ColumnDo you meditate? Do you like to orgasm? Orgasmic Meditation or “OM” puts these two practices together like the ultimate Reese’s: you definitely want this pleasurable peanut butter in your chocolate.

I’m about to explode everything you ever thought you knew about orgasm. In this column, we’ve talked about the amazing benefits of the Big O, for both the brain and the body. We’ve talked about how to get yourself there more often, and even how to eat your way to a better orgasm. Now we’re going to have a frank discussion about a practice called OM, or Orgasmic Meditation. An organization called One Taste, based in San Francisco and founded by Nicole Daedone, has begun spreading the good word about OM far and wide. Daedone is the author of “Slow Sex” and the woman behind this liberating TED Talk.

Orgasmic Meditation, put simply, is a practice like yoga, pranic breath work, chanting, or traditional transcendental meditation – the more you do it, the more tuned in (and in this case, turned on) you get. What it actually is might freak you out at first: it’s the practice of 15-minute sessions of stimulation of the upper-left hand quadrant of the clitoris by a fully-clothed partner. The 15-minute session length is key – this is considered to be the “container” for the experience, much like a psychotherapy session provides a container for the outpourings of your psyche. It’s a safe space.

OM, according to the OM Essentials Guide that you get when you sign up for their course, is not sex. Don’t confuse it with sex. It’s a sexual practice, but it’s not sex. Like meditation, it’s a goalless practice – the journey itself is the goal. But one of its most profound benefits, according to One Taste, is that it deepens human connection.

There is a stroker and a strokee. You could, of course, bring yourself to orgasm on your own (AND YOU SHOULD) but OM is about letting someone else guide you there, so the hyper-vigilant part of your brain can relax completely. This is the part of you that worries about the shape of your thighs during sex. Women’s brains appear to have more of a tendency toward hyper-vigilance — we’re perennially “tired but wired”. The point is to turn this part of your brain OFF, and with practice, to keep it turned off all the time. That’s where the mind-opening (and some say mind-bending) happens. You and your vibrator are a great pair, but OM lives in a separate space. It is wholly different than just getting off.

Although I’m new(ish) to OM (I read “Slow Sex” years ago, but only just began to follow the work of One Taste), the thing I like best about OM is that it inherently calls out and kills the ugly beast we call shame. They do this with language – by using raw, stark names for our body parts: “P*ssy”, “C*ck”, etc. And perhaps the most uncomfortable, but deeply transformative part of the practice – the stroker, before he begins any touch, describes his partner’s soon-to-be-stroked labia/vulva/vagina in detail. He/she basically tells you what he sees. All meditative practices aim to get you out of your head, but OM really puts you to the test by making you completely vulnerable first. Wow, right?

Their website describes a host of other benefits from OM, including:

* Increases Overall Vitality. It lights you up from the inside out.
* Increases Overall TurnON. When you’re TurnedON, things flow.
* Increases Energy. There’s a well of energy that lives inside of you.
* Increases libido. You’ll want sex more.
* Reduces stress & irritability.
* Increases ability to feel and know desire. You’ll be clear on what you want.
* Lengthens orgasmic pleasure during intercourse. Yes, that “place” extends.
* Increases confidence with your body & in the bedroom.
* Gain skills of concentration & attention.
* Addresses chronic dissatisfaction. TurnON alters dissatisfaction.
* Increases intimacy with your partner. OM creates more communication.
* You will communicate better & feel more connected.

Stay tuned for part 2: I’m taking a livestream OM course this weekend. Can’t wait to fill you in.

Got a question for Stefanie? Email stefanie at ecosalon dot com, and she’ll answer it in the next Sexual Healing column.

Read Orgasmic Meditation and Pleasure As Practice (Part II) here.

Keep in touch with Stefanie on Twitter: @ecosexuality

Related on EcoSalon

Do you Demand Pleasure Parity?

Can You Really Be “Good” At Sex?

9  Natural Ways To Spice Up Your Sex Life

The post Orgasmic Meditation and Pleasure as Practice (Part I): Sexual Healing appeared first on EcoSalon.

ColumnLong the subject of breathless Cosmo articles, the G-spot continues to fascinate and confound men, women, and scientists everywhere. But is it real? And more importantly – why should you care?

If you’ve wondered, and perhaps tried to locate your g-spot successfully (or to no avail), it’s time to stop worrying about it and put a few of its many myths to rest. Your body is made for pleasure: you must release any performative anxieties in order to fully enjoy it. Even if you can’t find your G-spot, you’re not dysfunctional, and there are endless ways for you have a fabulous sex life.

First speculated about by a Dutch doctor studying female ejaculation in the 17th century and later edified by German gynecologist Ernst Grafenberg in the 1940s, the G-spot entered the pop-sci and cultural consciousness in the early 80s, when the Sexual Revolution had just about peaked. The G-Spot and Other Recent Discoveries About Human Sexuality by Alice Kahn Ladas and Beverly Whipple made it into a meme, but it was widely criticized by doctors from the start.

There’s been study upon study upon study, and scientists aren’t much closer to knowing whether the G-spot actually exists. The latest scientific discoveries, in 2012, directly contradict each other. In January of last year, apparently, the G-spot was a myth that had been busted. But then in April, it was once again in play.

Here’s the thing: researchers have been confounded by the female body for centuries, often because of patriarchal myths that suggested we existed for baby-making — not for pleasure. Even Freud, a psychoanalyst, screwed up generations of women by suggesting that something was wrong with them if they didn’t orgasm from penetrative sex. Well, Dr. Freud – you were as wrong about that one as you were about penis envy. Whether science proves the existence of the G-spot by studying cadavers or giving women orgasms in MRI machines isn’t what’s important — your intimate relationship with your own body is what matters most.

Vaginal versus Clitoral Orgasms

Most women have clitoral orgasms – the hood of the clitoris is accessible, and responds to friction – so fingers, mouths, and toys do it justice. If this is how you have your best orgasms – good for you. Don’t worry for a moment that there’s something amiss if you’ve gone for the G-spot and couldn’t find it. There’s nothing wrong with you.

The G-spot, if it indeed exists, is thought to be on the anterior wall of the vagina, close to the front. You can determine whether this area is sensitive for you by asking your partner to insert a finger and make the “come here” motion. There are also toys that stimulate the same area. But note that every woman’s anatomy is different – some of us will have nerve endings here, and some of us will be better suited to clitoral (hood) stimulation. (Not to confuse you more, but some researchers believe that the G-spot is actually an extension of the clitoris.) Others believe the G-spot is the equivalent of mens’ prostate gland; they say this is why women “squirt” or ejaculate from stimulation to this part of the vagina.

One of the reasons that G-spot orgasms are so sought after is that they’re considered more intense, deeper, and more pleasurable than clitoral orgasms — but that’s again debatable, and varies from woman to woman. Some women can, in fact, have extremely powerful clitoral orgasms. Some report that they have both clitoral and vaginal orgasms, and that the vaginal ones are better for them. Some have “blended” orgasms — where they feel like the orgasm is simultaneously experienced from within the vagina and from the clitoris.

If you ejaculate when you orgasm, it’s likely you’re having the iconic, much-written about G-spot (or vaginal) orgasm. But if you don’t — you’re just built differently. Hell, some women can orgasm from nipple stimulation alone, and others can think their way to orgasm.

The good news for all women everywhere is this — whether you can find your G-spot or not, you can definitely have fun looking for it — with a partner or on your own. Looking for yours shouldn’t feel like the space race. Your sex life shouldn’t be about attaining goals — it should be about enjoying the ride. Every sexual experience, solo or partnered, is an opportunity to know your body better, and to remember that no matter how it’s shaped, no matter what brings you pleasure — it’s absolutely perfect.

Image: KariHak

The post The G-spot: Fact or Fiction? Sexual Healing appeared first on EcoSalon.