Deflategate has many NFL fans upset. But what about the rest of the league’s image problems? 

I slept very poorly last night. While I know better than to check Facebook during a bout of insomnia, it’s still one of the most common reactions: One that does nothing to aid sleeplessness. That’s especially true for someone who, like myself, spent many years in Boston, and whose Facebook feed is currently overrun with posts about Deflategate.

It’s hard to ignore, since the topic seems to have engulfed every news outlet, but to review: Deflategate is the newly-coined term used to refer to the recent scandal plaguing the New England Patriots, in which the team (namely, the staff that handles equipment) allegedly deflated footballs before last year’s AFC championship game against the Indianapolis Colts, to make them easier to grip.

WBUR, Boston’s local NPR station, has done a terrific job of accounting for the events.

Earlier this week, the NFL announced that the Patriots will be fined $1 million and that the team’s star quarterback, Tom Brady, is suspended for four games without pay. In any direction, the response has been outrage: Some crying that the punishment is excessive, while others say it’s not nearly harsh enough. I, too, am outraged. But Deflategate? I couldn’t care less about this particular incident.

Here’s the thing: If the Patriots cheated, they should be punished. If Tom Brady was part of it, he should be suspended. In fact, depending on what evidence is actually available, the Patriots could even deserve to be stripped of the team’s most recent Super Bowl title, which came after winning the now-controversial championship game. Yes; that’s coming from a Patriots fan. The NFL’s problems are rooted far deeper than this latest scandal. Deflategate is just the most recent installment in the organization’s widespread encouragement of being able to get away with anything, as long as you’re a professional athlete.

Partially responsible for this phenomenon are the completely blurred parameters of what the NFL, a heralded and nearly deified American institution, constitutes as right, wrong, and culpable. Some interesting statistics have been highlighted as a result of the announcement. BostInno pointed out that Brady’s penalty is double that originally assigned to Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice, when security camera footage of his assault on his then-fiancee surfaced (prior to his indefinite suspension, which was eventually overturned). Brady’s suspension is also equal to the punishment given to Pittsburgh Steelers’ quarterback Ben Roethlisberger for sexual assault.

These statistics, though blood-boiling, barely shed light on the flawed system comprising the NFL. Here we are, over a year since the video of Rice’s violence toward his wife became public, and investigators still have failed to conclude whether or not anyone within the NFL saw the video prior to TMZ’s release of it in February 2014. Yet, after a brief four months, an investigative committee has been able to gather sufficient evidence to conclude that, yes, footballs were deflated prior to a playoff game, and appropriate punitive action shall be taken. Again: Cheating is wrong. If the Patriots cheated, they should be punished. The stark increase of internal outcry over game-related issues, however, over the violently misogynistic actions of certain players, is more than noticeable.

The NFL’s culture of marginalizing women isn’t exactly limited to inadequate punishment of its players, either. In 2013, ESPN correspondent Darren Rovell tweeted that, for its annual breast cancer awareness campaign, the NFL “takes a 25% royalty from the wholesale price (1/2 retail), donates 90% of royalty to American Cancer Society.” The numbers are tricky, and were later elaborated by Business Insider: Essentially, for every $100 of merchandise sold as part of the campaign, $12.50 is labeled as going directly to the NFL, $11.25 of which is then given to the American Cancer Society. That might make it appear as though the NFL is donating 90% of its cut to ACS, but look closer: About 88.75% of the revenue collected is divided between makers and sellers of the merchandise The catch? That seller is typically comprised of the NFL itself, or its different teams.

According to Forbes, the average worth of an NFL team is roughly $1.43 billion. In other words: They don’t need the money. The league, as well as its higher-valued teams (the Patriots, for example, are worth roughly $2.4 billion), can afford to do more. Just a few ideas: Sending medical trucks to underserved regions to provide free mammograms, using the high-profile NFL name to bring women’s health education initiatives into communities and, while they’re at it, educating all youth, everywhere, about anti-violence, and respect.

Hey, Goodell: That’s how you solve a PR crisis.

Sadly, the NFL’s problems don’t end there; Frontline’s “League of Denial” special on resulting concussions from faulty helmets is hardly forgettable. The league can afford to write an annual $4 million paycheck to its quarterbacks, but the funds are lacking to invest in proper safety equipment. What kind of message does that send about human priorities?

The biggest criminal in the entirety of these events, quite possibly, is the NFL Commissioner himself. Roger Goodell is the one in the greatest position of power: The one in the position to say, “Not in my house. We won’t stand for this.” Instead, he’s broadcasting the idea: This isn’t about people. This is about winning a game.

I don’t have children, but I do know that many look up to the NFL and its players as heroes and role models. Of course, it can be argued that ultimately teaching right-versus wrong is a lesson often best left to parents. It is downright reckless, however, for an organization that has become a celebrated household name and national tradition to send the message that winning takes priority over human rights. If it were any other way, adequate funds would be allocated for proper helmets and breast cancer awareness initiatives, and the league would lead proper investigations of all misconduct.

It’s time to fix this gravely flawed machine.

This article originally appears on LinkedIn. Reprinted with permission. 

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In the days since the horrific mass murder and suicide in Isla Vista, Calif. it’s easy to get swept up into the news frenzy. The media has dissected every move and word—written or spoken—by Elliot Rodger, the disturbed young man who did this unthinkable deed.

Like many people, this atrocious event—six people murdered, one suicide and nearly a dozen other injured—is turning over and over in my head. The main reason it is affecting me so much is that for the last eight months and twelve days, I’ve been a parent. Everything changes when you have a child. Everything. Especially when news like this is becoming a regular occurrence. Especially when after hearing of the tragedy of seven young lives lost, I heard more than one person ask “Is that all?” We’ve become desensitized to these crimes in all the wrong ways. And we’re focusing on all the wrong triggers that lead up to these events. Like everyone else stunned by this tragedy, my heart goes out to all those affected by the incident. I have the questions we all have: How could this have happened? Why didn’t people see the signs early enough to stop it? What was wrong with this young man who had his whole life ahead of him and chose this instead?

Already, this issue has turned into yet another debate about gun control. Rodger reportedly bought his guns legally. But it seems clear that his rage could not be contained by whether or not he had a gun. He stabbed his roommates to death. Almost a year before the murderous rampage, he attempted to push people off of a 10-foot ledge because he was so outraged at being without a girl while at a party. Yes, we need to address gun access for the mentally disturbed while still honoring the Second Amendment so many people value. But this isn’t a gun issue.

It’s also turned into a discussion about the expectations he appeared to have about women. His “misogynous” rampage has resulted in the Twitter hashtag #yesallwomen, where women have taken to using this tragedy to share stories about their own sexual assault. We don’t need a tragedy like this to justify discussing women’s abuse. It’s its own conversation, one we should be having no matter what. Rodger called his final act of violence his “Day of Retribution,” which was pointed directly at women, because he said so many had refused to love him, to give him the “pleasures” he felt he deserved. This certainly speaks to a sickness in our culture about sexuality, particularly towards women, but it also speaks to something deeper: the people we ignore, the ones we don’t know well enough to sense that these tragedies are likely to occur. To say this is an issue about women’s sexuality devalues the women who lost their lives. It devalues their own sexuality. This isn’t about how women need to stop being labeled as objects. This is about undetected and untreated mental illness and the consequences. Elliot Rodger was disturbed. His perception was skewed about sexuality as much as it was about the significance of his violence. His untreated illness would have expressed itself in other ways regardless of whether or not he’d had sex once or a thousand times, found the love of his life or not. But what he represents, what seems to be a growing group of people we see at the core of these types of crimes, is important to discuss.

Let me backtrack. When I was in the 7^th grade, I sat in front of a boy named Michael. He wore thick glasses. Dressed odd. Smelled like most boys during puberty do. He was quiet and very serious looking all the time. I don’t think I ever saw him smile. I couldn’t relate, and so, along with most everyone else in my class, I just ignored him. He wasn’t important enough for anyone to bully. That privilege was saved for other kids—usually the ones who threaten the bullies’ status. It’s sad to admit, but true: Michael simply didn’t matter to most of us. Until he brutally murdered one of my best friends five years later.

Once he arrived to high school, Michael became “Mic”—no longer the quiet guy we looked past—he was now a drama and poetry nerd from the poorer side of town who had a knack for befriending rich, white, awkward girls. And then, one night, just because he could, he stabbed and strangled my dear friend in her own backyard. He stole her parents’ car and drove off into the night, leaving her for dead. (He’s now serving a life sentence for his crime.) If Karen had known enough to look for the signs of mental illness; if she had been comfortable enough asking questions and talking to an adult about Mic’s mental state, perhaps she may be alive today. Perhaps not. But she didn’t have a fighting chance against a late night visit from a friend who in an instant, became a killer. She didn’t have a chance, because she didn’t know the signs.

Why these senseless murders happen may never be fully understood. There are now too many to list. Surely there are numerous factors that play into each case. But one factor that seems obvious is that these young men who commit such crimes tend to fit the same stereotype as Mic and Elliot. They may not be poor or rich, they may not be all that unpopular, even. But they tend to be the ones most other kids ignore. The ones we think choose to be loners all on their own.

What we’ve done to bring awareness to the issue of bullies in the last several years is phenomenal. It’s changing and saving lives. But it’s only one problem our children face when learning to deal with the intricacies of peers and cliques. We also need to put a big effort towards cultivating inclusiveness and respect. We need to teach our children that just because someone else may be quiet and different does not mean they don’t want to participate. It doesn’t mean they don’t want to have friends, to be loved. And it most certainly does not mean they aren’t hiding a serious mental problem. We so often assume mental instability manifests outwardly–the deranged homeless person shouting to no one. But mental illness, more often than not, is a silent affliction. People struggle and suffer with their issues behind closed doors, until the one day that they don’t.

Elliot Rodger made a horrific, unforgivable decision. But unlike others, like Adam Lanza, who opened fire on grade school children in Sandy Hook, Connecticut in 2012, Rodger did us the favor of sharing in gruesome and sober detail in his 137-page manifesto, how he felt. Or how he thought he felt, anyway. As deluded as he was, he seemed to be able to get clear about feeling that he had not been loved enough. Even if that came out in a misogynistic tone of sexual entitlement. But we know what drove him to his death–a rage and illness that was only fueled by feeling unlovable. That’s not enough to forgive or forget what he did. But perhaps it’s enough to remind us that in raising our children, we need to teach them that bullying is not okay, and neither is ignoring others, either.

Taking an interest in other children, being kind and genuine won’t prevent mental illness. But it can help our children to detect the signals that something is seriously wrong a lot sooner—and, it’s the one thing we can do right now. Gun laws won’t change over night. Neither will our culture’s perception about women and sexual entitlement. But empowering our children to be inclusive and compassionate towards each other can start today. It has to.

Find Jill on Twitter @jillettinger

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Do you ever have those days where you think you might just explode if you have to endure one more wolf whistle, cat call, or “hey baby?” Do you feel your face fuming but instead just walk on by, head phones in ears, pretending you don’t hear?

While that is certainly the most common and least confrontational response, it doesn’t do anything to reverse the culture of impunity that allows street harassers to do what they do without even a hint of shame. The truth is, all forms of sexual harassment and disrespect towards women—whether it’s a simple inane comment or an act of violence—come from the same place: the idea that the female body is a publicly owned entity, there for all men to comment on and use as they please.

In honor of Sexual Assault Awareness Month and Anti Street Harassment Week (April 7-13), EcoSalon gives you a list of “Talk Back” ammunition. The truth is that we still live in a world where talking back can also be taking a risk. However, there are certainly instances when speaking up directly and confidently is a powerful tool to challenge the wide acceptance of this tired form of oppression. Riding a bus or walking through a public place or a busy street are good examples; a late night walk home perhaps isn’t.

Organizations like Stop Street Harassment and Hollaback provide resources and encourage both women and bystanders to confront, report, and record this kind of intimidation. Tips include speaking in a neutral, yet assertive voice; not losing your temper or swearing; and to decide when you’re done making your point to avoid a back and forth battle (for more very useful tips see here).

Despite what some men—and even some women—will tell you, street harassment is not a compliment. If it makes you feel uncomfortable or objectified or just plain irritated, it’s not okay. Remember that you have a right to talk back, whereas many other women in the world may not.

Go on and give some of these replies a try:

1.”You look like someone whose opinion is irrelevant.”

2.“I’m sorry, you must have me confused with someone whom you think you can speak to that way.”

3.”It’s funny you should say that, because I don’t recall asking for your opinion on my appearance.”

4.”Can you please think of a more imaginative way to assert your threatened masculinity.”

5.”You should save that for your girlfriend—oh wait, you probably don’t have one because you clearly don’t know how to respect women.”

6.”God, you are just so clever and original. I bet your friends just love you.”

7.”Do you disrespect all the women in your life, or just ones you’ve never met?”

8.”Sweetheart, please stop perpetuating the patriarchal dividend. It’s so over.”

9.”Honestly, it’s too early in the morning for misogyny and patriarchy.”

10.”Please evolve before you speak to me any further.”

12.”Has that ever really worked for you?”

13.”You must have a solid track record of saying stupid shit to women.”

14.”Have you really not evolved past the cat call/wolf whistle/hey baby?? Get with the times, bro.”

15.”Would you like your wife/sister/daughter to be treated the same way you are treating me right now?”

16.”You need a new line, man—and also a lesson on how to respect women.”

17.”Wow, you’re the first man to ever say that to me!”

18.”Look at me any harder and your pants might split.”

19.”If I was trying to track down a good time, I would have been a little more creative.”

20. And for the guys who want to speak up: “You’re making women hate men. Stop it.”

Image credit: TED Conference

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People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) does not see fit to extend the same moral courtesy to human animals, specifically the female kind. In the organization’s latest sexist campaign for vegetarianism, an overweight woman in a bikini is faced with the emboldened slogan: “Save the Whales”. Beneath the words runs a helpful tagline: “Lose the blubber: go vegetarian.”

Come on gals, take a joke. What’s a little fat-shaming in pursuit of a good time?

There’s no shortage of adjectives (or profanities) that come to mind to describe such a mean-spirited billboard. And if you can get through the confusion of it – don’t be a whale! wait, save the whales! don’t be a whale so we can save the whales! whales are great, except you, blubber butt! – it’s also very telling.

A friend of mine, John Haslett, is a professional adventurer and author of the sea memoir, Voyage of the Manteno. In the book, he writes about the behavior of people in survival situations – that is, people under extreme stress. An inevitable few will rapidly decline into paranoia and eventual insanity. Some – many more than you would think, observes Haslett – simply give up. Some rise to the challenge, while others become childish or cheat. I think we can figure out which part of the life raft we’d find PETA hugging.

With admirably relentless energy, PETA has managed to jump from the margins of activism and enjoys frequent mainstream media attention. To the dismay of many vegetarians, when Newkirk speaks, people do listen. A group like PETA has just as much potential to wear at our social fabric as any loudmouth pundit. These are not just crazy tactics; PETA’s stunts are part of a carefully-woven, and unfortunate, strategy. Deliberately divisive, PETA is antisocial in a wide cultural sense. Desperate to win, they resort to the ridiculous and alienate those whom they hope to convert. What a dark, lonely world these small-minded people inhabit! I don’t know about you, but I don’t want anyone this stressed out trying to advocate for anything except another cocktail.

The woman who is concerned with social and environmental justice should be quick to leave PETA to the spiral it’s so enthusiastically sliding down. Sociologists explain that it’s common for oppressed groups to target each other as they jockey for autonomy. PETA abusing using women as a tool to achieve their goals is just one more example in a long history of horizontal violence. Not very original, is it? One can easily imagine that in the hive-mind of PETA headquarters, there is only room for the conflict view of reality: it’s either women for animals or women over animals. I guess PETA can’t conceive of women and animals, or at least not for the blubbery among us!

Any position worth defending can be done with integrity. If you have to take a cheap shot to score a point, you don’t belong in the game. Or put another way, when the end justifies the means, the means become the end.

Recommended reading on this topic: Feministing, Deceiver, Jezebel, Huffington Post, The Frisky, DoubleX

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