This is the true meaning of Mother’s Day.

“You’re the most beautiful mom in the world!”

I woke up to those words and the beaming face of my daughter.

“Happy Mother’s Day,” she said as she dove into the bed to give me a delicious bear hug!

The most beautiful mom in the world? Wow! As my mom would say: my daughter “looks at me with good eyes.” I just turned 51 and although I am attractive, fit and take good care of my skin, I felt it would have been a more accurate compliment of my 25 year old self, especially when it’s six in the morning!

What is it that makes a mother beautiful to her children? Is it her face, her voice, her smell? Maybe so–and it’s surely much more than a physical characteristic.

Thinking back to my childhood, I realize what made my mother beautiful was more about feeling than vision. No matter what was happening, I knew I was the center of her universe. When I looked at my mother I saw the beauty of her unconditional love, her undivided attention, her fierce devotion. Perhaps it was because of this that her face glowed when she looked at me. Her love was like a tangible force field (a superhero power) that radiated through her eyes and constantly surrounded and protected me.

Could it be, what we as children see when we look at our mothers, is a reflection somehow of the love our mother feels for us?

My mother has been gone for 36 years, having lost her battle with breast cancer when I was a teenager. I have been without her longer than I was with her. After so many years, it isn’t the physical attributes that I remember; to be perfectly honest I can’t remember her voice or her laugh. Her physical body left, but her force field of love never did, I felt this once the pain of loss began to dissipate. I still feel the beauty of her love surrounding me to this day.

This Mother’s Day, in honor of my mother and in celebration of the amazing child I have been blessed to share my life with, I will unapologetically accept the gift of my daughter’s compliment and return it with my attention. I will put the phone down, return the email tomorrow, and right now, I will look deeply into her eyes (with my superhero mom powers) so she knows she is the center of my universe. I believe it’s the experience of truly, deeply loving a child unconditionally that makes a mother beautiful.

Find Fatima on Twitter @fatimaolive and on Pinterest

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Images: (top)  a4gpa, (bottom) Fatima Olive

The post On Mother’s Day: Being ‘the Most Beautiful Mom in the World’ appeared first on EcoSalon.

More people are choosing to remain childfree.

My friend, Katherine, has always been sure that she wanted a house full of children; she’s just one of those people who falls into motherhood easily and happily. Another friend, Anna, does not want to have children. I walk the middle line, with the mother role being something I’m still learning to wear comfortably.

It’s a cliche by now that those with children encourage, pressure, even browbeat all the misguided people who claim to care less about having children. But why should this be so?

Taking On Parenthood

Parenthood is a major life change and it requires a huge emotional, financial and lifestyle investment for the rest of your years. How can we blame anyone who honestly assesses their hopes and dreams and decides that being a parent is not part of them? What our society should do is encourage and support those who do want children, and applaud those who realize that they don’t. Pushing people to take on such a huge unwanted responsibility can only spell misery for everyone.

Many people call the childfree choice selfish. Selfish, to me, would be having children and then always placing your needs and desires above theirs, resenting them for demanding time, money and energy you don’t want to give, and making them feel unwanted. Realizing that you don’t want to go down this path is simply being self-aware of your mental, spiritual and financial demands, and knowing that a child simply doesn’t fit.

If You Don’t Want to Be a Parent, You Can’t Be a Good One

I recently read a comment by a woman who spelled out all the reasons she chose not to have children and why she didn’t want to be a parent. She then added that she really resented it when she told people this and they assumed that she would be a poor parent. They’re right. You can’t have it both ways. You can’t say that you don’t want to invest the time, emotion, or money it takes to be a parent, and then say that, nevertheless, you would be a great parent.

I don’t choose to invest hundreds of thousands of dollars into attending law school, spend hours studying kitchen plumbing or log enough airtime to become a pilot so similarly, why would I force anyone to become a parent? While no parent is perfect, the baseline requirement is wanting to be one.

The Great Divide

While I support a person’s right not to have children, I also don’t want to be glared at in restaurants, resented in the workplace, and disparaged because I chose to have children. Similarly, childfree adults also don’t want to be discriminated against for their choices.

The family landscape is changing, and the point is choice. The number of women not having children is rising whether society chooses to accept it or not. We can let this issue drive a wedge between parents and non-parents, or we can see it as a way to improve our society’s health. Is it such a bad thing to promote fewer families with children, and stronger family units? To have individuals who lead better, more contented lives because they are encouraged to feel proud of their chosen lifestyle?

Image: kevindooley

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