“Breaking Bad” is the best-written show currently residing on our small screens. Don’t agree? Then let us pour a glass of Schraderbrau and talk episodes. Or rather, let’s skip right to the end, which is likely to be as epic and well-crafted as the first four-and-a-half seasons of the best-written show currently residing on our small screens.

There are just eight more episodes for meth-makers Walter, Jesse and company before we learn the inevitable and guaranteed happy ending our characters all so richly deserve. Which is, of course, as likely as Badger and Skinny Pete joining Mensa.

So how will it all really end?

We have at least one clue. We know Walter fled out of state to “live free or die.” (Thank you, New Hampshire license plates, for your eloquent foreshadowing.) But we can dare to dream that our favorite New Mexicans will all ride off into the sunset alive and happy—or at least, alive?

Probably not. So let’s pretend for a hot meth-minute that creator Vince Gilligan’s brain was briefly high-jacked by Disney and that a peaceful end was possible.

After all, everyone deserves a happy ending on “Breaking Bad.” Just ask Mike Ehrmantraut. Gus Fring. Gale Boetticher. The Salamanca family. Ted Beneke. Jane Margolis. The people of Flight 515. One brave southwestern turtle…

1. Walter White: Dead Man Walking
We know things may not end well for drug kingpin Walter, mostly because the New Hampshire license plate makes it so. On the domestic front, his wife is praying for his cancer to return. Business-wise, he has the life expectancy of a fruit fly. Odds are heavily on the “die” part of “live free or die.”

Instead, Walter escapes Hank and his toilet-reading sleuthing to flee to Atlanta. He arrives just as a zombie outbreak takes down civilization.

Naturally, Walt becomes the leader of a new world order. It’s a world where long, boring, drawn-out conversations about morality are forbidden, replaced instead by more smashy-smash of zombie skulls.

You will remember his name—and it is Governor Heisenberg.

2. Skyler Gets Sweet Revenge (And a New Name)
Poor Skyler. Yes, she’s complicit on a thousand different levels and wow, does she have a taste for boys who like to cook. (Walter, meth. Ted, books.)

But one thing Walter White’s wife does really well is tragic, misguided morality. She starts out trying to do the right thing. But before you know it, she’s flashing cleavage at an IRS agent and embarking on a career as a car wash owner-slash-embezzler of millions.

(Maybe her confusion stems from the fact that she has the name of an Arizona State sorority girl instead of a middle-aged woman. Seriously, Vince Gilligan, her name should be Sandra or Pam. Not Skyler. Now be sure to consult me next time, thanks.)

So here’s what we’d like to see for Sandra Pam at the end of “Breaking Bad.” Fed up, she takes Walter out with a turtle bomb. With baby Holly and Walt Jr. in tow, she buys a Caribbean island with her giant cube of cash and happily lives out her days. Turns out, the money—it was enough.

3. Jesse Finds Love
When we last saw partner-in-crime Jesse Pinkman, Walt had just left $5 million at his house, probably hoping to soothe feelings over the tragic death of an innocent child or the yet-to-be-discovered murder of Jesse’s mentor, Mike. Take your pick!

Sure, Jesse has blood on his own hands, but he always plays with an ambiguity that lets you understand his motives. Even if it takes him a while to learn his lesson, which is always dissolve a body in hydrofluoric acid in a plastic barrel and never, ever in the bathtub.

So rather than meeting his end over a barrel, Jesse could find romance. He is busted by Hank and sent to prison for life. Once there, he falls in love with the prison hair stylist, a pre-transition transsexual inmate named Sophia.

Jesse and Sophia live happily ever after, because orange is the new black and black is not the color of Jesse’s heart. Not really.

4. Hank Schrader, Poet Performance Artist
Our favorite DEA agent and brother-in-law Hank Schrader has had a helluva time of it. He’s been harassed, mocked, and discouraged for his relentless search for his white whale, Heisenberg.

Meanwhile, the meth king himself has been drinking his home-brews all along in Hank’s very own backyard. Hank has endured the temporarily loss of his legs in a shoot-out and more exploding turtle parts than is really necessary.

So what Hank really needs is a break. We already know that he achieved clarity about Walter’s identity while sitting on the toilet. But what we learn is that this life-altering moment also came with a deep sense of purpose about his own life.

So Hank decides, after reading “Leaves of Grass,” to give up his pursuit of Walter/Heisenberg. Instead, he becomes a celebrated poet. He spends his time on street corners, happy and fulfilled, shouting “Song of Myself” against the roar of the Albuquerque crowds. Breaking Bad? More like breaking mad poetry beats, yo.

5. Marie Brings Purple Love to the People
Hank’s wife and Skyler’s sister Marie seems to be finally getting her life together. She wore a yellow shirt in the mid-season finale, which means she’s either finally throwing off the purple shackles of her intense neurosis or Breaking Bad costume designer Kathleen Detoro has been replaced by Big Bird.

But when Walt is revealed as a drug kingpin and Skyler as his money man, Marie flees back to the safety of her lavender preferences.

But this time, she doesn’t mess around. Marie opens a Purple Palace Emporium of decorative spoons and baby tiaras. It becomes wildly successful overseas, and Marie builds her own storage cube of cash.

She divorces Hank, leaves New Mexico, and marries a buff Swedish masseur name Olaf who enjoys a shirtless life in, naturally, a purple sarong.

Photos courtesy of AMC

For further reading:

The Top 12 Tear-Jerker Movies

Women in Film: The Best Way to Make Your Point

‘Orange Is the New Black’—And I’m Addicted: That Happened …

The post 5 Happy Endings We’d Like to See for ‘Breaking Bad’ appeared first on EcoSalon.

The Simpson’s co-creator, Sam Simon, is leaving his fortune to help animals, the hungry, and sea conservation, among others.

A few years ago, I rang in a birthday at a Hollywood dive. In keeping with the bar’s 1970s wood paneling and ironworks scrolling, the atmosphere was set to “hipster dim.” This meant that if you squinted a lot, you could make out the ironic sunbonnet on the girl next to you. Soon my friend Ron showed up with his buddy, Sam. Sam and I squinted at each other, and he offered to buy me a birthday drink. We shared some booze, after which I wandered off to greet my other guests and continue my yearly homage to the Birthday Girl Who Drank…Too Much.

I didn’t think of Sam Simon again until the end of the night, when I slouched over to settle the bill. This is when I found out that he had not only bought me a drink—Sam had paid my tab, plus the tabs of all my guests. I was completely floored. I’d already put in a few years as a writer’s assistant in Hollywood, so I knew that random acts of altruism were about as common as a discreetly shy reality star.

I went rushing around the bar to thank him, but he had already left the hipster gloom for greener pastures and better lighting. I never got to thank him personally for his generosity. Also, I’ve never forgotten it.

I felt that same rush of good will when I read the headlines last week, such as “Simpsons Co-Creator Sam Simon Donating Fortune to Charity…” But when the lead was followed by “….While Battling Terminal Cancer,” I was sadder than I had any real right to be. I’m not part of Sam’s cadre of friends, but I can attest that he’s a stand-up guy who kept a bunch of baby writers in drinks one night. Despite being cruelly subjected to Hollywood hipsters and eye strain.

Professionally, Simon collects accolades like most people collect plastic shopping bags. Getting his start on Taxi in the early 1980s, he rose to showrunner at age 24 before moving on to iconic shows like Cheers and The Tracey Ullman Show. He went on to become the co-creator of ridiculously long-running and successful live-action animated empire, The Simpsons. Winner of nine Emmys, he’s spent the past two decade working on The Drew Carey Show and lately, executive producing FX’s Anger Management.

Like all good emperors of comedy, Simon has made a lot of cash over the years, earning some tens of millions each year from The Simpsons alone. But instead of sitting back and buying gold-plated toilets a la Kardashian, he poured his money into charity. The Sam Simon Foundation, which The Hollywood Reporter shares, had a net worth of $23 million in 2011, works to feed the homeless while supporting stray dogs.

Among other good deeds, the Foundation trains rescue dogs to become service animals for veterans and hearing aides for the deaf. Simon has also been a major contributor over the years to PETA and Save the Children. He has given so much to the marine Sea Shepard Conservation Society that they named a ship after him in 2012, the SSS Sam Simon.

But what makes Simon different from the one-percenters who don’t give away their fortunes? Sure, others are likewise generous. There’s JK Rowling, whose charitable giving knocked her off the Forbes’ billionaire list last year.  There’s the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, which has given $26.1 billion in grants since its inception. Many believe such great wealth demands repayment to society, that if you “can” you “should.” But let’s face it, many people “don’t.” So what is it about mega-donors like Simon which makes them different from their wealthy counterparts?

Perhaps the reason is really just simple altruism, which some people hold more abundantly than others. “The truth is, I have more money than I’m interested in spending,” Simon told THR. “Everyone in my family is taken care of. And I enjoy this….I don’t feel like it’s an obligation.” In fact, Simon’s charitable donations are so immense that Simon “doesn’t know” the number.

Still, when the philanthropist was diagnosed with terminal colon cancer five months ago, 58 year-old Simon decided to step up his charity game. As he told THR, “The Sam Simon Foundation is going to be very well endowed, and there’s a lot of stuff I want them to do.” Which is, of course, an incredible act of generosity. Simon is enacting this dream at the end of his life on a grand scale, but he was a humanitarian long before he was faced with devastating illness. Dying hasn’t made him this way—living has. So in the spirit of his generosity, we can acknowledge our own efforts to bring change into the world.

Sure, most of us can’t donate on the scale of a Hollywood comedy legend. But in the end, whether we’re sending of $25 or $25 million to our favorite political action group or charity, we’re still doing what we can. CNN Money notes that September 11th charities raised $1.88 billion through public appeal. Further, the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami raised $2 billion, while Hurricane Katrina efforts brought in $3 billion.  Turns out, we all like to give, and we don’t need a legacy behind us to do it.

Ultimately, Simon and others like him are an inspiration and reminder for the rest of us to do more because, in the end, we can, too. We can volunteer. We can donate what we can. We can take action. Even if it means buying a round of drinks for a virtual stranger and her friends with no other agenda than being kind.

For more information on The Sam Simon Foundation, click here or follow them on Twitter and Facebook.

Photo Courtesy of Sam Simon/Twitter
photo credit: NYCMarines via photopin cc

For further reading:

Hollywood Opens Its Wallet for People and Planet

Hand on Philanthropic Action: Building Schools in Ethiopia with Imagine1Day

The post Hollywood Philanthropist Sam Simon Dedicates Fortune to Charity appeared first on EcoSalon.