Women face a lot of double standards. Dating younger men is one of them. 

Age ain’t nothing but a number. Somebody famous said that. It’s true. We’re really only as young or old as we feel. And anyone can drop dead at any second, so it’s not like being a certain age guarantees you’ll live another day. So why is there always such ridiculous fanfare over women dating younger men? Are aging vaginas really that offensive? Do we have to call these women “cougars” and make it seem like some act of desperation when it may just be that two people fell in love?

Johnny Depp recently got engaged to 20-something Amber Heard. He is literally old enough to be her father, yet the media only comments to tell us how simply quaint and wonderful their romance is. (They met on set of their forthcoming film, stealing kisses in between takes. Aw.) There are countless—I mean, really countless—cases of rickety, old, saggy, stinky, gross men running off with women half their age. (Okay, probably not running because of recent hip replacements and what not.) Even the Dalai Lama chided Larry King about his wife looking young enough to be his daughter.

But when the stunning Jennifer Lopez or Madonna or Cher or Robin Wright or Mariah Carey shack up with younger guys…well it’s a different story. It’s national news. The media has a field day with offensive headlines and commentary that’s completely out of line. Women dating younger men are treated as if they’re having breakdowns and identity crises, whereas  men doing the same thing have simply, finally found the love of their life. Pshaw. But come on. These women are HOT. (Even Cher, seriously.)

We know for a fact that women over age 30 (ahem, 40) are indeed quite sexy. This is not the 1940s when a woman in her 40s had practically one foot in the grave while the other one was wearing support hose. (And back then most men were close to dead if they even made it to their 40s, by the way.) Menopause may hit women hardest, but men go through a similar “shift” in their 50s too. In fact, sexually speaking, women hit their peak in their 30s while a man hits his around age 18—when he’s barely even technically a man. Which is maybe why older men seek out younger women in the first place. Because younger women are too inexperienced to know that the older man is past his prime. And it would definitely explain why smart women opt for dating younger men.

Esquire just praised the 42-year-old woman. Why? Because she’s damn sexy and confident and probably a much better lover and partner than she was in her 20s. Age makes us better. It gives us perspective and experience. These are traits to value, not shun.

Everyone gets to be young, but not everyone gets to grow old. Growing older is a luxury for any one of us—man or woman—and smart people know this. Besides, men don’t live as long as women. So if you want to be with the one you love “until death”, you might want to marry a younger man in the first place so that you two die with less of a gap.

Perhaps though the biggest double standard about women dating younger men is the confidence it implies. The media tells us women are supposed to be sexy, naive and submissive. How can a women 5, 7, 15 years older than her partner be that? Her years older than her partner imply  her confidence no matter what her age. She’s clearly comfortable with her sexuality and sharing it with a younger man. Does that scare men who aren’t comfortable with sexy older women? If there’s one thing our culture has yet to embrace, it’s sexiness with wrinkles. And sags. And all those things that remind us just how fleeting and precious life is. That might just be the biggest double standard of all here–that we think we can outsmart time by who we choose love. We can’t. All we can do is find the people we love and who love us back and have as much fun as we can, no matter our age, no matter theirs. It’s only just a number after all.

Find Jill on Twitter @jillettinger

Related on EcoSalon

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Yellowberry: Age-Appropriate Lingerie for the Little Ladies

In Praise of Casual Sex: Sexual Healing

image: eng-madonna-serbia,  larry he’s so fine

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Got a handbag design that’s competition worthy?

The Independent Handbag Designer Awards, sponsored by Handbag Designer 101, have opened up submissions to a new class of aspiring designers, and will be reviewing applications until April 28^th.

“Last year’s winners at the Independent Handbag Designer Awards (IHDAs) were just regular people with big dreams – that is until the IHDAs opened up a world of endless possibility that included retail partnerships with Saks 5^th Avenue, feature placement in the September issue of InStyle magazine, and national recognition in a tightly controlled and competitive industry,” says the IHDA.

This years categories for the contest include:

Best Handbag in Overall Style & Design

Best Student Made Handbag

Best Handmade Handbag

Best Green Handbag

Most Socially Responsible Handbag

Audience Fan Favorite Handbag

The winner of the Best Green Handbag will receive the chance to collaborate with Timberland and Amorim Cork Composites to develop a product for sale made of cork in Timberland’s stores and a feature in the September issue of InStyle. Other sponsors of the competition include WWDMAGIC, Kenneth Cole, Saks Fifth Avenue, Handbags.com, Kipling, and Singer Sewing Co.

Now in its 6^th year, the IHDAs has seen its winners catapult their careers and fulfill their lifelong dreams by being on the arms of shoulders of Sarah Jessica Parker, Jennifer Lopez, Eva Longoria and Heidi Klum. Last year’s IHDA’s exceeded expectations with over 1200 applicants and 353,000 votes on InStyle.com for the Audience Fan Favorite. Emily Blumenthal, author and founder of the IHDA says her group is the accessories industry’s international “first round draft pick” for handbag designers.

“Sales in the United States are $10 Billion annually and growing. Gross margins can average over 70%. This sector has one of the highest average price points per unit in their segment, low barriers to entry, a sophisticated contract-manufacturing based supply chain, and recessionary resilience likened by some analysts to the lipstick theory,” says Blumenthal.

Is the accessories sector of fashion a tough business to break into? Blumenthal says the market is extraordinarily over-saturated for the aforementioned reasons.

“One does not need to be a designer by trade in order to become a ‘handbag designer’ which is a pro and a con, depending on the budget and access to talent standpoint of the person starting out. Having said that, it has given the IHDA an advantage since innovation comes from the unknown designer whom we usually are the first ones to discover.”

Got questions? Go here to have them answered and go here to buy your tickets for the June 13th event! And as one of the judges for the awards, I hope to see your work or you soon!

Here are some of the Best Green handbag winners and finalists from past seasons:

Adrienne Rabelo

Jess Rizzuti

Mei Vintage

Stella Vittorio

The Sway

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ColumnTaking natural makeup to dizzying heights.

This is Kristen Arnett’s first column in her new weekly foray into detoxing our makeup bags and giving us healthier cosmetic options. Expect to be wooed by everything from runway makeup trends to celebrity makeovers.  Arnett is an internationally renowned makeup artist and founder of the Green Beauty Team, styling high profile celebrities and runway models as well as being a sought after beauty expert, educator and teacher for other makeup artists.

When Jennifer Lopez arrived at the Met Gala this year, she was showing off not only a stunning Gucci dress, but a sophisticated, sexy makeup look which rightfully grabbed plenty of attention.  That night I was tucked away with a team of makeup artists in one of the many rooms at the Met working on other ladies, but had I known that upstairs J Lo, with her show-stopping face was walking the red carpet, I may have just run past the guards to get a close-up peek.  Since a photo is about as close as you and I are going to get, let’s break her red carpet look down so you can mimic at your own free will.

1. First, slick back your hair into a tight chignon.  Makeup like this must stand on its own without competition.

2. Next, to create a warm, glowing complexion, choose a foundation that isn’t overly matte in texture.  I suggest using something like Youngblood Liquid Mineral Foundation.  Be a perfectionist and cover up all the darkness and discoloration you can on your skin, because red lips accentuate red and purple tones on other areas of the face.

3. Get a bronzer and a big fluffy powder brush to give yourself some defined cheek bones. Avoid glittery bronzers; no extra sparkle is needed on the face for this look. I love the matte bronzers from Alima Pure. Their shade in Trinidad is perfect for this makeup.

Pro tip: tap your brush to remove excess powder to avoid getting an uneven streak.  Start in the hollow of the cheekbone from the side of the face and work inward towards the apple of the cheek.

4. On to the eyes. Take the same bronzer from the cheeks, but using a smaller eyeshadow brush, sweep the color into your eye socket.  Keeping the color more concentrated towards the outer two-thirds of the eye and softly diffusing towards the nose.  With a smaller brush still, drag a little bit under the lower lash line.
On the lids, use a light, shimmery eyeshadow, working from the center towards the tear ducts.

Jenny From The Block doesn’t ever leave her house without four pounds of false eyelashes on.  For those of you aren’t comfortable venturing into the realm of false lashes and glue because they’re too difficult to wrangle or you want to stay away from anything toxic, layer on lash primer and use mascara to boost what you’ve naturally got.
Concentrate your lash thickness towards the outer two-thirds of the eye. Don’t forget those lashes on the bottom. They need some love too.

5. With liner, draw a black line along the top lashes that starts very thin in the inner corner of the eye and widens out towards the far edge without giving yourself wings.

6. Fill in your brows so they have a thicker shape and a strong arch.
Pro tip: To make brows look soft, yet strong choose a color that is two shades lighter than your hair color (unless you are a blond). Pretend you are drawing on individual hairs, and finish by blending with a spooly brush.

Finally, we’re on to the most crucial part of the whole look: lips.

These head turners are no small feat and shape is crucial. Start with a deep red liner to outline the whole mouth. Use the above photo for direction, see how her mouth is very almond shaped and the peaks at the bow of the mouth are connected with a semi-circle in the middle? It’s defined, yet soft. Don’t be afraid to take the liner up over your natural line a bit.  It may feel like a bit much at first, but this level of drama and sexiness demands it.

Fill in the lips with the liner, concentrating on the outer corners of the mouth and working inward, and leaving the center area of the bottom lip almost untouched. Then with a super glossy, red lip shine just about two shades lighter, go over the lips starting at the center of the mouth to add color in and working outward.

Pro tip: apply the gloss to blend the lip color works best with a large lip brush.  Avoid getting too much gloss into the corners of the mouth or you’ll have a runny mess.

As the final touch, glisten up those arms and legs! Try Youngblood’s Mineral Illuminating Body Tint for a gorgeous, golden glow to last all night.

Editor’s note: Got a celebrity look you’d like to copy or a trend you’d like to see incorporating healthy, non-toxic makeup? Send your questions to High Definition columnist Kristen Arnett at beauty@ecosalon.com

New York City based Kristen Arnett is an internationally renowned makeup artist and founder of the Green Beauty Team, styling high profile celebrities and runway models as well as a sought after beauty expert, educator and teacher for other makeup artists.

Image: BinsideTV

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The album title is Fearless but the message is be flawless. So what if you can sing. Are you drop-dead gorgeous, model thin and loved by the camera?

When young female vocalists are over-styled to sell, something serious gets lost in the packaging: Raw talent.

I remember back in the day when that talent came in a very simple, green package. Contained within, the songstress: Joan Baez, Linda Ronstadt, Bonnie Raitt, Judy Collins, Joni Mitchell, Roberta Flack, Holly Near, Cris Williamson, Jennifer Warnes and  Carol King.

These icons of my generation were sensual, real women, clad in ribbed sweaters and peasant blouses. When they sang Tapestry, Heart Like a Wheel and Blue, we focused entirely on their voices, instruments, lyrics and message – in other words, the music.

Does anyone else out there miss the music? As I kid, I wanted to emulate these women, so I learned to play the guitar and focused on being a natural woman. Isn’t that the thrust of our evolution to eco?

Cut to Taylor Swift’s ubiquitous Romeo and Juliet Love Story video, in which the singer is cast as the skinny blond Disney princess – sewn into a fitted, medieval gown, tresses swept into an updo of ringlets, face airbrushed like a porcelain doll’s. Who notices the voice when the supermodel image is so captivating?

The message is clear: This is the fairy tale love story that can come with perfection. Not fight the war, protect the migrant worker, sit in a park in Paris, France, read the news and find yourself.

Not to single out Swift. Other popular videos bundle the entire hot Barbie brand: The boyish bod, the doll face, the air-brushed make-up, the expert hip hop dance moves, the skanky get-up, the seductive rubbing up against the back-up dancers, the mediocre voice.

And you better have it all, baby, if you want to go far – you know, selling product lines of phat made-in-China clothes, cruel platform shoes and your very own sickly-sweet scent at Macy’s. Ka-ching!

Of course the package sells but sadly the takers are young, impressionable teens, who croon about their lovely lady humps the same way we harmonized to Leaving on a Jet Plane.

My own over-exposed, naturally beautiful 13-year-old daughter won’t leave the house until she has molded her likeness to the popular culture ideal: Hair flat-ironed, blemishes concealed, skinny jeans tight and hitting the Converse high-tops just right, Lash Blast and eye liner caking the wide-eyed peepers and all body hair erased.

Recently, a shallow girl who was visiting our home played dress-up with my daughter on a weekday afternoon and opined, “You look super gorgeous, Sydney, except for your freckles, which are really ugly.”

After the put down, my daughter suggested she have her adorable freckles removed by laser. Teen fans are not conditioned to see freckles or other imperfections on those 20-something, supermodel pop stars. It might make them look, well, real.

My daughter is convinced flaws aren’t part of the package. She never sampled Carol King’s unruly hair or Joni Mitchell’s sexy overbite. She doesn’t know from icons who can actually sing, write, compose and perform without the bells and whistles, smoke and mirrors, butt pads, hair extensions and boob jobs.

Recently, Fabsugar asked readers to vote which pop star would they like to be, emphasizing which look appeals most to wanna-be singers (glamor of Christina, punk style of Pink, sleek R&B or Indie)?

I love one of the 55 responses: “I like to live a bit of a glam life but not too much…Christina’s way too much for me (plus the hair, the make-up and constant need of showing some cleavage, no really). I went with Natasha Bedingfield without hesitating: fresh, young and stylish. All I’m missing is that small detail: talent. Hmmm, where I can get some of that?”

Fergie and Christina certainly have talent but all that plastic and glitter conceals the woman behind the microphone.

The men behind the music, same as the Hollywood suits behind films, play down the talent and play up the packaging because it fools the audience in a plasticized society trained to see the fabulous sugar coating rather than the true ingredients.

Honestly, would a Linda Ronstadt even make it today? Can you picture a young Bonnie Raitt strumming those slide blues guitar licks on American Idol? Misogynistic Simon Cowell wouldn’t know what to make of little Bonnie’s intense, bottleneck style of jamming. Run, run, run, run, run away.

For the sake of my own daughters, I wish we could keep the great dance music but return to a day when female vocalists ruled with a good set of pipes and an inspirational message. Even if the message is the universal notion that love hurts, it is vastly more believable when sung by a flag burning, guitar strumming, globally-connected messenger with unruly hair, an overbite, and yes, even freckles.

This is the fifth in Luanne’s lifestyle column, Life in the Green Lane.

Images One and Two: Joni Mitchell

Image Three: Amazon

Image Four: Fabsugar

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