ColumnWhat is date rape? It’s rape. If only that was all that needed to be said.

I really feel like the question, “what is date rape?” was answered very effectively in a number of after school specials and very special episodes of TV shows back in the ‘80s and ‘90s. But it’s a question that seems to keep befuddling some people.

The most recently confused person to kick some rape knowledge our way is Richard Dawkins with this tweet: “Date rape is bad. Stranger rape at knifepoint is worse. If you think that’s an endorsement of date rape, go away and learn how to think.”

The statistics about rape are disheartening, to say the least. In January, in response to an alarming rise in reported rapes on college campuses and an alarming trend in colleges shaming women to protect their reputations, a government task force formed. It found that one in five female college students in the United States has been assaulted on campus. One in five is a huge number, and it doesn’t include unreported assaults or men who have been sexually assaulted by women or other men. And, we’re only talking about what happens on college campuses.

Okay, let’s pause. For those of you out there wondering who the hell Richard Dawkins is, here’s a brief introduction excerpted from his TED Talk bio: “As an evolutionary biologist, Richard Dawkins has broadened our understanding of the genetic origin of our species; as a popular author, he has helped lay readers understand complex scientific concepts.” He’s also well-known for conceptualizing the idea of the meme.

As we’re learning from his recent tweets, he’s not all that bright, scientific credentials aside. Before the date rape tweet, he offered this gem: “Mild pedophilia is bad. Violent pedophilia is worse. If you think that’s an endorsement of mild pedophilia, go away and learn how to think.”

Mild? What the hell kind of pedophilia is mild? And why in the world is he bringing us back to the 2012 discussion sparked by Todd Akin’s use of the phrase “legitimate rape?” How many times do we have to explain that all rape is legitimate? And why is it necessary to rank rape in terms of what “kind” is the worst?

I think what he might be getting at is that, in his opinion (which he seems to confuse for fact), being attacked and raped by a stranger would be scarier than being raped by someone you know. Maybe that’s true for him. I hope he never has the occasion to compare those two experiences to test his theory.

I’m truly trying to figure out how people don’t understand the difference between rape and sex. And it’s not just politicians and washed-up scientists who are confused (or who are masking their lack of concern with confusion), it’s leaders at our nation’s colleges, it’s women against feminism: it’s a lot of fucking people.

We have to change the cultural conversation about rape. Stop asking, “what is date rape?” In fact, stop using the word “date” in relation to the word rape. Rape is rape, whether it happens on a date, at a party, or any place else—and regardless of the sex of the attacker or the victim. Let’s just agree not to use any kind of qualifier before the word rape. Violent rape. All rape is violent. Legitimate rape. All rape is legitimate. I could go on, but I think you get where I am going with this.

So why do we care what Dawkins thinks? Because he’s not alone, and every time another person with an iota of power or influence starts this conversation, we have to respond, because for every step forward, there’s a Dawkins that seems to be saying, “Hey, let’s not take this too seriously, it’s not real rape.”

And this week, we are seeing a big step forward. On Wednesday, a bipartisan group of senators introduced first-of-its-kind legislation that, according to the New York Times, “would require schools to make public the result of anonymous surveys concerning assault on campuses, and impose significant financial burdens on universities that fail to comply with some of the law’s requirements.”

While, according to Dawkins’ logic, there should be distinctions made between “different kinds of rape,” it appears that this ground-breaking legislation is treating all rape as the singular criminal act that it is.

This is a good start, but we need to keep the conversation going because, unfortunately, rapes and rape culture don’t end after graduation.

That Happened is Libby Lowe’s weekly column for EcoSalon analyzing media, news and pop culture through a feminist lens. Keep in touch with Libby @LibbyLowe.

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ColumnWhat political pundit and professional asshat George Will doesn’t understand about rape could fill a book, and if you want to avoid domestic violence, just get married!

It’s been a really special week for promoting rape culture, blaming victims and spewing misconceptions about domestic violence.

Before we dig into what happened, the takeaway is this: Women want to get raped (or at least say they were raped) because they like attention. If you don’t like attention, get married—because married women are never assaulted.

You Lucky Rape Victim, You!

George Will, a respected-by-some political commentator often seen on Sunday morning news shows, wrote this in the Washington Post: “In colleges, more rape victims are coming forward because victimhood has become, ‘a coveted status that confers privileges’.”

He is arguing that all of the “special treatment” people who have been raped receive is endangering a generation of nice young men who are just boys being boys. AmIRight, GW? Oh, and it’s Obama’s fault for “riding to the rescue of ‘sexual assault’ victims.”

(Quick note: While we mostly talk about women speaking out against male assailants, this isn’t always the case. Imagine how cool it would be to be male rape victim? I bet there are even more privileges.)

Back to George Will’s horrifying, hurtful comments. In his column, he goes on to do some super special math in an attempt to diminish the problem of sexual assault and rape on college campuses.

Sorry, but the cat is out of the bag here—this is a really, really massive cultural problem.

The fact that 20 percent of women on a college campus will be a victim of sexual assault is hard to prove, not because it is based on fiction, as Will would have you believe, but because despite the fact that more people are speaking out, victims are still scared to come forward. Sadly, the number is probably higher.

People fear they will be blamed. They fear they will not be believed. They fear they will lose friends. At times, because our culture is so fucked up, they fear it’s their fault.

Don’t Want to be Assaulted? Get Married!

Okay, I am about to blow your mind with my problem-solving skills. If you REALLY don’t want to get sexually assaulted (being the victim is like sooo 2013, yea?) here’s the plan: Skip college and get married really young—and don’t get a job because in 2011, 11,364 people filed formal complaints of sexual harassment at work, according to The American Association of University Women.

Following close on the heels of George Will’s terrible column, The Washington Post published a lovely little gem co-written by conservative think tank geniuses W. Bradford Wilcox and Robin Fretwell Wilson. They claim the best way for women to avoid being victims of rape and assault is to quit being such whores and get married.

I would like to pause and comment on the choice of stock art here. A couple walking on train tracks in a seemingly desolated “True Detective”-esque area captioned: “Marriage, the safer route.” Lord.

In this piece, written in response to the popularity of #YesAllWomen, the authors write: “This social media outpouring makes it clear that some men pose a real threat to the physical and psychic welfare of women and girls. But obscured in the public conversation about the violence against women is the fact that some other men are more likely to protect women, directly and indirectly, from the threat of male violence: married biological fathers.”

So, let me get this right: To be safe from being sexually assaulted, you need to be in a heterosexual relationship and have babies and be married to your babies’ biological father?

Let’s pretend, for a second, that we live in a world where that’s a scenario that we’re all interested in. If we were able to live that dream, would we be safe? I think you know I’m about to say no.

According to the U.S. Department of Justice’s Violence Against Women Survey:

• You are married straight woman, just like the article says: Do you have it made? Nope: More than 30 percent of women who married or lived with a man as part of a couple reported abuse at the hand of said husband or partner.
• Ah, but I’m a gay lady! Sorry. Eleven percent of women with female partners reported being raped, physically assaulted and/or stalked.
• Gay man? You’re not safe at home either. Fifteen percent of men who had lived with a man as a couple reported being raped, physically assaulted, and/or stalked.
• Finally, straight dudes. They’re always safe, right? No. More than 7 percent of men surveyed who had married or lived with a woman as a couple reported domestic violence.

And these numbers only reflect the number of people who responded, and who responded honestly.

What Does All of This Mean?

George Will and his cronies are not just ill-informed, they are liars, willfully spreading misinformation and saying incredibly hurtful, stupid shit.

This kind of media coverage validates the lie that the number of sexual assaults is exaggerated at best, fabricated at worst. It perpetuates the crazy notion that people who step forward and ask for justice after being raped are probably just trying to get attention and special treatment. It seeks to shut-up victims of domestic abuse by discrediting the very fact that such a thing is possible.

The good news is that people are pissed. The hashtag outrage is palpable (see #SurvivorPrivilege). But, to be honest, I am at a loss, and just feeling really angry. Angry at the people who wrote this crap, angry at the people who believe it and angry at The Washington Post for publishing it. I’m angry at people who rape and assault people. I’m angry at anyone who doubts victims who are brave enough to come forward and seek the justice and help they deserve.

What we’re dealing with is a cultural crisis that isn’t contained to college campuses or to one segment of the population. We are all at risk of sexual assault in the places where we should feel the most safe—on campus (a home away from home) and at home. Being raped or assaulted is never a privilege.

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Image: Wendy Nelson Photography. via Compfight cc

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