John Waters is my hero. He is a dirty delinquent with a smart sense of humor. And the commencement speech he made at the Rhode Island Convention Center is totally cool.

In his speech, he talks about how lame trigger warnings are, how great it is to be devious, and delivers the best line I’ve heard in a commencement speech yet:

“I have figured out how to never be around assholes anytime in my personal and professional life.”

Now, that’s an inspirational quote. Watch the full video below.

Related on EcoSalon

From Zappa to The Wire, Baltimore Emerges As A Green City

Does Everything Need a Trigger Warning?

5 Conscious Stand Up Comedians Redefining Comedy

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Column Things that a foodie didn’t dare say out loud, but was definitely thinking. 

While it might seem like all those people surrounding you on your grocery shopping trip are normal, if they all had though bubbles above their heads, you would know the truth. Thankfully, Foodie Underground is here to help with exactly that. The girl holding a basket full of chard and seaweed crackers? The guy pondering whether he should get the raw cashew butter or just go for comfort food and get the peanut butter? Yeah, they’re all on the same page. If you’ve ever wondered what was going through these foodies’ heads, here’s your answer.

1. “I can’t believe they don’t sell black quinoa.”
2. “Shit, it’s already 5pm, there won’t be any natural light left for me to photograph this when I get home.”
3. “I wonder if acai berries or goji berries would make for a better second kombucha fermentation?”
4. “Why don’t they have food-grade twine available yet?”
5. “They’re out of mason jars???”
6. “Just look at the price of Sriracha, I am so glad I make my own.”
7. “Ooh, dark chocolate covered cardamom and chipotle infused candied ginger for only $19.99. I’ll take three!”
8. “Quail eggs; that would make my Friday night handmade ramen better.”
9. “No more pomegranate? What am I going to put on my steel cut oats tomorrow?”
10. “Truffles! Normally I only get the white ones, but I guess I can make an exception…”
11. “The floral notes and the over pronounced acidity on that wine were just terrible last time.”
12. “Why is there never a non-fat goat’s yogurt?”
13. “Oh look, hand-churned butter with chunky sea salt!”
14. “I need a turmeric ginger infusion, I hope the juice bar isn’t closed yet.”
15. “I want a cupcake.”

Related on Foodie Underground

Good Food Isn’t Perfect: Foodie Underground

Things You Wish You Had Overheard a Foodie Saying: Foodie Underground

The 10 Types of Foodies and What to Do With Them: Foodie Underground

This is the latest installment of Anna Brones’ weekly column at EcoSalon: Foodie Underground, an exploration of what’s new and different in the underground movement, and how we make the topic of good food more accessible to everyone. More musings on the topic can be found at www.foodieunderground.com.

Image: Wally Gobetz

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For most women, that time of the month isn’t a favorite, but this hilarious video might just convince you that it’s not so bad. 

Why make a funny music video (below) about periods? Lena D, who put this project together, writes on her YouTube page, “The goal of this song is to reduce shame and embarrassment that women feel regarding their time of month.” I dare you not to get the catchy tune stuck in your head. 

Related on Ecosalon: 

 Polar Bears Are Amazing Underwater Athletes: Who Knew? (video) 

Geena Davis is a Total Badass (Video)

The post This Song About Your Period is the Funny Anthem We’ve All Been Waiting For (Video) appeared first on EcoSalon.

If you need a laugh, check out the hilariously edited ‘cat massage’ video below.

There’s really not much else to say about it, other than that I have always been afraid to end up as a crazy cat lady, but after seeing this, I’m totally not worried. Because there’s this woman.

Related on Ecosalon:

Geena Davis is a Total Badass: Proof that Women Over 50 Are Awesome (video)

Facing Fear: National Geographic Photographer Teaches Us How in Scary Encounter with Leopard Seal (video) 

The post Cat Massage: As Ridiculously Funny As It Sounds (Video) appeared first on EcoSalon.

It’s a weird thing to admit, but I bought my current home because it reminded me of Geena Davis’s New England Victorian home (where she lives in purgatory, and haunts the Deetz’s) from Beetlejuice, one of my Top Ten movies of all time (hey, I love dark comedies). She took a part that could have been totally silly-stupid in less-capable hands, and made a complex, relatable character for the ages, starring across from a very young-looking Alec Baldwin. And let’s not even get into how great she was in Thelma & Louise. 

Of course, Geena Davis is way more than just one character she has played, and even more than just her career as an actress; this Mensa member was also a finalist for the Olympic archery team, speaks Swedish and has always stood tall in her 6′ frame. Check out her still-amazing arrow-shooting skills and general badassery in the funny video below, where she shoots down the common, crummy attitudes about women’s aging. 

Related on Ecosalon: 

Facing Fear: National Geographic Photographer Teaches Us How in Scary Encounter with Leopard Seal (Video) 

The 7 Best TV Shows to Binge Watch

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No matter how accomplished, cool, or experienced we are, all of us get scared sometimes.

Even veteran National Geographic photographers, like Paul Nicklen, who was, as he says in the video below, terrified, before meeting up with a huge leopard seal in Antarctic waters. Nicklen says, “my legs were shaking and I had dry-mouth.” What happened? How did he deal with facing fear? You have to check out this gorgeous video to find out! 

Related on Ecosalon: 

Captivity Sucks (And Doesn’t Have to Be Permanent): The Great Dolphin Escape

Breeding Endangered Species: Should We Be Giving Pandas Viagra?

The post Facing Fear: National Geographic Photographer Teaches us How in Scary Encounter with Leopard Seal (Video) appeared first on EcoSalon.

Because most of these words are dumb so we should have fun with them.

1. Can you assist me with this insertion order?
2. I make small cubicles fun.
3. I would be happy to be your human resource.
4. You won’t be needing an expense report tonight.
5. I would like to put your consulting expertise to good use.
6. Are you interested in managing my account?
7. I’d like to make you my feature PowerPoint presentation.
8. Can you help me figure out my operating system?
9. Where else can you employ that analytical ability?
10. Hard cover briefcases are so much better.
11. Your eyes are as intriguing as a good biz dev strategy.
12. My account is totally receivable.
13. Let’s get out from under this fluorescent lighting and find somewhere more comfortable.
14. I can tell you’re a team player.
15. If we went on a date, what do you think our profit and loss would be?
16. I don’t believe in automation, I am all hands on.
17. Your customer interface is impressive.
18. I would wager that two self-starters like ourselves would have a good time together.
19. Is that low-hanging fruit or are you just happy to see me?
20. You don’t need a high level of core competency to know that you’re a catch.
21. Let’s give you a skills analysis.
22. Any chance you’d be interested in drilling down with me?
23. I don’t think you and I will need any troubleshooting.
24. You’ve been running through my invoices all night.
25. I was thinking about you during that entire conference call.
26. I’m not into cold-call sales, but I’d love to have your number.
27. Can I see the inside of your cubicle?
28. Who needs a financial analysis when I know exactly where to put my money.
29. Forecasting is for people who can’t live in the moment.
30. Instead of all these policies and procedures, let’s visit the idea of free will.
31. Enterprise this.
32. Want to play a little document distribution strip poker?
33. All this corporate giving is getting me hot under the collar-you?
34. There’s nothing like a little file maintenance to keep you on your toes.
35. All this problem solving has me wanting to create problems.
36. Let’s do this, but in real time.
37. Your methodology is so smooth and deliberate.
38. Realizing we’re working on a timeline, how much time do we have to get to know each other?
39. The best part of this acquisition is you.
40. In all the power meetings I’ve ever been to, this room is one of the hottest…for real, it’s hot.
41. Don’t feel like you have to go this alone, we can tag team.
42. Should we debrief?
43. Performance evaluations are my favorite day of the year.
44. I am feeling this burn rate in many places.
45. Sometimes you just have to ask yourself, “Am I a profit or a loss?” Now which one are you?
46. Now, when you say “team building retreats,” what does that mean to you?
47. Risk management just sounds like something so clandestine!
48. You say accelerated growth, I just say hot.
49. You say there is little margin for errors but I disagree.
50. The first time I saw you, there was only word that came to mind-benchmark.

Image: mark sebastian

Conversion Rate Optimization Glossary

The post 50 Pick Up Lines for the Corporate World appeared first on EcoSalon.

ColumnIf only food conversations were this interesting.

“All I had to bring was this jar of homemade pickled carrots.”

“Oh the popcorn? Yeah, it’s the truffle oil that does it.”

“It was Sunday. So I got the pan-fried trout.”

These are all direct quotes that I overhead, or caught myself saying, in the last week. If you spend any time around food lovers, or are simply food obsessed yourself, and you will pick up on some humorous things. Absurd even. If ferment, infuse or are co-op are part of your vocabulary, you know what I am talking about. But don’t you just wish that the foodie world would take it to the next level? Here’s what you wish you had overheard.

“We have to harvest our sweat today so that we can make salted macarons tomorrow.”

“Your kombucha mother is so beautiful.”

“I finally got into the goat share program.”

“I am my cooking.”

“I couldn’t bear to sleep with him. He couldn’t even pronounce croissant correctly.”

“You need marrow? I know a guy with a freezer on the other side of town.”

“We’re a new kind of DIY artisan butcher. We kill the cow in your kitchen so you get to really take part in the process.”

“I only drink a coconut and sparkling water blend. The effervescence seems to help me absorb the potassium better.”

“Is your butter hand churned?”

“I name all of my fresh eggs before I eat them. I find that when my food has a personal identity I enjoy it more.”

“Oh, please don’t take a picture of that, it’s so rude when people photograph during a meal.”

“We’ve been working on recycling the leftover coffee grounds into a new edible body treatment line.”

“This salt must be from the Northeast, I can taste the terroir.”

“Sorry couldn’t meet that deadline, I had a bit of a infusing fruit with fruit issue last night.”

“Don’t worry, I brought my own fennel seeds.”

“Do you think this sangria has too many floral elements in it?”

“I really would have rather had a fried egg in this spicy ramen broth than a poached one.”

“We’re starting a foraging club for weeds and non-native edible plants.”

“Instead of rose petals sprinkled on the floor, he dusted everything with organic spelt flour before proposing.”

“Canning really allows me to get to know my vegetables.”

“The truffle ice cubes were sort of disastrous.”

“I had an allergic reaction from that instant coffee she served me yesterday. The local espresso blend never gives me hives.”

“Does this camembert taste off to you, or has it just been too long since I was in France?”

“I can’t believe I have gone this long without candied thistles in my life.”

“Would it be possible to get that served in a mason jar instead?”

Editor’s note: This is the latest installment of Anna Brones’s weekly column at EcoSalon, Foodie Underground, discovering what’s new and different in the underground food movement, from supper clubs to mini markets to the culinary avant garde.

Image: henofthewood

The post Foodie Underground: Things You Wish You Had Overheard a Foodie Saying appeared first on EcoSalon.

Cats and dogs fraternizing! The world’s gone mad.

The Animal Kingdom is a funny place, almost like a high school cafeteria, where different species hang out in different cliques with very little intermingling. These photographs showcase those rare instances of interaction between different kinds of animals. While some of the photos are indescribably funny, they are also a reminder: if different animals can put aside their differences and co-exist, there’s no reason why humans of different races, religions, and backgrounds can’t do it, too.

Cat/Chicken

Alligator/Bird

Dog/Hamster

Bird/Snake

Camel/Human

Cat/Dog

Goat/Chickens

Parrot/Turtles

Horse/Cow

Llama/Goats

Monkey/Fish

Horse/Dogs

Chicken/Pig

Mouse/Cat

Main image: Bird/Elephants

SEE ALSO:

40 Gorgeous Photos of Europe

40 Gorgeous Photos of North America

40 Gorgeous Photos of Latin America

40 Gorgeous Photos of Asia

40 Gorgeous Photos of Africa

25 Photos of Islands Threatened by Climate Change

25 Images of Female Adrenaline Seekers

40 Photos from Flea Markets Around the World

30 Gorgeous Photos of Winter Snowscapes

30 Gorgeous Photos of Farming and Agriculture

The post 15 Hilarious Photos of Interspecies Mingling appeared first on EcoSalon.

ColumnHigh fives, ladies, we’re the fixer-upper gender!

In light of the recent release of the Tush Tickler, your guide to “analplay adventures for everybooty,” you might be tempted to think there’s no personal development book under the sun left to be published, what with books being published where the sun don’t shine. You would think wrong. There are mines, rich veins, whole mountaintops of self help publishing left to be penetrated for our betterment. And isn’t that what it’s all about, ladies? Less thinking wrong, less thinking generally, more betterment?

They say print is dead. This simply isn’t true, because we have women, and as long as we have women, we will think of new books to improve them. Just check out these hot new self help titles for 2012!*

Everything I Need to Know in Life I Learned From My Dental Hygienist. Everything

“Some people say cleanliness is next to godliness. Some people also say pearly whites are next to pearly gates.” – Fox News

Raising Self Esteem by Broadcasting Everything Wrong With Yourself in Social Media

“Stunningly original approach to self help. Guaranteed to be a smash hit. Step aside, 7 Habits of Highly Successful People. Move over, The Secret. Sure to be an instant classic.” – Kirkus Book Reviews

Life Without Contraception in This Country

“A brilliant guide for the suddenly lesbian.” –  San Francisco Chronicle

Just Keep Telling Yourself It’s Not Personal, and Other Coping Techniques for Losers

“Denial is not to be stamped out, but amplified, explains this sage and insightful personal development primer that is the best thing I’ve seen yet at this low paying self help book review job I absolutely adore and vastly prefer to writing my novel.” – Internet Book Reviews Reviews of Books Best Book Reviews Online Internet Resource for Book Reviews Win Free Money, a subsidiary of Demand Media

If You Could Only Be Perfect!

“For the adult child who longs for the odd comfort of daily remonstrations at the hands of a tyrannical parent, this cruel, critical, fault-finding, nagging book is a lifeline nearly as judgmental as Mom herself, and certainly as disappointed as the Baby Jesus. The accompanying photo album for holding embarrassing childhood photographs to show prospective suitors is a thoughtful touch from the publisher, which clearly spared no expense in the creative development and packaging of this timely title. Now, more than ever, we need self-loathing.” – Brigham Young University Press

So He Left You for a 25-Year-Old She Probably Squeaks, and Other Crass Koans to Help You Feel Less Bitter About Being 50 and Divorced with a Credit Rating Shot to Hell Thanks to That Jerk Who Is So Immature Even the Therapist Despises Him Especially After She Slept with Him Because He’s Not Even Good in Bed! I Know!

“The author holds a canny grasp on the marriage zeitgeist, which is to say, the divorce zeitgeist.” – the Guardian

The Art of the Fake Orgasm

“A helpful how-to for pretending to reach climax during sexual intercourse, this delightful guide is full of creative tips for faking orgasm, along with dozens of real stories from women – and men – of all walks of life. This work would have been enhanced by the inclusion of expert insights from health professionals instead of the author’s friends. Still, a useful book for those interested in mastery of fake orgasms.” – Publishers Weekly

Is It Just Me or Does Nonviolent Communication Feel Like Suffocating Inside Sweaty Flannel Sheets?

“That’s not the actual title, but it should be! The NVC Myth: My Years of Suffering Through the Most Annoying Form of Communication on Earth really nails it. I knew exactly what the author meant the second I saw the book. For the stage five clinger not wanting the relationship to end and therefore having difficulty accepting the other party’s lack of interest, NVC must be a thrilling godsend, a therapeutically validated method for maintaining the connection for as long as humanly possible. For the party who isn’t the control freak endowed with epic levels of neurotic insecurity, NVC feels pretty much like you’re still dating the person only this time completely against your will.” – Amazon buyer itsworsethanherpes

How to Stop Beating Yourself Up for Misplacing the Keys for the Seven Millionth Time Today in One Easy Step Which We’ll Just Put in the Title: Anytime You Lose Something It Will Always Be Wherever You Left It, Except if There’s an Earthquake Then It Might Not Be Right Exactly Where You Left It But Probably Still Pretty Close By

“Though the entire contents of the book are on the cover, the intrepid reader or average New Yorker will soon grasp the many layers of this fundamental truism of life resting poetically within a simplistic single line. At once simple and nuanced, by turns pithy and existential, at once hilarious and brutal, by turns banal and profound, at once postmodern and tragic, by turns brisk and solemn, at once boring and random, by turns witty and frank, at once silly and bold, by turns like a girl wrote it and intelligent, at once riveting and poignant, by turns refreshing and compelling, this book is a triumph, an opus, a masterpiece, a tour de force. Deeply present. Deeply personal. Deeply provocative. Deeply shallow, while being deep in a shallow way. A Midwestern sensibility delicately permeates this experimental title, which is paradoxical in a richly ironic sense, reminiscent of the very best early work of Dave Eggars but also the biting disgust of a slightly older, slightly puffier Jonathan Franzen; both quiet like DeLillo and noisy like Safran Foer, if they were beverages. The book for the times, the book of the times, the book and the times.” –  The New York Times Book Review

What To Do About Your Wide Set Cleavage

“Wide set cleavage is a problem most women have, though many simply don’t realize it. This step-by-step guide takes the reader from DIY all the way to surgery, with scaffolding diagrams, resources, and plenty of tips for each stage of the journey to more attractive breasts.” – Allure

We need so much help. So much.

This is the latest installment in your editor’s column, The Insider’s Guide to Life.

*Note: These are not actual books nor actual reviews.

Image: quinn.anya

The post The Insider’s Guide to Life: 10 New Self Help Titles You Don’t Want to Miss appeared first on EcoSalon.