ColumnEnglish doesn’t have the feminine case. Stop trying to add it to the rotation.

“These ‘Influence-Hers’ have considerably larger social networks — both online and offline…Besides having a larger social circle, they also tend to be more actively engaged with brands. The Influence-Hers are 38% more likely than typical women to ‘like’ brands on Facebook or to provide personal information to brands they like on Facebook.” – via AdvertisingAge

This morning, like many mornings, I was awakened by the sound of the coffee makeHer. I hopped into the showHer to freshen up before heading to work at EcoSalon headquartHers, where we create and distribute content for smart, stylish women who are early adoptHers and influenceHers. There, I scan the blogs by blogHers and also chat with photograpHers, social media marketHers (you know, like diggHers and redditHers) and a programmHer. Just kidding! Girls aren’t programmers.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of awkward insinuations of the feminine where it isn’t required, I will fear no condescension, for you, dear reader who does not need an “h” added, are with me. My pen and my words, they comfort me, and scare the shit out of idiots. I prepare a post in the presence of trolls; you anoint me with tweets; my inbox overflows.

But where was I.

Gendered nouns like actress and editrix have been around for eons/however long Urban Dictionary says they’ve been around. What I find useless is the her habit: that clever habit of marketers to conceive of terms like “influence-Her”, as seen in the above noted social media study that finds influential women are influential. (In seriousness, the study is actually quite interesting for this nugget: the more influential you are, the more likely you are to be influenced. Ahem, ladies. They are so on to us.)

Is the her habit in language used by media and marketers trivial or cynical? My personal reaction to the “Influence-Her” term was more amusement than bemusement, but I do wonder if calling out the girly, particularly by the types of people who are apt to describe women as targets and think in terms of segments, age and income demographics, widgets and sectors, is exactly benign.

I’m similarly perplexed by the Her that seems to have started it all, in the new media era at least, Blogher.com. Blogher claims to be “ the Web’s leading guide to the hottest news and trends among women in social media” and home of  “The best writing by women online” in a variety of categories. I can’t agree with any of that, but with millions of readers and bloggers (bloghers?), popular conferences and plenty of Pagerank, Blogher is indisputably popular and clearly wields considerable influence in its sphere. But that’s the problem: its sphere. Referring to oneself as a blogher feels awfully close to barefoot, pregnant and mommyblogging in the kitchen. In a word: marginalized. And primed for market. Why are we segregating suffixes?

To this I say: Nobody puts Baby in a cornHer.

I’ll take the wider sphere. The one where sometimes I am a woman, sometimes a boss, sometimes a friend, sometimes a lover, sometimes a daughter, sometimes a colleague. The one where I love children, animals and ruffles no more nor less than any man. (Possibly less on the ruffles.) The one where we all dwell, where we all have skin in it, where the grandest game is actually in play.

The one where I am just and always me, Sara Ost, at large, no if’s, and’s or her’s about it.

This is the latest installment in your editor’s column, The Insider’s Guide to Life, exploring topics such as media, culture, sex, politics, and anything else. Cheers and spellcheck!

Image: Temari 09

The post The InsidHer’s Guide to Life: I’m So Over Her appeared first on EcoSalon.

Said Slate writer Arthur Allen as he was about to criticize Oprah Winfrey, “Chastising a celebrity is an exercise in futility. You feel like a kitten being held by the scruff of its neck, scrabbling wildly in the air without drawing blood.” The man has a point. What other celebrity out there has a daily invitation into American homes, whose mere mention of a tip or product can inspire hysterics? Sure, one could argue that Sarah Palin or Glenn Beck might impose the same influence on a select group of Americans. But then, Oprah isn’t as politically polarizing as Palin or Beck. Or is she?

The career of a media mogul inevitably will be marked with scandal and lawsuits, particularly with a figure who commands as much influence as Oprah Winfrey. There is no denying that she can throw down some serious authority when she’s up for it. A mere mention of mad cow disease on her show in the 1990s brought on an infamous defamation suit from the Texas cattle industry. Angry cattle rustlers claimed her show caused the industry to lose 11 million. Free speech prevailed and Oprah was exonerated, but it showed the world that this woman has a voice that could be instantly magnified by millions.

Just how loud is Oprah’s voice? Just one example is her book club which got America reading and made instant celebrities and sometimes millionaires of the authors. (This includes EcoSalon’s January Man We Love, Jonathan Franzen.) Critics of her book club tutt-tutted what seemed to be blind masses following her every word. Even Franzen notoriously worried that her selections, essentially perceived as “chick lit,” may alienate a male audience. But others pointed out she was getting people to read. So what’s the problem?

And there’s the charm of Oprah. To many, she is “everywoman.” To others, she’s mocked as “everywoman.” With a media empire and range of influence that remains unchallenged, she still oozes reliability and empathy with every interview. You feel like you could tell her anything – and hundreds of her guests have done just that. And when she’s dealing with an uncomfortable subject, she is quick to express some variation of “we’re here to learn from your experience, not to exploit your pain.”

And, people respond. Hell, do they respond. Even when she gave away a car at her final “favorite things” show in 2010, she proposed that the utter hysterics in the audience, which she herself called a parody and Saturday Night Live skit, was really about the joy of something unexpected happening during the day. And not, you know, about the free cars.

But when has she gotten it wrong? She publicly scolded author James Frey for fabricating his supposed memoir of drug abuse, A Million Little Pieces. She later apologized for doing so, saying she had felt personally duped and therefore lashed out.

Oprah also infamously featured Jenny McCarthy on her show, an actress on a quest to link vaccines and autism. Vaccines have been completely exonerated in their connection to autism. But has the damage been done? David T. Tayloe is president of the 60,000-member American Academy of Pediatricians. As he told Slate in 2009, even before this latest information came to light, “If you give her a bully pulpit, McCarthy is going to make people hesitate to vaccinate their children. She has no medical or scientific credentials. It disturbs us that she’s given all these opportunities to make her pitch about vaccines on Oprah or Larry King or U.S. News or whatever?”

For better or for worse, Oprah is a cultural force that cannot be ignored. Her power (or empowerment, perspective!) shows no sign of abating. As her epic show ends its run, the media mogul has turned her sights on an entire network, OWN. Now the world of basic cable can hold the hand of the media queen and her all-star spawns, such as Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, Suzy Orman and more. Will it be a success? That remains to be seen. I’m willing to bet on the Big O before I discount her. Now excuse me while I get shaken like a kitten.

Image: Fuzzcat

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He calls you “Cherie” as you channel the attitude of your mom, deriding the kids for not picking up their mess and complaining how canned salmon doesn’t taste as good as it used to. You hate him for it, but wonder if you are, indeed, morphing into the woman who raised you. This, despite the years of strident teenage rebellion, breastfeeding to one up her, and steadfastly maintaining the position you do not need to put on a frigging coat.

Lovable mom, angry mom, giddy and forgetful mom, resourceful, nagging, in need of a muzzle mom. The signs she is in there are surfacing daily. Here are ten I’ve been witnessing lately:

1. You embarrass your children with your exuberance.

This takes a variety of forms: Busting out in a song from a favorite musical while shopping at the mall; dancing in front of their friends at a Bat Mitzvah (i.e slapping your butt and twisting down to the ground during Shawty got Low) or Facebooking a personal anecdote about the great lengths they took to get spruced up for a dance. “Shoshanna got her hairy, ethnic lip waxed for the first time and didn’t even scream! That’s my daughter!”

2. Repeating yourself as a manipulation tactic to get your point across.
Your own mother told you no fewer than 20 times that Kathy Lee Gifford’s doctor ordered her to eat cereal with bananas when she was pregnant because she wasn’t gaining enough weight. You repeat the pattern, and pretend you don’t remember telling your kids 20 times that Zoe Goldberg got incurable lice from sharing brushes and scrunchies at camp.

3. Losing your car keys. Losing your house keys. Losing your luggage keys. Finding your keys in the trash.

4. Visible Links in the DNA Chain: Sore feet with corns, bunions and Plantar Fasciitis, Varicose Veins, impatience with tardiness, intolerance for loud music (it’s all too loud), flab around your middle, shrinking height, poor eyesight, bladder incontinence, laughing at silly greeting cards until you cry and wet your pants.

5. Becoming very friendly with the grocery store box boy, hair wax lady, or any strangers in line with you at the movies.

6. Sharing with your man, kids and friends fascinating details about the lives of the grocery store box boy, hair wax lady or strangers you met in line at the movies.

7. Wearing age-appropriate clothing, including labels you were convinced were only reserved for your mom and her old friends. (i.e. St. John, Chico, Ann Taylor, Coldwater Creek, Eileen Fisher, Jones New York, any support hose and shape wear.)

8. Adopting expressions you didn’t know were wired into your arguing mode: Put first things first; Wait until college to try that; Not while you are under my roof; That happened because god is punishing you for how you talked to me; That’s the only sister you will ever have, so stop trying to murder her; eliminate salt; things will look brighter in the morning; It’s Monday – brush your teeth! Bart takes his kids to Europe every summer and we have to go back to the Finger Lakes?

9. Talking about health problems with your friends. Talking about insurance plans with your friends.Talking about what you saved using coupons with your friends. Complaining about traffic, the president, gas prices and bad retail service with your friends.

10. Telling kids to wear a coat so they won’t get sick, even during sweltering summers in the Valley.

Images: Brett lider; Scraps to the Future; Crazyneighborlady; James Jordan; Podmapetit; Womanobsessed;Foxyvoxy;

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