NPR recently did an article about Rachel Star, a YoutTube star who is incredibly open about her mental illness status.

Star has schizophrenia and in her videos, she discusses her hallucinations, feelings, etc. at length. The NPR article is pretty interesting, so you should give it a read, but also make certain to watch the video below to hear about Star’s most unsettling hallucinations and how she’s learned how to deal.

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So, how many of you have ever had a panic attack while at work? Have any of you had compulsive thoughts about a person, thing, or event? If so, The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast should be on your must-listen-to list.

Paul Gilmartin, a talented comedian, helms The Mental Illness Happy Hour. Gilmartin started the show to give people who are “affected by depression, addiction, and other mental challenges” a place to kickback, listen, and cringe. The hour-plus long podcast typically consists of an interview Gilmartin does with a listener, another comedian or creative type, or a professional. He and the interviewee traverse, in depth, on the guest’s mental bug-a-boos.

I’ve only listened to this podcast for a month or so, but I can say, as a card-carrying nutty person, that Gilmartin’s work is amazing. He is incredibly open with his guests and has shared his story on more than one occasion. The way he handles sensitive issues and mental illness is spot on. He never talks down to a guest or shames anyone for his or her thoughts or feelings. It is truly one of the safest, most cathartic pieces of art I have ever heard. I can’t count the number of times he’s had a guest on and I’ve said to myself, “Holy crap — other people do that, too?” Apparently, depression, anxiety, and weirdness aren’t all that uncommon!

Gilmartin founded the podcast to give listeners a place to connect because no matter how alone people with mental illness feel, they aren’t alone. To help facilitate an open conversation, he also has created a message board where people can converse. He also allows listeners to fill out surveys. The surveys allow people to share their inner turmoil in an open, anonymous, and non-judgmental way.

Along with providing an awesome, weekly podcast, Gilmartin also has a blog where professionals post to and give advice.

While this podcast is totally killer and should be part of your weekly playlist, remember: it’s not a substitute for therapy. However, it’s a great therapy companion. Think of it as adding 10mg to your daily antidepressant (or choice of herbal supplement), or getting an extra therapy session a week that’s free!

If any of this appeals to you, head over to The Mental Illness Happy Hour and get listening. I recommend starting with Lauren Ashley Bishop’s interview. It’s raw, hilarious, and amazing.

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Mariel Hemingway talks about the blessings and curses of her famous family in her film “Running From Crazy.”

Ernest Hemingway has always been somewhat of a mystery to me. He was the greatest writer of the 20th century yet plagued by the demons of mental illness, eventually taking his own life in 1961. Mariel Hemingway is a member of his dynastic family, the daughter of his oldest son Jack.

She was born into privilege, but more than that, she suffered the pain that went along with her famous name. In all, seven members of her family have committed suicide, including her famous grandfather and great grandfather, and her older sister Margot, among a host of other close relatives.

She even dropped a bomb that her father sexually abused her sisters. Though she doesn’t ever remember it happening to her, she did remember sleeping with her mother every night. It was hard to swallow because you didn’t know what to make of it–she mentioned it for a few moments and then moved on.

The movie does a good job of showing that relationships, especially those among family members, can be complicated. While there’s a backdrop of love; jealousy, darkness, and a lack of ever being able to convey feelings, makes truly opening up to her sisters and parents too hard to bare.

But while this movie was filled with sorrow and dotted with shame, Mariel showed how you don’t have to be what you’re born into. She’s made a point of giving her two beautiful daughters the love she never felt. Her daughters seem somewhat removed from the gloom she witnessed. And in those times when they have dealt with bouts of depression, there seems to be a growing openness that allows them to suffer a little less.

This documentary isn’t just about the Hemingways and the mental illness that plagued their family, it’s about the darkness we all face and how we deal with it in our own lives. As Mariel says, no one will ever love you as much as you love yourself. Part of loving yourself is knowing who you are at a deeper level. Though she admits she struggles, through clean living and self knowledge, she thrives. This movie is certainly worth a watch, especially if you’re as intrigued by the famous family as I am. All families have struggles, though in her case the struggles are magnified.

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If I hear one more person say, “I’m so OCD because I have to clean my toilet every week!” I’m going to get mouthy. The question, what is OCD, and its answers are a bit more complicated.

But really, it’s more than that. We all trivialize various mental disorders to normalize them, etc. But OCD is one of those strange disorders that is different for every person who has to live with it. Believe me – I know from personal experience.

Rookie recently reported on this subject when one of the site’s writers detailed her struggles with OCD. As I alluded to previously, I have had struggles with OCD since my childhood. And not surprisingly, many of my friends have, too.

Rookie’s contributor’s experiences were similar to, but still totally different than, mine. The author details how she thought her “issues” (obsessively thinking about one thing, etc.) weren’t OCD symptoms. She thought of OCD as many folks do — a guy that has to wash his hands a million times, or a person who obsessively can’t step on sidewalk cracks. And, sure, OCD is all of that. But the disease is so much more.

My personal brand of OCD started out as a compulsion to say things repeatedly. Over the years it changed and shifted. (I lovingly call it OCD whac-a-mole.) I’ve obsessed over things as simple as what I’m going to eat and wear, to things as serious as my health and life. It ain’t a pretty disease.

But like the Rookie author states, it’s totally treatable. Meds, therapy, and alternative therapies can work wonders. So, if you think you’re obsession about whatever-it-is, is a little more obsessive than normal, don’t freak. Just reach out to a professional. And if you’re friends with someone with OCD, just remember that we know what we’re doing — we sometimes just can’t help it. And that’s why it’s so darn nice to have good friends around who support us.

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Crazy bitch, nutty girl and insane chick are just a few insults that are hurled at women when someone catches wind that a female may have a mental illness.

If you ask me, I think the whole “crazy girl” insult-launching routine is so tired. It’s time to set the cliches aside and to start talking about mental illness in a factual manner.

Luckily, there are some people who are already having fact-based conversations about mental illness. For example, Demi Lovato, actress and singer, recently did a PSA about bipolar disorder. Lovato has this mental illness. The young pop idol did the PSA to shine a light on the mental illness and to reinforce that with the right treatment plan and diagnosis, people with the same diagnosis could still live happy, healthy lives.

It’s incredibly rad that Lovato is speaking out about her illness in general, but it’s especially great because women need to see other women talk frankly about mental health.

Positive conversations about mental illness ensure that those with depression, OCD, etc., don’t feel stigmatized by that inane “crazy girl” designation. Positive talk also ensures that female peers understand what their friends are going through.

So what else can be done to further a positive conversation about mental illness between women and their peers? XOJane has detailed a few stellar ways people can talk about mental illness. Here are some of the standout suggestions:

Even if you don’t have a mental illness, research it: The more correct information you know about mental illness, the better. If you’ve never experienced depression or felt crippled by anxiety, there’s no way you can really get what people affected by those illnesses are feeling. But if you read reliable articles and research about mental illness, you can develop compassion for your friends.

If you do suffer from a mental illness, it sometimes helps to read about your illness’ general symptoms. Reading about your illness can help you realize that no, you aren’t nuts – you just have an illness, and it can be treated.

Don’t try to diagnose yourself and never diagnosis a friend: The only way an outsider can tell if a person has a mental illness is if they have asked that person, and the person confirms their friend’s suspicion. Talking about how, “Sally doesn’t ever go out to lunch, so she must be anorexic,” isn’t helpful to you, or your friend. Coming to these generalized conclusions is a waste of time and inevitably hurtful to those of us suffering from mental illness.

If you suspect you may have an illness, go to a physician or therapist you trust and have an honest conversation: Don’t just assume you are or aren’t sick. The only way you can figure out what’s going on is to talk to someone and get a diagnosis.

And remember that your experience with mental illness may differ from your peers. No one has the same issues or triggers. And same goes for a friend who knows two family members who have bipolar disorder. Each person’s experience with the illness will be different.

Lastly, it’s important to learn about mental illness because these diseases are just a part of life: Mental illnesses aren’t negative, and aren’t positive – they just are. Never be afraid to get treatment, and never be afraid to have a positive conversation about mental illness with your best girlfriend. Facts and friendly conversations are the only things that can help destigmatize these common diseases.

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In the days since the horrific mass murder and suicide in Isla Vista, Calif. it’s easy to get swept up into the news frenzy. The media has dissected every move and word—written or spoken—by Elliot Rodger, the disturbed young man who did this unthinkable deed.

Like many people, this atrocious event—six people murdered, one suicide and nearly a dozen other injured—is turning over and over in my head. The main reason it is affecting me so much is that for the last eight months and twelve days, I’ve been a parent. Everything changes when you have a child. Everything. Especially when news like this is becoming a regular occurrence. Especially when after hearing of the tragedy of seven young lives lost, I heard more than one person ask “Is that all?” We’ve become desensitized to these crimes in all the wrong ways. And we’re focusing on all the wrong triggers that lead up to these events. Like everyone else stunned by this tragedy, my heart goes out to all those affected by the incident. I have the questions we all have: How could this have happened? Why didn’t people see the signs early enough to stop it? What was wrong with this young man who had his whole life ahead of him and chose this instead?

Already, this issue has turned into yet another debate about gun control. Rodger reportedly bought his guns legally. But it seems clear that his rage could not be contained by whether or not he had a gun. He stabbed his roommates to death. Almost a year before the murderous rampage, he attempted to push people off of a 10-foot ledge because he was so outraged at being without a girl while at a party. Yes, we need to address gun access for the mentally disturbed while still honoring the Second Amendment so many people value. But this isn’t a gun issue.

It’s also turned into a discussion about the expectations he appeared to have about women. His “misogynous” rampage has resulted in the Twitter hashtag #yesallwomen, where women have taken to using this tragedy to share stories about their own sexual assault. We don’t need a tragedy like this to justify discussing women’s abuse. It’s its own conversation, one we should be having no matter what. Rodger called his final act of violence his “Day of Retribution,” which was pointed directly at women, because he said so many had refused to love him, to give him the “pleasures” he felt he deserved. This certainly speaks to a sickness in our culture about sexuality, particularly towards women, but it also speaks to something deeper: the people we ignore, the ones we don’t know well enough to sense that these tragedies are likely to occur. To say this is an issue about women’s sexuality devalues the women who lost their lives. It devalues their own sexuality. This isn’t about how women need to stop being labeled as objects. This is about undetected and untreated mental illness and the consequences. Elliot Rodger was disturbed. His perception was skewed about sexuality as much as it was about the significance of his violence. His untreated illness would have expressed itself in other ways regardless of whether or not he’d had sex once or a thousand times, found the love of his life or not. But what he represents, what seems to be a growing group of people we see at the core of these types of crimes, is important to discuss.

Let me backtrack. When I was in the 7^th grade, I sat in front of a boy named Michael. He wore thick glasses. Dressed odd. Smelled like most boys during puberty do. He was quiet and very serious looking all the time. I don’t think I ever saw him smile. I couldn’t relate, and so, along with most everyone else in my class, I just ignored him. He wasn’t important enough for anyone to bully. That privilege was saved for other kids—usually the ones who threaten the bullies’ status. It’s sad to admit, but true: Michael simply didn’t matter to most of us. Until he brutally murdered one of my best friends five years later.

Once he arrived to high school, Michael became “Mic”—no longer the quiet guy we looked past—he was now a drama and poetry nerd from the poorer side of town who had a knack for befriending rich, white, awkward girls. And then, one night, just because he could, he stabbed and strangled my dear friend in her own backyard. He stole her parents’ car and drove off into the night, leaving her for dead. (He’s now serving a life sentence for his crime.) If Karen had known enough to look for the signs of mental illness; if she had been comfortable enough asking questions and talking to an adult about Mic’s mental state, perhaps she may be alive today. Perhaps not. But she didn’t have a fighting chance against a late night visit from a friend who in an instant, became a killer. She didn’t have a chance, because she didn’t know the signs.

Why these senseless murders happen may never be fully understood. There are now too many to list. Surely there are numerous factors that play into each case. But one factor that seems obvious is that these young men who commit such crimes tend to fit the same stereotype as Mic and Elliot. They may not be poor or rich, they may not be all that unpopular, even. But they tend to be the ones most other kids ignore. The ones we think choose to be loners all on their own.

What we’ve done to bring awareness to the issue of bullies in the last several years is phenomenal. It’s changing and saving lives. But it’s only one problem our children face when learning to deal with the intricacies of peers and cliques. We also need to put a big effort towards cultivating inclusiveness and respect. We need to teach our children that just because someone else may be quiet and different does not mean they don’t want to participate. It doesn’t mean they don’t want to have friends, to be loved. And it most certainly does not mean they aren’t hiding a serious mental problem. We so often assume mental instability manifests outwardly–the deranged homeless person shouting to no one. But mental illness, more often than not, is a silent affliction. People struggle and suffer with their issues behind closed doors, until the one day that they don’t.

Elliot Rodger made a horrific, unforgivable decision. But unlike others, like Adam Lanza, who opened fire on grade school children in Sandy Hook, Connecticut in 2012, Rodger did us the favor of sharing in gruesome and sober detail in his 137-page manifesto, how he felt. Or how he thought he felt, anyway. As deluded as he was, he seemed to be able to get clear about feeling that he had not been loved enough. Even if that came out in a misogynistic tone of sexual entitlement. But we know what drove him to his death–a rage and illness that was only fueled by feeling unlovable. That’s not enough to forgive or forget what he did. But perhaps it’s enough to remind us that in raising our children, we need to teach them that bullying is not okay, and neither is ignoring others, either.

Taking an interest in other children, being kind and genuine won’t prevent mental illness. But it can help our children to detect the signals that something is seriously wrong a lot sooner—and, it’s the one thing we can do right now. Gun laws won’t change over night. Neither will our culture’s perception about women and sexual entitlement. But empowering our children to be inclusive and compassionate towards each other can start today. It has to.

Find Jill on Twitter @jillettinger

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A friend of mine – a therapist in a halfway house – once described a harrowing incident where a burly Hell’s Angel guy barged into a group therapy session, hollering and waving his arms around like a maniac. He was was having an “episode” that would’ve scared the bejeezus out of the toughest cookie on the block.

“Use your manners, would ya?” said the group therapy leader. “Turn around and come back in quietly.”

And then – fuming and puffing – Mr. Rage just…stopped. “Oh. Okay then.” He left the room, re-opened the door, walked in and sat down in the nearest empty seat. Calmly.

Just like that.
Standards work wonders.

When we routinely accept people’s poor behavior, we block the chances for radical change to occur. Excuses repress clarity. Justifications crowd out transformation.

I once worked with someone who was bi-polar manic depressive, and we always chalked up their behavior to their illness. We let them off the hook for all sorts of crappy behavior. But nasty is nasty, and mean is mean, and my standards are higher than that.

So next time your mother is a bit well, you know. Or your grouchy neighbor is a grouch, as usual. Or your super-stressed boss loses her cool because she’s, well, super-stressed. Call it at face value. Don’t let foul manners off the hook. Bad behavior is bad behavior – all afflictions and psych 101 labels aside.

Common sense is a mighty powerful agent for change.

Editor’s Note: Danielle LaPorte is the creator of WhiteHotTruth.com, which has been called “the best place on-line for kick-ass spirituality.” She is the author of The Fire Starter Sessions: A Digital Experience for Entrepreneurs, an inspirational speaker, former think tank exec, and news show commentator. You can read all of Danielle’s EcoSalon guest articles here, and find her on Twitter @daniellelaporte.

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When I was in a college I had a friend named Henry. He wasn’t my closest comrade, by any stretch, but he was part of our little posse and was as friendly to me as anyone else in the group – eye-to-eye handshakes, hugs, pats on the back and pints of beer. Never a cross look or an ill word. Until one evening.

I was in the campus pub with the gang, our group holding court at our usual corner table. Henry entered swiftly, determined, his head darting around, clearly looking for someone or something. After a moment he turned to me. He had obviously found what he was looking for. Without hesitation, he pushed his way through the crowd, moving furiously in my direction. Suddenly he left his feet, diving through the air, up across the table, knocking over beers, screaming obscenities, every inch of his body dedicated to causing me harm. I pushed my chair backwards and crouched in the corner, stunned and mortified as my friends pulled him away, struggling just to hold him. As I saw him disappear back into the crowd, I looked for some hint of meaning from his eyes. I got nothing. I searched my own mind for a reason. I came up empty.

I saw Henry a few more times that semester. He seemed subdued, always moving slowly, never looking at me. He would immediately leave any room I entered. Before the end of the year’s classes he was gone. I later found out he was sick. Manic depression. Despite my usual “what did I do to deserve this?” it all had nothing to do with me. It turned out there was no “meaning.” There was only illness.

In the wake of the Arizona shooting, our nation has scrambled for meaning. Why did Jared Lee Loughner open fire on Representative Gabrielle Giffords in a rampage that killed six people and wounded 14 others at Tucson grocery story on January 8? What did Giffords represent that lead him to commit such a heinous act? What point was he trying to make? How does this reflect on national politics? How about gun control? There are so many questions and issues here, one hardly knows where to begin.

Of course, it’s entirely appropriate for an incident like this to spur debate on topics like gun control (I’m imagining now the transaction at Sportsman’s Warehouse and the moment when Loughner’s fingers first touched the deadly semiautomatic Glock ) and the impact of violent political rhetoric (what kind of imbecile uses crosshairs over names to make a political point). But if you’re looking for meaning here, consider these two things: First, the lives and loved ones of the dead and injured. And second, our nation’s dysfunctional relationship with mental illness – our lack of education around the subject, our stigmatization of those who suffer from its various forms, and our unwillingness as a society to address these illnesses in a concerted and informed manner.

There are a number of forms of mental illness that affect untold millions of our population. To gain a basic understating of the subject, the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) offers a wonderfully informative site that would do us all some good to explore. Here are a few of the most common forms of mental illness that could lead to violent behavior, along with information on diagnoses and treatment.

• Bi-polar disorder
• Borderline personality disorder
• Dissociative disorders
• Schizophrenia
• Schizoaffective disorder

Our society’s failure to control the use of guns in crime continues to befuddle every civilized nation on Earth. Likewise, the entire democratic world is stupefied by the way we conduct our political selves. (Says “The Daily Show” host Jon Stewart: “It would be really nice if the ramblings of crazy people didn’t resemble the way we talk to each other on TV.”) But the state of our mental health system – a system that is clearly failing to deal with the many Americans who suffer from the above illness – receives disturbingly little attention.

NAMI recently conducted a study on “The State of Public Mental Health Services Across the Nation.” The results today are the same as they were when the group conducted its last study in 2006: We received a “D.” (Note that the Virginia Tech shooting, where a mentally ill man murdered 32 and wounded so many others, occurred in 2007.)

“State by state, this assessment of our nation’s public mental health services finds that we are painfully far from the high-quality system we envision and so desperately need,” reports NAMI. “While some states are making consistent efforts to improve, the great majority are making little or no progress.” Their conclusion: “The state of mental health services in this country is simply unacceptable.”

Jonathan Cohn, writing for The New Republic, adds this: “Mental health, unfortunately, is probably the illness most likely to go untreated in the U.S. The stigma around mental illness isn’t what it once was, but it still exists. Private insurance rarely provides enough coverage for the seriously ill, overwhelming public systems to the point where people who could benefit from therapy, drugs, and community supports – frequently living totally normal, productive lives – instead end up without treatment and sometimes without homes. Inevitably, some of these people end up committing crimes, overloading a criminal justice system ill-equipped to handle them. We don’t warehouse the mentally ill in asylums anymore. Instead, we warehouse them in jails.”

A key word in Cohn’s astute assessment is “stigma.” Our lack of education (let alone understanding) as individuals and a society leads to myriad false characterizations of the mentally ill – and their families. These erroneous notions prevent many from seeking, being lead to or being required to receive treatment. This is not only to due the negative connotations associated with those who suffer – and the progenitors of those who suffer –  but also from a institutional world that remains underfunded and misguided in part as a result of those same stigmatizations.

So families and others (question are being raised, for example, as to what school officials who suspended Loughner from Pima Community College for bizarre and violent outbursts might have done to ensure he received treatment), continue to try to deal with a problem with what amounts to decreasing guidance and few protocols made available by a society that wants to sweep the issue under the rug.

But despite system failures, we can and should educate ourselves. There are things we can do when we become worried about a friend or loved one, and Arizona should be a wakeup call, says NAMI Medical Director Dr. Ken Duckworth. He offers a few suggestions:

• Maintain your support and connection with the person – if that is impossible then work to get help to understand why.
• Many people trust their general practitioner, who may help or find a psychiatrist or mental health professional who can help.
• Get support for yourself from people you trust or in a support group as you engage in the challenge to find the right path.
• Always see if you can find a way to get your loved one help with consent and collaboration. If you do need to put someone into an evaluation or treatment against their will, they may not thank you. But you may make a difference.
• Call the department of mental health in your state to get information about resources for services.
• Substance abuse can increase the risk of violence and complicates treatment efforts. Contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) for a substance abuse treatment facility locator.
• Most important, he says, “families and communities need to work together to create a situation where there is no prejudice against seeking mental health treatment or towards people who live with mental illness.”

In the aftermath of Henry’s attempted attack on me that night so many years ago, I wanted nothing more than for my “friend” to disappear. I didn’t want to talk to him or see him and, as it came to light that he had a mental disorder, I wanted to deal with him even less. Most of us know what to do with bullies (personal and political) because we have some orientation regarding their motives. Our responses can be framed in the context of those motivations, and outcomes can be measured. But we don’t know what to do with mental illness. We want it to just go away.

Unfortunately, it will never go away. But our first best hope is to inform ourselves – as individuals and as society– by taking the initiative to learn and teach. Only this way will the stigmas disappear and the right choices about treatment and institutionalization policies become clear. We will never be able to prevent instances like this from ever occurring. But we can prevent some of them. And that would be a lot. Just ask the victims’ families.

“Henry” is not my attempted assailant’s real name. I don’t know where he is today, or if he ever received treatment for his illness.

Image: Medill DC

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