Our intentions play a huge role in everything we do. But is “love” — yes, actual love — really a food ingredient? How does it taste?

If you’re a label reader, you’ve likely seen “love” added to more than a few of your favorite products: Fizzy kombuchas, creamy chocolates, cereal and snack brands often add this intangible element to their products. But it’s gratuitous and useless, says Jen Doll in The Atlantic, “Love is not an actual ingredient; it cannot go in one’s brownies, one’s spaghetti, one’s ‘faux’ gras. Nor is respect, enthusiasm, whimsy, irritation, lust, crankiness, or ‘a bad mood’ something that makes food taste any different.”

Even the FDA has said love doesn’t count as a food ingredient, and claiming it’s in a recipe is cause for warning letters and even fines.

But should we intentionally try not to add love to our foods? Be impartial chefs when making soup for sick family members or cookies for Santa?

In Aimee Bender’s 2010 novel, “The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake,” the story’s protagonist can taste much more than the physical ingredients she bites into. Sadness, frustration, concern, guilt, anger, love—if the person who made the food was feeling any strong emotion, Rose Edelstein can taste it. She becomes overwhelmed by this sensitivity to such a paralyzing point that she opts instead for ersatz factory-made food, void of human interaction. It’s a novel, of course, but it illustrates the potential our growing sensitivities hold. Isn’t the saying “you are what you eat” for good reason? And one could also argue that our lack of food “made with love” since the advent of industry and packaged foods corresponds with our rise in diseases, depression, and loneliness.

The fact is, we know relatively little when it comes to those invisible, intangible energies that pass between humans, especially along our food chain. Beyond the chemical reactions triggered by pheromones that make us want to lunge into the laps of virtual strangers, we can also “sense” other things, like when someone’s in a bad mood or even lying. And as we continue down the evolutionary road, we’ll likely be able to sense quite a bit more as well–that is, unless our diet continues to be void of healthful and human-made food that connects us to the earth and each other, in more ways than one.

If more people are beginning to become aware of the reasons why we should move away from diets that not only harm our bodies, but also harm the environment and other animals, then why can’t we also appreciate the addition of “love” to a product even if we don’t think we can actually taste it? Isn’t that changing our relationship with food, even if we’re not quite sure how yet? Perhaps the one really important ingredient missing for many of us is not so much love, but a little bit more imagination.

Find Jill on Twitter and Instagram

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After bad relationships made finding love seem elusive, tragedy brought us together and showed me what it means to be with a good guy.

Earlier this month Amy Krouse Rosenthal’s essay, “You May Want to Marry My Husband,” went viral. Ten days later, on March 13, 2017, she died. In the short window of time preceding her death, the public learned intimate details about Rosenthal and her husband, Jason, for she did something many of us may not be willing or able to do–pen a dating profile for the love of her life.

With so much negativity surrounding men recently, her piece made me stop and reflect on my own love life. A journey that has been intoxicating at its best, and abusive at its worst. To reflect on the failed relationships I’ve had, and how incredibly grateful I am for the man I’m with now. Our union is far from perfect, so if you sense that from my writing, please don’t misunderstand my intentions. However, in the wake of all the bad, I do want to take a moment and share what it’s been like to be with someone who I consider to be a genuinely good guy.

Ironically, it was tragedy that brought Josh and I together. Our 21-year-old half-brother, Chase, was in a fatal car accident in September of 2014. I say “our” because he was a sibling to us both, although Josh and I are not biologically related, we were step-siblings at one time. A complicated story for another day, I’ll spare you the details.

Anyway, it was at the hospital where I met Josh for the first time, and then again at the funeral, and once more at the reception. It’s difficult to describe, but there was an instant spark, like an undeniable energy that drew me in. I wanted to know him, although at the time I wasn’t sure whether it was because of the intense grief, my overwhelming emotions, or some morbid act of fate.

Like the niceties that often take place during a tragedy, we exchanged contact information, and I reached out to him at the first opportunity. Text messages and phone calls ensued. Throughout this period, his intellect, charm, and attentiveness wooed, but it’s what I discovered on a deeper level that’s kept me hanging on.

1. He gets me

This man is so attuned to me, that I swear there are times when he can read my mind. He doesn’t treat this as a byproduct of a long relationship, either. Instead, he treats it as a privilege. Because of this, we grow closer everyday. He has come to understand my nuances so well and answers my needs so completely that it sometimes feels like our lives are choreographed.

2. He enjoys communicating

Thanks to a string of abusive relationships with emotionally unavailable men, I took it upon myself to become absolutely terrible at opening up. Guarded and closed off are two ways you could describe my communication style. His, on the other hand, are anything but. He loves listening to me talk and wants to know everything about me. So when I found it difficult to share my feelings and get to that vulnerable place, he waited patiently for me to come around.

3. He makes me a priority

I’m his number one, and I feel like it, too. Every decision he makes is done with my happiness in mind. The little things he does during our everyday, like making me coffee in the morning and massaging my feet at night, are sweet reminders that he’s constantly thinking of me.

4. He’s honest

Rather than embellish the truth, or act secretive or sneaky, he always puts everything out in the open. His honesty is so forthright, that although my insecurities sometimes get the better of me, I wholeheartedly believe that I can trust him–something I don’t know that I’ve ever truly felt.

5. He supports me

I could tell this man that I want to have a unicorn farm, and he would find a way to make it happen. From childcare and housework, to helping me chase my dreams, his support makes me feel like nothing is impossible.

6. He doesn’t give up

He’s here to stay. In it for the long haul. Committed. This is something that frightened me initially, especially considering I’ve been in other long-term relationships where men flat out refused to get married or have children, and being the young, impressionable person I was, began to believe that those things just weren’t in the cards for me. He, on the other hand, has shown me what it means to be completely devoted to another person. And I have to admit, it feels pretty damn amazing.

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Our bundle of joy was here, and I couldn’t wait to feed her. I knew breastfeeding was difficult, but nothing could have prepared me for the challenges I would experience.

On April 2, 2016 at 5:11 p.m., my life was forever changed. After nine months of waiting, 12 hours of labor, and 45 minutes of pushing, I was finally able to cradle my sweet, delicious, little girl in my arms. We were immediately encouraged to cuddle and breastfeed. She didn’t hesitate to latch on, and was a voracious eater from the time she was born. My heart was full and so was her belly.

I made a conscious decision to nurse early on in my pregnancy, and after researching, reading, and even taking classes, I knew that we were ready to begin this long term journey. Although I felt tremendous joy, accomplishment, and closeness with my daughter, the first several weeks weren’t all sunshine and roses. After experiencing pain, oftentimes toe curling, a plugged duct, and what I eventually found out to be an incorrect latch thanks to Patty, a certified consultant from La Leche League, my little peanut and I were finally able to move forward.

My supply was great. Too great, in fact, as I had an overabundance of milk for quite some time which lead to engorgement. However, with research and trial and error, I found that block feeding did the trick. Relieved, I thought the worst of the issues were behind us. Little did I know they were just beginning.

As we were breezing into her third month of life – time really does pass too quickly – breastfeeding was going beautifully. The closeness I felt with my daughter was undeniable. Seeing her gaze into my eyes, knowing that her nourishment and well-being depended on me, was at once the greatest and scariest feeling I’d ever experienced. Yet, as I watched her sweet little hands knead and flutter every night while she slowly drifted off to sleep, everything felt right in the world.

About two weeks into month three I noticed my daughter becoming increasingly fussy at the breast. So much so that her crying was almost incessant if she wasn’t nursing. And within a few days, she would unlatch, toss her head back, and wail. She couldn’t even settle during a feeding session and I hadn’t noticed a letdown since the morning prior. Meanwhile, her father and I tried everything we could think of to soothe our baby girl.

I began to fear the worst – that despite all of the articles I had read telling me otherwise, I simply wasn’t producing enough milk.

Frantic, I thought back to what had changed. What I could have possibly done wrong. I loved my daughter, so why couldn’t I have a letdown while imagining all of the sweet things I adored about her, especially while she was right there in my arms. I pictured my ducts swelling up with milk, so full that they had no other choice but to empty out into her mouth, flowing like a stream of water. I tried massage, stimulation, compressions, deep breathing. Nothing worked. I began to feel like a horrible mother.

And then, it dawned on me. About three weeks prior, after much internal debate, I decided to take the mini pill, a form of progesterone-only birth control, that was given to me at the hospital.

Heartbroken, I knew that the pill, coupled with her reduced diaper output and distress, meant I would have to supplement with formula. But nothing could have prepared me for the emotions I felt. That first day I cried, nearly uncontrollably, for hours. And every time I saw her unhappiness at the breast between formula feedings, I felt more and more like a failure. “Stupid, stupid,” I thought to myself, “Why didn’t you trust your instincts and avoid the birth control?”

I continued down this path for the next several days. The only satisfaction I had was seeing my daughter full, content, and happy again. With many more months of milk-based nutrition still ahead, I worried about more than just our connection, but also her health.

After discontinuing the medication immediately, and eventually coming to terms over a few very sad days that one of the most meaningful experiences I’d ever had was probably over, it was time for me to put on my big girl pants, because the blubbering mess I had become was the last thing my daughter needed. Rather than give up, though, I decided to do everything in my power to bring back my milk supply, to at least prove to myself and to her that I won’t give up that easily.

Shortly thereafter, along with the unwavering support of her dad, I began feverishly taking supplements, drinking powders,  eating oatmeal, upping my fluid intake, using an electric pump, using a manual pump, and when those didn’t work, learning to hand express. I would typically only extract a measly half ounce, and would rejoice at a full one. I began to feel defeated. This continued for several more days, until I was advised by the nurse and her pediatrician to rent a hospital-grade double breast pump.

Armed with this information, and never veering from my supplement taking course, I met with Mary, the owner and certified lactation consultant at Sweet Songs Breastfeeding, to pick up the only pump she had left in stock. Mary took her job seriously. I could tell it meant a lot to her, and after giving me some advice, I began to feel empowered. Hopeful. Like I could do this.

In the couple days that I had used the pump, I managed two and a half ounces in one sitting, which was the most I’d ever expressed at one time. You can imagine my elation over that. But, much to my dismay, the next session paled in comparison.

I knew it was only the beginning. That I would have highs and lows. Yet if I didn’t try, if I didn’t give it my all, how could I ever expect the same out of my daughter one day?

So for now, I’ll take the comfort nursing she requires in order to sleep for as long as she’ll allow it. I’ll continue to bask in the joy of every smile, every milestone, and every cuddle. I’ll drown in the intoxicating smell of her sweet scent, relish in her bath time excitement, and continue our early morning “talks.” With all of these beautiful moments and experiences, even if I never get my supply back, I feel like I’ve already won.

Have you struggled or triumphed with breastfeeding? Share your story with us on the EcoSalon Facebook page.

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The post I May Have Lost the Breastfeeding Battle, But I Won the War appeared first on EcoSalon.

Whether you are in love or falling in love, there’s just something about love that makes us all want to turn to the sages for some quotes about love to explain our condition.

Here are some of the quirkiest quotes about love we could find from the lovers, the poets, the philosophers, the literary geniuses, and even the scientists among us. Instead of chocolates, give your special Valentine the words of love.

20 Offbeat Quotes About Love

You can’t blame gravity for falling in love. – Albert Einstein

The best thing to hold onto in life is each other. – Audrey Hepburn

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. – Charles M. Schulz

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence. – Erich Fromm

Love is space and time measured by the heart. – Marcel Proust

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. – Ingrid Bergman

You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.  – Dr. Seuss

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.

“Pooh!” he whispered.

“Yes, Piglet?”

“Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw.

“I just wanted to be sure of you.” – A.A. Milne, The House at Pooh Corner

I don’t trust people who don’t love themselves and tell me, ‘I love you.’ … There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt. – Maya Angelou

People think love is an emotion. Love is good sense. – Ken Kesey

The course of true love never did run smooth. – William Shakespeare

Nobody has ever measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold. –  Zelda Fitzgerald

Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.  – Oscar Wilde

There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness. –  Friedrich Nietzsche

Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place. – Zora Neale Hurston

Life is like an onion. You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep. – Carl Sandburg

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. – Robert Frost

Who loves, raves. – Lord Byron

My dear,  find what you love and let it kill you. – Charles Bukowski

The highest function of love is that it makes the loved one a unique and irreplaceable being. – Tom Robbins

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Judd Apatow is up to something — we bet it’s going to be pretty dirty and a whole lot of funny.

While the trailer for Apatow’s new series “Love” is short and sweet, it still makes us excited for the show’s release date — February 19th on Netflix. According to Mashable, “the series follows nice guy Gus (Paul Rust) and wild-child Mickey (Gillian Jacobs) as they navigate the exhilarations and humiliations of intimacy, commitment, love and other things they were hoping to avoid.”

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When it comes to sexual satisfaction, are you being honest about what you really want? 

Ask most any sex therapist what the first question is that comes out of the mouth of a new client and it is most always this- “Am I normal? Is my partner normal? Is this desire, behavior, longing….normal?” These normal questions weigh heavily on our sexuality, partly because we mistake the endless fictional depictions of sex in pornography as a true point of reference, but even more so because we often suffer with our sexual doubts and fears in isolation, even within couples. It’s a weird question to associate with our sexuality because the idea of normal, which generally refers to the average or middle of the bell curve, is antithetical to the extreme responses that passionate orgasmic sex generates.

Questioning our normalcy about what we desire or what we experience in the unique space of sexual satisfaction is less about the behaviors we engage with than it is the trouble we have reconciling our rational everyday mindset with the free-fall abandon that our sexual impulses demand if we are going to achieve the passionate release and connection they offer. The truth is, as the Kinsey study so clearly demonstrated, that there is no normal in our sexual preferences and behaviors. If the idea of normal applies anywhere, it is in the context of how we relate to ourselves as erotic sexual beings, whether we are open to exploring and understanding our desire or repressing and judging ourselves and others for their sexual impulses.

A powerful cure for moving beyond the normal issue starts by developing the curiosity and willingness to learn how to express our sexual desires out loud. It is empowering to claim our erotic self with our words.  I remember a man who shared with me despairingly that he couldn’t even say the word “masturbation” out loud to his wife. When we give up our own expression to appease anyone, not only does the relationship get frozen in the narrow window of the permissible, but we betray ourselves in a way that makes us doubt ourselves and our desire.  Not expressing creates the dynamic of continuously wondering if we are normal. It is tricky at first, emerging from our self-imposed silence.

I remember the initial awkwardness and discomfort I felt when I began to speak out loud during sex. For a very long time, I believed that my voice would somehow break a spell or interrupt some natural flow.  But in fact, as I started using words to say what I liked or wanted,  it wasn’t a distraction at all.  The more that I trusted myself  to really engage and communicate in intimate encounters, the more exciting it got.  It took a while, but this became particularly true about finding the freedom to share bits of the strange fantasy life that I had silenced for so long with my fears of being abnormal; it turned out to be rocket fuel for passionate intimacy.

If you are breaking a long term sexual silence, words might feel like too big a leap, so start small with allowing yourself  to make the sounds that are held in the erotic spaces. Moans, laughter, screams, and sighs are a hearty soundtrack that will expand the texture of lovemaking in surprising ways.  For one thing, it is through sound of any kind that we communicate our intimate intentions and experience. Even shared guttural noises diminishes our sense of isolation to our sexual selves and our partner. Getting over the inhibition of making noise and the imposed silence of our early days of making out in our parent’s den is a powerfully liberating step to get beyond the normal.

Wendy Strgar is the founder of GoodCleanLove – a website that sells organic and natural sexual intimacy products, and also a source of medical research for women and men’s sexual health. She is the author of “Love that Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy“.  Her blog  www.makinglovesustainable.com  was named as the best sex/relationship blog by Intent.com for 2011 and has been listed many times as one of the best 100 relationship blogs on the web.

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The post Getting the Sexual Satisfaction You Want: No More Shame appeared first on EcoSalon.

So, you want to move in together. You’re head over heels and feel as if your innards transformed into warm, sugary rainbow goo. Cut to six months later… It’s not like you’re unhappy that you moved in with the love of your life… it’s just that you’d rather them not do the dishes, laundry, etc., the way they do…

Avoid all those annoying, mind-numbing, stupid (because they are stupid) fights about dishes, quirks, and more, by addressing your daily routines with your love before you move in together.

1. Talk about your stuff

If you decide to move in with your partner, you’re going to have to live with his stuff, too. Yes, all those old posters, chipped glassware, and cat-scratched chairs are now yours! And don’t forget about your crap: He’s going to have to embrace your LPs, lava lamps, and beauty crap, too. Living with someone means embracing their style. You don’t have to love it, and you certainly don’t have to display the stuff each of you hate in the main rooms, but you do have to embrace it.

2. Talk about your daily routines

If you’ve been dating for a while, you probably already know your partner’s little quirks. Maybe she sleeps at an angle, or perhaps she has to spend 30 minutes in silence every morning while she connects to her soul. You probably don’t get any of it, but you best realize that those routines are here to stay. If you have any issues with her daily routines, talk to her about them. A compromise can often be struck.

In addition to addressing your partner’s routines, you two should probably make a few new routines. Make a cleaning and cooking schedule so no one feels like they’re doing all the housework.

3. Talk about your quirks

So, you say you’re normal… I don’t buy it. I’ve never, ever lived with a person who doesn’t have some weird quirk that doesn’t get on my nerves. Recognize that if your partner does this “little thing” that drives you up the wall (like obsessively cleaning, checking the locks, forgetting to turn the light off in the bathroom…) they are probably going to keep doing those things once you live together.

If your love has a quirk that drives you a bit nutty, talk about it in a compassionate way. While he still may indulge this quirk on occasion, he’ll at least know that his actions may be frustrating to you, and he can curb what’s he’s doing. Sometimes the smallest amount of acknowledgment and change can make formerly annoying quirks endearing… eventually.

And last, but not least:

4. Money

If you and your partner don’t talk about bills, payment schedules, and debt before you move in, you are going to run into problems… big problems. Couples who don’t address money issues head-on inevitably fight. Clear up who is paying for what before you sign the lease.

Do you have any suggestions about how to live with your partner with ease? When did you move in with your partner? Was it difficult?

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Yeah, so, that video of strangers kissing was kind of cool for a minute, but what’s really impressive is watching homophobes hug gay people. Actually, I’m even more impressed that gay people don’t mind hugging homophobes.

Find Jill on Twitter @jillettinger

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The post Strangers Kissing is So Last Week: How About Homophobes Hugging Gay People? [Video] appeared first on EcoSalon.

The Oscar-nominated Spike Jonze film “Her” has redefined what love can be. This short documentary captures the reactions of viewers after seeing the film and asks them to define love in the modern world. The responses are simply breathtaking.

Find Jill on Twitter @jillettinger

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31 of the best inspirational quotes for romantics to lift the spirits.

1. Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. -Marcel Proust

2. Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction. –Antoine de Saint-Exupery

3. We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures. -Thornton Wilder

4. Anyone who falls in love is searching for the missing pieces of themselves. So anyone who’s in love gets sad when they think of their lover. It’s like stepping back inside a room you have fond memories of, one you haven’t seen in a long time. -Haruki Murakami

5. So, I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you. -Paulo Coelho

6. With my last breath, I’ll exhale my love for you. I hope it’s a cold day, so you can see what you meant to me. –Jarod Kintz

7. Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind,

And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind. -William Shakespeare

8. We looked into each other’s eyes. I saw myself, she saw herself. -Stanislaw J. Lee

9. Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. -Louis de Bernieres

10. Each time you happen to me all over again. -Edith Wharton

11. I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only love. -Mother Teresa

12. In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, for in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed. -Kahlil Gibran

13. Anyone can be passionate, it takes real lovers to be silly. –Rose Franken

14. Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition. -Alexander Smith

15. And in her smile I see something more beautiful than the stars. -Beth Revis

16. The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along. -Rumi

17. He’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. -Emily Brontë

18. Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it…It really is worth fighting for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk everything, you risk even more. -Erica Jong

19. Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same. -Flavia Weedn

20. Life is a flower of which love is the honey. -Victor Hugo

21. Only from the heart can you touch the sky. -Rumi

22. Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile. -Franklin P. Jones

23. I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity, and her flaming self respect. And it’s these things I’d believe in, even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn’t all she should be. I love her and it is the beginning of everything. -F. Scott Fitzgerald

24. Give me my Romeo; and, when he shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars, and he will make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will be in love with night. -William Shakespeare

25. When you are gone all the colors fade. -Amos Lee

26. At the first kiss I felt something melt inside me that hurt in an exquisite way. All my longings, all my dreams and sweet anguish, All the secrets that slept deep within me came awake, Everything was transformed and enchanted, everything made sense. -Hermann Hesse

27. If I had the stars from the darkest night

And the diamonds from the deepest ocean,

I’d forsake them all for your sweet kiss,

For that’s all I’m wishin’ to be ownin’. -Bob Dylan

28. You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear. -Oscar Wilde

29. If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than because he was he, and I was I.  -Michael D. Montaigne

30. Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts. -Charles Dickens

31. To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides. -David Viscott

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