ColumnWhere celebrity becomes conscious.

Like the hair standing up on the back on your neck just before a thunderstorm, you can feel it coming.

You’re sitting in a movie theater, temporarily blinded by the pyrotechnics on-screen. The Earth is being saved by some strapping Everyman. Evil has been defeated.

Everyman stretches out his toned arm to grab the hand of the grateful female companion, who falls into his arms weeping. They kiss as she clings to his arm, fulfilling her role as an accessory to the hero. Meet the Pointless Female Character, that female lead who exists for pep talks, inspiration, and long-drawn out cinematic kisses. Only after being saved by the male lead, naturally.

True, Pointless Female Character (PFC), also known as “insert hot chick for obligatory shallow romance scenes,” tends to show up in male-dominated audiences looking for more mass explosions than mass marketing. And we realize it is our choice to watch these movies, if by choice you mean it’s the only movie playing on an island and you’re just looking for something to do with your in-laws that doesn’t involve talking about when you’re going to finally have a baby. But that doesn’t mean we can’t reclaim our flighty sister from movie screens.

And so, here are eight Pointless Female Characters most in need of a decent character arc. Or crossbow. Even a pair of roller skates to escape?

Mikaela Banes (Megan Fox) of Transformers and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Perhaps Queen of the PFCs, the gorgeous Ms. Banes is best known for her excellent posing skills over a hot rod and her ability to clutch her boyfriend’s hand while running in heels. (Try it, it’s impossible.) Co-star Shia LaBeouf peddled the rumor that director Michael Bay found Fox “too feminist” for the franchise. Consequently, Bay replaced her in the third Tranformers film with supermodel Rosie Huntington-Whitley. An actual lingerie model. Point taken, Michael Bay.

Jessica Simpson: Collected Works
We refer you to Simpson as Daisy Duke in The Dukes of Hazard reboot and Amy in Employee of the Month. But Ms. Simpson, who had peddled her name into a billion dollar fashion brand, is likely the last one laughing.

Mary Corleone (Sofia Coppola) of The Godfather, Part III
When one character can almost single-handedly sink a masterpiece franchise, you wonder if she was really necessary. When Francis Ford Coppola cast his daughter Sofia in the role of Mary Corleone in his final Godfather movie, he redefined the destructive power of nepotism on film. (SPOILER: Think I exaggerated? Did you want to cheer at the end when Mary fell victim to her father’s legacy of crime? I thought so.) We will never know for sure if it was Coppola’s portrayal of Miss Corleone that led to her PFC status or simply her character arc. But finding out the truth is an offer we can refuse.

Jenny Everdeane (Cameron Diaz) of Gangs of New York
Miss Everdeane of the Martin Scorsese classic knew how to flip a bedraggled flounce like the sassy Irish-bred lass she set out to be. Sure, she created some cinematic tension for hero Amsterdam Vallon (Leonardo DiCaprio). But we wanted to see more of Jenny and her Dickensian ways.

Mia Toretto (Jordana Brewster) of The Fast and the Furious
When we first met Mia, she was the verging-on-jailbait younger sister in the Toretto car-racing crime family, whose felonies were masked by many hearts-of-gold. But really, she just served as a prop to fall into the arms of G-man turned wild card Brian O’Connor (Paul Walker).

Grace Stamper (Liv Tyler) of Armageddon
Stamper supported her father (Bruce Willis) and boyfriend (Ben Affleck) as they flew off into space to literally save the planet. We get it, Grace, you’re noble and self-sacrificing. So why didn’t you get to save the Earth with the rest of your rag-tag compatriots? Because posing heroically in vintage dresses against swells of patriotic soundtracks just looks better.

Sam (Natalie Portman) of Garden State
She’s quirky! She’s lovable! She’s gorgeous! She’s also a completely unrealistic fantasy of morose guys everywhere who think that pouting their way through North Jersey is endearing. Yes, adorable Sam is everything a hipster would like to find visiting his forgotten homeland. But she seems to have a perfectly lovely life before she meets Andrew Largeman (Zach Braff). Any girl worth her Shin’s subscription would know to keep clear of him. And yet…does she?

Lily (Mila Kunis) of Black Swan
I know, I know, technically Lily wasn’t completely pointless. Her sex scene with Nina (Natalie Portman) gave men an excuse to see a ballet movie. (Lest you doubt me, see Portman’s statement to Entertainment Weekly: “I remember them being like, ‘How do you get guys to a ballet movie? How do you get girls to a thriller?’ And the answer is a lesbian scene. Everyone wants to see that.”) Okay, sure, Lily was also the dark side of Nina which may or may not have eventually consumed the tragic ballerina, depending on how many cocktails you had before you saw the movie. So really, wasn’t Lily just a PFC in a tutu? Or did she just use a stunt PFC? We will never know for sure.

This is the latest installment in Katherine Butler’s column, Shade Grown Hollywood, where celebrity becomes conscious. “Shade grown” refers literally to shade grown coffee, a farming method that “incorporates principles of natural ecology to promote natural ecological relationships.” Shade Grown is our sustainable twist on Hollywood.

Image: zunami, David Jones

The post Shade Grown Hollywood: 8 Pointless Female Characters in Movies appeared first on EcoSalon.

I always feel sorry for celebrities come awards time. There is just as much emphasis put on their red carpet garb as their award nominations and with the Golden Globes this weekend, I realized I haven’t done enough for all the starlets.

So apologies go out specifically to Natalie Portman, Helena Bonham Carter, Nicole Kidman, Halle Berry and Livia Firth for not suggesting this before. With all of you in the limelight on Sunday, we should have thought of this earlier.

Next year, I’d like to host a DIY night for you at my place. All of you star-studded ladies could bring your old dresses and I’ll bring the garment racks and let’s just have an old fashioned trying on party – see what works for you that worked for another breast oozing beauty last year. I’ll also bring a tailor to make the modifications necessary, and lots of tape and jars of bedazzling items. After all, there’s no reason why you can’t reuse.

Natalie Portman at the 2010 Venice Film Festival, Image from Zimbio

Natalie, I could have modified so many vintage dresses for your Bjork style but naturally dyed (black) of course and messages tucked into feathers trailing off the back like “The dark side in Star Wars was nothing compared to my last gig,” “Making out with women in cabs is hot,” and “Honk if you love swans.” We could have even made a mean feather lipstick for you in collaboration with a natural cosmetics company? We didn’t think! I seriously hate myself. Please look amazing because you are going to win everything.

Helena, when I think of all the crazy shit you usually wear to awards shows we could have had a DIY fest with garter belts, netting and royal tapestries embellishing something subtle, like a pirates outfit to really mix things up. So if you do win supporting actress for your role as the Queen Mother in The King’s Speech, you could still retain that “what the hell am I wearing again?” vibe but with a sustainable spin.

God, please wear something normal because your role was so wonderful and you might just win.

Helena Bonham Carter, Image from Holy Moly

Nicole, this is a tricky year for you. My DIY for you would’ve been either full flourishing frills a la TP, or subtle, slendering and Rabbit Hole quiet. What will you do?

Regardless of the fact we didn’t get together, I am confident you will make the right decision. I don’t think it will be a sustainable one though.

Nicole Kidman, 2010 Golden Globes

With Halle Berry up for Best Actress based on her role in Frankie and Alice, as a “Multiracial American woman with dissociative identity disorder who struggles to retain her true self and not give in to her racist alter-personality,” I would have suggested cutting up dresses and merging two standout frocks from any of the other nominees already written about here to give her look a real “Two sides Of Halle” vibe.

No doubt it would have made us all feel a little messed up just looking at her.

Halle Berry, 2010 Golden Globes

Our final regret isn’t a regret at all, it’s a kudos to the ongoing red carpet fashion choices of Livia Firth who is not up for an award but husband Colin is for his role as stammering Prince Albert in The King’s Speech. Livia, who will be on her husband’s arm on the red carpet has surpassed my wildest dreams by recently upcycling her husband’s moth eaten suits for the Paris premier of The King’s Speech and spending all last year going eco.

What will she wear on Sunday? One can only hope something that ticks off her husband so he doesn’t have a real life stammering episode as he accepts his award for his completely owned performance as Prince Albert.

He just has to win.

Colin and Livia Firth, 2010 Golden Globes

Top Image, Natalie Portman in Black Swan, IMDb

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Meat: It isn’t what’s for dinner if you want to be thinner – on and off the red carpet. Yes, a rigid diet is a great way to feel in control, and it shows up in vegetarian lifestyles just like all others.

The most disciplined in our culture are Hollywood celebs du jour like Kristen Bell, who swears by vegetarian diets (and daily workouts) to get that perfect body. It is not just a lifestyle for this segment, but a career. A one-time vegan, Bell says she reaches for a spoonful of peanut butter or a few Morningstar Farms veggie sausages for that protein fix.

She is among a growing cast of leading ladies (Demi Moore, Alicia Silverstone, Natalie Portman) and regular weight-conscious folk who have become mindful eaters not only for environmental and moral reasons, but to achieve that flat, bikini belly and 3-inch gap between the upper thighs. It works quite well but isn’t the vegetarian ideal.

Fountain-of-youth finder Moore says she is lucky she prefers iron rich, leafy spinach to chocolate, explaining why she looks 20 when she is approaching 50. But for most women, a focus on a strict veggie diet to reduce calories rather than to maintain good health has its pitfalls in terms of getting adequate daily nutrition.

“There is a caloric intake everyone needs, usually around 1200 to 1800 – depending on the height to weight ratio and if someone isn’t hitting that amount they are suffering from a caloric deficit and cannot function properly on a daily basis,” says Reese Dimacali, CPT/NCSF, a Bay Area trainer and nutrition consultant. “To be healthy you need everything, fiber, carbs and protein, which are fuel sources for our bodies and you are causing trauma to the body without that balance.”

Dimacali finds the healthiest vegetarians are not the new crop of green beings trying to look like models and rock stars but well rounded people who take it seriously. They research what their body might be lacking by giving up animal proteins and fats, and supplement their diets with protein shakes, whole grains, legumes, nuts, fish oil, pills, bars, rice and beans, soy and rice milks or other nutrition to boost energy and vitality.

“I studied at U.C. Santa Cruz and there were always rail thin vegetarians lying on the beach, not working out,” says the trainer. “I never saw them going on runs. You don’t have to work out to stay thin if you are only eating salads and spinach because losing weight is 80 percent eating, not exercising. It takes a lot of greens and cabbage soup to get the calories up to what is needed, and that is why they are usually so lethargic.”

In other words, if you aren’t a conscious vegetarian, you aren’t inclined to move your body the same way as the vegan with a cause. As Diets in Review points out, the way of the vegan and vegetarian is not a diet, but a lifestyle, one that requires awareness and responsibility. The site also links this choice to a deeper respect of the environment, saying “while there is a not a link to Veganism and activity, Vegans generally tend to eschew fossil fuels, and this translates into increased walking or utilizing public transportation methods, which in turn increases physical activity.”

Today, there is a cornucopia of websites, such as Vegan Nutrionista, which can walk you through the food pyramid for maintaining good a good intake of grains, fruits, vegetables, legumes and oils  – and staying fit as a result. When we talk to teens about their bodies, we focus on health and not weight to prevent eating disorders. We do this for a reason.

Vegan Nutrionista’s Food Pyramid:

With adults going vegetarian, as well, we need to emphasize the prolonging of life and lifting of spirits that often comes with avoiding sweet, salty, preserved processed foods and chemicals found in much of the animal kingdom. A muscular, buff body is sure to follow – ask any wise yogi! Very few of the masters clean their digestive systems to look hot in skinny jeans; but they still do. And so will you, as long as you feed your carnivore-designed system with what it requires.

Images: Celebrity Diets, Examiner

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