Science says men who clean the house have less sex. Here’s why science can suck it.

Back in the day—okay, 2013—a study came out that said men who do more chores around the house have less sex than husbands who don’t clean the house as much. (Can I meet the women who participated in this study? Because they sound made up to me. You know, by the men who don’t want to clean conducted the study.)

Anywho, the study was a snapshot of more than 3,500 heterosexual married couples in the United States over the past 20 years. Their “analysis” found couples in which the hubs took care of all the “wifely duties” had one-third less sex than those in which the man did none of it. What’s more, couples in which the husband took care of the “men, men, men, men, manly men” duties reported 18 percent more sex than couples in which the man did not—the theory being the more feminine the chore, the less sexy we think our sig-o is.

Soon after, a study by Cornell University found the opposite to be true: Men who embrace the girly chores have more satisfaction in the bedroom.

So which study is right? Well, both.

Sure, Cornell researchers may have been using more recent data as their guide, proving that times have changed, but the truth is actually much simpler than that: Men who clean the house have more sex. Men who think they clean the house have less sex. Way, way less sex. Contrary to popular belief, the definition of “clean” isn’t subjective.

“Research has shown that, unlike men, in order for women to relax into arousal and experience orgasm, the parts of their brain that associate with outside stressors must deactivate during sex,” sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., told Woman’s Day. Outside stressors like clutter, garbage, odd smells, dust, dirt and piles of laundry all make us feel the exact opposite of randy.

Got it? Good. So when you say you’ve cleaned, here’s the difference between legit cleaning, and avoidant cleaning:

Hot: Putting things away.
Not: Stuffing everything into closets and under furniture.

Hot: Wiping the sink out after doing the dishes.
Not: Only doing the dishes when there’s one fork left.

Hot: Taking out the garbage.
Not: Pushing the garbage further into the bag.

Hot: Thoroughly scrubbing the toilet after you’ve annihilated it.
Not: Pouring cleaner in the toilet and flushing.

Hot: Moving dust and crumbs off furniture and into the garbage.
Not: Moving dust and crumbs off furniture and onto the floor.

Hot: Sorting the laundry into whites and colors.
Not: Leaving dirty socks two inches away from the laundry hamper.

You get the idea. We don’t want our home to look clean, we want it to be clean—and if your cleaning skills seem to just make the situation worse, then why not use a service like HomeJoy to do the job for you? It’s a simple, cost-effective way to connect with cleaning professionals that will free up time in both of your busy schedules for the things you actually care about (you know, like gettin’ jiggy).

When you pretend you’ve cleaned by taking transparent shortcuts, her libido shuts down like it’s taken too much Xanax. The fact is if you’re not willing to clear the cobwebs from the ceiling fan, then you’re not worthy to clear the cobwebs from her vagina. It’s as simple as that.

Has cleaning the house helped your sex life?

Related on EcoSalon

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20 Ways to Spring Clean Without Spending a Cent

Image: Man cleaning the house photo via Shutterstock

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