Just like gossiping, complaining is one of those things that we know isn’t good for us. Still sometimes in the moment it feels good both to connect to another person and to vent about what ails you. But here’s the thing: complaining isn’t just a little bad for you, it’s really bad for both your mental and physical health.

Dr. Travis Bradberry, author of “Emotional Intelligence,” writes that complaining is bad for us just like sitting on the couch all day, drinking too much, or even smoking. Here’s why:

Why we Complain

Complaining sneaks up on you. It’s a bad habit like any other and sometimes we don’t even think about it. And while complaining is a negative thing, most of us do it for a positive reason: we want to connect. Many of us think that it’s easier to start a conversation with something negative because people are quicker to find common ground.

As we’re trying to connect, we’re also trying to find validation for the things we’re complaining about. Have you ever vented about something or someone that’s been upsetting you when you know there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it? Maybe you’re jealous of what someone has or someone’s accomplishments so you complain about them. It’s usually because you want someone to tell you that they agree.

The act of complaining is all about trying to avoid actually taking any real action. You’re basically complaining about the hindrances that are keeping you from meeting your goals so that you don’t have to actually work toward your goals.

How Complaining Rewires the Brain

When you think negativity often, you’re teaching your brain to continue to think this way. This occurs because the brain increasingly builds bridges or neural pathways that deepen as you use them. The more you fire a certain part of the brain, according to Dr. Bradberry, the more likely that by habit you exhibit this behavior because your brain wants to use as little energy as possible to get stuff done. That’s why the more you complain the more it becomes a default behavior.

It also damages the hippocampus. The more negativity you spew, or even think, the more you shrink the hippocampus, the part of the brain that’s responsible for problem-solving and the part of the brain that’s impacted with Alzheimer’s disease.

Plus, it’s Bad for your Health

Complaining is also bad for your health because it releases cortisol into the brain. It’s a chemical in the brain that’s released for survival purposes but today gets released when someone pulls out in front of you on the highway or when you’re late to the office. Too much cortisol in the body, no matter the cause, is not good for you. It increases your risk of heart disease, diabetes, and all sorts of chronic illnesses.

How to Stop Complaining and be More Positive

The good news is just as you can rewire your brain for negativity, you can also rewire it for positivity. Here’s how to stop being a “Negative Nancy”:

1. Define the solution to your complaints.

If you feel a complaint coming on, take a hard look at it. What actions can you take to fix the thing you’re complaining about? If there is no solution, then why are you complaining? Stop venting for no reason and move toward action.

2. Find gratitude.

If you’re grateful for what you have, you’re more likely to see the positive rather than the negative. A few times a week, write down the things large and small that you’re truly grateful for in your life. It can be anything from the baristas at your favorite coffee shop to cuddling with your cocker spaniel, to your loving spouse. Whatever it is, take a few moments to write down the items that come to mind in the moment. This keeps your brain from going in the negative direction.

3. Track your complaints.

Awareness is the first step to nipping a negative action in the bud. Most of us complain once per hour all day. If you jot it down when you complain, you can see where you fall on the complaining spectrum. The more you notice it, the less likely you are to keep complaining.

4. Find positive friends.

Unfortunately, according to Dr. Bradberry, complaining is like smoking, it’s negative to your health even if you experience it secondhand. The more you’re around a complainer, the more likely you are to complain. Not only that, but someone else’s complaints can also make you feel bad and still rewire your brain toward negativity. You can’t control this all the time, but you can make a real attempt to be around people that have a positive perspective on life. If you know you’re going to be around someone who generally complains a lot, get prepared. Say, for example, that your mother-in-law has a knack for turning even positive news into something crappy. Plan two to three positive subject changes like grandkids, a yummy recipe, or a great new book.

5. Take a look at the things that you complain about the most.

What are the things in your life that you complain about the most? Maybe it’s time to find solutions to the issues that plague you. Whether it’s your job, weight, or your lazy boyfriend, if you’re spending a bunch of time complaining about some aspect of your life, it could be time to do something about it. Especially when you consider that the very thing you’re complaining about is hurting both your mental and physical health.

Do you complain too much? What are you complaining about? Does it make you feel bad? We want to know! Drop us a line via Twitter @EcoSalon

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The term “gratitude journal” has been casually bandied about ever since Oprah announced that is was part of her daily practice to sit down and list all of the things for which she is grateful. The concept of reflecting upon and writing down what we appreciate is one we’d all like to carve into our regular routine, but the actual practice is often eluded as the day slips away and our heads are finally able to hit the pillow (while journals remain closed in bedside bureaus).

Here are some easy tips that will really help get you started on writing a gratitude journal. And since practicing the art of gratitude is a simple way to boost both mental and physical health, the sooner we get started, the better!

First things first – Get a Journal! Some people (self included) are intimidated by fancy, new journals because they don’t want to mess up their pristine pages. So choose a journal that you feel comfortable writing in. I love Ecojot’s collection of 100 percent recycled paper journals. There’s a wide selection of vibrant, cheery styles, in varying sizes that will make your practice fun and convenient.

List one, not ten things you’re grateful for. Many are daunted by the task of sitting down at day’s end to summon up a long-ish list of ten things throughout the day that they are grateful for. So start small, and write down one thing you’re grateful for. If doing so has a domino effect and you can happily add to your list, keep your session going. If not, be happy with your mindfulness for that one moment, close your journal and go to sleep with a smile on your face.

Write in your gratitude journal any time of day, throughout the day. If nighttime isn’t the right time, take your journal off your nightstand and place it in the room in your home in which you spend most of your time, or tote it in your bag for on-the-go easy access. This way, you’ll be able to reach for it and write in it at will as gratitude dons on you – and you can avoid scratching your head in the evening when you’re tired and trying to recall all of the day’s events.

Think outside the pages. Is the thought of cracking open an archaic paper journal a laugh to you, given your prowess in the digital age? Don’t feel obligated to hand-write your thoughts across paper. As the new saying goes, “there’s an app for that!” iTunes offers a program called Gratitude! Journal Positive Thoughts, so your iPhone can double as your gratitude journal, and you won’t have to worry about its whereabouts!

Accentuate the positive. If you’ve had a particularly crummy day, don’t bail on your gratitude session. Bad days are when we’re most in need of the perspective that being appreciative has to offer. Do your best to accentuate anything positive in your life, even if it doesn’t relate to anything that happened that day. It can be as basic but as vital as, I’m grateful for my beating heart!

Image: Space Amoeba, EcoJot

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