Finally: Someone is talking about stealthing, a form of rape that men and women have had trouble explaining since, well, forever.

Stealthing

Last week, Alexandra Brodsky’s paper, “‘Rape-Adjacent’: Imagining Legal Responses to Nonconsensual Condom Removal” became the topic of conversation on many news sites and networks.

Brodsky’s research examines how stealthing, also known as covert condom removal, harms victims. The paper also notes what forms of legal action could be taken against a person who “stealths.”

The findings in the paper are equally interesting and horrifying, and solidify the assumption that a person who uses stealthing during sex is a sexual predator.

Brodsky interviewed stealthing survivors and researched online spaces and communities that support the practice, Refinery29 reports.

“Unsurprisingly, these communities consist of men—both gay and straight—who believe they have a right to ‘spread their seed. [They] ‘root their support [for stealthing] in an ideology of male supremacy in which violence is a man’s natural right.’”

Jules Purnell, a sexuality educator from Philadelphia at Widener University Center for Human Sexuality Studies, has heard this “excuse” first-hand.

“[A] man who spoke on this subject during a discussion I hosted stated his ‘superior negotiation skills’ meant he never had to use condoms with this partner,” Purnell explains.

“This means, in so many words, that he talks his partners into not using condoms, linguistically strong-arming them into relinquishing their boundaries. This is very similar to other coercive tactics rapists use, and it’s not a part of healthy, consensual sex.”

It is all about consent

It’s simple. If a man or woman removes a condom during sex, that act is rape. Remember: Rape is any nonconsensual sexual activity.

“The predators are taking it upon themselves to do this without the victim’s permission,” Alexis Moore, attorney, author, and advocate, says.

“The predator has [changed] the terms of the agreement without the permission of the partner. This conduct needs to be addressed legislatively immediately.”

The victim

Shame is one of the most prominent feelings a stealthing victim could feel.

Melissa Hamilton, JD, PhD, University of Houston Law Center, says victims could feel responsible for not noticing condom removal. This guilt may be more prominent in victims who were drunk, etc., during an attack. In addition to self-blame, victims also may begin to worry obsessively about contracting a STI or becoming pregnant.

And although male victims may not have to worry about pregnancy, there are myriad other issues they may face. “Gay [male] victims are already marginalized and often do not report sexual assaults for fear of further shaming and blaming,” Christene Lozano, licensed marriage family therapist, explains.

“Heterosexual male victims of stealthing are also unlikely to report because the shame of being sexually victimized [could be] threatening to their masculinities.”

What to do

First we must state that only stealthing rapists can stop using this dangerous form of assault. But there are some tactics that people can use to potentially catch an assaulter in the act.

“You can periodically reach down to [check] that the ring of the condom is against the base of the penis, under the guise of ‘sexy touching’,” Daniel Saurborn, a physician at Stanford Healthcare, says.

“The [person] may also periodically change positions where withdrawal is necessary, which allows visual inspection of the condom, without appearing suspicious.”

Ultimately, though, if you think your partner is capable of stealthing, it’s best to end the relationship, or encounter.

“A selfish partner will never provide the love that you are looking for,” Saurborn states.

Seconded.

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Sexual assault is a devastating experience, and one organization is determined to give back some of the dignity that has been so unfairly stolen away.

“I stood there examining my body beneath the stream of water and decided, I don’t want my body anymore. I was terrified of it. I wanted to take off my body like a jacket and leave it at the hospital with everything else.” This profound quote in the New York Post was an excerpt from a sexual assault survivor’s handwritten testimony during the recent and highly publicized trial of Stanford University student, Brock Turner. Turner was eventually convicted of rape, but only sentenced to six months in jail and three years’ probation.

With victim blaming still running rampant, slews of rape kits going untested, and more rapists being slapped on the wrist with sentences so light they’re almost nonexistent, survivors of sexual assault need all the help they can get. But after such life-altering experiences, it can be difficult to do something as simple as look in the mirror without feeling ashamed, much less come forward against one’s attacker. Especially so when the process typically starts with succumbing to an oftentimes invasive rape kit that has the propensity to leave survivors feeling that much more vulnerable and violated.

Some victims have the option of being slightly more prepared before going to a hospital or health facility for a rape kit. However, the survivor from the Turner case, like so many others, reportedly woke up in the hospital after her attack. For the victims who aren’t able to make prior preparations, or for the many who aren’t aware of rape kit proceedings, RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) describes the hours long exam as one which may include genital swabs, blood samples, and photographs of private areas, often ending with the victim’s clothing being confiscated in order to be examined for traces of the perpetrator’s DNA.

For those of you interested in learning more, there’s a detailed, first-hand account of one woman’s rape examination experience here, but I would proceed with caution for its potentially distressing content.

This careful and thorough collection process isn’t ideal, but is designed to preserve potential evidence that may be admissible in legal proceedings. And although patients are able to put a stop to the rape kit at any point in time, unlike the woman in the first-hand account was led to believe, it doesn’t make the process any easier. Unfortunately in the cases for some survivors, this could mean that their only option after having been sexually assaulted and subjected to a rape kit is to leave the medical facility dressed in a hospital-issued paper gown.

After facing scrutiny from every angle, this flimsy, dignity-stealing sheet of nothing can degrade survivors of sexual assault – women, men, and children – even further. However, The Grateful Garment Project, a non-profit organization based in San Jose, Calif., has made it the group’s mission to “ensure that every victim of a sexual crime who crosses the threshold of a Sexual Assault Response Team (SART) facility or who seeks medical attention and/or law enforcement involvement is provided with whatever new clothing, toiletries, snacks, and other miscellaneous items that he or she may require.” Having further expanded its  horizons to “encompass all victims of sexual violence in California,” this non-profit also provides for children who are sexually exploited commercially and human sex trafficking victims.

Currently active in 25 California counties, The Grateful Garment Project is partnered with more than 60 agencies statewide who also share the organization’s vision of helping victims of sexual violence. Thanks to The Grateful Garment Project and its partnerships, between 25 and 40 women, children, and men, are provided with resources each day in California. In fact, during The Grateful Garment Project’s 2015-2016 fiscal year, the organization donated more than 25,000 items. From a t-shirt to a pair of sweatpants, a little bit of care and respect can go a long way in the effort to provide sexual assault victims with a shred of dignity.

“Every 109 seconds, another person experiences sexual assault,” and although “the number of assaults has fallen by more than half since 1993,” the sad fact is that “only 6 out of every 1,000 rapists will end up in prison.” These statistics taken from the RAINN website are not only eye-opening, but also heartbreaking. Until sexual assault is eradicated, until victims are no longer blamed for being victimized, we should do our part to make the rape kit process as tolerable as possible. Consider donating to The Grateful Garment Project, and if you, or someone you know, are suffering in silence, don’t hesitate to contact the 24/7 National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673.

Let us know your thoughts on the EcoSalon Facebook page.

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ColumnIt’s not easy for people who have gone through a sexual assault to come forward. Yeah, that’s not exactly a groundbreaking statement. It’s a point that deserves repetition, though, because it seems like every week there’s news about how yet another person who has experienced assault is hurt by someone in power, or archaic laws.

Oral sex and consent in Okla.

In 2014, a 17-year-old boy gave a 16-year-old girl a ride home from a Tulsa park after they drank and smoked weed with their friends. “Blood tests later showed her blood-alcohol level was .341, indicative of severe alcohol poisoning,” Mother Jones reports.

“She was unconscious when he dropped her off at her grandmother’s house and taken to the hospital, where she woke up in the middle of an examination for sexual assault. The boy’s DNA was detected around her mouth. He claimed she had consented to have oral sex, but she says she can’t remember anything after leaving the park.”

So, how is this not rape? The answer is simple. If you closely examine this very outdated  forcible sodomy law:

“Forcible Sodomy cannot occur where a victim is so intoxicated as to be completely unconscious at the time of the sexual act of oral copulation,” the Guardian reports.

And apparently, “Oklahoma’s forcible sodomy law only prohibits oral sex with someone who’s unable to provide consent because of mental illness or mental disability, not because of intoxication or unconsciousness,” Mother Jones reports. Because of this designation, the court’s ruling was deemed appropriate. “The state has a separate rape law that protects victims who are too drunk to consent, but only in cases of vaginal or anal penetration, not oral sex,” Mother Jones adds.

So, that’s why all the judges on the Oklahoma Court of Criminal Appeals decided this girl wasn’t raped.

Let’s pause so we all can vomit.

There are quite a few people who are, understandably, upset by this ruling.

One such person is Benjamin Fu, the Tulsa County district attorney who lead the case.

“The plain meaning of forcible oral sodomy, of using force, includes taking advantage of a victim who was too intoxicated to consent,” Fu said. “I don’t believe that anybody, until that day, believed that the state of the law was that this kind of conduct was ambiguous, much less legal. And I don’t think the law was a loophole until the court decided it was.”

Fu also said that placing focus on why the victim couldn’t consent puts the victim at fault.

Bingo.

There also are many legal experts who think that the ruling should serve as a “wake-up call for legislators to update Oklahoma’s laws,” the Guardian adds.

For example, “Michelle Anderson, the dean of the CUNY School of Law who has written extensively about rape law, called the ruling ‘appropriate’ but the law ‘archaic.’”

Yeah, no shit.

Okla. lawmakers need to change this law right now. It puts sexual assault victims in danger, gives rapists a loophole to get away with their crimes, and could potentially mindfuck victims into thinking that what they experienced wasn’t rape when it clearly was.

Rape in the LGBTQ community

If you had to guess which community is at a high risk for being sexually assaulted and having that assault be ignored, who would you choose? The answer may surprise you.

The Association of American Universities conducted a survey last fall that found “rates of sexual violence for LGBTQ students are actually higher than for heterosexual and cisgender students,” the Establishment reports. The survey included responses from 150,000 students at private and public research institutions.

“Among female undergraduates, 73% of gay women and 77% of bisexual women experienced harassment, intimate partner violence, or stalking, compared to 61% of straight women,” The Establishment adds.

“Rates of unwanted sexual contact involving force were also higher for LGBT students: 19% for gay women and 32% for bi women, versus 18% for straight women (still a startling number). The disparities between gay and bisexual men and straight men were similar. Those identifying as TGQN (transgender, genderqueer, questioning, or otherwise non-conforming) consistently reported more incidents of forced or coerced sexual contact than either men or women.”

The rates may be higher in the LGBTQ community because these individuals could “face violence and harassment from those outside the community who use sexual force to reinforce heterosexuality and gender norms, or they may be hurt by people within the community who have internalized those norms,” The Establishment explains.

Utterly depressing.

Obviously, anyone can be sexually assaulted. Straight men and women, transgender people, as well as bisexuals, lesbians, and homosexual men, can be (and are) raped and assaulted. So, once and for all, can we just recognize this and give people the justice they deserve?

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ColumnWe’re upset about the ruling in Kesha’s case against Sony–wanting out of her contract after enduring alleged sexual misconduct from the label’s Dr. Luke. But despite the disappointing ruling, we are happy about one thing: There are a lot of people who are publicly supporting Kesha in a variety of heartwarming and powerful ways.

If you are a regular reader of this column, you probably know that I am incredibly interested in Kesha’s case. A lot of that interest stems from my own experiences — I relate to what the singer went through and continues to go through. The case also peaked my interest because I was incredibly curious — and a bit worried — about which direction things would go. Sadly, my gut was right, and Kesha did not when her case.

According to Jezebel, on February 19, Shirley Kornreich, a New York Supreme Court judge, “ruled that Kesha ‘must remain contractually bound to Sony and Kemosabe, the record label created and run by Dr. Luke.’” Kesha claims that Dr. Luke “drugged and raped her when she was 18 and continued to abuse her throughout their creative partnership.”

The judge decided that the injunction was, basically, a request to “decimate a contract that was heavily negotiated and typical for the industry” — and not a “for physical, psychological and sexual safety.” Way to go, Kornreich.

What makes this decision even more heartbreaking is Kesha’s injunction. Jezebel reports that part of it said, “I know I cannot work with Dr. Luke. I physically cannot. I don’t feel safe in any way.”

While Kesha didn’t win her legal battle, she’s got a lot of support from the public and fellow pop stars.

If you want to see how many people on Twitter think that Kesha should not have to fulfill her contract with Dr. Luke, just search the hashtag #FreeKesha. Men and women both think the singer’s experience should be taken seriously and that she shouldn’t have to work with someone who makes her, basically, physically ill.

And since the judge’s decision, quite a few pop stars have spoken out in support of Kesha.  JoJo, Ariana Grande, Kelly Clarkson, and Lady Gaga tweeted support to Kesha. Taylor Swift even donated $250,000 to help the singer with her financial needs. And most recently, Adele gave her support to the singer in an acceptance speech.

Now, none of the above can take away the pain Kesha feels or the trauma she went through. The positive public outcry, though, is refreshing. Women and men report sexual assaults every day and often times don’t get taken seriously. So, when the public creates a #FreeKesha hashtag and calls bullshit on a ruling that seems incredibly misguided, one can only hope that victims will get better treatment in the future.

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ColumnThe Bill Cosby case is in full swing and already — already — there’s a lot of equally wonderfully cringe-worthy and soul-crushing gems emerging from the grand ordeal.

Let’s begin with the legal and end with the commentary from the peanut gallery…

It all started on February 3, 2016 when a judge decided that a Pennsylvania sexual assault case against Bill Cosby could continue. While Cosby’s team thinks the decision to move forward is “wrong,” the case, “in which former Temple University employee Andrea Constand accuses the TV star of assaulting her in his home in 2004, will go forward,” CNN reports. The preliminary hearing for this case is planned for March 8.

In addition to this criminal case, “Cosby is also facing a lawsuit from Tamara Green, Therese Serignese, Linda Traitz, Barbara Bowman, Joan Tarshis, Louisa Moritz, and Angela Leslie over denials by his reps that they were sexually assaulted. Last November, a judge rejected Cosby’s motion to dismiss, which put in motion more Cosby testimony to come.”

However, on February 10, 2016 it was reported that Cosby wants the “proceeding paused.” Here are the details according to The Hollywood Reporter via Cosby’s motion:

“The District Attorney of Montgomery County has pursued his charges at the eleventh hour, years after an initial investigation in 2005 determined that no charges should be filed… The state’s case relies on Defendant’s previously sealed testimony, given by Defendant in a civil case that was made public — demonstrating the direct impact that civil litigation can have on criminal matters. And it is precisely for such reason, i.e., the preservation of Defendant’s right against self-incrimination, that this civil action should be stayed during the pendency of Defendant’s criminal case.”

It also appears that Cosby will be making similar motions soon.

And just a few days ago, on February 9, Cosby received good news from California courts. An L.A. Superior Court judge “agreed with the actor-comedian’s lawyers to toss an amended complaint by Janice Dickinson in her defamation suit against Cosby and his former attorney Marty Singer,” Deadline reports. “In a tentative ruling read from the bench, Judge Debre Weintraub also allowed Singer to be dismissed from the case.”

In addition to all the legal updates about the various Cosby cases, Kanye West recently joined the discussion about the comedian, and, surprise — West’s thoughts are stomach turning.

According to The USA Today, West took to twitter on Feb. 9 and tweeted: BILL COSBY INNOCENT !!!!!!!!!!

Not sure if he used enough exclamation points.

While the tweet was posted without further explanation, one can assume that West is a Cosby supporter, and thinks the current legal battles the comedian is facing are bunk. No one really knows what’s going on in West’s head — honestly, we wonder if West even knows — it’s still rather disturbing that he’s putting those kinds of thoughts out there.

Sure, Cosby is innocent until proven guilty, but Cosby’s accusers had enough trouble coming forward — they don’t need Ye dismissing all of their experiences.

This whole Cosby ordeal is far from over, so, rest assured that we’ll be here to report on all the gory, depressing details.

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Column Over the past year, women and men have fought to make sure the general public could understand an important fact: rape culture is real. Luckily for the movement (and for the victims in the following cases), it looks like the tide is finally turning and people from different walks of life–not just feminists–are beginning to recognize that when a person says he/she was raped, he/she should be taken seriously.

During the past week, social media and news sites have bombarded us with images of the crying cop who was convicted of multiple counts of rape. The pictures of Daniel Holtzclaw are getting a lot of play (and laughs) because the former Oklahoma City police officer is, let’s be honest, a total, sadistic, entitled asshole–and for once, an asshole of his stature actually was brought to justice.

Holtzclaw’s crimes are terrible on the surface (because, duh, rape), but the officer’s actions are especially nauseating because he purposely picked victims who would not be taken seriously.

“[Holtzclaw] was a police officer with the Oklahoma City Police department (he was fired in January after the accusations surfaced),” Time reports. “His 13 victims were black women. The youngest was 17 years old, the oldest was a 57-year old grandmother, and many had criminal records or histories of drug abuse. Prosecutors said he deliberately picked women he thought were marginalized and vulnerable because he thought they would be too scared to come forward against him, and ran background checks to select victims who had run into trouble with the law. Holtzclaw’s crimes were based on assumptions of privilege and credibility that have eroded beneath his feet.”

Now, we’re well aware that just because Holtzclaw is super-duper sad about getting convicted of 18 counts of sexual assault, his misery won’t bring peace to his victims. However, this conviction does send a message to all the entitled dingbats who prowl the streets: You can’t get away with rape just because you’re an authority figure (unless you’re Bill Cosby). And if you try to get away with it, you’ll probably get caught and end up serving a lot of time. (For Holtzclaw, that number is a satisfying 263 years in prison.)

The second “victory” came recently, too. A few weeks ago, Stoya, porn star, accused her former boyfriend, James Deen, also a porn star, of rape. According to Time, the rape accusation came via Twitter.

“James Deen held me down and f–ked me while I said no, stop, used my safeword,” Stoya tweeted. “I just can’t nod and smile when people bring him up anymore.”

Now, I think we all know the typical treatment women in the sex industry tend to get when they accuse someone of rape — it’s something akin to the following: “well, you’re a sex worker so it doesn’t count,” or “you were getting paid for it, what’s the big deal?”

While we’re not saying Stoya got awesome treatment all around, we can say that we’re pleasantly surprised by the amount of support people and organizations are giving her. In fact, news outlets, such as The New York Times and CNN, have reported on the subject in-depth, and are reporting on how uncomplicated rape, sex, and consent are.

Time reports that, almost instantaneously, the porn industry “turned against” Deen. And according to Buzzfeed, Kink.com, a well-known fetish company, cut all ties with Deen “as a performer and a producer.” Evil Angels, another porn company, also reported it would “suspend its relationship with Deen until more information is available.”

Since Stoya has accused Deen, other women (Tori Lux, Joanna Angel, Ashley Fires, Amber Rayne, Kora Peters, Nicki Blue, Lily LaBeau) have also come forward about their experiences with Deen.

This is a big deal for a few reasons: (1)people are respecting Stoya and her experience. While I have heard a few people say things like “she’s lying,” “she deserved,” the majority are not, and (2) most organizations reporting this news are, yes, saying Deen is innocent until proven guilty (as it should be), but not very many are disparaging Deen’s accusers. (Honestly, I think we have Cosby’s accusers to thank for that.)

It finally looks like we’re seeing a culture shift and although it’s very slight, we hope it will help bring justice to all who deserve it.

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Multiple women have accused Bill Cosby of rape — 46 women have come forward in the past five decades. And for all we know, there could be many other women who have decided to remain anonymous. Kudos to New York magazine’s representation of those women, and all other women, who have chosen to remain silent about their rapes. Thanks to these women, the world now sees that Cosby is a definite creep.

Since all of these rape victims have recently been somewhat vindicated (thanks to the documents that were released in a 2005 civil lawsuit), all of Cosby’s work has become un-watchable and mockable. We didn’t want to miss out on the finger-pointing fun, so we’ve rounded up a few Cosby sweaters and sweatshirts that he would have worn in jest, but now that we know what we know about the comedian, are just plain creepy.

Image: Pinterest

The Sex Joke Turned Visual Assault

We are well aware that the negative connotations of this sweater are pretty obvious, but we had to include it. What once could have been laughed off as a silly but sexy Bill Huxtable sweater meant for Clair at a Christmas party is now a sweater that could cause bystanders at that party to gag.

Image: Etsy UK

The “I’m With the Times” Joke Turned Twitter Disaster 

We all know that Twitter conversations with celebrities can go badly very quickly. So, if we saw Cosby wearing this in an attempt to be hip, we’d laugh and start a hashtag campaign to the tune of #WhyWeHateCosby, and we’d have fun counting all the ways.

Image: CafePress

“I Can Make a Drink” Shirt Turned “I Know How to Drug” Shirt

Cosby has a history of drugging drinks, so we’d rather never see him touch another glass, or insinuate that he knows how to make a drink, ever again.

Image: Pinterest

The “Pastime Sweater” Turned “I Love Drugging” Sweater

Cosby has admitted to drugging women to sleep with them. So, if he wore this shirt, it would basically be confirming what we already know — that he like sleep so much that he uses drugs to get women into that “no consent” state.

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I’m sympathetic to people with triggers. Heck, I have a handful of triggers myself! There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t see someone look at me “in a weird way” in my mind, and throw me into a brainstorm of, “why did she do that?” “Is he going to kill me?” Seriously.

Since triggers are everywhere — on television, in real life, and in articles — many news sites have started using trigger warnings when authors discuss “delicate” topics. But does every article that contains possibly trigger-causing content need a disclaimer? I’m not so sure…

I read a lot of feminist blogs and magazines. These news sources always have interesting pieces and include voices of women and men who are passionate and smart. But often — too often — each piece leads off with a:

Trigger Warning

Followed by, “rape, race, violent issues are discussed in this piece.”

At first I was pleased when I saw these warnings. But now I feel like I see these warnings, like, four times a day.

I’m not saying that trigger warnings aren’t useful or needed. There are plenty pieces online that contain incredibly detailed accounts of assault. But now it seems it’s commonplace for a piece to prominently feature a trigger warning if the word “rape” is even mentioned in passing. It seems a bit like overkill.

I think part of the reason I’m so frustrated with trigger warnings lately is because most of my triggers are so difficult to pinpoint. Certain benign phrases can send my brain into a downward spiral of yuck. There’s no way a trigger warning would have even made sense in these scenarios. Also, I feel like so many pieces that are written under the “self help” umbrella can potentially be triggering, too. But does that mean every blog that contains clean eating advice, or a new exercise regimen should come with a big, red, trigger warning? Heck no.

When used properly — and sparsely — I think trigger warnings can do a lot of good and help readers decipher the content they are about to read. But when used too much, these warnings can make everyone — even survivors — eyes roll.

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Sexual violence, stalking, and intimate partner violence are a public health threat, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

A national survey using the most recent data on the subject found that 19.3 percent of women and 1.7 percent of men had been raped in their lifetimes. In all, 1.6 percent of women said they had been raped in the past year.

“Consistent with previous studies, the overall pattern of results suggest that women, in particular, are heavily impacted over their lifetime. However, the results also indicate that many men experience sexual violence, stalking, and, in particular, physical violence by an intimate partner,” CDC noted in their recent report. “Because of the broad range of short- and long-term consequences known to be associated with these forms of violence, the public health burden of sexual violence, stalking, and intimate partner violence is substantial.”

Additionally, CDC found that many women and men had experienced sexual violence at a young age. An estimated 78.7 percent of women who had reported being raped, experienced this sexual violence before age 25 and 40.4 percent were raped before age 18.

Women of all races and ethnicities experienced high levels of sexual violence and the sexual abuse was a two way street, meaning both men and women were impacted. Other forms of sexual violence were also prevalent in the study–an estimated 43.9 percent of women experienced some other form of sexual violence including sexual coercion, stalking, unwanted sexual contact, and non-contact unwanted sexual experiences.

It’s worth noting that Time.com found that the statistics were skewed because of the way the questions were asked:

“CDC survey respondents are not asked whether anyone has used physical force or threats to make them engage in a sexual activity, but ‘how many’ people have done this (in their lifetime and in the past year). This wording removes the extra hurdle of admitting that such a violation has happened, and thus encourages more reporting. But could it also create “false positives” by nudging people toward the assumption that the default answer is affirmative—especially when preceded by a battery of other questions and statements about sexually coercive behavior?”

However the questions were asked, the statistics are startling both for women and men. CDC points to a culture of sexual violence that starts young. Changing this culture is no easy task but the realization that so many young women and men are dealing with sexual violence is difficult to swallow.

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ColumnWhat is date rape? It’s rape. If only that was all that needed to be said.

I really feel like the question, “what is date rape?” was answered very effectively in a number of after school specials and very special episodes of TV shows back in the ‘80s and ‘90s. But it’s a question that seems to keep befuddling some people.

The most recently confused person to kick some rape knowledge our way is Richard Dawkins with this tweet: “Date rape is bad. Stranger rape at knifepoint is worse. If you think that’s an endorsement of date rape, go away and learn how to think.”

The statistics about rape are disheartening, to say the least. In January, in response to an alarming rise in reported rapes on college campuses and an alarming trend in colleges shaming women to protect their reputations, a government task force formed. It found that one in five female college students in the United States has been assaulted on campus. One in five is a huge number, and it doesn’t include unreported assaults or men who have been sexually assaulted by women or other men. And, we’re only talking about what happens on college campuses.

Okay, let’s pause. For those of you out there wondering who the hell Richard Dawkins is, here’s a brief introduction excerpted from his TED Talk bio: “As an evolutionary biologist, Richard Dawkins has broadened our understanding of the genetic origin of our species; as a popular author, he has helped lay readers understand complex scientific concepts.” He’s also well-known for conceptualizing the idea of the meme.

As we’re learning from his recent tweets, he’s not all that bright, scientific credentials aside. Before the date rape tweet, he offered this gem: “Mild pedophilia is bad. Violent pedophilia is worse. If you think that’s an endorsement of mild pedophilia, go away and learn how to think.”

Mild? What the hell kind of pedophilia is mild? And why in the world is he bringing us back to the 2012 discussion sparked by Todd Akin’s use of the phrase “legitimate rape?” How many times do we have to explain that all rape is legitimate? And why is it necessary to rank rape in terms of what “kind” is the worst?

I think what he might be getting at is that, in his opinion (which he seems to confuse for fact), being attacked and raped by a stranger would be scarier than being raped by someone you know. Maybe that’s true for him. I hope he never has the occasion to compare those two experiences to test his theory.

I’m truly trying to figure out how people don’t understand the difference between rape and sex. And it’s not just politicians and washed-up scientists who are confused (or who are masking their lack of concern with confusion), it’s leaders at our nation’s colleges, it’s women against feminism: it’s a lot of fucking people.

We have to change the cultural conversation about rape. Stop asking, “what is date rape?” In fact, stop using the word “date” in relation to the word rape. Rape is rape, whether it happens on a date, at a party, or any place else—and regardless of the sex of the attacker or the victim. Let’s just agree not to use any kind of qualifier before the word rape. Violent rape. All rape is violent. Legitimate rape. All rape is legitimate. I could go on, but I think you get where I am going with this.

So why do we care what Dawkins thinks? Because he’s not alone, and every time another person with an iota of power or influence starts this conversation, we have to respond, because for every step forward, there’s a Dawkins that seems to be saying, “Hey, let’s not take this too seriously, it’s not real rape.”

And this week, we are seeing a big step forward. On Wednesday, a bipartisan group of senators introduced first-of-its-kind legislation that, according to the New York Times, “would require schools to make public the result of anonymous surveys concerning assault on campuses, and impose significant financial burdens on universities that fail to comply with some of the law’s requirements.”

While, according to Dawkins’ logic, there should be distinctions made between “different kinds of rape,” it appears that this ground-breaking legislation is treating all rape as the singular criminal act that it is.

This is a good start, but we need to keep the conversation going because, unfortunately, rapes and rape culture don’t end after graduation.

That Happened is Libby Lowe’s weekly column for EcoSalon analyzing media, news and pop culture through a feminist lens. Keep in touch with Libby @LibbyLowe.

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Image: Neon Tommy

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