live voices and finding out what each of our nearest and dearest would like to do, instead of catching up via Facebook?

Image: sparkleawk, Oberazzi, carobe, melloveschallah, JudyGR, andie712b, hellojenuine, derekGavey, buhtterfly, Mr. T in DC, Eva Abreu.

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Staying true.

“I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.”

-Plutarch

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Some things take time.

“Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit.”

-Aristotle

Image: Seattle Municipal Archives

The post The Progression of a Friendship appeared first on EcoSalon.

 What we bring to the table.

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”

-Anaïs Nin

Image: anyjazz65

The post BFF appeared first on EcoSalon.

VideoIt’s all about love.

This stop-motion animation by Kristen Lepore is a beautiful exploration of communication. Simple and heartwarming, even if you have already seen it, it’s worth another watch.

Bottle from Kirsten Lepore on Vimeo.

The post Video: Bottle appeared first on EcoSalon.

EcoSalon’s favorite quotes about the people that make us stronger.

An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind. -Buddha

Friendship… is not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything. -Muhammad Ali

There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up. -John Holmes

A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often – just to save it from drying out completely. -Pam Brown

A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down. -Arnold H. Glasow

The friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you. -Elbert Hubbard

A friend to all is a friend to none. -Aristotle

Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. -George Washington

Fear makes strangers of people who would be friends. -Shirley MacLaine

Friends and good manners will carry you where money won’t go. -Margaret Walker

I always felt that the great high privilege, relief and comfort of friendship was that one had to explain nothing. -Katherine Mansfield

I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better. -Plutarch

I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar, but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar. -Robert Brault

It is important to our friends to believe that we are unreservedly frank with them, and important to friendship that we are not. -Mignon McLaughlin

Friendship and money: oil and water. -Mario Puzo

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

She is a friend of mind. She gather me, man. The pieces I am, she gather them and give them back to me in all the right order. It’s good, you know, when you got a woman who is a friend of your mind. -Toni Morrison

It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter. -Marlene Dietrich

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. -Oprah Winfrey

Silences make the real conversations between friends. Not the saying but the never needing to say is what counts. -Margaret Lee Runbeck

The only way to have a friend is to be one. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

When a friend is in trouble, don’t annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it. -Edward W. Howe

Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit. -Aristotle

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” -C.S. Lewis

I think if I’ve learned anything about friendship, it’s to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don’t walk away, don’t be distracted, don’t be too busy or tired, don’t take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff. -Jon Katz

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. -Mark Twain

A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow. -William Shakespeare

I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light. -Helen Keller

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. -Anaïs Nin

The best mirror is an old friend. -George Herbert

There are some things you can’t share without ending up liking each other, and knocking out a twelve-foot mountain troll is one of them. -J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone

Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing. -Elie Wiesel

The friend who holds your hand and says the wrong thing is made of dearer stuff than the one who stays away. -Barbara Kingsolver

Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over. -Gloria Naylor

There’s not a word yet, for old friends who’ve just met. -Jim Henson

Growing apart doesn’t change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled. I’m glad for that. -Ally Condie

There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends. -Sylvia Plath

Cutting people out of your life is easy, keeping them in is hard. -Walter Dean Myers

It’s bullshit to think of friendship and romance as being different. They’re not. They’re just variations of the same love. Variations of the same desire to be close. -Rachel Cohn

There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate. -Charles Dickens

Images: Renee, D. Sharon Pruitt [2], Van Do 

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The post 40 Best Quotes About Friendship appeared first on EcoSalon.

Separate your real friends from your frenemies.

Your friends are your support system, your partners-in-crime. They’ll laugh over stupid reality shows with you, protect you from creepsters at the bar, bring you soup when you’re sick and tell you the truth when you need to hear it. They’re like family, except you can control who they are. So exercise that right. If your friends don’t give you that warm and fuzzy feeling, maybe you aren’t surrounding yourself with the right people.

Everything is a competition.  No matter what you say, your friend feels the need to one-up you. Mention that you had a bad day, and she’ll say, “Mine was even worse!” Tell a funny story and her response is, “Oh, but wait until you hear this!” She always has to have the more expensive shoes, the bigger diamond ring and the cuter boyfriend, but if you mention that you don’t care about those things, she’ll have an anecdote about how she cares even less. Some people are innately competitive, and that can be a positive thing, but there’s a big difference between showing off Scrabble skills and constantly belittling your accomplishments.

You’re only friends out of nostalgia. You lead totally different lives, you find very little to talk about when you’re together and you disagree on most of the big issues. But, you think, we’ve known each other forever! If you met today, you probably wouldn’t be friends at all, but you like being able to say that you’ve been BFFs for decades. On its own, this may not be a good reason to dump a friend, but it’s definitely a reason to downgrade her status in your life. You might want to focus your attention on friends that you can really click with instead.

They talk, but don’t listen. Everyone has experienced this at least once: sitting silent for thirty minutes or more while a clueless friend yaps on and on, never letting you get a word in edgewise. We all have our chatty moods, and sometimes, your friends really do just need you to sit there and listen while they vent. That’s cool, but when it happens on a daily basis, it can start to wear on your patience. If your friend asks how you’ve been doing and then immediately cuts you off with a story of her own, she’s probably got chronic self-absorption syndrome.

They ask for lots of favors, but never give back. Just like the friend who can’t shut up about herself, the flaky favor-asker seems to think her time is worth a lot more than yours. You’re the one who has to pick up the pizza, act as designated driver, help her move across town and pick her up from the airport. She calls you when her washing machine breaks or she needs to bake a cake for an office party, “because you’re better at this stuff than I am.” But when the tables are turned, your friend is AWOL. Don’t be a doormat.

They can’t keep secrets. You confided to a friend about something very personal, with the understanding that she wouldn’t tell anyone else. But she just can’t seem to keep things to herself, no matter how touchy the subject may be, and soon you’ve got mutual friends expressing their condolences, offering advice or just giving you knowing looks. Whatever her reason for gossiping, betraying your trust isn’t cool. You should be able to count on your friends not to broadcast your business.

In your time of need, they’re nowhere to be found. It happened – that big emergency that you hoped would never come up. This moment, whether it’s an accident, your house burning down, a death in the family or the breakdown of your relationship, is when you need the support of your friends the most. Instead of being there to help you get back on your feet, she’s giving you excuses about how busy she is. This might just be the ultimate friendship test.

When you talk to them about it, they’re not contrite. Okay, so you’ve decided you’re going to confront your friend directly about the issues that have been bothering you. You think, maybe she just doesn’t realize how she’s been acting, and she’ll stop. But instead of apologizing or saying she’ll try to do better, she offers up denials or rationalizes her behavior. She’s not willing to work on the friendship, so it must not mean much to her.

You have to psyche yourself up to see them. Maybe you avoid answering her calls because you have to be in a particular kind of mood to deal with her. Maybe you put off hanging out because you realize that every time you see her, you come home feeling like shit. Listen to yourself. These are not-so-subtle clues that this relationship isn’t doing anything for you.

You can’t just be yourself. When you’re around this particular person or group of friends, you feel like you have to do certain things or act a certain way to fit in. You might find yourself wearing clothes that you wouldn’t wear otherwise. You might even feel a need to self-censor, because you know they look down on some of your views or interests.  Maybe they even bully you a little bit. You shouldn’t have to try this hard.

You don’t like who you are around them. If you’re trying so hard to make your friendships work that you’re changing who you are to please them, and finding yourself more than a little disgusted with your own behavior, stop it right now. You should never compromise who you are to please other people, especially if those people actually kind of suck. There are plenty of potential friends out there who will love you for exactly who you are.

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